The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Trivial Pursuits => Wild Card => Topic started by: linnea on August 20, 2004, 04:08:10 am
-
Bwahahaha. Oh man, I have to post this journal entry. It's the best ever.
First of all, Suicidegirls (http://suicidegirls.com) is NOT SAFE FOR WORK. It's a rad amateur pr0n site of badass punkrock girls. I love it. Anyway, this one adorable girl (http://suicidegirls.com/girls/Lacey/) posted a journal entry that I thought was fuck*ng GREAT.
i would love to relate for you kittens a scenario which took place in a bathroom just yesterday:
i, Lacey, have to pee. i enter a potty-room, as is protocol in these such situations. the solitary stall is occupied. i can see from under the door that this time-usurper is wearing keds. keds! anyway, i sit up on the counter to wait. moments turn into minutes. i have yet to hear any urination taking place. then, suddenly:
woman in stall: excuse me, would you mind stepping out for a minute?
Lacey: are you talking to me?
WIS: yes. i have trouble going when someone is watching.
Lacey: i'm not watching. i'm waiting to use the toilet.
WIS: well, i can't go if someone else is in the room.
Lacey: that's pretty fucked.
WIS: i know. it's just this weird issue i have.
Lacey: perhaps you need to see a therapist about that.
WIS: you're probably right. but anyway, could you leave?
Lacey: why don't you just let me go first? then you don't have to worry about anyone being in the room.
WIS: it's probably no use now anyway, now that i'm all shaken up about it. i guess i'll just go later. sorry about the trouble.
Lacey: whatever dude. it's just pee.
---
love and fucks,
Laceypotty
Pure comedy gold. I wish I could meet rad girls like lacey to go to shows with and drink PBR and talk about obscure bands with. <3 <3 <3 I doubt very much that there will be girls like her in a rural Alaskan village. And there probably aren't any good shows in a tiny giraffeing hamlet. But at least I can dream, and I can strive to be as much of a badass as I possibly can be up in the Last Frontier.
-
Lacey sounds like my kind of girl. I love that she signs things "Love and fucks."
Anyway, she's right. Any woman who wears Keds doesn't deserve to be treated well.
Keds say "I do not value myself. I am worthless."
-
Shameful confession: I am not entirely comfortable in public restrooms if someone else is in there. Not to the point of, er, halting the flow (of traffic) or anything, but still.
Also I do not wear Keds, ever.
-
Shameful confession: I can't pee UNLESS someone's looking at my dick. So usually I have to wait for a while, but sometimes I'll just ask.
-
Bozack, you are teh funny.
With that, I'm off.
You kids be good!
-
Augh, jough. Enjoy your time in LONDON, LONDRES, LONDON.
-
As a delicate concession to this unfortunately-born foreigner, Mr Podsnap, in receiving him, had presented his wife as 'Madame Podsnap;' also his daughter as 'Mademoiselle Podsnap,' with some inclination to add 'ma fille,' in which bold venture, however, he checked himself. The Veneerings being at that time the only other arrivals, he had added (in a condescendingly explanatory manner),
'Monsieur Vey-nair-reeng,' and had then subsided into English.
'How Do You Like London?' Mr Podsnap now inquired from his station of host, as if he were administering something in the nature of a powder or potion to the deaf child; 'London, Londres, London?'
The foreign gentleman admired it.
'You find it Very Large?' said Mr Podsnap, spaciously.
The foreign gentleman found it very large.
'And Very Rich?'
The foreign gentleman found it, without doubt, enormement riche.
'Enormously Rich, We say,' returned Mr Podsnap, in a condescending manner. 'Our English adverbs do Not terminate in Mong, and We Pronounce the "ch" as if there were a "t" before it. We say Ritch.'
'Reetch,' remarked the foreign gentleman.
'And Do You Find, Sir,' pursued Mr Podsnap, with dignity, 'Many Evidences that Strike You, of our British Constitution in the Streets Of The World's Metropolis, London, Londres, London?'
