The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: Carlos del Vaca on April 01, 2005, 04:44:33 pm
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I see great woe ahead, involving Philippe and the not-Hosey the Flow Cow/shredder.
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I had no idea warm water was that important to plants.
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Green beans in a Bloody Mary?
Yes, I'm aware that people actually do this (http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD_9936_27572,00.html), but seriously - I sometimes suspect that Chris / Ray uses that "generally reliable gourmand with obscure ideas" reputation strictly to fuck with us. He knows damn well that there is an entire "I will try any recipe even hinted at in Achewood" subset and they are in for a mega nasty surprise.
Also, Essence of Emeril is not a very good show. He doesn't have an audience to play off of; he just talks to himself for the whole time and generally seems tired.
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Green beans in a Bloody Mary?
Yes, I'm aware that people actually do this (http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD_9936_27572,00.html), but seriously - I sometimes suspect that Chris / Ray uses that "generally reliable gourmand with obscure ideas" reputation strictly to fuck with us. He knows damn well that there is an entire "I will try any recipe even hinted at in Achewood" subset and they are in for a mega nasty surprise.
Also, Essence of Emeril is not a very good show. He doesn't have an audience to play off of; he just talks to himself for the whole time and generally seems tired.
Look, fuck you, Tomorrow Chicken is a GREAT IDEA.
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Look, fuck you, Tomorrow Chicken is a GREAT IDEA.
Then videotape yourself making and eating the damn thing, Peter Plays-with-Fire.
Click here to download Essence_of_Bobby.torrent
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Green beans in a Bloody Mary?
Yes, I'm aware that people actually do this (http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD_9936_27572,00.html), but seriously - I sometimes suspect that Chris / Ray uses that "generally reliable gourmand with obscure ideas" reputation strictly to fuck with us. He knows damn well that there is an entire "I will try any recipe even hinted at in Achewood" subset and they are in for a mega nasty surprise.
I enjoyed the hell out of my mega nasty surprise (http://achewood.plagiarist.com/viewtopic.php?p=16271#16271)
~Paul
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If this is seriously the end of the banjo storyline I'm going to be pretty sad. It's nice that we got a nice Walgreen's story out of it and all but what the hell happened?
Champagne glass? Why don't you pick an even smaller target, there Beef?
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I fuck*ng love this:
B: Okay sorry uh but maybe Yan will cover squirting next and then you would be sad that you missed it
and also
B: Can we play Love Shack I have it on MP3
M: No.
B: Cool
HOORAYYY FOR SQUIRTINGGG!
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B: Can we play Love Shack I have it on MP3
Well duh. This is roughly equivalent to saying, "I own socks." Everybody has a Love Shack mp3. I think there's a law.
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I'm old school, i've got it on CD. I think that's one of those that is required to be stocked at all used record stores and pawn shops.
~Paul
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In fact, I do believe that "Love Shack" actually came with my laptop, on my iTunes.
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I'm old school, i've got it on CD.
The fact that anybody called owning anything on CD "old school" amuses me.
I have Time Capsule which is their best of, so I own it too
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I'm old school, i've got it on CD.
The fact that anybody called owning anything on CD "old school" amuses me.
No shit. I have a milk crate full of 8-tracks within arms reach of where I'm sitting.
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What kind of wuss has to break a chopstick over his knee? Careful you don't injure yourself there, girly-man!
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Has anyone else read this thread before reading the day's blogs? Seriously, the disjointed sentences and ridiculously foregone conclusions are hysterical when the knowledge of context is assumed. If you haven't tried this, I can understand it's due to some certain fear of spoilage (which I quite understand) -- but please, please try it once. You'll laugh like I do almost every few days.
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Has anyone else read this thread before reading the day's blogs? Seriously, the disjointed sentences and ridiculously foregone conclusions are hysterical when the knowledge of context is assumed. If you haven't tried this, I can understand it's due to some certain fear of spoilage (which I quite understand) -- but please, please try it once. You'll laugh like I do almost every few days.
Dude, it's the only way to fly! How would I know that the blogs had been updated unless I read the disjointed sentences and ridiculously foregone conclusions herein? Consider me a fellow traveller.
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I, too, read this entire forum before actually reading the blogs. Hell of awesome.
Squirting is cool, and love shack, but when i read Bozack's post i thought "B" was for Bozack and "M" was mysterious conversationalist #2.
