The 12 Best Places to go to Prison

[AlohaDawg]

(Discuss)


Forbes

The 12 best places to go to prison

 
Where a shamed CEO does his time makes all the difference. Does he want to learn to be a chef or to get back in shape? It's a quality-of-life issue, really.

By Forbes

Two disgraced Enron executives, former Chief Jeffrey Skilling and founder Kenneth Lay, were found guilty of securities fraud and a host of other charges today and now face the likelihood of lengthy prison terms.

Where they will serve their time -- assuming they serve time at all -- can be almost as important as how much time they'll do, says Alan Ellis, a former president of the National Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers. Ellis now specializes in the defense of white-collar offenders.

Although criminals don't get to choose their prisons, they can make requests. And assuming their desired location matches their security classification, as defined by the Bureau of Prisons -- minimum, low, medium or high -- and has space available, requests are often honored.

Often, but not always. Take the case of Samuel Waksal, the former ImClone Systems (IMCL, news, msgs) CEO, who requested to serve his seven-year sentence at Eglin Federal Prison Camp in Florida. (Eglin was once considered so cushy that the term "Club Fed" was actually coined to describe it. It was recently closed.) Instead, Waksal was shipped off to the Schuylkill Federal Correctional Institute in Minersville, Pa., which did not make our list.

And the fates of crooked corporate titans like former Tyco (TYC, news, msgs) Chief Executive Dennis Kozlowski and Adelphia (ADELQ, news, msgs) founder John Rigas can hardly be encouraging, either. Kozlowski will serve up to 25 years of hard time in a New York state prison, while Rigas, who is free pending an appeal, was sentenced to 15 years in the can.

You could escape – but why?

The days of "Club Fed"-- think golf courses and lobster bakes -- are long gone. But minimum security facilities, known as federal prison camps, are the best suited for disgraced CEOs and other white-collar criminals. In theory, inmates in these camps show no risk of violence or escape. Both shoe-mogul Steven Madden and Martha Stewart are FPC alums.

Why are prison camps the way to go, if you must go at all? Among other perks, federal prison camps have a relatively low staff-to-inmate ratio, dormitory-style accommodations and little to no fencing. In fact, inmates could walk away from these camps. Few do, however, because recaptured inmates face severe consequences.

While some of the minimum security facilities still stand on their own, it is increasingly common to have camps lie adjacent to larger and more secure institutions, particularly low-security federal correctional institutions.

"It used to be that those freestanding facilities were considered to be more relaxed," says David Novak, a former Microsoft (MSFT, news, msgs) consultant who served time in a federal prison camp for mail fraud. "The differences now really come down to convenience for family, weather and things of that nature."

Ellis says the quality of life among staff members also can make one prison more pleasant than another. "Happier staff makes for happier inmates," he says.

To determine which prisons are the best places to serve time, we turned to the man who wrote the guidebook, literally. Ellis has written several editions of the Federal Prison Guidebook, which profiles each of the nation's 178 federal prisons.

If you've got to do time …

 
Prison                              Perk
FCI Ashland, Ky.                Wellness program
FCI Bastrop, Texas             Easy airport access
FCI Dublin, Calif.                 Bookmobile service
FPC Duluth, Minn.              Musical instruments available
FCI Englewood, Colo.         Pool, ping-pong, foosball
FCI Lompoc, Calif.              Gym, tennis courts
FPC Montgomery, Ala.        Career retraining
FCI Otisville, N.Y.               Active Jewish religious program
FPC Pensacola, Fla.             Day jobs at the Navy base
FCI Sheridan, Ore.              Learn to be a fitness trainer
FCI Texarkana, Texas         Track, bocce pit, basketball court
FPC Yankton, S.D.             Music lessons, intramural sports
 

-- Lacey Rose, Forbes
 

[Drygioni]

FPC Duluth, Minn.              Musical instruments available

So that's where those dang harmonicas come from.

I think being shut in a place with musical instruments, regular meals, hopefully other musical guys and a strict hierarchy would be tolerable.

[misterqueue]

So that's where those dang harmonicas come from.

I think being shut in a place with musical instruments, regular meals, hopefully other musical guys and a strict hierarchy would be tolerable.

Pfft.. you don't need all that to have a good time.

But apparently you need food.  I understand most prisons have something they call food.

[smick]

My girlfriend has a deep fear of incarceration.   She is convinced that since she's vegan, The Man, would torture her by going of of their way to not honor that diet.

[Hobot]

FCI Dublin, Calif.                 Bookmobile service

Count me in!  I could spend my time reading up on how not to break the law again.

[Asherdan]

It's all about the people, man. The camps are all going to be risk level 1 and low 2 guys with shorter terms and a lot to lose by fuck*ng around. You can walk away and have a buddy pick you up from many camps, but it's an automatic 60 months extra when they return you to a not nice place with fences. The FCI's mentioned above are all level 2 or low 3 yards with towers and fences and shit, but much of the population has already either been in a much worse place and/or is short enough (little time left) to not be really interested in fuck-fuck games.

The BOP facilities are kinda broken up like this:

United States Penitentary (USP) – High risk for flight and/or violence call these home.