The foreign gentleman begged to be pardoned, but did not altogether understand.
'The Constitution Britannique,' Mr Podsnap explained, as if he were teaching in an infant school.' We Say British, But You Say Britannique, You Know' (forgivingly, as if that were not his fault).
'The Constitution, Sir.'
The foreign gentleman said, 'Mais, yees; I know eem.'
A youngish sallowish gentleman in spectacles, with a lumpy forehead, seated in a supplementary chair at a corner of the table, here caused a profound sensation by saying, in a raised voice,
'ESKER,' and then stopping dead.
'Mais oui,' said the foreign gentleman, turning towards him. 'Est-ce que? Quoi donc?'
But the gentleman with the lumpy forehead having for the time delivered himself of all that he found behind his lumps, spake for the time no more.
'I Was Inquiring,' said Mr Podsnap, resuming the thread of his discourse, 'Whether You Have Observed in our Streets as We should say, Upon our Pavvy as You would say, any Tokens--'
The foreign gentleman, with patient courtesy entreated pardon;
'But what was tokenz?'
'Marks,' said Mr Podsnap; 'Signs, you know, Appearances-- Traces.'
'Ah! Of a Orse?' inquired the foreign gentleman.
'We call it hoss,' said Mr Podsnap, with forbearance. 'In England, Angleterre, England, We Aspirate the "H," and We Say "hoss." Only our Lower Classes Say "Orse!"'
'Pardon,' said the foreign gentleman; 'I am alwiz wrong!'
'Our Language,' said Mr Podsnap, with a gracious consciousness of being always right, 'is Difficult. Ours is a Copious Language, and Trying to Strangers. I will not Pursue my Question.'
But the lumpy gentleman, unwilling to give it up, again madly said, 'ESKER,' and again spake no more.
'It merely referred,' Mr Podsnap explained, with a sense of meritorious proprietorship, 'to Our Constitution, Sir. We Englishmen are Very Proud of our Constitution, Sir. It Was Bestowed Upon Us By Providence. No Other Country is so Favoured as This Country.'
'And ozer countries?--' the foreign gentleman was beginning, when Mr Podsnap put him right again.
'We do not say Ozer; we say Other: the letters are "T" and "H;" You say Tay and Aish, You Know; (still with clemency). The sound is "th"--"th!"'
'And OTHER countries,' said the foreign gentleman. 'They do how?'
'They do, Sir,' returned Mr Podsnap, gravely shaking his head;
'they do--I am sorry to be obliged to say it--AS they do.'
'It was a little particular of Providence,' said the foreign gentleman, laughing; 'for the frontier is not large.'
'Undoubtedly,' assented Mr Podsnap; 'But So it is. It was the Charter of the Land. This Island was Blest, Sir, to the Direct Exclusion of such Other Countries as--as there may happen to be. And if we were all Englishmen present, I would say,' added Mr Podsnap, looking round upon his compatriots, and sounding solemnly with his theme, 'that there is in the Englishman a combination of qualities, a modesty, an independence, a responsibility, a repose, combined with an absence of everything calculated to call a blush into the cheek of a young person, which one would seek in vain among the Nations of the Earth.'
-
Jough, have a lovely time!
You bastard. I've always wanted to go to Europe but never been able.
Back to the pee'ing topic:
Yeah, public restrooms are weird. I have perfected the art of "the hover" so that the only contact that is made is the soles of my shoes with the floor.
Jesus, weird-can't-pee-if-anyone-is-there, you have had your entire life since potty-training to get used to public restrooms. What the hell is wrong with you? And KEDS? Jesus.
Horrifying public restroom moment: I went into a bathroom at one of the Macaroni Grills (http://www.macaronigrill.com/) in Denver (it's this horrifying bad chain restaurant with overpriced mediocre food). I had to pee really bad, though, as I have speedy kidneys and a hamster-sized bladder and free refills on the diet Coke back at the table.
