The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: palm trees on September 09, 2004, 10:15:41 am
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yes. excellent.
i'd be laughing less if beef didn't have exactly the same unreasonable fear of feminine hygiene products that i [and i know it's not just me, guys] do, except ramped up to a horrifyingly extreme level.
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Yeah, I feel stupid buying all that silly-named stuff, and I am a full-on girl.
What kind of store is Beef in though, with giant alphabetical shelves? Weird-looking empty bookstore?
Also, his expression in the last panel took me a while to notice, but it's kind of repulsive, no?
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What kind of store is Beef in though, with giant alphabetical shelves?
Looks like a gymnasium to me.
I think his expressions in this are superb. Makes me think of Microserfs and the whole bit with Fry's and feminism!
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Yeah, I feel stupid buying all that silly-named stuff, and I am a full-on girl.
What kind of store is Beef in though, with giant alphabetical shelves? Weird-looking empty bookstore?
Also, his expression in the last panel took me a while to notice, but it's kind of repulsive, no?
Uh, he could just be at a CVS.
Between Knowing Smile, Titty-Buxx, and Beef's final expression to the camera this is the best laugh out loud strip in months.
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How about the way Beef answers his phone? WHAT!?
Why does he carry a mobile phone if it irritates him so?
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Why does he carry a mobile phone if it irritates him so?
because he has to, for some reason, and even though it irritates the bejeezus out of him to be called in the middle of something, rather than just push the "silence" button on the phone and let the caller get voicemail and call the caller back at a time when it would be more convenient for him to call them back he feels COMPELLED to answer the ***** ##### phone and talk to whoever just called even if it is in the middle of shaving his head and thus is always irritated when he's on the phone and also has weird pavlovian responses to phone rings too.
um,
i'm just going out on a limb and guessing...
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I think the thing about those feminine-hygiene products is that even women feel embarrassed to buy them. This is why men get the call to pick some up "while they're at the store" so often.
(While I have no desire to restart the gender wars for which I already locked a thread today -- allow me to yield a point gently to the guys: you don't have to buy this shit. Even condom-buying has become a macho studliness errand now.)
Also, "area wipes."
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Okay, best of the week. Titty-Buxx! His face at the end! THE FACT THAT BEEF IS GETTING CHASED BY FEMININE PRODUCTS!
I used to get all freaked out, and then, one night, I was with A Lady, and as I was drifting off to sleep, she tapped me on the shoulder, and sheepishly explained that That Time had come, rapidly, and without warning. In my sheets. And on me. Deep inside of me, a voice screamed, and then was silenced, as I looked up at her, smiled, shrugged, and took the sheets downstairs to the laundry. If you want to get over menstration fears, have someone menstrate on you. WORKS LIKE A CHARM.
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If you want to get over menstration fears, have someone menstrate on you. WORKS LIKE A CHARM.
It's nice to know that the Internet is still a reliable source for home remedies.
Also, yeah: I carry a cell phone. A stunningly primitive one (http://mywebpage.netscape.com/zartan00001/phone.jpg) that is, at the very least, five years old and has probably given me like nine kinds of head cancer (are phones generally supposed to get really hot after prolonged use?). And I fuck*ng hate it - I hate talking on the phone, generally - but I am Absolutely Certain that the day I selgiraffely turn it off or fail to drag it along will be the day that something terrible happens to a friend or family member. SORT OF LIKE SPIDER-MAN'S ORIGIN, COME TO THINK OF IT
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If you want to get over menstration fears, have someone menstrate on you. WORKS LIKE A CHARM.
It's nice to know that the Internet is still a reliable source for home remedies.
Also, yeah: I carry a cell phone. A stunningly primitive one (http://mywebpage.netscape.com/zartan00001/phone.jpg) that is, at the very least, five years old and has probably given me like nine kinds of head cancer (are phones generally supposed to get really hot after prolonged use?). And I fuck*ng hate it - I hate talking on the phone, generally - but I am Absolutely Certain that the day I selgiraffely turn it off or fail to drag it along will be the day that something terrible happens to a friend or family member. SORT OF LIKE SPIDER-MAN'S ORIGIN, COME TO THINK OF IT
That phone looks like it takes 4 D-cell batteries.
