TOUAMBie Award "Stealth Poster"

[pmcd9]

The way we define stealth poster here at TOUAMB is someone who is a regular, but TOUAMB is not an everyday thing.  These stealth posters don't post often, but when they do it's a delight to all.  In a bit of subtle irony to present the award for Stealth Poster we've got the boards most prolific poster of all time CrtJstr.  Take it away Court Jester.

[CortJstr]

The Stealth Poster Award. Also known as the anti-CortJstr this category recognizes an imaginary internet person who pops in only occasionally yet leaves an impression every time. Perhaps it's an amusing comment, a colorful anecdote, or just some enlightening education. Regardless when this person posts the rest of us think, "oh shit, a comment from them? I'd better pause my music, minimize my porn, and pay some fuck*ng attention."

Your nominees are:
* Ben-San
* Mr. Trout
* Smick
* Turbo Ninja
* Victoria Waterfield

And in a nail-biter, the winner of the closest race in the 2009 TOUAMBies is:
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Smick!

Smick has been with us since March 28, 2006 and has 1068 total posts for a mind-boggling (to me) 0.795 posts per day and a tiny can:post radtio of 0.219. Let's take a brief look at some classic Smick moments:

Normally Death keeps his metered pace behind us like a metronome, stepping casually, ever onward to your eventual demise.

Today he's like, "HOORAY, CAKE!"

Happy Birthday!

You shut your lying mouth!  Airwolf was REAL. It always was.

We will can them to death.  This is not code language.  We will throw cans at them because we have cans.

Oh God's creatures, regardless of shape or size, I will have sex with all of you.  Please form an orderly line...

Hello?  Anyone?

When I was in high school, I went to a choir event.   I had never really been part of any of the vocal choirs in my high school, so I felt a little out of place.   Just before the choir was ready to go up, every one took off their shoes.  I was handed a small tub of garbanzo paste and told to put it in my shoes. 

To this day, I don't know if I was really supposed to do that or not.

When foodies go to hell, they're served fennel and anise stuffed oysters, sauteed in a licorice bridge mix roux.  It goes well with a chilled cough syrup.

Double-checking, and... Yes.  Surfer Rosa still has her nipples.

I'm picturing an alternate world Adult Bookstore where nice old ladies shuffle around and not make eye contact.  There are doilies under each of the DVD cases.

Very Funny Cats Part 14 is one of those DVDs.  The box proclaims 2 hours of non-stop frantic pussy action.

[pmcd9]

Is Smick here?  I don't think Smick is here.  I'll accept the award on his behalf and he can give us his speech when he arrives.  Whenever that may be, stealth poster that he is.

[pmcd9]

To see the results of this vote go here.

[wombat]

I considered using my Awesome Powers to give all the Stealth Poster nominees a bunch of tiny cans, because really, every one of them deserves an award.

But then I realized, that's just shooting ourselves in the foot, or something. Dammit, let them come round more often and EARN those cans.

[jay-ell]

Leave it to Cort to use his impressive search-fu to CortJstr Smick's greatest quotes. Nice presentation, and a deserving winner. Congrats to all involved.

[smick]

You may recall I work for a cellular telephone company.   

Our clients have a reputation for "circumstances".   

Our stores are split into two halves.   One half is customer service and bill paying, the other half is new phone sales and activations.   I was working on the new phone side, trying to trace an issue that was happening when new phones were turned on.   One of the sales reps came over and in a very worried tone explained to the manager and I, "There's a man over here wearing a mask, and he refuses to take it off."

I've been in the stores when drugs were found and brought up to the counter ("Do you all have a lost and found?"), am aware of robberies we've had, and spoken with people who were conspicuously altered.   I was pretty sure something awful was about to happen.  Skimask, snubnose, murderapist. The manager went across to handle things, while I peered around the corner.  This man is now etched into my memory.

The masked man was wearing a Carnival mask, full on Mardi Gras style, with a giant feather out of the top that went a foot over his head. 



He was wearing a tan Members-Only style jacket. His arm was in a sling, and he had some kind of tropical bird with him.

He wanted to pay his bill, and was becoming very indignant about the repeated requests for him to remove his festive mask.   He was VERY vocally concerned about out closed circuit camera system, and our companies ties (none) to the F.B.I.

Thank you.

[bluemoon72]

Aaaand...smick proves why he won.  Congrats, you Irish ball of goof.

[Turbo Ninja]

If you gotta lose to a dude, this is the style of dude to whom you should lose.  Congratulations, Smick.

Next year, though, I'm adding a party hat to my avatar.

[greenkoolayd]

If you gotta lose to a dude, this is the style of dude to whom you should lose.  Congratulations, Smick.

Next year, though, I'm adding a party hat to my avatar.

you should totally 'shop a party hat onto your current avatar...

[Turbo Ninja]

you should totally 'shop a party hat onto your current avatar...

<<<--- Someone is ready to PAR-TAY.

[Drygioni]

AH|T

WHAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY






<<<--- Someone is ready to PAR-TAY.

[bluemoon72]

<<<--- Someone is ready to PAR-TAY.

Squeee!  That is exactly the jaunty flair that picture was crying out for.

[Victoria Waterfield]

I will now stealthily congratulate Smick, who (based on the examples quoted) is clearly the superior stealth poster, even if his post:can ratio is somehow inferior to mine.

[pmcd9]

I will now stealthily congratulate Smick, who (based on the examples quoted) is clearly the superior stealth poster, even if his post:can ratio is somehow inferior to mine.

Maybe if you'd posted a picture of your ass.  Just sayin'.