The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Trivial Pursuits => Arts & Entertainment => Topic started by: Nabubrush on March 19, 2005, 07:53:58 pm
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I didn't realize that DC comics actually acknowledged it (http://www.superdickery.com/dick/15.html) at one point. Apologies if you've seen it before.
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Superman says:
YOU can slap a Jap!
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Saw this (much of the site) a couple months ago at a different domain; my favorite is Lois wearing a lead box over her head. Why, when there's a Super Man with X-Ray Vision, wouldn't there be a Lead Box Vendor proclaiming "Privacy Rights Above Super Heroes!"? It's just perfect. It's postmodern without realizing it.
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My favourite is Superman punching Wonder Woman in the back of the head.
KLUDD:
(http://www.superdickery.com/images/dick/bitchpunch1a.jpg)
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In Lois and Lana's defense...
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v602/bensanaz/issue53-secretidentityha.jpg)
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Thanks Nabu - this link totally brightened my day. What a dick!
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You're welcome, s_s. Also, Ben-San, I can just envision Superman flying in and saying "Clark just walked into a door; it'll be a minute before he gets here."
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You're welcome, s_s. Also, Ben-San, I can just envision Superman flying in and saying "Clark just walked into a door; it'll be a minute before he gets here."
He doesn't even try as hard as that sometimes. (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v602/bensanaz/issue72-spongehead.jpg)
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You're welcome, s_s. Also, Ben-San, I can just envision Superman flying in and saying "Clark just walked into a door; it'll be a minute before he gets here."
He doesn't even try as hard as that sometimes. (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v602/bensanaz/issue72-spongehead.jpg)
Oh hell no. That is cold.
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I think that Superman's interest in the whole "secret identity" thing is tempered by the following facts: he is INVINCIBLE, and doesn't really give two shits about anybody around him (http://www.superdickery.com/dick/3.html). Like, Spiderman has a hot girlfriend and an aunt, so if someone finds out who he actually is, they could kill them. From those comics, it appears that Superman views those around him as little more than pawns.
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I always wondered what Lois would look like shortly after being 'Superfucked" by the member of steel. I would think that there wouldn't be much left, or that if she was riding him the ejaculation would send her through 3 sets of floors and ceilings going up.
That would make for a funny bit of video.
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That would make for a funny bit of video.
I've seen something like that, but it was Popeye, not Superman. The joke is the same though.
~Paul
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You're welcome, s_s. Also, Ben-San, I can just envision Superman flying in and saying "Clark just walked into a door; it'll be a minute before he gets here."
He doesn't even try as hard as that sometimes. (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v602/bensanaz/issue72-spongehead.jpg)
Oh hell no. That is cold.
I'm a bit concerned as to where Superman got a skeleton.
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You're welcome, s_s. Also, Ben-San, I can just envision Superman flying in and saying "Clark just walked into a door; it'll be a minute before he gets here."
He doesn't even try as hard as that sometimes. (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v602/bensanaz/issue72-spongehead.jpg)
Oh hell no. That is cold.
I'm a bit concerned as to where Superman got a skeleton.
Judging from the other comments, he probably just tore it clean out of somebody's meat-sack.
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You're welcome, s_s. Also, Ben-San, I can just envision Superman flying in and saying "Clark just walked into a door; it'll be a minute before he gets here."
He doesn't even try as hard as that sometimes. (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v602/bensanaz/issue72-spongehead.jpg)
Oh hell no. That is cold.
I'm a bit concerned as to where Superman got a skeleton.
From the sea floor. (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v602/bensanaz/issue72-pirateskeleton.jpg)
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I always wondered what Lois would look like shortly after being 'Superfucked" by the member of steel. I would think that there wouldn't be much left, or that if she was riding him the ejaculation would send her through 3 sets of floors and ceilings going up.
That would make for a funny bit of video.
He would need a kryponite condom. But that would kill him.
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I always wondered what Lois would look like shortly after being 'Superfucked" by the member of steel. I would think that there wouldn't be much left, or that if she was riding him the ejaculation would send her through 3 sets of floors and ceilings going up.
That would make for a funny bit of video.
He would need a kryponite condom. But that would kill him.
Well, what about the Flash? It'd be fine until his girlfriend burst into flame.
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The Superman/Lois problem is addressed in Larry Niven's essay "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex", questioning how the blood line of the House of El could be carried on. The problems are more or less fourfold.
1: Superman is really, really strong (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v602/bensanaz/adventure329-getbusy.jpg) and can easily break anything if not careful. He would have to have control during sex approximately equivalent to a human handling a cellophane baggie full of Jell-O.