I often enjoy a field trip to the ladies' room, especially when my best friend or other dinner companion has been particularly long-winded. It is nice to go in, check my makeup, play with the fun foam-soap dispenser, and give my ears a goddamn rest from being talked off. WTF, Jenn, I'm not yer damned therapist. Anyway, I digress.
Someone was in the next stall. There was a terrible smell. Something had... somehow... not quite made it. One look at the floor was all I needed. I stopped mid-pee and BOLTED.
Looking back, I felt kind of bad. The woman in the stall was probably elderly or something and probably needed help. Hell, if I were shitting uncontrollably I would probably need help, too--FROM A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I am not a goddamned doctor.
(http://www.wigu.com/shop/photos/doctorkjb.jpg)
that's a picture of a random lady wearing one of the WIGU (http://www.wigu.com/index.php) "Not a Doctor" T-shirts.
-
This verifies all the fears I have ever had about Macaroni Grill, right there. Ew. (I am perplexed by the idea of grilling pasta, but I am a philistine.)
(Digression: I own one of those "NOT A DOCTOR" shirts. It comes in handy, actually, since I'm a Biology major but not pre-med; the question comes up quite a lot.)
-
The Suicide Girls burlesque show was just at the 9:30 Club here in town a few weeks ago, maybe I should have gone. Or I could just be a cheap bastard and DL all their pics off of eDonkey.
And random fact: Macaroni Grill, Magiano's, Chili's, On the Border, Corner Bakery, and Big Bowl are all the same chain. The gift cards are interchangable and in the case of MG/Magiano's and Chili's/OtB actually serve much of the same menu.
-
I like Macaroni Grill. I mean, it's not the best food in the world, but it's good. It's not like Fazoli's or something.
-
I like Macaroni Grill. I mean, it's not the best food in the world, but it's good. It's not like Fazoli's or something.
i have only been to macaroni grill one time and i liked it it was very good food and at a very good price and i think it is ok. i can pee with other people around, but i don't like it so much, i don't like them being around so much at all. but i can understand not being able to and i can compassionately feel for those who can not pee. such a sad thing not to be able to pee. if i couldn't pee with other people around, i think i would stop eating and move into a hovel to save up enough money forthwit to go get therapy right away so that i could pee on the people who make fund of people who can't pee around people. while wearing keds.
and fazoli's is pretty good too i haven't been there in awhile though.
-
I can pee with others around but not with somebody looking directly at me (such as an S.O.). I also refuse to pee at the kiddie urinal when all the others are taken because I feel silly.
-
Yeah, I'm still stuck on the concept of grilling macaroni. America's weird.
-
The value of the Macaroni Grill is entirely dependent on locale. If you were in St. Petersburg, Florida, you'd be psyched that you could get decent-but-not-amazing Italian food, because your only other options would be the Olive Garden or mom-n-pop places that put ketchup on the spaghetti. On the other hand, if you were in northern New Jersey, you wouldn't look twice, because amazing Italian places abound.
-
I hereby heap disdain on Macaroni Grill, Olive Garden, and Carraba's Italian Overpriced Crap. If you must visit a chain Italian restaurant, go to Buca di Beppo. Have an eggplant parmesan. It's frikkin' awesome.
-
Something had... somehow... not quite made it.
You'd be amazed at how often that happens, especially in restaurants where elderly people go a lot.
You'd also be amazed at who gets to clean that up. You wouldn't think that, you know, a HOST would have to clean up feces. You'd think, yeah, janitorial staff, busboys, sure. Not the lowest-paid worker. Surely HE wouldn't have to wipe up bean-looking shit.
Well, you'd be wrong.
Cleaning up RAW FECAL MATTER with a spray-bottle of disinfectant and a load of paper towels. Thank God we had those throw-away latex gloves. I gave my notice that same day, right after shooting one of the gloves at my boss.