Thanks for the giggles, all!
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Maybe this baby is humanizing him a little bit.
Said the stuffed bear about the actual human.
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Did Ray firing the pinko gardener for not having drinks with him constitute sexual harassment, given his motivation for cordials being her fine ass?
And can this be proven in a court of law?
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Actually until he got to her ass I thought she sounded more attractive than his usual conquest.
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Earlier this month I was attacked but now I am better. I will not go into the details of the abduction as I have several lawsuits pending.
L-A-M-E spells lame. Lame.
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When was the last time Ray got any? His last few attempts have ended...poorly.
I can't believe I'm posting on the internet about the sexual conquests of a cartoon cat.
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Green beans in a Bloody Mary?
Yes, I'm aware that people actually do this (http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD_9936_27572,00.html), but seriously - I sometimes suspect that Chris / Ray uses that "generally reliable gourmand with obscure ideas" reputation strictly to fuck with us. He knows damn well that there is an entire "I will try any recipe even hinted at in Achewood" subset and they are in for a mega nasty surprise.
There is nothing nasty, mega or otherwise, about Green Beans in a bloody mary. I didn't even think this was anything particularly obscure. The crappy bar I used to work at here in Kansas does a St. Patrick's Day breakfast where you get your choice of Bloody Mary garnish. They have pickles, pickled Green Beans and pickled Asparagus. And this is a bar where the finest beer we have on tap is Coors Light.
As a matter of fact, when I went on a pickling rampage early last summer I made several jars of hot pickled green beans and still have one of the jars in my fridge. I just don't drink many bloody marys at home these days.
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Ray fires the people that work for him if they will not have sex with them.
Gramma K apparently flaunts all Greek Orthodox convention and tradition since the Schism and is a Holy Roman Catholic.
Showbiz rips off Cub Scouts.
Awesome.
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Yeah, I didn't think there were any Greek Catholics. Certainly not in my (very Greek) neighborhood, there aren't.
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Yeah, I didn't think there were any Greek Catholics. Certainly not in my (very Greek) neighborhood, there aren't.
My general feeling has been that, by and large, 'stad does enough homework on these subjects to get a relatively authentic feel; alternatively, he ensures that his new, crafted meme is in fact original (achewater, fool's meth). But come ON, man. Half the Pope's legacy is his constantly voiced desire to heal the rifts in the Church, chief amongst which would be Eastern Orthodox and Greek Orthodox coming back into the fold, etc.
On the other hand, perhaps Gramma K is an heavily oppressed Greek minority Roman Catholic. It would further explain the lifestyle of guilt and bitterness. (insert witty comment here)
Nothing is quite as sad as having a sudden desire for the first sip of Scotch at 12:49pm while at work. I don't want a whole dram, just the first, effervescent sip. Damnit.
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Yeah, I didn't think there were any Greek Catholics. Certainly not in my (very Greek) neighborhood, there aren't.
Ain't you never seen My Big Fat Greek Movie?
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To quote Strangers With Candy, "Greek are just Jews with no money!"
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agreed - i mistook this guy for jew and he turned out greek but i mean he looked exactly like elliot gould
but to change the subject . . .
Nice Pete's blog chap 16:
it is eerie the way that a dying animal's eyes seems to accept that it is passing, but not so much from the earth as back to the earth. accepting its place in the food chain / cycle of life maybe.
Teodore:
i identify. teodore locks his door at night simply to avoid having a pen broken that he likes. similarly, i will lock my door at the slightest provocation. you may proceed to make masturbation jokes, as my housemates do. see location: the bay
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Yeah, I didn't think there were any Greek Catholics. Certainly not in my (very Greek) neighborhood, there aren't.
My general feeling has been that, by and large, 'stad does enough homework on these subjects to get a relatively authentic feel; alternatively, he ensures that his new, crafted meme is in fact original (achewater, fool's meth). But come ON, man. Half the Pope's legacy is his constantly voiced desire to heal the rifts in the Church, chief amongst which would be Eastern Orthodox and Greek Orthodox coming back into the fold, etc.
On the other hand, perhaps Gramma K is an heavily oppressed Greek minority Roman Catholic. It would further explain the lifestyle of guilt and bitterness. (insert witty comment here)
Nothing is quite as sad as having a sudden desire for the first sip of Scotch at 12:49pm while at work. I don't want a whole dram, just the first, effervescent sip. Damnit.
