I had a dream....

[Choop]

i almost never remember my dreams, but last night they were so fucked up that i woke up, and now i can't help but recall them.

the first one woke me up from its sheer WTF terror - a dude was talking shit to me so i grabbed his head and shoved my thumbs in his eyes until they popped then ran off and thought i'd get away with it, but then the kid that walks my dogs saw me and goes "that wasn't cool what you did" *AWAKEN*

in the second one i was drowsy on the couch at night when i heard a lot of noise from the street. the driveway across seemed to have a garage under it (?) and a couple cops were shooting into it. then a dude comes out of the garage and up the driveway next to my house. the cops couldn't hit him with many bullets, and then he knocked one out with a punch and threw a knife at the other one. as he walked up the stairs to my front door, he saw me through the window and smiled a fairly evil grin. i knew i would give him the old thumb-eyes, but i woke up before anything else happened.

[Asherdan]

I think we channeled the same wavelengths last night, man.

I was having a set-to with a midget zombie clown and after I'd knocked his cone-hat and red nose off I went to it with a big ass floppy butcher knife and started hacking his head off. It was frustrating in that the knife bent while I was working him over so I made a real messy job of opening his neck up to the spine. Then I started securing the doors against the zobmie were-wolves that were coming and woke up with a start when the first one hit the doors.

I think we had a helluva night of the Nathans Specials, man. I ain't one for having slaughterhouse dreams, in general.

[jay-ell]

I dreamed a few nights ago that I had adopted an eleven year old from Ethiopia, and when she arrived I realized that there was really very little I could do to give her the educational opportunities of her American peers because she was already so far behind. Instead of feeling like I had done a good thing by bringing her to the States, I felt like I had destroyed her connection to her family and her culture for very little benefit. Then I realized that I had basically decided to adopt her because I thought she would make a good babysitter for my two younger kids, and I woke up feeling wracked with guilt and ashamed of myself.

That's a whole NEW kind of nightmare, right there.

[Asherdan]

At any time during that dream were you sipping mint juleps on the porch with a hand fan?

[Arachno-capitalist]

At any time during that dream were you sipping mint juleps on the porch with a hand fan?

Its like she tapped into some southern ancestral unconscious.

[Asherdan]

Its like she tapped into some southern ancestral unconscious.

I thought she was a middle west girl though. I guess this means she's been down-south-way long enough to absorb.

[Choop]

the transition from midwest to southeast comes easy. true fact: i've met more people from ohio than from anywhere else, since i left ohio. i'm talking about permanent residents elsewhere, everywhere i've been in the USA. there's a saying, in fact. "Ohio's a nice place to be ...from."

[jay-ell]

At any time during that dream were you sipping mint juleps on the porch with a hand fan?

Yikes.

Its like she tapped into some southern ancestral unconscious.

YIKES!

I do think, incidentally, this dream may have been prompted by thinking about inev's facebook post regarding the Peace Corps being inherently condescending. I actually thought about that a lot for the rest of the day, and had also read Slate's article about cross-cultural adoption, so I think the two converged in my subconscious.

Horrifying.

[theinevitable]

1. I had a pu$$y. It was weird.

2. I was lost in NYC, and realized my dog was with me. He is old, and got tired of walking and so I had to carry him. Then he got annoyed with being carried and kept trying to get down, but once he was on the ground he'd refuse to walk again.
He thinks he is still young, and wants to run around, and he hurts himself through overexertion.

He might be a little bit dumb.

Then I got on the wrong subway line, and ended up in a place with lots of Dutch names. Which, I guess that actually exists.

[Asherdan]

Interesting, the last time I dreamed I was in NYC I was running a humongous mecha-zilla and hella mowing the place down.

[littlefallsmets]

1. I had a pu$$y. It was weird.

Wait... were you a lady or just The 'Nev with a lady downstairs?

Asking you to elaborate could only end up awesomely or disasterously. No in-betweens.

And that's why I'm asking you to elaborate.

[theinevitable]

I realized I had a pu$$y, and my understanding was that it was temporary. I was like "I'd better learn what I can from this."

what I learned is, CUT YOUR FINGERNAILS.

Most of the dream was trying things and realizing "holy shit, everything I think I should do to a pu$$y hurts or feels bad."

[littlefallsmets]

Wow.

So... your dream of a temporary electric ladyland basically revolved around clumsily scratching the shit outta your insides?

If Freud were here, he'd certainly have something to say about that.

You know. After he took the time to suck about fifty cocks clean-dry.

Because that's what Freud was all about. Suckin' dick.

[theinevitable]

the world of my sex dreams is... not a pleasant one.

a lot of getting in trouble for sex that I didn't have (getting caught in compromising positions that aren't what they look like), a lot of turning down sex.

[littlefallsmets]

The rare times I have sex dreams, they're uniformly great.

Lotta threeways involving women I had crushes on in high school and the like.

It's my much-more-common non-sex dreams that are horrifying.