-
I hereby heap disdain on Macaroni Grill, Olive Garden, and Carraba's Italian Overpriced Crap. If you must visit a chain Italian restaurant, go to Buca di Beppo. Have an eggplant parmesan. It's frikkin' awesome.
I haven't been to Carraba's yet, but Macaroni is clearly not nearly so crappy as Olive Garden.
-
This entire discussion (er, minus the fecal elements) is making me miss Boston more and more. Talk about Italian!
Hell, even here in Nowhere, Louisiana, we have an excellent Italian place. (Albeit it's sort of an odd Cajun synthesis -- there are really no non-Cajun restaurants here, just Cajun-Italian and Cajun-Mexican and Cajun-Snow-Cone and so on. Nonetheless, great food.)
-
I've never eaten at a Carraba's, partly because I've heard only bad things partly because in the radio ads they have southern accents. For an italian place.
That's. Not. Right! </Lewis Black>
-
I really like these suicidegirls' tattoos.
(Not safe for work at most people's jobs, probably) Rose (http://img1.uploadimages.net/227216Rose.jpg)'s lovely spider and Jetta (http://img1.uploadimages.net/684461Jetta.jpg)'s cute lines tracing her collarbones.
Not sure* where I found this (http://img1.uploadimages.net/8528661.jpg), but it reminds me of a Tool cd cover, or something. Gorgeous.
And this bald girl has insanely beautiful (http://img1.uploadimages.net/4575122.jpg) tattoos but it looks too good to be real; I think it must be computer graphics.
*(I have a folder full of cool tattoos I run across; the image has an "inkygirls" watermark but I've never been to that site. I should probably check it out considering how much I like to look at tattoos on girls)
-
Cajun-Snow-Cone and so on. Nonetheless, great food.)
Damn. I want one of those. Blue Jambalaya Razzberry. Raaaad!
I really like these suicidegirls' tattoos.
(Not safe for work at most people's jobs, probably) Rose's lovely spider and Jetta's cute lines tracing her collarbones.
Not sure* where I found this, but it reminds me of a Tool cd cover, or something. Gorgeous.
And this bald girl has insanely beautiful tattoos but it looks too good to be real; I think it must be computer graphics
I have such a weakness for punk girls. I want more tattoos. Some people (aHEM) have said that "damn, there's bound to be some regrets" but I think they're great. My next project is to get a large full-colour piece done. Probably on my back, but possibly on my shoulder. We'll see.
-
Hey, I was already thinking about starting a tat thread. Do you guys want to continue this over in, umm, Wild Card? Because the thread will be WAITING.
-
I can pee with others around but not with somebody looking directly at me (such as an S.O.). I also refuse to pee at the kiddie urinal when all the others are taken because I feel silly.
I don't have a trouble peeing in the presence of others. Taking a dump, however, is a different matter entirely. I'd feel much more comfortable if the stall walls and door went all the way to the floor. Plus, they should design the toilets so your pepper doesn't touch the rim.
-
Something had... somehow... not quite made it.
You'd be amazed at how often that happens, especially in restaurants where elderly people go a lot.
You'd also be amazed at who gets to clean that up. You wouldn't think that, you know, a HOST would have to clean up feces. You'd think, yeah, janitorial staff, busboys, sure. Not the lowest-paid worker. Surely HE wouldn't have to wipe up bean-looking shit.
Well, you'd be wrong.
Cleaning up RAW FECAL MATTER with a spray-bottle of disinfectant and a load of paper towels. Thank God we had those throw-away latex gloves. I gave my notice that same day, right after shooting one of the gloves at my boss.
That is truly nasty. I had a similar experience with one of my first jobs. My official title at this busy-ass chain restaurant was "Dish Machine Operator" aka DMO. The DMO wasn't just the dishwasher, but the trash-taker-outer, floor cleaner and bathroom restocker. Mind you, I was often the only DMO on duty, so succesfully juggling all these tasks was just not possible. Needless to say, I was let go in relatively short order. I never had to touch another dude's stew, though - there or any of the other food service jobs I've had the pleasure of experiencing. At the last restaurant I worked at, that task was left to the squirrely looking dishwasher with the mullet.
