The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: Noah on March 01, 2005, 11:30:05 am
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holy shit
will ray need an exorcist ?
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I think he'll have a bigger hit than Friendship Lane with this one.
~Paul
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Well, Gary Larson did show us that Hell is full of banjos.
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Good thing Beef buried his shirt when he did.
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Well, Gary Larson did show us that Hell is full of banjos.
I thought that was accordians.
Maybe Ray needs to take another trip to Friendly's
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DEVIL RAY!!!
Just when I thought that my crush on a cartoon cat couldn't get more intense...
DEVIL RAY!!!!!
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DEVIL RAY!!!
Just when I thought that my crush on a cartoon cat couldn't get more intense...
DEVIL RAY!!!!!
(http://tampabay.devilrays.mlb.com/images/2004/05/19/Wy8r7ofg.jpg)
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I love the fact that the blackness behind Ray in his Devil Panel is briefly explained diagetically by the Clapper going off (even though Ray doesn't actually have one). I do love playing with the line of diagesis and non-diagesis.
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Gary Larson?
GARY LARSON!!
Eff that guy!
His non-internet policy has angered me to the extent of thinking he's no longer funny, even though he is funny.
See, another reason for my sig.
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We could see how his head got all deviled out. What happened to his thong?
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I really like the fact that his Satanic exclaimation is AIGHTTTT!??
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Looks like the banjo is Satan related then. Only instead of going to hell again, we'll get to see Ray as a demon. Awesome.
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diagesis and non-diagesis.
I learned these terms during a film class at summer camp and they always make me feel smart. Especially when a director messes with it.
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Perhaps his contract has come to term.
I also love Teodor's slow burn as he waits for Ray. I don't think Gleason could have done better here.
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also love Teodor's slow burn as he waits for Ray. I don't think Gleason could have done better here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!!!
Wasn't it you who was asking for a little perspective (http://achewood.plagiarist.com/viewtopic.php?p=35062#35062) just a couple of days ago?
Teodor is good, but he's not The Great One. (http://www.honeymooners.net/ralph.htm)
(http://media.bestprices.com/content/dvd/20/229426.jpg)
~Paul
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We could see how his head got all deviled out. What happened to his thong?
He's trying something different, for a change.
I assume that he's wearing a shirt (and presumably ##### as well) (possibly 20 foot long #####? who knows) to be more family-friendly. His attire is reflective of his music.
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yeah, I think the banjo is like a replacement for the piano. When you make a deal like that I think you sort of get stuck with your benefit, and by newtonian fatalist irony, it becomes the end of the bargain you are expected to pay out. Ray isnt really even aware of the contract, so I think the banjo is just going to take on all aspects of the piano until he gets sick of it, like everything else he does. The banjo is a much more devilish instrument, anyway.
Has anyone heard "the wind and the rain" by the jerry garcia band? Its a good banjo song.
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I wonder if Chris ever gets pissed off because someone correctly guesses the next step in a story arc, and as a result he has to think of something totally different just so that no one gets the Satisfaction.
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I wonder if Chris ever gets pissed off because someone correctly guesses the next step in a story arc, and as a result he has to think of something totally different just so that no one gets the Satisfaction.
Are you kidding? He peruses this board for ideas.
~Paul
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The banjo is a much more devilish instrument, anyway.
Yes, but only the FIDDLE is the true musical weapon of the Prince of Darkness.
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ehm...
whats a clapper?
sorry
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whats a clapper?
It's a device you attach to your lights enabling you to turn them on or off with the clap of your hands.
The Clapper!! (http://www.youcansave.com/clap.asp)
Are we Google now?
~Paul
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Are we Google now?
I wish I hadn't done that. I didn't want to know This (http://www.meddean.luc.edu/lumen/MedEd/urology/bellclap.htm).
~Paul
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ehm...
whats a clapper?
sorry
Is it like the clap?
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Are we Google now?
I wish I hadn't done that. I didn't want to know This (http://www.meddean.luc.edu/lumen/MedEd/urology/bellclap.htm).
Yikes! That's what that is called. Happened to a friend in high school. He said it was like getting kicked in the balls repeatedly until the doctor was able to make it normal again.