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That phone looks like it takes 4 D-cell batteries.
Yeah, and I can talk to any one of my nine favorite Sesame Street characters at the touch of a single button!
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All electronics will get hot after prolonged use. Most phones do, although the past two tiny ones I've owned didn't get *as* hot but yes, that radio transmitter will generate heat.
Zartan, your phone is indeed primative, but probably gets much better reception than modern phones that operate at lower wattage. This of course also means that you are having higher power radio waves going through your skull. Surprisingly, this causes far less damage than drinking a few beers does.
So pop a can and call someone!
Oh yeah, the strip. Well, I did laugh OUT LOUD at the names of the FHPs so bravo, 'stad.
It's one of the better "Beef Being Terrorised By His Own Imagination" strips out there, although the best was when he buried the new shirt.
Also, palmy, if you're not going to use the best line from a strip to start the thread I'm just going to have to not let you post first anymore.
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It's one of the better "Beef Being Terrorised By His Own Imagination"
Band name!
Also, palmy, if you're not going to use the best line from a strip to start the thread I'm just going to have to not let you post first anymore.
Dude, he did.
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Don't forgot that many of the newer smaller phones don't include analog connections any more. Which sucks because analog has a longer range if you're travelling or just live in the sticks. So you've got that going for you Zartan.
OT, do stores still do "price checks"? Because that would amplify Beef's horror nicely.
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Also, palmy, if you're not going to use the best line from a strip to start the thread I'm just going to have to not let you post first anymore.
ok i'd be mad at this, but "palmy"?
oh man, :D
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Male fear of feminine products can be a tired theme... but 'stad succeeds in making it dope with the sweet, fresh scent of Beef's schitzophrenia.
And the thread title would have been the best line if the product name - "Knowing Smile" - had been included.
And where does Beef keep his cell phone?
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And where does Beef keep his cell phone?
hmmmm.
i guess that explains why he's so damnedably irritated at having to answer it.
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OT, do stores still do "price checks"? Because that would amplify Beef's horror nicely.
I was actually appalled at my own life taking a sitcomish turn the other day when a cashier had to repeatedly rescan for and discuss with an ajacent cashier the pricing of Things I was purchasing at the time. I didn't think that actually happened in real life.
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OT, do stores still do "price checks"? Because that would amplify Beef's horror nicely.
I was actually appalled at my own life taking a sitcomish turn the other day when a cashier had to repeatedly rescan for and discuss with an ajacent cashier the pricing of Things I was purchasing at the time. I didn't think that actually happened in real life.
The closest I've ever seen to an old fashioned price check is when the cashier at Whole Foods can't identify the lemon/mandarin orange hybrid somebody is trying to purchase and has to ask the customer what they hell that thing is. Then they look it up in their dandy flippy catalog and all is well again.
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Once, I was picking up condoms with A Lady, and a clerk helpfully informed us that, even if we DIDN'T have the "Club Card," they'd still give us a discount on the Trojan Brand Pleasure Chest.
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Once, I was picking up condoms with A Lady, and a clerk helpfully informed us that, even if we DIDN'T have the "Club Card," they'd still give us a discount on the Trojan Brand Pleasure Chest.
Dude, you are King of the Make Outs!
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Man, Bozack? You are rad. Rad.
And yeah, I have to agree with others -- Beef's sheer paranoia makes the strip. I especially like "Titty-Buxx" because, shit, now Beef is having to invent feminine products that will embarrass him.
If I may ask the guys of the board a question -- what precisely is so mortifying to guys about purchasing feminine products? I'm not questioning your right to be mortified, just its roots. For women, it's mortifying because you're basically saying either that it's That Time or that you've somehow managed to run out between Times, which implies unsavory activities; what's the deal for men, though? The worst it would appear to say to me is "I live with a Lady and am courteous enough to purchase several necessary supplies for the Lady."
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I think I speak for all of us when I say "Cooties."
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I think I speak for all of us when I say "Cooties."