2: Each individual cell of his body is also really, really strong (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v602/bensanaz/antibodies.jpg). This is handy when, say, fighting off diseases or microscopic supervillains, but causes trouble when thousands of sperm cells all want to impregnate the same non-invulnerable egg. Pow.
3: Kryptonian infants? Also super. (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v602/bensanaz/superbaby.jpg) If fertilization is managed, one kick in the womb and we have an Aliens-esque situation.
4: Superman may not swing that way (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v602/bensanaz/superboy98-xraycheckout.jpg), but this is only speculation and is not addressed in the essay.
Kryptonite is one possible solution to problems 1-3, but somewhat awkward and painful. A more useful notion may be to hold the entire affair on a planet orbiting a red sun, where Kryptonians have no superpowers. The other option is for him to have an equally powerful partner. Wonder Woman is a top candidate; Supergirl would be except that she has a 66% chance (depending on who writes that issue) of being his cousin. Magic would also work, but feels like a bit of a cop-out. With regard to #4, there is not much to be done, although it does ease the problem of a sex partner's survival somewhat. (There are many more invulnerable males in the DC Universe than invulnerable females.)
The Flash, when in motion, generates a force field that nullifies friction but allows traction (somehow). He would probably not set his partner on fire but I can't imagine it would be all that great.
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The Flash, when in motion, generates a force field that nullifies friction but allows traction (somehow). He would probably not set his partner on fire but I can't imagine it would be all that great.
I can see where that might be a problem.
Also, it is nice to have an authority around.
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I'd like to offer that I am loving this thread.
~Paul
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This last time home, the wife and I watched Spider-Man 2, and I am thinking about buying her both the movies and some comic books, as it turns out she likes Spider-Man. Sort of a lot, actually. And not just Tobey Maguire (though many people think we look similar). I'm not sure where this came from, because she says that she never really read the comics growing up (she was more into sort of alternative comics). Anyway, Ben-San (and others), any advice on the comic front? I'm not really interested in spending thousands of dollars for early comics that can't actually be enjoyed for fear of damaging them.
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I always wondered what Lois would look like shortly after being 'Superfucked" by the member of steel.
Really? You always wondered about this? Was this an all consuming sort of wondering? I imagine a teen Aloha Dawg, gazing at the clear night sky, plotting out, storyboard by storyboard in his mind, how the semi-exploded Louis Lane, perhaps grasping at her crotch-ular area, with a little SuperCum tm splashing about, would shoot out of the roof of the Daily Planet, building materials flying about, thinking "yes...yes...that's how that would go down. That's exactly how she would look."
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Well, mostly, except I was picturing you, Smells. And my eyes were closed, and going Japanese on me.
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Well, mostly, except I was picturing you, Smells. And my eyes were closed, and going Japanese on me.
...and was I a little cat with a business tie?
(this board has been so dirty lately - I've been so dirty lately. It must be spring fever!)
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You remember Jennifer Beals in flashdance with the little tuxedo outfit? It was more like that.
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I'm strangly complimented by that..........
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I'm just thinking Mallrats.
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Both of you settle down. There are youngsters around here.
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I always wondered what Lois would look like shortly after being 'Superfucked" by the member of steel.
Really? You always wondered about this? Was this an all consuming sort of wondering? I imagine a teen Aloha Dawg, gazing at the clear night sky, plotting out, storyboard by storyboard in his mind, how the semi-exploded Louis Lane, perhaps grasping at her crotch-ular area, with a little SuperCum tm splashing about, would shoot out of the roof of the Daily Planet, building materials flying about, thinking "yes...yes...that's how that would go down. That's exactly how she would look."
Post of the Week!
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Both of you settle down. There are youngsters around here.
It's like watching my high school teachers make out. I LOOKED UP TO YOU!
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Both of you settle down. There are youngsters around here.
It's like watching my high school teachers make out. I LOOKED UP TO YOU!
Well, I just hope that you two are happy. See what you have done? Was it worth it??
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So now that I'm being asked for advice, I'm forced to confess that I pay relatively little attention to the current comics scene because it seems like every time I've tried doing that for the past few years it has turned out to be a bad idea. ("Okay, so Xorn died, but he turned out to be Magneto, but then it turned out it was Xorn's twin brother possessed by a sentient virus pretending to be Magneto pretending to be Xorn. ..back under my rock I go.")