-
I can pee with others around but not with somebody looking directly at me (such as an S.O.). I also refuse to pee at the kiddie urinal when all the others are taken because I feel silly.
I don't have a trouble peeing in the presence of others. Taking a dump, however, is a different matter entirely. I'd feel much more comfortable if the stall walls and door went all the way to the floor. Plus, they should design the toilets so your pepper doesn't touch the rim.
I'm convinced that workday poops are the reason that cell phone games were invented. I just feel self-conscious when somebody else hears the keys. But less self-conscious than being seen walking into the stall with a big ass hardcover book.
-
workday poops
This is why I've decided I will only work in places that have private, employee-only, one-toilet bathrooms. That way, once you've been at work 6 hours, and you've already taken your break, and you've got two hours left, you can just snag the keys and head on back to "the office." There goes 10 minutes, man. It's basically how non-smokers make up for not getting smoke breaks.
-
workday poops
This is why I've decided I will only work in places that have private, employee-only, one-toilet bathrooms. That way, once you've been at work 6 hours, and you've already taken your break, and you've got two hours left, you can just snag the keys and head on back to "the office." There goes 10 minutes, man. It's basically how non-smokers make up for not getting smoke breaks.
People at my work have actually gotten into fights about this via the suggestion box. The non-smokers are pissed that the smokers take two 15's a day plus smoke breaks and the smokers are pissed that they have to stand out on the patio in the rain and snow.
I just take extra poop breaks or go into the film closet to "file."
-
I have a PDA with all manner of e-books on it to serve this purpose. The games on my cell phone are lame. I think I read 2/3's of Great Expectations in the can at work.
-
I can pee with others around but not with somebody looking directly at me (such as an S.O.). I also refuse to pee at the kiddie urinal when all the others are taken because I feel silly.
I don't have a trouble peeing in the presence of others. Taking a dump, however, is a different matter entirely. I'd feel much more comfortable if the stall walls and door went all the way to the floor. Plus, they should design the toilets so your pepper doesn't touch the rim.
I'm convinced that workday poops are the reason that cell phone games were invented. I just feel self-conscious when somebody else hears the keys. But less self-conscious than being seen walking into the stall with a big ass hardcover book.
I think my self conciousness regarding dump taking in public restrooms has something to do with the restrooms I encountered during the later part of elementry school and junior high. It seems that some of the boys would use the stalls to commit acts of vandalism. The school administrators, geniuses they were, decided the best way to counter these wanton acts of destruction by REMOVING THE FRICKING DOORS FROM THE FRICKING STALLS I SHIT YOU NOT! Woe unto the poor child who had to drop the kids off at the pool during school hours. Thank Jebus this was in the days before security camera's, though I think that would probably be illegal.
-
I think my self conciousness regarding dump taking in public restrooms has something to do with the restrooms I encountered during the later part of elementry school and junior high. It seems that some of the boys would use the stalls to commit acts of vandalism. The school administrators, geniuses they were, decided the best way to counter these wanton acts of destruction by REMOVING THE FRICKING DOORS FROM THE FRICKING STALLS I SHIT YOU NOT!
I have been to schools like this, although I was lucky enough not to ever have attended one. Bathrooming in them tends to involve a massive amount of use of the honor system, a.k.a. "we're all going to stare at the wall while Mandi goes and then pretend we didn't have to because THIS SCHOOL IS A DYSFUNCTIONAL MUTANT."
(I realize that this is not a good thing in any bathroom, but for girls' bathrooms this was even more unnerving, as without urinals we have absolutely no culture of doing anything while anyone is watching, aside from washing your hands and combing your hair.)
