...Brazilian? What the hell?

[linnea]

Okay, so Bozack started this topic a long time ago, but I know that resurrecting dead threads is kind of taboo. I don't want any TOUAMBies getting all misty-eyed and clicking on the topic in a frenzy thinking that Bozack is back.

At the beginning of the topic, B also posted this:

WARNING- IF YOU HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR ME, AND WOULD LIKE TO KEEP IT, PLEASE STOP READING NOW. THIS WILL ONLY HURT YOU.


New question-
As you might be aware, humans evolved from apes. We lost our tails, our kickass grabby toes, and most of us lost our thick, luxuriant pelts.
Most of us.
Some of us are a bit less evolved than others. Some of us have managed to grow unsightly back-hair. And not just the bottom of the back-hair; I'm talking the wings. I believe, that with surgical strikes, I can isolate and prevent these still-light patches from become a Carl-level event.
So, I put it to you, TOUAMB- how does one go about getting their back waxed?

It's a really interesting thread, you should give it a read.

Being sick of shaving, I got an appointment at a spa tomorrow to get the most fearsome of waxes. Have any of you party people actually done this?

I fully realize that I'll have to get it redone about every 2 months, which won't be a problem now that I live in a place where anonymity actually exists. Like...it was hell of embarrassing to go in for an annual pelvic exam at our clinic, because there would be the nurses and PAs that I dealt with professionally whenever I brought them a patient.* I'm not sure how this will go. Stopping shaving long enough to get this done has been torture.  I'm not sure if it will even be worth it.




*"Hey, Somebody nice! Thanks for helping me with those hypothermia patients last night. Okay, scoot down and relax that muscle (*tap, tap*) so that I can get the speculum in. No, keep scooting down. Keep going. Okay, that's good. (*shove*) So are you seeing anyone these days? How are your cats?" and other retarded chit chat. Meanwhile a second nurse or PA would be peering over her shoulder and looking at my junk. 

My most hated event was when this total whore flight paramedic came in to supervise my pelvic exam. What the fuck? She's not trained in gynecology, what the fuck is she doing in the room? Why is she looking at my junk?  She doesn't give pelvics, she will never be trained or certified to perform pelvic exams, so why are you explaining it to her? She can just stand at the back of the room and leave me the hell alone. Gah. Anyway...As all the ladies can attest, these appointments are not very much fun.

[AugustWest]

That thread is sad because of all the former regulars it contains.  Bozack, Andalucia, Aloha Dawg, Arkabee and on and on...

[wombat]

I have one friend who is the only person I know for sure has this done. She is the most macho person I know. She used to work with large mammals at the zoo and by the end of a day working with her I was practically dead, but she joined a soccer league so that after work she could get EVEN MORE painful exercise. She has a huge tattoo on a painful-looking part of her upper thigh. She's also heavily into all sorts of S&M and bondage stuff. 

Draw from that what conclusion you will.

[Nabubrush]

I heartily endorse letting everything grow out. Who's it hurting?

Barring that, trimming everything short but not shaving anything is another way to keep things sort of neat without intentionally putting yourself through agonizing pain. I feel like Brazilians and all that sort of stuff was thought up so someone could make money off the pain of others - and that's not cool.

[jaydub]

I gave my dog a brazilian of sorts today.  She had some heinous dingleberries going on.  I wouldn't let her inside for fear of immediate enthusiastic lap cuddles. Its a measure of her faith in me that she tolerated scissors near her tail and rear end.  Needless to say, I didn't giver her a human style brazilian, all shaven down to skin.  I'll spare you pictures, unless pressed.  In which case I'll alert the authorities.

[Nabubrush]

I think an integral and defining characteristic of the Brazilian is violent hair removal. If you tried to do that to a dog, you'd get arrested.

[Golfhaus]

Or bit.

[linnea]

I heartily endorse letting everything grow out. Who's it hurting?

Barring that, trimming everything short but not shaving anything is another way to keep things sort of neat without intentionally putting yourself through agonizing pain. I feel like Brazilians and all that sort of stuff was thought up so someone could make money off the pain of others - and that's not cool.

Yeah, I don't know. I've been shaving forever and I guess I figured that this would somehow be easier? I plan to take some Advil prior to driving over there. I wish I had some EMLA cream or ointment or something to kill the pain. We'll see how it goes. If I could withstand getting 14 gauge needles through my nipples and then crescent barbells shoved through that...well, I think that a measly Brazilian will be a walk in the park. (I took one of the barbells out after 10 months, and then the second one shortly followed. They weren't worth it at all).

[wombat]

Nabu, I am afraid we are just Old.

Here is an except from the online chat of Gene Weingarten, humor columnist at the Washington Post.

And so here was an opportunity to put to rest, once and for all, an awful, persistent rumor that has been raised many times in this chat. I asked Dr. Stanton to please tell me it is not true that young women -- women under 30 -- are routinely shaving off all their pubic hair.

"Oh yes," he said. "Sculpting, too. But mostly shaving."

A long, tragic silence ensued. Dr. Stanton could sense my agony.

Gently, he said: "It's the millennium, Gene."

So. I hung up, deflated. And I wish I could tell you -- I wish the protocols of journalism allowed me to tell you -- that that was all. But we are in the business of disclosure here -- full disclosure, whatever the pain.

And so I must report that a few minutes later, Dr. Stanton called back. He said, "You know, there's something that occurs to me that you might want to know."

I should have hung up. I swear, I should have hung up. But did I hang up? I did not.

"You should know," he said, "that the practice is not limited to the ladies."

Auuuuuughhhhh.

"In the 25 to 30 year old range, I would say a majority of men -- a slim majority -- are shaving."

"They're shaving ....it all?"

"Everything."

-----
So that is what I have to tell you. I am so sorry to report this. I am crushed, within.

I feel a curmudgeonly theory coming on relating to my comments in another thread of how densensitized people are to violence in movies. Something about them also being desensitized to pain.  And getting off of my lawn.

[Alternate]

Jesus.  Thank god I'm twenty-six, and only have to be tragically unhip for another four years.

I think an integral and defining characteristic of the Brazilian is violent hair removal. If you tried to do that to a dog, you'd get arrested.

From now on I'm not going to do anything to myself that it would be illegal to do to a dog.  Except give myself drugs, get myself laid, and make myself go to grad school. 

[wombat]

Who gets to decide though? My dogs make such a fuss about having hair removed by mere brushing that they clearly consider this to be violence to their persons.  And don't let them get started on the bath thing.

[AugustWest]

Wait, how many is a brazilian?

[Nabubrush]

Wombles, I quite enjoyed that.

I'm not really against it in a fogeyish, fuddy-duddy way. I am waging a war against big media, and their relentless push to convince women that they need to be taller, and lose weight, and color/straighten/curl their hair, and shave anything that has (horror of horrors) hair growing out of it. Maybe I'm just a crank. I certainly think anyone should do anything that makes them happy, but I think it's important to be clear on the distinction between that and feeling compelled to do it.

Anyone ever see the documentary on eating disorders? Powerful shit (unfortunately, the name escapes me). The whole thing where the media consistently tells women from a very young age that their natural, God/Gaia-given appearance doesn't measure up really, really pisses me off.

I'll just set my soapbox back over here now.

[V-Adore]

Wait, how many is a brazilian?

Can'd.

[Nabubrush]

Wait, how many is a brazilian?

That is one of my favorite (more or less) contemporary jokes.

Edited because I basically stepped on my dick with this one.