The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Trivial Pursuits => Wild Card => Topic started by: Bozack on September 16, 2004, 05:07:28 am
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Sperm donors wanted, healthy males between 18-39, earn up to $150 a week, call 555 779 3988.
Sigh. I really DO want a skateboard. Should I do it? And what's the worst thing you've done for money?
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How much sperm are we talking about for $150 a week?
I mean, a few samples, no problem.
40 Gallons - there may be trouble.
Heck, I'm a healthy male between 18 and 39. I'm going to be "manufacturing" anyway - may as well get paid for it, right?
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This never occured to me before (perhaps because I was never unemployed for this long?) - I am awestruck by the terrible injustice of the fact that men can get paid for going into a nice clean room and, um, pleasuring themselves. I mean, I knew that that life wasn't fair for women, but surely this is the last straw.
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Well women can get like $50,000 for egg donation but it's not exactly a pleasurable experience.
I'd do the donation thing if it was a convenient location. Right now I'm considering signing up for those marketing surveys that are always on Craig's List.
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and yet i can't put ona tank top, slink into a bar, lean over to pick up a pack of matches, and have 40-odd "gentlemen" buy me a drink.
indeed, life is full of social inequities.
WHAT ARE THEY DOING WITH THE SPERMS?!?
1- x-files-esque manipulation de la genetica de la "good ol' mother nature".
2- stockpiling for later artificial insemmination. i can't beleive there is THAT much of a demand for sperm such that there are that many eggs and ovas and uteri that ae lonely for the wiggly. plus, if it is for pure baby making and not for 1. (see above), then THEY ARE GETTING BABIES MADE BY MEN WHO NEED "up to $150 a week" which can't possibly be good for the gene pool.
life is frightening.
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THEY ARE GETTING BABIES MADE BY MEN WHO NEED "up to $150 a week" which can't possibly be good for the gene pool.
To be fair some of them might just really like to spank it and the money is just a side bonus. Getting paid for doing what you love and all.
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THEY ARE GETTING BABIES MADE BY MEN WHO NEED "up to $150 a week" which can't possibly be good for the gene pool.
To be fair some of them might just really like to spank it and the money is just a side bonus. Getting paid for doing what you love and all.
MY DADDY LOVED TO MASTURBATE SO MUCH THAT'S HOW MOMMA MADE ME!!
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To be fair, I can totally see the whole "if you're going to do it anyway" element of it -- and hey, it's a wholly renewable resource. I would consider egg donation if eggs were as renewable or as, er, easy to extract as sperm is. (If they were, of course, it would be "up to $150" and not $50K, but hey.)
Anyway, I think the deal with the massive quantities is that those who are interested in artificial insemination want a choice in just who the insemination originated from, and the best way to do this is to build a significant pool of possible donors. As I understand it, most of the stuff will never actually be used to fertilize an egg, but it's there in case anyone comes in and wants a father with your traits.
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Plus sperm banks make dandy locations for off-color jokes. Often featuring the phrase "drinking on the job"
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They took one look at me and offered me $1500 a shot.
I guess some sperm is more in-demand than others.
Oh, and if you tell them you have arthritic hands they will send in someone to "extract" it for you.
Bling!
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I would consider egg donation if eggs were as renewable or as, er, easy to extract as sperm is.
I only recently found out they used surgery for this; I previously assumed it had involved some very gentle, very long needlenosed pliers or something.
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Yeah, all social iniquities aside, it must suck being a woman, if only for the plumbing issues.
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and yet i can't put ona tank top, slink into a bar, lean over to pick up a pack of matches, and have 40-odd "gentlemen" buy me a drink.
Yeah, and like this is so great that it makes up for - no, no, I'm stopping right now. Ark, normally I think you are cute, but please don't get me going any farther on gender inequalities in my present state of mind.
Not only do you need surgery to get egg donations, the woman needs to take drugs.
Despite the unfairness of it all, I don't really think there's any danger to the gene pool that sperm donations come from guys who need money. Surely lots of decent, and maybe even later highly successful, guys, go through a period in which they can't afford a skateboard, right? And I'm not sure we could continue the species if we excluded men who like to masturbate from reproducing.
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And I'm not sure we could continue the species if we excluded men who like to masturbate from reproducing.
Hey, for us it's Doctor Recommended! Keeping the plumbing clean and moving helps prevent prostate problems and such.