Today's roast beef post effectively backpedals and explains the Catholic Greek thing.
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ah s'pose this is explained and all now, but for what it's worth there are lots of catholics in greece, many of them albanians with pretty greek-sounding last names, so that coulda been an explanation; they're mostly latin rite, as opposed to (confusingly) eastern rite "greek catholics" such as ruthenians lahk andy warhol, and some ukrainians and romanians etc.
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ah s'pose this is explained and all now, but for what it's worth there are lots of catholics in greece, many of them albanians with pretty greek-sounding last names, so that coulda been an explanation; they're mostly latin rite, as opposed to (confusingly) eastern rite "greek catholics" such as ruthenians lahk andy warhol, and some ukrainians and romanians etc.
Do you have any source for this?
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ah'm not forrest gump sycophant!
as for a source, dunno, ah could fahnd you something if you want; ah'm not sure about numbers and ah'm sure there's something out there
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ah'm not forrest gump sycophant!
as for a source, dunno, ah could fahnd you something if you want; ah'm not sure about numbers and ah'm sure there's something out there
Please do. THat's actually an interesting subject, should it be true.
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found this: http://www.cathecclesia.gr/en/ginfo.htm; mostly immigrant ethnicities of the roman rite, and albanians of (i think) the eastern rite (hipster rite, essentially), whereas ah found this for the vernacular "greek catholics" (ah.e. churches in communion with rome, but using the eastern rite, lahk andy warhol): http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/06744a.htm
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ah'm not forrest gump sycophant!
Ah'm, excuse me*, i'm picturing Blanche Dubois.
~Paul
*What is the onomatopoeia for clearing one's throat.
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That well-researched reply, combined with what I'm convinced is a filter you're using (ah.e. for i.e.?) just made my head explode.
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Rereading his post, yes, a filter and a shitty one at that.
Give it up, numbnuts. Just be your damn self and we'll respect you maybe a tiny bit more. Maybe.
Ah, shit, who am I kidding.
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this (http://www.endeneu.com/funstuff/miguel/convert.php?url=http%3A%2F%2Fachewood.plagiarist.com%2Fviewtopic.php%3Ft%3D1809%26start%3D25&filter=pirate) should probably satisfy everyone, filter-wise. (caution: slow as balls)
i would have used the goth filter, but i'm probably the only one who finds random giant siouxsie and the banshees images hilarious.
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this (http://www.endeneu.com/funstuff/miguel/convert.php?url=http%3A%2F%2Fachewood.plagiarist.com%2Fviewtopic.php%3Ft%3D1809%26start%3D25&filter=pirate) should probably satisfy everyone, filter-wise. (caution: slow as balls)
i would have used the goth filter, but i'm probably the only one who finds random giant siouxsie and the banshees images hilarious.
people with all these grammars noam chomsky is spinning in his grave! yarr.
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this (http://www.endeneu.com/funstuff/miguel/convert.php?url=http%3A%2F%2Fachewood.plagiarist.com%2Fviewtopic.php%3Ft%3D1809%26start%3D25&filter=pirate) should probably satisfy everyone, filter-wise. (caution: slow as balls)
i would have used the goth filter, but i'm probably the only one who finds random giant siouxsie and the banshees images hilarious.
How did you do that? I want to send my worksite through this.
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oh dude, way easy.
http://www.endeneu.com/funstuff/miguel/
if html was people, this shit would violate the geneva convention. be warned.
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Can someone make a photoshop of Charlton heston shouting "HTML is People!"
I would appreciate that.
~Paul
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Wow, Philippe is having a really shitty week. But come on, who makes their bed anyway? Such a waste of time.
Line of the week: Wait, that already happened.
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Wow, Philippe is having a really shitty week. But come on, who makes their bed anyway? Such a waste of time.
Line of the week: Wait, that already happened.
I'm just laughing because Philippe found Teodor's Fleshlight.
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I googled and I still don't know what Beef's entry is talking about.
Pat's entry reminded me of a discussion in the Post on Wednesday about whether it's appropriate to wear jeans to dinner. My thought is if I'm too lazy to cook what makes you think I have the energy to change my #####? Plus then I'd just have to wash them. The english language lacks the words to describe the degree to which that is not happening.
