I farted.

[Choop]

My mistake, jough. Please accept all forwarded apologies.

*forwards a thousand apologies*

[Choop]

Re-opened for a limited time only! Time to give Choop something to do for a few minutes a day!

Yes, this is one of those threads that will be periodically re-opened, only because it's the only thread anybody wants to post to in Smells.

*sniffle*

[Asherdan]

OK, I have a thirteen year old Dalmation.  She's in great health except for one thing, she continually breaks wind.  This is a problem in two ways:

1) The dog digestive tract was designed for breaking down and assimilating hair, bones, claws and other injested body parts from prey.  Hence, it's a potent little system that develops an immense smell when bodily gases are released.

2) Volume.  The damn dog farts like a human.  Her ass has the same tonal qualities as an adult human.

Point two has a couple of redeeming points.  The dog has not related the escaping gasses from her orofice to being the cause of the (often horrible) sounds emitting from what appears to her to be behind her.  So the dog will often pass a huge fart and scare her self.  She will start up and run away peering behind her to see what the noisy danger is.  It's even better when she does it when she's asleep, bolting out of her bedding and running about.  When she realizes there's nothing there she comes back with a sheepish look on her face.  Additionally, since the dog farts like man, rather than man's best friend, it adds a whole new dimension of believablity to the trite phrase "the dog did it".  In fact, in a room with the dog and more than one person in it at home it is often necessary to ask "who done it".  Often though, it isn't necessary to ask, we merely wait.  Because of point 1) waiting will often cause us to be enveloped in the type of funky gasping putrid haze that can only be dog spawned.  She is so foul it will wake us from a sound slumber.

She now sleeps in the laundry room with an open window, lest she gas herself.

I love this thread, man.