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First and foremost i want to make it perfectly clear that contrary to any comments i may have made in this forum or elsewhere or any interpretations of said comments, that i would definitely masturbate for money. into a cup. to have horrid genetic manipulations done to my dna in an effort to create a new race of beings so near-sighted that their eyes actually become black-holes and the entirety of the cosmos is threatened. but i digress.
and yet i can't put ona tank top, slink into a bar, lean over to pick up a pack of matches, and have 40-odd "gentlemen" buy me a drink.
Yeah, and like this is so great that it makes up for - no, no, I'm stopping right now. Ark, normally I think you are cute, but please don't get me going any farther on gender inequalities in my present state of mind.
Not only do you need surgery to get egg donations, the woman needs to take drugs.
Despite the unfairness of it all, I don't really think there's any danger to the gene pool that sperm donations come from guys who need money. Surely lots of decent, and maybe even later highly successful, guys, go through a period in which they can't afford a skateboard, right? And I'm not sure we could continue the species if we excluded men who like to masturbate from reproducing.
i tend to _try_ to veer into the absurd when countering points in which i think the other party is particularly sensitive too, in an effort to not step on toes or whatnot.
and while i do not wish to antagonize you in your current state of mind, nor do i wish to antagonize you in _ANY_ state of mind. kevbob is friend to all small children.
however, i have to say this:
everyone is not equal. nor, in my opinion, should they be.
also: the individuals define the group, the group does not define the indivuals. yet, the perception is often the opposite.
inequities based on faulty perception piss me off, too.
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to me, comparing male sperm donation to female egg donation is akin to comparing taking off your hat to removing an anuerism from a brain. while they both involve similar areas of the body, the complexities of the one make the simplicity of the other laughable.
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inre: excluding masturbaters from society.
my vague point was more about the notion of the sperm clinic keeping an eye on who's was whats, rather than there being no good mastrubaters to choose from.
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There are two sorts of people in the world: People who admit they masturbate and liars.
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There are two sorts of people in the world: People who admit they masturbate and liars.
John Ashcroft does not masterbate.
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Then Pedro must be the liar!
Masturbating liar, you.
I lie to myself <while> masturbating. Makes it seem so real.
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I lie to myself <while> masturbating. Makes it seem so real.
Basically, that's what masturbation is. You're telling your limbic system that you're actually locked in hot, sweaty coitus, when you're actually rubbing one off, alone, while your roomate's in the shower.
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I lie to myself <while> masturbating. Makes it seem so real.
So you're saying that you sit on your hand so that it feels like somebody else is doing it?
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I lie to myself <while> masturbating. Makes it seem so real.
oh my. oh my goodness.
must... resist... temptation....
edit- what the hell, i just turned LIE BOT with this post, so i'll say it:
woke up on the wrong side of misogyny this morning?
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I lie to myself <while> masturbating. Makes it seem so real.
So you're saying that you sit on your hand so that it feels like somebody else is doing it?
Maybe I'm sitting on my <other> hand <while> I do it.
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So you're saying that you sit on your hand so that it feels like somebody else is doing it?
The Stranger!
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The Stranger I can basically grok -- it's the Roommate that kind of confuses me, unless you're naturally, er, a very giving person.
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People. I am one hundred percent w/ you all on the whole pro-masturbation thing, and I salute your ardor. BUT THIS SHIT IS SERIOUSLY NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS COMPLICATED
Let me quote something I found on the internet after a rigorous Google search lasting approximately forty-five seconds: "'SPEAKER THE DEVIL' Get a small speaker — with a power handling of about 20 watts. Feed it a sound source and boost the bass. The speaker cone will get some good vibrations going, so put your c*ck on the speaker cone."
You are not starring in your own kung fu movie. No one is expecting exciting new techniques like "The Stranger", "The Roommate", "Pheasant Under Glass", and "Speaker The Devil". All of these techniques have the same end result: thirty seconds afterward, you are wondering why you ever went to so much goddamned trouble.
Oh, and John Ashcroft totally spanks it. To what, however, one can only wonder / speculate / cringe / forge that Viagra prescription. If he relies upon freely available, substandard porn (as opposed to paying for / stealing it), I can totally see why he's such an uptight, frustrated individual.
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terrifying masturbation techniques he may or may not be making up
I have no firsthand experience (ba-dum!) with the male side of this question, but I find the phrase "put your c*ck on the speaker cone" extremely troubling in implication. It seems like even the most positive outcome (npi) involves possible speaker damage.