Of course Tina watches Oprah. I can't believe this had to be explained to me. The more I learn about her the more I'm convinced that she's the feline equivalent of Peggy Bundy.
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Why is Ray afriad to admit he does j/o?
He'll probably blow it with the hooker too, which is hard to do if you have a lot of money. But Ray will manage.
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I'm just laughing because Philippe found Teodor's Fleshlight.
I thought that Philippe had probably found a sex toy of sorts, but I'd never heard of the Fleshlight. After some googling, I'm kind of creeped out.
Cyber skin? Creepy.
However, one reviewer assured me that it is "the next best thing to being inside his wife." Now, how the hell am I supposed to know what that is like?
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He'll probably blow it with the hooker too
Interesting word choice. Now there's a whole double-meaning going on.
From the description I assumed Fleshlight as well. They used to advertise the fuck out of those things. The only thing that creeped me out was the "alien" skin and the vague non-descript whole variant. Plus the mouths always looked manish to me.
I swear we had a thread about these things, and that JL even pasted a picture, but damned if I can find it right now
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See, I always assumed that no man ever actually bought the Fleshlight except as a gag gift for a buddy.
Men just aren't into toys as a rule, are they? I know I'm not.
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See, I always assumed that no man ever actually bought the Fleshlight except as a gag gift for a buddy.
Men just aren't into toys as a rule, are they? I know I'm not.
After 2 year without a date I considered it.
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(http://im.edirectory.co.uk/products/1240/i/pmfl.jpg)
TH-POCK[/size]
Cronenberg, you are undone.
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What May Be TMI Alert:
I am actually, generally, less creeped out by the "just a hole" Fleshlights than the "actual attempt at modeling lips or orifices" Fleshlights. I mean... you're obviously not screwing a person, so why shape the orifice of the appliance in a humanlike shape? Disturbing simulacra, I tell you!
(And before anyone accuses me of sexism: I also find super-realistic dildos, the ones with veins, to be remarkably unnerving.)
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Yeah, the plastic pu$$y replicas are something out of a Burroughs novel. I'd rather fuck my typewriter.
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Yeah, the plastic pu$$y replicas are something out of a Burroughs novel. I'd rather fuck my typewriter.
Sounds like one hell of a typewriter.
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i think the more important question is what has been revealed about teodor's character by this shocking revelation....
all i know is that this has something to do with the cure. i swear.
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i think the more important question is what has been revealed about teodor's character by this shocking revelation....
all i know is that this has something to do with the cure. i swear.
I wasn't surprised at all. What with his penchant for cyber sex (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=10172001) and all. I'd be surprised if he didn't own some kind of toy.
I mean, really, he's an alive stuffed animal with real needs.
Here's that review (http://www.erotica-readers.com/ERA/ST/Fleshlight.htm) of the fleshlight I mentioned above. It's...funny. And it looks like the site is probably not work safe.
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I wasn't surprised at all. What with his penchant for cyber sex (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=10172001) and all. I'd be surprised if he didn't own some kind of toy.
This (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=05142003) surely counts, if not in one category then the other.
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what would possess someone to TAPE a condom to a bar of soap?
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I wasn't surprised at all. What with his penchant for cyber sex (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=10172001) and all. I'd be surprised if he didn't own some kind of toy.
This (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=05142003) surely counts, if not in one category then the other.
Wow, someone appears to have hitched the next TMI train to San Francisco! Jesus, dude, I am glad the Fleshlight was a good experience for you and all, but I'm fairly sure "this was a fun toy" would be totally as informative without going into things such as your marital life. Duude.
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what would possess someone to TAPE a condom to a bar of soap?
Well you see, getting the wrapper all soapy makes it easier to open.
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what would possess someone to TAPE a condom to a bar of soap?
Well you see, getting the wrapper all soapy makes it easier to open.
I thought it was just for convenience's sake. Like if you end up in the shower with someone and need to fuck, it's right there.
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what would possess someone to TAPE a condom to a bar of soap?
Well you see, getting the wrapper all soapy makes it easier to open.
I thought it was just for convenience's sake. Like if you end up in the shower with someone and need to fuck, it's right there.
either you people are pulling my leg, or i'm the only one worrying about how tape would stick to soap.