Fair enough. I had forgotten the all-pervasive effect of "germs" on buying habits.
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maybe i'm weird, but i don't mind buying tampons, or picking up the birth control prescription or whatnot.
it's like, i have a girl friend, and i have access to things, things that need stuff. do you have a problem with that punk? well punk? i feel lucky!
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I would have been happier with the thread name being Valu-Douche. I share Jough's outrage.
Mega-Douche would be funny two - now with 75% bigger nozzle!
As for why we get the heebies and the jeebies about buying that stuff...because it's nasty. Guys don't need a bunch of weird stuff applied to their secret junk to feel 'Springtime Fresh'.
Related: My favorite thing that happens in the movie Clerks (I heard there was a sequel??) Is when Randall and Dante' are fighting and one of them maces the other full on with a bottle of FDS. That was some funny shit.
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To quote Hodge Podge of Bloom County, "What's feminine protection? A chartruse flamethrower?"
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It's not buying the Feminine Plumbing Products, it's the insinuation that the man buying them is totally whipped to the point where his woman has sent him out to procure said products.
I mean, if I'm at the store anyway and The Lady asks to pick up something, no problem.
It's those 2AM trips to the all night Walgreens to buy JUST an FPP that seems to make most men uncomfortable.
However, I don't mind said trips just because I could not give a fuck if anyone cares if I am buying something to "plug the leak" or not.
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I think that there's a strong association with buying those products and being "whipped." Or living with your mom.
There have been rumors of Clerks 2: Hardly Clerkin' ever since the first came out. Lately I've heard buzzings of Clerks 2: The Passion of the Clerks but only from people mocking Kevin Smith for going against previous statements of being beyond poop and dick jokes thanks to the supposed failure of Jersey Girl.
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No, Clerks 2: The Passion of the Clerks is official.
It's pretty much a stupid title because the Mel Gibson movie will be OLD NEWS by then (isn't it pretty much already?) and in two years it'll just seem SO dated.
Then again, the film he made before Jersey Girl referenced a 21 year old movie (at the time).
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It's pretty much a stupid title because the Mel Gibson movie will be OLD NEWS by then (isn't it pretty much already?) and in two years it'll just seem SO dated.
uh, dude?
"The Passion" as a phrase/concept was in usage a LONG ASS TIME before Mel Gibson made a movie of the same name.
let's do a little things, shall we?
imagine Mel Gibson never made that movie.
now think about the new Clerk's movie name.
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I still picture Dante, nailed to a cross between Brian and Eric Idle complaining that it was supposed to be his day off. Oh, and flashing back to the time he broke into Leonardo Leonardo's office.
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It's pretty much a stupid title because the Mel Gibson movie will be OLD NEWS by then (isn't it pretty much already?) and in two years it'll just seem SO dated.
Nah, I'm sure Kevin Smith thinks that title is hilarious because he's all Catholic and whatnot. Ironically Catholic.
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It's pretty much a stupid title because the Mel Gibson movie will be OLD NEWS by then (isn't it pretty much already?) and in two years it'll just seem SO dated.
Nah, I'm sure Kevin Smith thinks that title is hilarious because he's all Catholic and whatnot. Ironically Catholic.
Is there any other kind of catholic anymore?
Maybe he's just going with passion's 2nd definition of "suffering." Or maybe it's all just a huge swerve like "Revenge of the Jedi."
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Yeah, okay, I know that the story of the Stations of the Cross is also called the "Passion" - which is why Gibson titled his movie that.
But seriously, you can't be naïve to think that Kevin Smith wasn't thinking of Gibson's movie when he titled his own.
I mean, South Park did an episode called "The Passion of the Jew" which was about the PotC, but it was a TIMELY parody. Not two years later, which would have left people scratching their heads, like, they pick NOW to lampoon this?
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Yeah, okay, I know that the story of the Stations of the Cross is also called the "Passion" - which is why Gibson titled his movie that.
But seriously, you can't be naïve to think that Kevin Smith wasn't thinking of Gibson's movie when he titled his own.
I mean, South Park did an episode called "The Passion of the Jew" which was about the PotC, but it was a TIMELY parody. Not two years later, which would have left people scratching their heads, like, they pick NOW to lampoon this?