Federal Corrections Institution (FCI) – There are high and low levels of these. They all have fences and towers and the standard prison environment, but with both levels there is less segregation (cell time) and more prison industry work. Also, weight facilities, sports leagues, music rooms, movies are generally part of the program. Some have specific things like bocci courts and hoss shoe pits along with a track and softball field. The FCI will have a ‘Hole’ or Security Housing Unit (SHU) for fucktards and some housing that is old school cell block, but will also have a majority of dorm style housing.

Federal Prison Camp – No cell blocks or fencing, dorm style living, usually a large recreation area. Also has the music/movies/craft shop stuff some of the FCI’s do.

A short discussion on security level ratings, theres a high, medium and low ranking within each rating:

5 - Frigging lunatic that needs to be segregated for the safety of personnel and other inmates, major flight risk. Go straight to a USP.

4 - Same as above, but with decreasing risk to others or to take flight as behaviour earns level reduction. A 4 high or medium will usually slot one to a USP initially with transfer to an FCI as level drops to a 4 medium or low.

3 – Lower potential for violence or flight. Medium sentence length, limited history of violence prior to incarceration. You get to go to a  FCI and earn your way down from there.

2 – Short sentence remaining and little to no history of violence. Limited flight risk. Camp material.

1 – Same as a two but has more to lose by running than sitting it out for a while.

So yeah, if you go to an FCI or camp that is a level 1 or 2 facility you’re going to get to hang out with people who are more interested in waiting it out than any other thing. Also, as you go lower in the facilities you start to get more normal people who fucked up than thugs or worse. So the overall attitude towards authority is really different. Hacks aren’t the enemy anymore, they’re the arbiters that keep the peace. In short, snitches don’t get stitches. They get to stay and the troublemaker gets his ass transferred somewhere with more suck. Also, the camps tend to have better facilities because the inmates there tend to take care of nice stuff, rather than shitting on it, and so freeing up funds for more nice stuff.

Personally, I never got below a level 4/3 yard and spent the majority of my time in an old school 3 story cell block. I still had yard priviledges and all, but at night and for count they locked the doors. The last 4 months they put me on an outside crew, where I did the landscape work for the yard captains house.

It was with great pride that I sculpted one of his hedges into a 20’ c*ck with bozack one fine morning.

ALSO: They have regulations to honor specific diets, smick's SO, go ahead and get felonious.

ALSO ALSO: The Dublin facility for teh ladies is seven minutes in a janitor closet nice.

[wombat]

It's all about the people, man.

It's just like a job! Now is that a surprise, or not? Hmm.

[smick]

ALSO: They have regulations to honor specific diets, smick's SO, go ahead and get felonious.

Oh heck yea!  We have a couple we've been eyeing for a while.

[linnea]

Dang, Ash, that sounds crazy. For a while, I was really into HBO's series about a high security pen called "Oz". It scared the holy hell out of me. Watching those DVDs is the closest I've come to the corrections system. I have seen little pamphlets/tracts about "Christ the Prisoner" that they use for prison ministry, and I cannot imagine being incarcerated. One of my best friends is a staunch Mumia Abu-Jamal supporter and he regularly collects books and things for prison libraries. Anyway, some of the folks at our local Department of Public Safety kept trying to convince me to apply for a CO job (corrections officer). Since I volunteer as a firefighter/EMT, I spend a lot of time at the station.  In a small town's pokey that only holds short-term prisoners, it wouldn't be that bad. However, I just don't think I have what it takes to be a CO, small town or not.

[smick]

Oh heck yea!  We have a couple we've been eyeing for a while.

In doing some more reading on the "Vegan in Prison" thing, it appears the way to eat a wholesome meal is to get put into prison, hunger strike, and get media attention to force the prison to feed you correctly. 

While some of them have provisions for a vegan diet, most of them will only do it for religious reasons, which I think only 7th Day Adventists are part of (Though I think most of them are vegetarian.)

Speaking of the 7th Dayers, they used to run this vegan restaurant here in town with super awesome food.  The problem: It was always empty, and was in the basement of a bridal boutique.  So you're sitting in a smallish room, with the owner of the place a few feet from you reading a book, surrounded by wedding dresses.

So creepy.

[Asherdan]

Don't do it, Linnea.

Just. Don't. Do. It.

Life's too short to baby sit assholes.

[Doc]

So creepy.

Or so awesome?
No actually just creepy.
It's so weird, my great uncle is a fairly hard line seventh day adventist (or so I thought), up till recently he used to minister in the prison near where he lived (he quit on account of being 90, also see the way I tied this story into the overall topic?). But he's never mentioned the vegan thing, though he has made it clear in the past that he doesn't dig on things with cloven hooves.
Then again he group out rurally so he might just be a bit more practical about it.

[smick]

Well, I'll admit to knowing next to nothing about them, beyond them observing Saturday instead of Sunday as the sabbath.

My knowledge of them being Vegan/Vegetarian comes from there being a creepy restaurant in town, and watching "The Road to Wellsville"

Though, doing a google search shows a lot of hits in re: 7th Day Vegetarians.

[Mite]

I had a buddy growing up who was a 7th day adventist. They're sorta just old fashioned Christians (like, pre-Paul old fashioned), so they stick to a lot of jewish dietary law and stuff. He weren't no vegan, that's for sure - if he could, he would have killed everything he ate himself, and he would have eaten well.

[wombat]

(like, pre-Paul old fashioned)

No cameras?