-
I have been to schools like this, although I was lucky enough not to ever have attended one. Bathrooming in them tends to involve a massive amount of use of the honor system, a.k.a. "we're all going to stare at the wall while Mandi goes and then pretend we didn't have to because THIS SCHOOL IS A DYSFUNCTIONAL MUTANT."
(I realize that this is not a good thing in any bathroom, but for girls' bathrooms this was even more unnerving, as without urinals we have absolutely no culture of doing anything while anyone is watching, aside from washing your hands and combing your hair.)
Ugh. When I was at the Pike Street Market in Seattle, I tried to use the public restrooms. They had cut away almost the entire stall door in every fuck*ng stall. It was terrible. I have no idea why they did that. Walking by it was impossible to not see people. Damn, it was humiliating.
-
When I lived in San Francisco I loved the self cleaning public restrooms there. I gladly paid my quarter for up to 20 minutes of №2 in private, clean surroundings.
-
I think my self conciousness regarding dump taking in public restrooms has something to do with the restrooms I encountered during the later part of elementry school and junior high. It seems that some of the boys would use the stalls to commit acts of vandalism. The school administrators, geniuses they were, decided the best way to counter these wanton acts of destruction by REMOVING THE FRICKING DOORS FROM THE FRICKING STALLS I SHIT YOU NOT!
I have been to schools like this, although I was lucky enough not to ever have attended one. Bathrooming in them tends to involve a massive amount of use of the honor system, a.k.a. "we're all going to stare at the wall while Mandi goes and then pretend we didn't have to because THIS SCHOOL IS A DYSFUNCTIONAL MUTANT."
These are the same dysfunctional mutants that think asthma inhaler's are drug paraphenalia and self defense against bullies is assault. Oh, and if those same bullies happen to break into your locker and steal your school books, they'll charge YOU for the cost of those books at the end of the year.
-
I to this day cannot take a dump in a public place.
This vacation I have just been holding it in pretty much the entire time. When I do poo it comes out in a tight little square brick, suitable for framing.
My Catholic elementary school did not have doors on the stalls. For some reason this seemed perfectly normal to me, although for another reason I also never went #2 at school.
A friend of mine used to LOVE to jerk off in pretty much every private stall he could find - we would be out driving around and he would point out places that he jerked off in - sometimes he'd mention things like "See that "Baby Gap" over there? I jerked off in that bathroom TWICE in each of the four stalls."
This revelation also sounded perfectly normal coming from this friend.
-
A friend of mine used to LOVE to jerk off in pretty much every private stall he could find - we would be out driving around and he would point out places that he jerked off in - sometimes he'd mention things like "See that "Baby Gap" over there? I jerked off in that bathroom TWICE in each of the four stalls."
This revelation also sounded perfectly normal coming from this friend.
To take this a step further, my SO, works a outdoor job in the suburbs. Rich people will not let lawn care people into their houses to pee - it's just the way it is.
So I'm driving, he's the passenger - for some reason the car is the place for these sort of revelations I guess -and we are driving in a fairly ritzy neighbourhood, and my guy goes: "See that house there? I own that house." Being that we are both genearally goofs with each other practiacally all the time, I simply ignore the statement, assuming that he will explain, which he does not. We continue to drive. "And see that house there? I own that house too." "Oh, yeah, sure you do." "No, I own it." "Really. ...wait. Did you pee on those houses?" Silence. "You did, didn't you? You peed on those houses! Why!" "Well, there's no where else to go!" Silence, driving.
Since then, I've surveyed other outdoor workers, and aparently this is common - so if you own a house, be sure to pee around your territory often, as some city worker or landscape worker may own your house right now.
-
I'm convinced that workday poops are the reason that cell phone games were invented.
The Gameboy Advance SE is also nice for these mini-vacations.
-
I to this day cannot take a dump in a public place.
This vacation I have just been holding it in pretty much the entire time. When I do poo it comes out in a tight little square brick, suitable for framing.
Careful, lest this (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=09122003) happen to you.
Edited to fix URL (again. and again. aw fuck it.)