Shit my ________ says

[pmcd9]

We all have one, a family member or close friend who clogs our inbox with bullshit emails.  Forwarded emails filled with the most hateful, right wing, racist, sexist, homophobic, inaccurate, inane crap you can imagine.  You are loathe to mark their email address as spam though because occasionally they send you something that isn't forwarded and is of interest to you.

I'd like for this thread to be a kinda catalog of some of the more outrageous or unintentionally funny things that have landed in your email by your crazy _______.

[pmcd9]

I'll get the ball rolling...

Here's a joke that my racist uncle sent me today.

Two black guys are at a bar talking, one says to the other, " you ever notice after you have sex with a white woman that your eyes burn, your nose burns and you get all teary-eyed?"

The second black guy says, "yeah, all  the time."

The other says, "why is that?"
 
The second says, "I think it's the pepper spray."

[Asherdan]

Oh jeezum, I read this and then checked my personal email and I had a 'joke' from an uncle warning me of an email scam. Apparently this dude ordered a blow-up doll and had some topless broad in a head piece and veil show up holding a bomb and the detonator switch.

Hella female and 'Arab' hateful.

But the broad in the picture did have one fine rack...

[greenkoolayd]

Q: whats your favorite black metal band?
A: living colour

[side_show]

I had a meeting with a volunteer I manage, and I raised a concern about a joke he made about a woman he is helping out.  He is serving as a mentor to her son, so his job entails being respectful, non judgmental and supportive to the boy and his family, but he had made a disrespectful joke about the boy's mom's revolving door of boyfriends (she has dated two men in three years... not a revolving door).  When I raised this concern with him, he apologized and said he didn't mean it, that he respects the boy's mom and knows she loves the son and wants the best for him, which was good, but then a few minutes later he said "but you know, this was something I said in a group of women, and women, when they're in groups, don't listen."

[Nabubrush]

Zing!


What a tone-deaf fuckhead.

[side_show]

Privatly, I call him "a tool"  he is the definition of being a tool about things.  His heart is in the right place though.

[AugustWest]

... women, when they're in groups, don't listen."

That's totally unfair.

Women never listen.

[Asherdan]

They never listen and when we do they just claim we got it wrong still.

[side_show]

What's that?  I wasn't listening.

Recently a dude was trying to mack on me while I was running a table at a volunteer recruitment fair and therefore was a captive audience.  He bragged extensively about competing as a body builder, while casually mentioning he hit his son and got in trouble with the law for this, as I tried to remain polite,  I think I tried to end the conversation 3 or 4 times before he finally left when other people approached me to hear about my program.  After they left he came back and said, while raising his eyebrows suggestively and making goo-goo eyes at me " I'm going to go eat some oatmeal."  Me: "Enjoy."  Him:  "Have you had breakfast?"  Me: "Yes.  (long pause, much eyebrows from body builder dude) Enjoy your oatmeal." 

Oatmeal?  Oatmeal?  Is that what sexy times is for a roided out creepy dude? 

 

[miles]

Oh man, people are still macking?

Seriously though, bodybuilders are fucked up. I'm totally biased though, because a bodybuilder broke my sister's heart, and I could just kill the fucker.

[littlefallsmets]

As long there are stupid men who aren't old yet, there will be macking.

[pmcd9]

As long there are stupid men who aren't old yet, there will be macking.

What, old men can't mack?

[littlefallsmets]

You don't START macking when you're old.

If someone is crazy enough to be macking at 70, he was at 20.

[lprkn]

My dad sent me this:

"Obama is politically motivated by one thing, the imposition of his destructive social agenda. He holds disdain for the military, was forced into the role of Commander-in-Chief and has little interest in involving himself in the detail of wartime decision making. He is approaching these duties like a woman who sees a penis in her kitchen. He leaps onto a chair, broom in hand, and has no idea what to do but shriek in horror. He would rather be buns up in a San Francisco bath house than in a room full of military leaders making the tough decisions. He is the enemy within.

 

Spanky Hammond

LtCol USMC (Ret)