Anyhow, with that said, what I recommend depends on what you're looking for. If you want old Spider-Man cheap, the obvious recommendation is The Essential Spider-Man (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0785109889/qid=1111524579/sr=8-4/ref=pd_csp_4/002-4623737-4999259?v=glance&s=books&n=507846), which is up to about seven or eight volumes, each fifteen bucks for a volume the size of a small phone book full of old Spider-Man reprints in black and white. Be warned, however, that it is not exactly the "essentials" as claimed; the Marvel Essentials tend to start at #1 and then trudge forward, so you get all the filler crap along with the 'essential' material. If this appeals to you, there are also Essentials for Iron Man, X-Men, Captain America, and basically any other license Marvel thinks it can milk bone-dry.
Other than that, what I recommend scattershot-style: I recommend Fables (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1563899426/qid=1111524882/sr=2-5/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_5/002-4623737-4999259) to anyone who will listen. It is an excellent non-superhero comic. Another excellent non-superhero comic, Jeff Smith's "Bone", was recently published in a one-volume edition (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/188896314X/qid=1111525051/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/002-4623737-4999259) compiling what was originally nine volumes of material into a portable and affordable form. For superheroes, my top-of-the-head recommendation is about a decade old: James Robinson's Starman (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1563892480/qid=1111525337/sr=2-2/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_2/002-4623737-4999259), although I think it clocks in at about ten volumes compiled so it may be a bit daunting. Anything with Alan Moore's ABC Comics imprint is probably good but will probably also be kind of weird. And while I haven't read all of it, Brian Vaughan's Ex Machina (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1401206123/qid=1111525593/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/002-4623737-4999259) seemed quite good from what I read of it.
So.. yeah, just some recommendations. I guess the Spider-Man thing was really what the question was about, but it's too late to pretend I'm not a total dork (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v602/bensanaz/selfportrait.jpg) anyway.
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That's some nice use of color, right there. I guess I'll take your Spider-Man advice and just sort of wander around with it. Thanks!
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..oh, and I just suddenly remembered the one big thing I left off the list.
DC's "Greatest (Foo) Stories Ever Told" collections, where (Foo) is a character, team, or descriptor. It's the descriptor ones that are really worth looking into: "Greatest Crossover Stories Ever Told", "Greatest Golden Age Stories Ever Told", and so on. The wonderful thing is that, like Marvel Essentials, the title of the collection is a lie. At least half to three-quarters will be stories that cannot be considered "the greatest" but are entertaining, readable, representative of the subject matter, and often completely batshit insane. (As far as I know, the only extant reprint of the original Slam Bradley (http://www.livejournal.com/community/scans_daily/333837.html) is in Greatest Golden Age Stories.) The other quarter-to-half are genuinely excellent stories (e.g. "The Scarlet Jungle" and "Flash Of Two Earths" in Greatest Crossover Stories). I find this proportion a most palatable blend and highly recommend it to anyone with an interest in comics. I was able to pick up Greatest Fifties Stories for about eight bucks at a used bookstore, but I don't know general availability.
..oh, and there are rumors that certain reckless ruffians scan and distribute copies of comics online that the companies no longer print and refuse to reprint, but.. uh.. I don't know anything about that.
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That reminds me, Ben-San, or anyone...
The Wasteland, a comic by Martin Rowson, I think? Know anything about that? Apparently it's a hardboiled detective story somehow mixed with Eliot's poem. I'm having a tough time finding it. I went into a comic book store and they hadn't even heard of it. I can get it on Amazon, but wanted to look through it first. Or at least hear some good reviews.
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One thing that needs to be mentioned about marvel essentials is that they are not in colour. If that is a problem for you, get out your crayons, or consider the Marvel masterworks collections. They are the same stories, fewer of them but in color and hard covered.
These of course are much more expensive being hard covered but hey they have colour!
I myself have Six of the essential Spider-man books because I don't give a toot about colour. They are pretty great, you get to see the origins of all of Spidey's most heinous enemies. You'll also witness the Death of Gwen Stacy and other monutmental events that shaped spider-man today. It's great and for around the $20 area you have a huge book of comics including annuals that will keep you with something to read for many days.
Spidey doesn't actually have any killer Trade paperbacks out for people to just pick up and get into him. The essentials collections are probably the best way to get to know his history and dig him. You've got a lot of reading ahead of you if you're starting from Amazing Fantasy #15 but it's pretty entertaining as long as you don't mind that ridiculous drama that came in comics in the 50's.