1- what cortjstr said
2- i don't doubt that mel gibson's movie has something do do with it. that being said, i think that "The Passion" may not end up being a "passing fad", but might end up as something similar to "The 10 Commandmants" starring Mr. Heston in a cultural movie relevancy.
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Yes, but a comedy in 2006 called "The 11 Commandments" spoofing on the old Heston film would probably be met with head scratches.
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Yes, but a comedy in 2006 called "The 11 Commandments" spoofing on the old Heston film would probably be met with head scratches.
i guess i disagree. the closest thing i can think of right now is a horribly (good) bad film named "saturday the 14th", which is purely a spoof on Friday the 13th. i think the Friday the 13th "franchise" is "cultural" enough that the Saturday movie "makes sense".
however, i think the new clerks movie is not going to be a pure spoof on "The Passion", and i think that "The Passion of the Clerks" stands on its own regardless of the mel gibson title, so, um, i dunno.
there's this one part in Saturday the 14th where the lagoon monster comes up through the bathtub drain. it's pretty funny.
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Yes, but a comedy in 2006 called "The 11 Commandments" spoofing on the old Heston film would probably be met with head scratches.
Jough's totally right on this one, TIMING is everything. Spoofing a movie that is no longer immediately relevant in a GENERAL way just looks lame, unless you're spoofing a genre (like Scary Movie).
The Passion of the Clerks could fly as a title, though, because there is a general relevance to the 'usage'. It looks LAMER since Gibson made the movie relatively recently; it would be funnier in the absence of TPotC.
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I guess my point is that a film called "The Passion of the Clerks" is a funny title:
a) JUST before or JUST after The Passion of the Christ comes out, or
b) Twenty years or more after The Passion of the Christ
But a year and a half just seems... untimely and lame. It's not enough time to gauge the cultural/filmic significance and too much time to be funny and a clever play on the Passion hype.
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d'oh! ok, i see where your coming from now.
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I'm a little dubious about Clerks II. I mean, I'm as big a Kevin Smith fan as the next guy, but Clerks is what, 12 years old now? Dante and Randal are 30 somethings now. What's the tagline going to be, "I'm not even supposed to be here this decade?"
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What's the tagline going to be, "I'm not even supposed to be here this decade?"
Well, it is supposedly set ten years on.
Also it is apparently being shot for under $5m. Probably in B&W. It is also apparently being done as a present for Jason Mewes who is now, again, supposedly clean.
I haven't seen Jersey Girl yet.
I adore the trilogy, but beyond that there were too many weaknesses. Overproduction, plotless ramblings to ride injokes... If he doesn't impress me big time he's as gone to me as George Lucas was after his trilogy.
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I'm a little dubious about Clerks II. I mean, I'm as big a Kevin Smith fan as the next guy, but Clerks is what, 12 years old now? Dante and Randal are 30 somethings now. What's the tagline going to be, "I'm not even supposed to be here this decade?"
Well, the "Clerks 2: Still Clerkin'" tag at the end of the first one was a joke - but now there will be a Clerks 2. So the in-joke has become painfully unfunny and unself-referential (or self-unreferential, probably).
It's ten years old this year, as I know because the new "Clerks X" came out on DVD this week with tonnes of fun DVD extras. Because we needed a new digitally cleaned up version of a 16mm b&w film from 1994.
Also ten years this year: Shawshank Redemption, Natural Born Killers, Forrest Gump, and Pulp Fiction.
Man, was 1994 a great year for movies or what?
2004 is pretty awful so far with the exception of a few titles - Eternal Sunshine, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Before Sunset, Spider-Man 2, um... did anything else good come out so far this year? Collateral was okay. Um...
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Also ten years this year: Shawshank Redemption, Natural Born Killers, Forrest Gump, and Pulp Fiction.
And which one won Best Picture?
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2004 is pretty awful so far with the exception of a few titles - Eternal Sunshine, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Before Sunset, Spider-Man 2, um... did anything else good come out so far this year? Collateral was okay. Um...
