Thank you, Paul. Please forgive me, folks; I drove uphill, in the snow, both ways to get to tonight's show, and only by the grace of God and cheap cherry-flavored vodka is my mind holding together. And, of course, your smiling faces tonight!
I'm "pleased" to present the award for the Worst First Effort, a.k.a. the worst first post from a n00b, of 2005. (Or some year, anyway.) We have four lovely nominees, in no particular order:
monkey punch's first post, "echoes of the classical tradition in Nate Small." monkey punch is on this list for twinned honors: first, writing perhaps the most pretentious post in the long and storied history of this board; and second, bitching at AlohaDawg because he wrote this post in 2004 and hasn't been around since his ignominious mocking. Here's a little more, monkey!
The intro post of one "Imperator Severn!" He called himself "Imperator Caesar Lucius Septimius Severus Pius Pertinax Augustus"; we, I believe, called him "Spanky," and that was in public. He turned out to be a less crap dude in a few posts or so, but man, did it start out workin' some rough chuckles.
Todd's first post, from the Sept 8th, 2005 strip thread -- to be honest, folks, I have no idea why this got nominated. It looks like he has a perfectly good point here, unlike the other yablos. Hey, I'm just readin' the prompter.
And last but certainly not least, we have
Kai starting an entire topic to speculate about whether or not Chris Onstad is a Dude of Gravity. It's stalkertastic, and Kai just keeps digging a hole from there! You go, dude. Good luck on those Maximum Cuddles!
And the winner is...
(rip and tear)
... Kai, for the "I Want to Properly Visualize My Masturbatory Fantasies About Chris Onstad and Teodor Double-Teaming Me" thread! Congratulations, Kai. While monkey punch and Severn were also extremely considered, you should find yourself honored to be a crap n00b among crap n00bs. You, too, may one day be on the level of our sadly unconscious luminary SUGAH RAIN.
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