Award Presentation Thread: Mr/Ms Congeniality

[AlohaDawg]

Vote for your dream date with a board member!


I deleted Alohadawg from nominations because the nominator made it clear it was only because I live in Hawaii.

[pmcd9]

Thank yew, ahem, thank you Sugah Rain.  May we never see the like of you again.

Moving on...

To present the award for Mr/Ms Congeniality we bring back the lovely Wombat's ass.  Wombat...

~Paul

[wombat]

Mr/Ms Congeniality: Which Board member would you most like to have a Dream Date with?

Oh, so I am possibly the MVP, but none of you actually want to meet me, huh?  You wouldn't buy me a REAL can of Dr Pepper. All those hours trying to think of witty remarks, staring at the screen rewording them, rushing to correct typos before the little 'last edited' message appears - and this is the thanks I get. Well, I guess I'll just keep sitting here at my computer all by myself for the rest of -

What? Sorry?  Oh. Right. This isn't about me. Um.  Right.  Just a minute...

*sniff*

OK, the nominees are:

SideShow - You want to meet her before she becomes famous and, like any sensible person would, denies it when we say We Knew Her When.  Later we'll all check her plays out of the library and try to fool ourselves that the interesting characters are based on us.  We'll imagine that on some other messageboard somewhere, she's posting long, intricate stories of her days at TOUAMB.  It's an illusion, but it's a comforting illusion.  She would understand.

Jough - He is actually not God's Own Dick in person, but don't tell him I said so, because he will be angry that I've blown his cover.  Never lose sight of the terrifying fact that if not for his efforts, all of you imaginary people would not exist.   Look into the void and bow down - or better still, hit the tip jar.

AugustWest - Legal Counsel to TOUAMB.  He slouches against the wall, the shadow from the brim of his fedora falling on his face, your fate in his hands.  He answers you with a question. Then he slips away down the alley.

Bozack - Bozack is cooler than you.  He lives in NYC, he has a radio show, he'll organize a fundraiser so a lady can have sex. You'd never get a date with him unless you won it in a random drawing.  But you can dream.

Linnea - She has a fascinating, adventurous life so you don't have to. You can just sit back and watch. Like she's a movie star, but with much warmer outerwear.

Hobot - OK, guys, admit it.  You nominated her because she 'digs both ladies and fellows.'  She didn't mean fellows like YOU. You don't have a chance. Maybe if you're lucky she'll buy you a salad before she sends you home.

PMCD9 - Our Man Paul, making the world safe for moustaches everywhere. One of his fire-spitting pictures is worth a thousand of my lame words of introduction. 

[wombat]

And the winner is:

PMCD9!

[pmcd9]

Uhhhh..... wait I won?  No, that must be a mistake.  I'm not prepared for this.  I was sure one of the other more deserving
candidates would win so I didn't prepare an acceptance speech.  So here's my concelation speech.  I knew you would win [insert winners name
here] because you are obviously the most deserving.  I knew it would be close between you and [insert other candidates name here]
because you guys are really the tops on the board.  I mean it's not just my opinion obviously, everyone thinks so.  The results are
in, you guys win.  *Sigh* I'm really happy for you, honestly.  I never wanted to win anyway.  I mean this is just a joke right, who
cares.  Big deal, ha ha, real nice, i'm proud of you.  So you've got the ToUAMBIE, la te dah, ain't you special.  The people love
you more than they do me.  Is that how it is, you love that asshole more than me?  What is wrong with you people, haven't I been
good to you?  Haven't I treated you right?  What did I do wrong, tell me and i'll change, I promise I will.  *Sob* What do these
jerks have that I don't?  (from the crowd- They've got a TOUAMBIE)  I'll kill you!!!  I'll fuckin' kill you.  I'll rip out your
jugular vein with my teeth, i'll... i'll... get your hands off of me pig (officer draws tazer- bzzzzzzzzzzz)  (Paul falls to the
stage with a thud).

~Paul

[AugustWest]

This is why you won Paul.

I'm just flattered by Wombat's description.

[jough]

I can't believe you people picked Paul over me.  I'm ten times more interes... oh wait.  I've seen his photos.  Paul is obviously the Correkt Choice here.  Congratulations to Paul.

For those six depraved people who picked me, I would just like to say that if you are a good looking lady, hell, even if you aren't that good looking, PM me and I will make your dream of meeting me come true (per all of my expenses are paid, of course).

For the fellas who voted for me... sorry, man.  It's just not going to happen.  I can appreciate the pink team, but I do not play for it.

[side_show]

Way to go Paul!  You rock.

It's truly an honour to be nominated amongst such a wonderful crowd.  You folks are the reason why I come here all the time. 

I have a single concession speech written for both the awards I'm nominated for, so I'll post after I lose in the other category too.

Cheers to all, and thanks to Wombat for your kind words!

[Hobot]

Wow, I never thought I’d see the day when I am nominated for a Mr/Ms Congeniality Award on a message board.  And to be honest, it’s a little overwhelming.  And by overwhelming, I mean “creepy.”  Because even though I didn't win (mad props to Paul and his moustache, yo!), the fact remains that five of you voted for me.  Let me explain why.

You see, it all started when I posted this fateful photo on this fateful thread.  After that, my Tiny Can Count skyrocketed, over a period of a few days, to about 20.  Clearly, people want to have Maximum Cuddles with me.  When I divulged that I “dig both ladies and fellows,” my popularity continued to grow.

I’m not complaining.  The compliment-whore in me is satiated, and I am flattered that five anonymous, potentially shady people would “hit this.”  I think we can all agree that it’s a good thing I’m 18.

They say that it’s an honour just to be nominated, and it is! – a creepy, creepy honour.

So thank you, TOUAMBers, for nominating me Mr/Ms Congeniality 2005.  I know that if your nomination of me didn’t come from the heart, it at least came from the genitals.  And hey, that’s, like, the second-best place!

Lastly, in addition to being Black History Month, February is Stalker Awareness Month.  I’d like to thank all of you for making me Aware.

With warm wishes from an undisclosed location,
   Hobot

[Carlos del Vaca]

When I made nominations, for this category I said "If Paul doesn't win this, I'm quitting the board."  That picture explains exactly why.  Thanks, fellow Acheheads, for not forcing me to quit the board.

[jough]

Oh man, I knew I should have fixed the results!  Double-Bonus!

[CortJstr]

Oh man, I knew I should have fixed the results!  Double-Bonus!

Actually there was talk ahead of time of annoucing you as the winner of every category to give the appearance that you'd fixed it. Even shit that made no sense like Insidious Language.

[wombat]

I would totally have voted for Jough for Most Disturbing Avatar.

[V-Adore]

C'mon, guys. Jough for Worst First Effort! How n00bish is it to post a "HI, I'M HERE" thread without even a link to the strip or an insinuation of sexiness?

(I kid, I kid, I kid, don't hit, etc.)

[jough]

Oh man, if I wasn't flying high from making t-shirt goodness, I would thwapp each and every one of you.