(note to self: do not post at 1 AM on the subject of dubious masturbatory techniques. The unintentional puns just keep on c... no, don't say it... aagh!!)
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"Pheasant Under Glass"
??????
Oh, and John Ashcroft totally spanks it. To what, however, one can only wonder / speculate / cringe / forge that Viagra prescription. If he relies upon freely available, substandard porn (as opposed to paying for / stealing it), I can totally see why he's such an uptight, frustrated individual.
Well thank you very much. Now I'm forced to speculate over what type of porn John Ashcroft beats off to. Such a deeply revealing inquiry...
I'd say he goes for one extreme or the other. Either utterly bland soft-core airbrushed Hefneresque pap or something that makes Tubgirl look tame. That's assuming he's looking at females. But yeah, anybody that repressed is downright scary.
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You are not starring in your own kung fu movie. No one is expecting exciting new techniques like "The Stranger", "The Roommate", "Pheasant Under Glass", and "Speaker The Devil". All of these techniques have the same end result: thirty seconds afterward, you are wondering why you ever went to so much goddamned trouble.
I love Zartan and this messageboard. I can't remember what my life was like before it, but it must have been so dull and pointless.
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It seems like even the most positive outcome (npi) involves possible speaker damage.
Yeah, exactly. That was the part I had trouble understanding... some people just have no respect for stereo equipment.
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I actually must come down in favor of people living their lives as if they were starring in their own kung fu movie and, by extension, the creation of Unique Secret Masturbational Arts. These may not be techniques I would ever consider using, but I fully support the Sixteen Masters Of Flying Dragon Cuff lifestyle.
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These may not be techniques I would ever consider using, but I fully support the Sixteen Masters Of Flying Dragon Cuff lifestyle.
Shine on, you craaaaaazy diamond
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UPDATE: I've got an appointment next Thursday morning, where they meet me, give me the once over and get a sample; 2 days later, they'll call me to tell me if they want me or not. Why do I feel like I'm going to the prom?
Essentially, it works out to about $100 a week for 2 visits; I could do three, but I'd kind of like to, you know. Have a girlfriend or something, and they want you to space all emissions out by 2 days. Apparently I can just run up there any time during business hours, bust one, and get the cash. It's like I'm printing money, but with my c*ck.
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God dammit do I have to find a place like this in Arlington. I signed up for a couple of those market test-groups through Craig's List but haven't heard back yet.
And I really enjoying being the guy who fucks up their numbers since I don't drink beer, watch sports, or read Maxim.
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God dammit do I have to find a place like this in Arlington. I signed up for a couple of those market test-groups through Craig's List but haven't heard back yet.
And I really enjoying being the guy who fucks up their numbers since I don't drink beer, watch sports, or read Maxim.
I don't think Bozack is participating in a focus group. It's more, uh, Bozack-related.
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God dammit do I have to find a place like this in Arlington. I signed up for a couple of those market test-groups through Craig's List but haven't heard back yet.
And I really enjoying being the guy who fucks up their numbers since I don't drink beer, watch sports, or read Maxim.
I don't think Bozack is participating in a focus group. It's more, uh, Bozack-related.
I meant that since I can't find a donation center that I was looking into the focus groups as an alternative way to get money without working. Unless maybe the focus group turned out to be sponsored by Vivid Video or something.
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A hundred bucks would not nearly be enough money to compensate for having to live with the terrifying thought that somewhere, in some way, I am a father.
PLUS I GOT DEPRESSION
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I did this when I was in college, but right after having completed the initial screenings I started dating a long time crush. The required two-day spacing was not worth the $100/week.
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Two days spacing before they'll let you "donate" again is a problem for you?
Man, I'm ready again in about ten minutes. Do I have some kind of Super Cock ™ or something?
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No, they wanted you to donate twice a week, but you could not make a stinker for two days before your donation. So that's four days a week where your ejaculation belongs exclusively to the Clinic, which left only three days a week for the girlfriend.
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Oh.
Fuck that, then. That's not worth $100.
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A hundred bucks would not nearly be enough money to compensate for having to live with the terrifying thought that somewhere, in some way, I am a father.
PLUS I GOT DEPRESSION
See now I'm adopted myself and the SO and I are not breeders so I won't have any real kids. So I find it pretty poetic that I received my genes anonymously and could potentially pass them on to another generation anonymously.
I have a fucked up family tree already, let's fuck it up some more!