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Ow... ow ow ow.
I'd sure like to know what the hell kind of psychological thing makes it so that any casual mention of testicular discomfort makes EVERY MAN who hears it start to hurt. I had to stop reading; it'll be five minutes before I can get out of the chair.
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I wish I hadn't done that. I didn't want to know This (http://www.meddean.luc.edu/lumen/MedEd/urology/bellclap.htm).
Holy JESUS I am glad I don't have those so I don't have to think about that.
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I'd sure like to know what the hell kind of psychological thing makes it so that any casual mention of testicular discomfort makes EVERY MAN who hears it start to hurt. I had to stop reading; it'll be five minutes before I can get out of the chair.
Maybe it has some kind of evolutionary explanation along the lines of since the testes are the things which make it possible to reproduce but are also just hanging there, so so vulnerable, they need to be protected. Their extreme sensitivity to pain, which can be triggerred without even being touched, remind us that we need to protect them if we want to carry on our genetic line (which, biologically, we all want to do).
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Well, Gary Larson did show us that Hell is full of banjos.
I thought that was accordians.
Actually, they've done both. Banjos were used in the "Conductors in Hell" cartoon, and accordians wre passed out indiscriminately to newbies "Welcome to Hell! Here's your accordian!"
I would've imagined bagpipes as Satan's instrument of choice personally.
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Everything I know about the subject, I learned here (http://www.scrotalsafetycommission.com/).
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Scrotal Safety[/i]"]Due to the aggressive nature of tiny, uncontrollable legs -- baby-sitting may not be a solid career choice for those of you with "fragile scrotums". Sadly, new fathers may not be able to avoid the willy-nilly, groin-magnets that a baby's feet often are. In a case such as this, heavy padding and a generous application of expanding foam (available at your local hardware supplier) will help protect your region.
Amen. Thank God I don't have a fragile scrotum. I think it's the age of about 1 1/2 - 2 that the little legs are calibrated to the father's nuts.
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I wish I hadn't done that.
I did the same! Fortunately I realised before I clicked the link what it actually was, but goddamn you google!
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Maybe it has some kind of evolutionary explanation along the lines of since the testes are the things which make it possible to reproduce but are also just hanging there, so so vulnerable, they need to be protected. Their extreme sensitivity to pain, which can be triggerred without even being touched, remind us that we need to protect them if we want to carry on our genetic line (which, biologically, we all want to do).
Thinking back to JL's childbirth description post, which I am too lazy to link to... I like to think that the explanation is that it's only fair to even things out in the reproductive-related pain department.
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Maybe it has some kind of evolutionary explanation along the lines of since the testes are the things which make it possible to reproduce but are also just hanging there, so so vulnerable, they need to be protected. Their extreme sensitivity to pain, which can be triggerred without even being touched, remind us that we need to protect them if we want to carry on our genetic line (which, biologically, we all want to do).
Thinking back to JL's childbirth description post, which I am too lazy to link to... I like to think that the explanation is that it's only fair to even things out in the reproductive-related pain department.
Testicular pain is bad, I'm sure it's not that bad.
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Testicular pain is bad, I'm sure it's not that bad.
i'm sure childbirth hurts more in the long run, but i bet a serious blow to the testicles hurts more than pretty much anything. and it's not just the amount of pain, it's the type of pain. it's like you completely panic and you know that something is wrong.
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it's like you completely panic and you know that something is wrong.
Indeed, while I have avoided it for the majority of my life, it happens, and just thinking about it brings the phrase 'it's bad' to mind. Only in a Dustin Hoffman, Rainman type voice.
It's kind of like how when you get hit in the nose in the right place, you taste metal and can't even think coherently for a few seconds, only worse and for longer. So, so, so much worse.
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Testicular pain is bad, I'm sure it's not that bad.
i'm sure childbirth hurts more in the long run, but i bet a serious blow to the testicles hurts more than pretty much anything. and it's not just the amount of pain, it's the type of pain. it's like you completely panic and you know that something is wrong.
There's also the delay between impact and when it actually hurts. That brief moment of self-delusion where you're all, "maybe it wasn't as bad as I thouuuuuaaaaagh!"
