The Real Reason We Wear Clothes

[pmcd9]

File this under crazy thoughts that cross my mind.  This actually came to me when I saw a kid, or maybe he was a junkie, walking down the street today wearing a hoodie in 97 degree weather.  I can't explain exactly why my mind jumped from that kid to why we wear clothes, but that's what happened.

For me, I've never given the subject that much consideration beyond what I was told as a child.  That we wear clothes because we are ashamed.  Shame being introduced into the world in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve partook of the fruit of knowledge.

While I understand that Shame and the subsequent indecency laws are a major factor why we wear clothes, I'm sure there must be more to it than that.  I haven't googled it, I prefer to get my knowledge from the geniuses in this room.

[KeithHernandez]

Because lots of powerful men have small c*cks?

[littlefallsmets]

I think because we have longer and more complex lives than any animal in history, we need changable and evolvable constant physical displays of our statuses and tribal affiliations.

Our selves, our society and the arc of our physical lives are too fluctuating and fluid for tattoos or piercing to get the jobs down. Paint too cheap and easy for anyone to copy by any old schmuck. So we developed the need to have a second skin to protect us from the elements in certain situations into the mixed psycho-social bag of signifiers we call "clothes" and it stuck.

Throw in clothing's ability to mask whatever is considered a physical flaw in that society with enough time/money put into the clothing and/or artificially enhance whatever is considered a physical advantage in that society with enough time/money and you got yourself one hell of a tool of social interaction. Before we had a facebook or a myspace where we could use as our physical interface a literal list of our preferences, we had clothing as our primary physical display of encoded social traits.

We wear clothing because it gives us a social shorthand to communicate to all what we value and to whom we are allied without even speaking a word, even though it was originally to protect our dicks from pointy branches and whatnot.

[Doc]

We didn't want to die in the cold and we're bad at breaking habits. Also when the first people put on raggedy furs there was  due who had a slightly nicer fur and we're all still chasing that horizon.

[Nabubrush]

Pockets.

Jesus, people.

[Doc]

I'm constantly surprised that my female colleagues often have no pockets at all. Or worse non-functional pockets. What the hell, people?

[Nabubrush]

I'm constantly surprised that my female colleagues often have no pockets at all. Or worse non-functional pockets. What the hell, people?

Dovetails nicely: your female colleagues should be naked.

[pmcd9]

I'm constantly surprised that my female colleagues often have no pockets at all. Or worse non-functional pockets. What the hell, people?

That's why they carry purses.  The female species hasn't mastered pockets yet.

[Nabubrush]

I thought the purses were for handguns and narcotics. That's what the women I know use them for.

[jay-ell]

That's why they carry purses.  The female species hasn't mastered pockets yet.

We would if your $^&%#*& male clothing designers would give us some!

Seriously, I am at the point where, no matter how much I love a pair of #####, I will not buy them if they (a) require dry-cleaning or (b) lack pockets.

I think we wear clothes to keep dirt out of our junk.

[wombat]

I have said this before: Sometime women are our own worst enemies. If we refuse to buy ##### with no pockets, they will stop offering them. Lack of pockets, which forces women to carry a purse, which they then have to constantly be keeping track of because it's full of valuables - it is one of the ways they keep women down. Don't let them do it.

As for the first question: Only someone who lives in Texas would ask this. As Doc says, it is originally obviously so we don't fuck*ng freeze to death. But Nabu is also right: once pockets were discovered, even in hot places people realized they should do this thing.

[theinevitable]

I feel the need to point out that lots of people in warm places didn't wear (many) clothes until we started making them.

much? many?

[jaydub]

c*ck gourds.

[jay-ell]

I have said this before: Sometime women are our own worst enemies. If we refuse to buy ##### with no pockets, they will stop offering them. Lack of pockets, which forces women to carry a purse, which they then have to constantly be keeping track of because it's full of valuables - it is one of the ways they keep women down. Don't let them do it.

I have tried to get all the other women in the universe to get with me on this, but for some reason, I haven't been able to convince them. Something about "fashion" and "clean silhouettes." I don't get it.

Don't forget, though that in addition to keeping us down by making us always be worried about where our purse is, they've also upgraded the purse from its utilitarian purpose to "fashion accessory," requiring us to own more than one, preferably an expensive name brand. They're getting our hard-earned, $0.75 on the $1 wages, too.

My only solace is that the rise of "messenger bags" and other forms of the ManPurse means that a whole generation of young dudes is bound to be nearly as downtrodden as us ladies. Maybe if they develop anxiety disorders worrying about their bags, by the time my peers and I are old enough to be considered "cougars" they'll be easy prey.

Then we (women over 30) will rule the world. 

[wombat]

Don't forget, though that in addition to keeping us down by making us always be worried about where our purse is, they've also upgraded the purse from its utilitarian purpose to "fashion accessory," requiring us to own more than one, preferably an expensive name brand. They're getting our hard-earned, $0.75 on the $1 wages, too.

Oh, I totally get this, because even I own like a dozen purses even though I only carry one a few times a year when I have to wear a dress. Most of my dresses have pockets, even, but a few without pockets have somehow managed to circumvent the rules.