"Oh no! Aunt may is worried about me" "Oh no I've got an ulcer" "Oh no, gwen is spending a lot of time with Flash Thompson"
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Anyhow, with that said, what I recommend depends on what you're looking for. If you want old Spider-Man cheap, the obvious recommendation is The Essential Spider-Man (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0785109889/qid=1111524579/sr=8-4/ref=pd_csp_4/002-4623737-4999259?v=glance&s=books&n=507846), which is up to about seven or eight volumes, each fifteen bucks for a volume the size of a small phone book full of old Spider-Man reprints in black and white. Be warned, however, that it is not exactly the "essentials" as claimed; the Marvel Essentials tend to start at #1 and then trudge forward, so you get all the filler crap along with the 'essential' material. If this appeals to you, there are also Essentials for Iron Man, X-Men, Captain America, and basically any other license Marvel thinks it can milk bone-dry.
I have to agree with this assessment. I'm in the middle of vol. 4 and I am enjoying it immensly, but there are a few stories that I wouldn't have missed. By now we are getting into the second [and third] coming of most of the villians, in which they fare much worse than the first go around. I love how they use Spidey's battles to show his character development. In his early battles he gets into a lot of close scrapes because he's inexperienced and young. The next time he see's villian x, it's not such an even match and he usually hands them their ass because he's not so green anymore and he's seen all of their tricks already. I love how even though he wins he loses because his personal life is a mess and the public thinks he's a villian. I keep rooting for him to just beat the livin' hell out of Jameson.
~Paul
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I love how even though he wins he loses because his personal life is a mess and the public thinks he's a villian. I keep rooting for him to just beat the livin' hell out of Jameson.
A common misconception about Spider-Man is that his main power is wall-crawling. His primary super power is "receiving a Class A shit-kicking yet still emerging victorious and with scraps of his mask still clinging to his face."
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A common misconception about Spider-Man is that his main power is wall-crawling. His primary super power is "receiving a Class A shit-kicking yet still emerging victorious and with scraps of his mask still clinging to his face."
That was later. In these early stories he hasn't mastered that technique yet.
~Paul
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Spidey doesn't actually have any killer Trade paperbacks out for people to just pick up and get into him. The essentials collections are probably the best way to get to know his history and dig him. You've got a lot of reading ahead of you if you're starting from Amazing Fantasy #15 but it's pretty entertaining as long as you don't mind that ridiculous drama that came in comics in the 50's.
"Oh no! Aunt may is worried about me" "Oh no I've got an ulcer" "Oh no, gwen is spending a lot of time with Flash Thompson"
The only TPB of consequence I can remember is the the first 6 or so issues of the adjective-free Spider-Man (the McFarlane one, with Wendigo) but he never really did have a "must have" storyline like Dark Phoenix.
Also, I need to plug Tick Omnibus 1 as the greatest TPB ever. I re-read it once a year or so. It's got Night of a Million Zillion Ninjas! Plus nobody can defeat his Drama Power!
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The only TPB of consequence I can remember is the the first 6 or so issues of the adjective-free Spider-Man (the McFarlane one, with Wendigo) but he never really did have a "must have" storyline like Dark Phoenix.
I just remembered a TPB definitely worth reading: Maximum Carnage. It was just re-released last month and totally blew me away. I hadn't read it before and it is something else. It's not perfect, but is hell of a good read. Spiderman fan or no, it's a great show of good versus evil.
Another good story that greatly affected spider-man (and gave us venom) is Secret War... rad.
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The only TPB of consequence I can remember is the the first 6 or so issues of the adjective-free Spider-Man (the McFarlane one, with Wendigo) but he never really did have a "must have" storyline like Dark Phoenix.
I just remembered a TPB definitely worth reading: Maximum Carnage. It was just re-released last month and totally blew me away. I hadn't read it before and it is something else. It's not perfect, but is hell of a good read. Spiderman fan or no, it's a great show of good versus evil.
Another good story that greatly affected spider-man (and gave us venom) is Secret War... rad.
Before that you should read the Carnage origin mini-TPB (it's only 3 issues). But I'm forever pissed at Maximum Carnage because it made me drop my subscription. This was during the era when every storyline was an Amazing/Spectacular/Web of/regular crossover.
Was the symbiote discovered during Secret War or Secret War II? I can never remember.
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One thing that needs to be mentioned about marvel essentials is that they are not in colour.
I did mention this, but yes, it bears emphasizing. The request led me to think that price was a significant concern in this case, and when it comes to getting a bunch of Spider-Man cheap the Essentials series cannot be beaten.
Miles, I've heard of The Wasteland but not enough to give a good recommendation either way. Sorry.
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Before that you should read the Carnage origin mini-TPB (it's only 3 issues). But I'm forever pissed at Maximum Carnage because it made me drop my subscription.
Well how about that, Maximum Carnage is what made me finally walk away from Spiderman as well.
~Paul