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Testicular pain is bad, I'm sure it's not that bad.
i'm sure childbirth hurts more in the long run, but i bet a serious blow to the testicles hurts more than pretty much anything. and it's not just the amount of pain, it's the type of pain. it's like you completely panic and you know that something is wrong.
There's also the delay between impact and when it actually hurts. That brief moment of self-delusion where you're all, "maybe it wasn't as bad as I thouuuuuaaaaagh!"
indeed. there's nothing quite as demasculating as thinking you are man enough to "walk it off", and as you start to walk it off, you knees go weak, your eyes tear spontansously, and you fall over.
there is no way "i meant to do that" is going to cut it when you are laying on the ground crying.
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My first serious Swift Kick To The Nuts was in the 7th grade, in my gifted class. We had just put on two HORRIBLE shows of "A Christmas Carol" - bad to the point where the teacher felt the need to apologize to some of the classes that came to see it. After the show, as we were moving props and such back to the classroom, something was said, probably by me although I can't remember for sure, and next thing I know, the foot of Alneader Kenner (who I remember SOLELY for this action) made contact with me. I remember dropping to my knees, making DAMN SURE not to cry, and taking a good ten minutes to get up off the floor. It was only then that I knew - men may be the physically stronger gender in general, but we have A Weakness.
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There was a movie where someone got kicked in the bozack and he said "That's gonna hurt." which is pretty accurate. It's too stunning to really hurt right away, but you can feel the inkling of a throb, like a doppler shift - that race car is coming up the track and you know that by the time you hear that high-pitched squeal you're going to be the one making it.
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My first serious Swift Kick To The Nuts was in the 7th grade, in my gifted class. We had just put on two HORRIBLE shows of "A Christmas Carol" - bad to the point where the teacher felt the need to apologize to some of the classes that came to see it. After the show, as we were moving props and such back to the classroom, something was said, probably by me although I can't remember for sure, and next thing I know, the foot of Alneader Kenner (who I remember SOLELY for this action) made contact with me. I remember dropping to my knees, making DAMN SURE not to cry, and taking a good ten minutes to get up off the floor. It was only then that I knew - men may be the physically stronger gender in general, but we have A Weakness.
I remember mine too. 5th grade. Brian Porter. Motherfucker. It was a knee to the balls. And it's not like you can do anything back, at least not right away, and you definitely can't tell on the bastard.
Also, even a soft hit to the area is bad. It brings about this dull ache, almost a stomach ache.
Goddamn why didn't nature build us better?
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Nature just wanted us to know how precious our balls are, man.
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I guess all of us have a story...
I was about 11 or 12. I was at the Lake Malone Inn, a "Resort" that is now owned by the Everly Brothers, but at that time was brand spanking new. They had a piece of playground equipment that was (supposedly) shaped like a caterpillar. It had a runged tail section connected to a runged circular loop section connected to a runged head section.
It was time to go home. We had a 45 minute drive to get home. Dad was calling. I was hanging from the topmost rung of the loop section. I let go.
WHAM! The rung below struck me squarely in the groin.
I could not breathe properly for three solid hours. I wonder if I've been the same since.
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God. Third fuck*ng grade. Street hocket in gym. I was goalie. A slapshot with one of those tiny, steel-hard rubber balls we used in lieu of pucks. Straight to the Mean Bean Machine.
GOD!
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My name is Turbo Ninja and I have been kneed in the ballsack. I was in sixth grade. I don't remember the context of the action, like if it was provoked or not, but one Brian Perkins grabbed me squarely by the shoulders and planted a solid knee shot in my vault.
I crumbled to the ground and suppressed tears as Brian quickly backed away, saying "I didn't do it that hard." I think he was feeling guilt at what he had done but, more than that, he was also realizing just how vulnerable to attack his own junk was.
I missed two days of school after that.
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I can't actually remember any occasion in which I got hit in the balls. I know I have though, I guess I just deleted it from memory. The only instance I can think of, the guy was trying to be a smartarse and play a trick on me, by kneeing me in the groin. Only he missed and hit my thigh instead. So I killed him.