I haven't seen Garden State, but it seems like it could well be a respectable addition to that particular little pantheon.
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i've seen i like a bajillion times, but shawshank redempion still gets me misty eyed.
you know what would have been awaseom?
if Roast Beef had gone to the Clerks store to get the unmentionables.
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Also ten years this year: Shawshank Redemption, Natural Born Killers, Forrest Gump, and Pulp Fiction.
And which one won Best Picture?
The wrong one: Forrest Gump.
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Man, Bozack? You are rad. Rad.
And yeah, I have to agree with others -- Beef's sheer paranoia makes the strip. I especially like "Titty-Buxx" because, shit, now Beef is having to invent feminine products that will embarrass him.
If I may ask the guys of the board a question -- what precisely is so mortifying to guys about purchasing feminine products? I'm not questioning your right to be mortified, just its roots. For women, it's mortifying because you're basically saying either that it's That Time or that you've somehow managed to run out between Times, which implies unsavory activities; what's the deal for men, though? The worst it would appear to say to me is "I live with a Lady and am courteous enough to purchase several necessary supplies for the Lady."
The fear that people may think you are buying the products for yourself.
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If I may ask the guys of the board a question -- what precisely is so mortifying to guys about purchasing feminine products?
The fear that people may think you are buying the products for yourself.
Er, why would anyone think this? I suppose it's possible for really androgynous-looking guys, but why would a normally male-looking guy be afraid of people thinking he needs tampons? Is this some sort of perversity to which I have heretofore not been aware?
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We males are subject to our own gender-based forms of irrationality. This is a symptom.
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Er, why would anyone think this? I suppose it's possible for really androgynous-looking guys, but why would a normally male-looking guy be afraid of people thinking he needs tampons? Is this some sort of perversity to which I have heretofore not been aware?
Actually in sports it's not uncommon to cram them up one's nose. In wrestling the trainers would cut them down to a half inch and pop them in so we could finish a match.
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Er, why would anyone think this? I suppose it's possible for really androgynous-looking guys, but why would a normally male-looking guy be afraid of people thinking he needs tampons? Is this some sort of perversity to which I have heretofore not been aware?
Actually in sports it's not uncommon to cram them up one's nose. In wrestling the trainers would cut them down to a half inch and pop them in so we could finish a match.
Huh. That makes a certain level of sense, at least, although I don't see what's so embarrassing about such... ah, I'll just write it off as a Thing Woman Was Not Meant to Know.
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Huh. That makes a certain level of sense, at least, although I don't see what's so embarrassing about such... ah, I'll just write it off as a Thing Woman Was Not Meant to Know.
pantyhose material, ie the material that panythouse are made out of, is the single greatest thing i've found to get loose fiberglass off of the skin after working in ceilings, etc.
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pantyhose material, ie the material that panythouse are made out of, is the single greatest thing i've found to get loose fiberglass off of the skin after working in ceilings, etc.
I Can't Believe It's Not Nice Pete's Blog™
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Huh. That makes a certain level of sense, at least, although I don't see what's so embarrassing about such... ah, I'll just write it off as a Thing Woman Was Not Meant to Know.
pantyhose material, ie the material that panythouse are made out of, is the single greatest thing i've found to get loose fiberglass off of the skin after working in ceilings, etc.
Thanks, Norm. Any suggestions on removing flooring glue from one's skin?
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The skin will grow back, Aug...just give a good yank and staunch the flow with a maxi pad if your man enough.
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Huh. That makes a certain level of sense, at least, although I don't see what's so embarrassing about such... ah, I'll just write it off as a Thing Woman Was Not Meant to Know.
pantyhose material, ie the material that panythouse are made out of, is the single greatest thing i've found to get loose fiberglass off of the skin after working in ceilings, etc.
Thanks, Norm. Any suggestions on removing flooring glue from one's skin?
well bawb, i'd have to agree with alohadawg on this one.
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Thanks, Norm. Any suggestions on removing flooring glue from one's skin?
Nail Polish Remover - it's just Acetone, but it even manages to keep with the feminine product theme. It might even work, too.
Be sure to flush liberally with clean water when you're done.