My Dinner With Onstad

[AugustWest]

Surprise!  Onstad has just accepted an invitation to dinner at your house.  What do you serve?  What non-Achewood topics do you plan to discuss?  Do you show him your action figure collection or no?  What about your Broadway show tune albums?  Do you suggest a board game after dinner? An after dinner mint?

[jough]

Onstad would never show up to dinner at any of your homes.

However, I believe he would eat cheeseburgers with chili cheese fries and finish it all off with a malted milk shake and a bottle of Blue Nun.

[Choop]

Should he show up, I'm sure he'd sit on the couch and read a magazine while I sat at my desk and read the internet, pointedly visiting this forum and not his comic strip, except for reference points for posts. After any reference hits to his site, I'd look at him on the couch, just sitting there, and I'd look disdainfully at him, then sigh, and turn back to finish writing my post.

Then I'd send him across the street for the what just happens to be the best barbequed pork in Atlanta and off on his merry-or-damned-well-not way. I'd tell him to order the chicken, without telling him it sucks. Then mrs|Choop and I would hop in my car and head out for some gourmet pizza and real wine, nice dry palatable whites or earthy reds. None of that Riesling smegma. I'd rather drink Arbor Mist than any Gewurztraminer* (even a good one).

He usually brings the funny, and when he succeeds he's golden, but I don't want to hang out with Chris.

* imagine an umlaut over that letter u there

[V-Adore]

I'm not entirely sure I'd want to hang out with Chris -- then again, I have no idea; for all I know, he may be an entirely different person offline, and if he's decent offline, hey, it's all good.

Anyway, were he to show up at my place and demand food, I'd get to cooking the most impressive recipe I can manage from the Achewood Cookbook (most likely some Flavor Burgers with POFET on the side) and then ask for feedback. Lots of feedback. He sounds like a much more palatable person when he's talking food.

[AugustWest]

Read the damn post, folks!  You invited him into your home.  Therefore, a postulate in this little mental exercise I've proposed is that you actually want him there.  Show a little hospitality, wouldja!  (Hell, so the man's a little prickly, personalitywise.  I suppose you're just a regular Will Rogers, right?  Yeah.)  Is it that challenging to come up with the outlines of a menu?  

For the record:

Leg of lamb, grilled on the Weber w/garlic and rosemary under the skin
Fresh asparagus
Rich and Charlie's salad
New potatoes
Either Corn pudding or spoonbread
A good, but not excellent red wine

Probably not sports.
Maybe
No
Either "The Game of LIFE" or "Tripoli"
Depends on the state of his breath

There.  Was that so hard?  I swear, it's like pulling teeth around here!

[jay-ell]

Hmmm...I would have to say that I would serve something unusual, but not high-maintenence.  I have a couple of original recipes that I like to whip out when I'm feeding someone who knows something about food.  I also cook according to season, so assuming he's coming for dinner this weekend, I'd probably fire up the grill and make my signature lamb kebabs with mint-cucumber yogurt*.  

On the side I would serve spinach salad and risotto.  To drink, I would serve Biltmore Estates Cardinal's Crest, a deliciously dry cabernet that is available locally.  I would also have some Cuervo and Coke on hand since I am a hard-liquor kind of girl.  I would probably also offer him Carolina Blonde or another beer from a local distillery.  (I am big on local things.)  For dessert, I would serve warm, made-from-scratch brownies with vanilla ice cream a la mode.  

After dinner, Pedro, Chris, Mrs. Onstad and I (as I assume his wife would accompany him) would retire to the family room with dessert drinks (black tie martini, white russian, etc.).  We put our feet on the coffee table and chat about computers, national news, various events of historical significance, cultural differences between the Carolinas and California -- whatever springs to mind.  If the conversation lags, I would suggest that we play a sprited game of Cranium or Taboo.  (Pedro and I kick ass at Taboo.  We're like Will and Grace.)  Eventually, we would all get wasted and spend the rest of the evening experimenting with new alcoholic beverages until we vomit or pass out.  

The next morning, Mr. and Mrs. Onstad would awaken on the living room floor and slip out quietly without waking us.  Weeks would pass; they wouldn't return our phone calls.  Three months later, I'd receive an e-mail from Chris saying that it just wasn't going to work out.  We would never speak of it again.  

*Recipe in Tastes

[wombat]

Hey!  Doesn't this belong in the Tastes forum?

[AlohaDawg]

1) I serve the Kiawe Smoked duck brined in Lilikoi*, with asparagus. He's the guest so we drink the wine his good upbringing drove him to bring with him, and I hope he is as good a gourmand as he seems to make out so it doesn't suck. Home-made cheesecake for dessert. This is standard guest food around here so nothing special for Onstad, but it's good.

2) Discuss food. Maybe it gets more interesting but there isn't another topic I'm confident we could discuss without knowing each other.

3) I have no dolls.

4) I have some scripts and scores but no show albums.

5) A board game? Probably a card game if anything...or Scrabble...oh, wait, that's that Ofstad kid from the other thread....

6) No mints for anyone unless kissing is about to happen, and ain't happen with Onstad on account of he's a dude. Unless my wife gives him one and then we got other things to discuss.

*Recipe in tastes also

[AugustWest]

Hey!  Doesn't this belong in the Tastes forum?

You asked for it, you got it!

[Choop]

NICE TAGS AUGUST!!!1!!

[AugustWest]

WTF?  I just hit the "Quote" button.

[wombat]

I think the only thing to do would be to serve something totally unpretentious, like meatloaf and mashed potatoes.  And I make a mean chocolate pudding from scratch.

And yeah, talk about food the whole time, I guess once I run out of stories about the otters I work with, which pretty much consist of "yeah they look cute but they'd bite your hand off as soon as look at you, not very Philippe-like."

[Mite]

Then I'd send him across the street for the what just happens to be the best barbequed pork in Atlanta...

Sorry for the hijack, but where is this place? I just moved here to Atlanta, and I'd love some tasty bbq.

Mite

[Choop]

I just moved here to Atlanta, and I'd love some tasty bbq.

Atlanta proper or OTP? (For those not in the know, OTP means Outside The Perimeter, roughly equivalent to BFE or Suburbia)

The best chopped pork sandwich and brunswick stew (google it, people, I can't do everything for you) are close to downtown, near where I live.

Maybe we'll get together and talk Achewood over some pizza, tacos, or sandwiches perhaps? 'Twould be quite interesting to meet a fellow Achehead.

(I still like 'Woodies better than Acheheads.)

[Nabubrush]

I serve him some sauteed chicken with mixed vegetables over rice, and then we go out and get plowed on bourbon and microbrews.