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My first groin-agony experience was a swing from a baseball bat. This was only one of many deciding factors in my quitting Little League.
However, as an advantage, I never bitched about the pain from dental or medical whatevers, because they did not hurt as badly as being whacked in the groin with a baseball bat.
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I used to wrestle and we had a move called the high crotch. The fireman's carry was also less than comfortable in the groinal region.
Oddly enough when I did stage combat and we practiced contact kicks to the groin I never once got hit in a painful manner.
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Third grade. This girl had, for the reason kids in third grade do anything, brought a nifty new stopwatch to school, and had been wearing it around her neck all day, making a big show out of timing fuck*ng everything. I was intensely fascinated by anything electronic, especially if it was portable and had - ghasp! - LCD, so this was driving me insane.
NO WAIT YOU DON'T SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING HONEST
At recess, I asked her if I could look at it - meaning, as you know, hold it, mess with it, etc. (That would be an excellent sentence to take out of context.) She handed it over and then - I swear this is true - immediately screamed GIMME BACK MY STOPWATCH. Followed up by the proverbial shot to the fig preserves. WHO TEACHES THIRD GRADE GIRLS TO DO THIS
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I am, frankly, appalled by the number of guys here whose crotch kicks/knees/jabs came at the hands of other guys. This is not right, people. That is definitely Out Of Bounds Behavior.
Stop the man-on-man violence!
THIS IS WHY SOCIETY IS FUCKED.
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I am, frankly, appalled by the number of guys here whose crotch kicks/knees/jabs came at the hands of other guys. This is not right, people. That is definitely Out Of Bounds Behavior.
Stop the man-on-man violence!
THIS IS WHY SOCIETY IS FUCKED.
What world do we live in where a thread can be taken to three pages on the subject of men's gonads being forcibly struck.
CLOSE THIS THREAD IN THE NAME OF MERCY.
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What world do we live in where a thread can be taken to three pages on the subject of men's gonads being forcibly struck.
CLOSE THIS THREAD IN THE NAME OF MERCY.
You've got a point Bobby. If you mention Chinese food in Greenland you get booted with extrememe predjudice, but the crushed gonad talk gets a free pass. Meanwhile V watches with the hint of a smile as each new horror story appears.
~Paul
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What world do we live in where a thread can be taken to three pages on the subject of men's gonads being forcibly struck.
CLOSE THIS THREAD IN THE NAME OF MERCY.
You've got a point Bobby. If you mention Chinese food in Greenland you get booted with extrememe predjudice, but the crushed gonad talk gets a free pass. Meanwhile V watches with the hint of a smile as each new horror story appears.
~Paul
Maybe she is organizing her own trip, not to Greenland, but to crush men's nuts.
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God. Third fuck*ng grade. Street hocket in gym. I was goalie. A slapshot with one of those tiny, steel-hard rubber balls we used in lieu of pucks. Straight to the Mean Bean Machine.
GOD!
This reminds me distinctly of taking at least one lacrosse ball to the decolletage during eighth-grade gym. (Who lets eighth-graders play lacrosse, anyway? Jesus Christ.) That said, entirely different worlds of pain, right there.
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I actually nutted myself with a really big stick (the broken-off handle of a shovel) trying to move a gigantic rock once. This was the moment I discovered that the moment preceding the freight train of agony has a soundtrack.
It is not a good soundtrack.
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What world do we live in where a thread can be taken to three pages on the subject of men's gonads being forcibly struck.
CLOSE THIS THREAD IN THE NAME OF MERCY.
You've got a point Bobby. If you mention Chinese food in Greenland you get booted with extrememe predjudice, but the crushed gonad talk gets a free pass. Meanwhile V watches with the hint of a smile as each new horror story appears.
~Paul
On a serious modly note: This thread is old enough that I don't really care. The Greenland thing hit immediately, the day of the strip being posted, whereas nobody cares to still talk about this strip. So!
Also, there is still a part of me that sort of finds racking funny. Not a big part, and it stopped aging at about 14 anna half, but it's there. (And reminded of the first real-life racking I observed -- when one of the guys I played AD&D with disapproved of the DM's plot twist and responded with swift gonad justice. Way to end a game in its tracks.)
