Dear Sales Guy...

[Asherdan]

When I answer the door during dinner time I expect the conversation to go something like this...

ME: Hi, what can I do for you?

GUY: I'm so and so from such and such and we're looking to [extra detail and sales pitch]

But when it goes like this...

ME: Hi what can I do for you?

GUY: Can I speak to the owner of the house?

ME: HI, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

GUY: Well, if I was speaking with the owner of the house I'd ask him what his electric bill was because SolarExpress has an option that could save him...

ME: You and your wise mouth get off my property right quick.

GUY: But...

ME: MOVE IT OR LOSE IT, BUDDY.

I mean, am I wrong in thinking the guy was trying to bulldoze me into his sales patter?  Am I full of shit to think that asking me the dollar value of my electric bill is none of his damn business?

From the way people act sometimes I figure maybe I have weird ideas. Like if you knock on my door or call on my phone you should start off by identifying yourself and your business when asked, not probing me to give you info that is most probably none of your damn business, especially if I have no idea who you are or what you want.

I mean, I give these guys a chance but none of 'em seem to recognize which way is safe and which way gets your ass eaten by a grue.

[AugustWest]

No solicitors.

If you had a good product you wouldn't have to come knocking on my damn door to sell it.

[wombat]

Damn, at least they're offering something in return for your money. Everyone who knocks on my door is expecting I'm going to give money away for nothing. I tell them I don't make my charitable or political giving decisions while standing in the doorway. Or if I don't feel like a confrontation I tell them my husband makes all the decisions and say I could give him their flier... that's kind of fun.

[greenkoolayd]

being a salesman would be a pain in the ass.  being a pain in the ass who is a salesman is worse.

[pmcd9]

Guy was a dick, but he's been well trained.  He knows that the forthright approach doesn't work. Had he been forthright with you would it have made a difference?  Probably not.  You are not his target audience.  His potential customer base are people who can be easily manipulated.

[Asherdan]

Actually, it would have made a difference because I'm interested in talking to the solar companies ever since the last one came by and I got some info. Heck, if this guy had had the nuts to go off script instead of playing games we'd have talked financing options and install types. Later I'd be talking to the manufacturer rep (this is where the other one failed) about warranty and product support.

Part of what you mention is what bugs me too, Paul. The assumption that you have to (or want to) gully-smooth people into considering your service or product. I do not want to do business with BS.

Of course, if a dude could give a bedrock straight answer, look you in the goddam eye and shake your hand like a friggin man he prolly ain't out knocking on doors or ringing phones in the first place.

[littlefallsmets]

I like telling them that I'm sorry but the HAPPY DAYS where the Fonz jumped the shark is actually on and I've never seen it and I've always wanted to, just for the sake of being culturally complete, so thank you and good night.

It seems to really knock them for a loop.

[Carlos del Vaca]

When I first moved to Albuquerque and really needed a job, I almost took a gig with "Citizen Action" or something like that. They made it sound very noble, getting people to sign petitions and get involved. But when I went out with an experienced canvasser, it quickly became apparent that the job was all about begging for money. I'm pretty sure your compensation was tied to the donations you received.

I quit at the lunch break.

[AugustWest]

When I first moved to Albuquerque and really needed a job, I almost took a gig with "Citizen Action" or something like that. They made it sound very noble, getting people to sign petitions and get involved. But when I went out with an experienced canvasser, it quickly became apparent that the job was all about begging for money. I'm pretty sure your compensation was tied to the donations you received.

I quit at the lunch break.

Haha.  I did that for one day too. 

[Asherdan]

As a tangent to this type of thing...

To an unknown caller (I always scan the ID) I answer the phone by stating my name. My theory is along the lines of "You now know who I am so get on with it."

I can handle the wrong numbers that just hang up, but the ones that just jump into questioning me without introducing themselves at all piss me off. I give them a curt "who is this" to get them on line and things usually work out from there.

But goddam do I hate the sales calls where they hear me answer with my name and start up with the "can I speak to so-and-so". When I interrupt with "who are you and what do you want" they either get snippy or go into the next paragraph of their pitch that seems to want to last a minute and doesn't answer my question. I give them a "No. Goodnight." at some point and move on but crimeny,  is there really people that'll put up with some unidentified stranger ringing them up and drilling a hole in them?

[AugustWest]

I usually just do "Sorry, he's not here," and hang the fuck up.

[jay-ell]

I do "sorry, there's nobody here by that name" whenever somebody calls and asks for me by my maiden name. Unfortunately, the longer our marriage continues, the less often I get that one. Not having a landline helps, though, as my cell is unlisted and also on the Do Not Call registry.

I also don't open the door unless the front drapes are open and it's obvious that I'm sitting on my couch ten feet from the front door. If I do have to answer, I pull the "Oh, gee, you'd have to talk to my husband, he makes all the decisions about this kind of thing" deal, and if they keep pressing, I say, "He'll be home after 6, can you come back then?" If they do bother to come back, he gives 'em the quick brush-off.

Sometimes one of the kids helps out by screaming in the background while I'm trying to shoo someone off the porch or phone. Then I can say, "Gotta go, bye!" and slam the door/phone.

Exception: a couple of weeks ago, some girls from the neighborhood came by selling refrigerator magnets they made themselves for $1 apiece. We were so impressed with their entrepreneurial spirit, we bought a few and wished them luck. That was pretty cool.

[wombat]

I do "sorry, there's nobody here by that name" whenever somebody calls and asks for me by my maiden name.

We don't have the same last name, so that's what I mostly say when we get calls asking to speak to Mrs Tech Staff or Mr Wombat.  But if they say to me "Is this Mrs Tech Staff?" I've taken to answering "Not exactly" or "Sort of." It disorients the caller nicely.

[AugustWest]

I don't feel much obligation to be more than minimally courteous with unsolicited callers.

[jaydub]

I haven't shot any yet.