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swift gonad justice.
I am totally stealing this phrase. Damn that's good.
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Stop the man-on-man violence!
THIS IS WHY SOCIETY IS FUCKED.
Preach it, Brother Haus!
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The worst nutting of my life, I was about 27. Sure I've been kicked, kneed and headbutted, treed and bicycle-posted in the yarbles plenty of times. This was the worst, though.
There was a place on the West Side of Cleveland we used to go to with our softball team for batting cages. I was the token breeder in a gay league on the West Side since at the time, I was working in the STD/HIV program and I knew a lot of gay guys back then. Anyhow, they also had this thing called a fielding cage. You put the money in and go in the cage and random red-hot grounders and one-hoppers come shooting out of the machine at you. There were targets you could try to throw to on the edges of the cage. You can guess what happens next. A red hot one-hopper hits the ground right between my feet and bounces straight up. A MISSILE to both nuts. I honestly thought I was going to throw a blood clot to my brain die right then.
There's this weird silence between when the ball hits and when the alarms in your nuts go off, like your head is inside of a conch shell the size of a phone booth. Then there's this whitehot light that sears through the brain.
Then the silent, internal scream as your knees give out and you fall with your hands cupping the remains of your shattered organs. I actually looked in my #####es for blood. I rolled around for about 5 minutes trying to dodge the rest of the redhot grounders. It probably looked pretty funny. It wasn't. There were many offers for massages from my teammates. I gutted it out, though.
Anyhow, I was actually surprised when we got pregnant with Rebecca because I actually was worried that that injury destroyed the boys. That was my last serious nutting, since then I've received the pediatric nutting several times.
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Anyhow, I was actually surprised when we got pregnant with Rebecca because I actually was worried that that injury destroyed the boys. That was my last serious nutting, since then I've received the pediatric nutting several times.
I am moderately surprised at how many of the guys who suffered severe nardo injuries have since managed to beget children, yes. Guess y'all just have incredible powers of fertility above and beyond the ken of mortal (wo)man.
Other fascinating byproduct of this thread: the remarkable number of synonyms for "getting hit in the nuts" at play here. "Nutting" is an entirely new one on me.
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Other fascinating byproduct of this thread: the remarkable number of synonyms for "getting hit in the nuts" at play here. "Nutting" is an entirely new one on me.
I think that one is original. Did we invent a new word in this thread?
~Paul
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Anyhow, I was actually surprised when we got pregnant with Rebecca because I actually was worried that that injury destroyed the boys. That was my last serious nutting, since then I've received the pediatric nutting several times.
I am moderately surprised at how many of the guys who suffered severe nardo injuries have since managed to beget children, yes. Guess y'all just have incredible powers of fertility above and beyond the ken of mortal (wo)man.
The pain sensitivity on cojones is high enough that an injury that is not groin-fatal will definitely feel like it should be. This is so that the person is terrified out of risking injuries that are actually groin-fatal. It's a twisted defense mechanism based on Pavlovian conditioning over the course of generations: Reproduction = Happy, Risking Loss Of Reproductive Function = Oh God I Will Never Do Anything Shaped Like That Again.
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Other fascinating byproduct of this thread: the remarkable number of synonyms for "getting hit in the nuts" at play here. "Nutting" is an entirely new one on me.
I think that one is original. Did we invent a new word in this thread?
~Paul
Good enough. Please close the thread, my stones are aching just reading this thread.
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Other fascinating byproduct of this thread: the remarkable number of synonyms for "getting hit in the nuts" at play here. "Nutting" is an entirely new one on me.
I think that one is original. Did we invent a new word in this thread?
~Paul
I had always heard "nutting" used in the sense of ejaculation, typically as the result of a handjob - either self-inflicted or given by someone else.
It is a reflection of our society that we have so many ways to refer to getting bean-balled. Like the Eskimo and their 243 words for "snow" or whatever. I call once again on everyone... put your boots, knees, sticks and whatnot down. Future generations are counting on us.
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There's one term I know, stolen from MST3K- "right in the buffalo shot," or "getting the buffalo shot."