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I thought it was just for convenience's sake. Like if you end up in the shower with someone and need to fuck, it's right there.
That's what I figured. I couldn't work out what y'all were talking about until you said that.
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what would possess someone to TAPE a condom to a bar of soap?
Well you see, getting the wrapper all soapy makes it easier to open.
I thought it was just for convenience's sake. Like if you end up in the shower with someone and need to fuck, it's right there.
either you people are pulling my leg, or i'm the only one worrying about how tape would stick to soap.
Exactly. Couldn't he hide it under the shampoo or something?
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Using a condom during shower sex that you didn't put on prior to getting in the shower is like a 3rd degree blackbelt move. That's pretty impressive.
I would hollow out the soap and put the wrapped condom inside it if I were contemplating such a thing.
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Using a condom during shower sex that you didn't put on prior to getting in the shower is like a 3rd degree blackbelt move. That's pretty impressive.
I would hollow out the soap and put the wrapped condom inside it if I were contemplating such a thing.
If you're going to that much trouble you might as well just just make a hole through the soap and bang it.
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Using a condom during shower sex that you didn't put on prior to getting in the shower is like a 3rd degree blackbelt move. That's pretty impressive.
I would hollow out the soap and put the wrapped condom inside it if I were contemplating such a thing.
If you're going to that much trouble you might as well just just make a hole through the soap and bang it.
You can auto-erotically asphyxiate if you have soap-on-a-rope. That's an interesting idea.
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what would possess someone to TAPE a condom to a bar of soap?
Well you see, getting the wrapper all soapy makes it easier to open.
I thought it was just for convenience's sake. Like if you end up in the shower with someone and need to fuck, it's right there.
either you people are pulling my leg, or i'm the only one worrying about how tape would stick to soap.
Duct tape, dude, duct tape.
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what would possess someone to TAPE a condom to a bar of soap?
Well you see, getting the wrapper all soapy makes it easier to open.
I thought it was just for convenience's sake. Like if you end up in the shower with someone and need to fuck, it's right there.
either you people are pulling my leg, or i'm the only one worrying about how tape would stick to soap.
Duct tape, dude, duct tape.
If the women don't find ya handsome . . .
This has just given me the most terrible mental image
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I like the whole "Escape from Alcatraz" approach to sexuality we have on this board.
TOUAMB: Hollow out the soap. Put a condom inside. Put it on when she LEAST EXPECTS IT.
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Here's that review (http://www.erotica-readers.com/ERA/ST/Fleshlight.htm) of the fleshlight I mentioned above. It's...funny. And it looks like the site is probably not work safe.
I highly suggest you try it It is the next best thing to being inside of my wife.
I have been inside of his wife, and it is not something at which to scoff. Dude, fleshlight must rawk!
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I have been inside of his wife, and it is not something at which to scoff. Dude, fleshlight must rawk!
If my dad had written a review of a masturbation aid, I wouldn't be bragging about it on a message board.
...Beatrice.
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Using a condom during shower sex that you didn't put on prior to getting in the shower is like a 3rd degree blackbelt move. That's pretty impressive.
I would hollow out the soap and put the wrapped condom inside it if I were contemplating such a thing.
Or a reverse-Houdini kind of thing. They're both in the shower and things start gettin' steamy. Ray turns his back to Treasure and grabs the soap, pretending like he's lathering up but instead applying the jimmy hat. Ray turns around and VOILA! Treasure sees that he's A) ready for lovin' and B) responsible for his own safe sexuality.
Chicks would TOTALLY dig that move.
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C. ready to give her a deep cleaning, you know, from the soapy condom.
~Paul
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I just have four words for you:
Condom. On. A. Rope.
Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.
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I love the delicious irony of Beef worrying about the woman with the port wine birthmark ending up with a boyfriend who is "fraught with his own issues."
Heh.
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I take it this is part of Ray's continued worry about STDs? Because I seem to recall him, uh, unable to start a family. Or is he just trying to be a gentleman about the jimmy hats?
(Alternately, he might have imported one of those ultra-deluxe brands from Andorra or wherever luxury condoms are made and wants to show them off.)
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Youall are really on a roll today. Thank you for being yourselves.
Carry on.
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It never even occurred to me that Mr. Bear had been married, let alone more than once. Although we already knew that he had a thing for the "crazy bitches on speed"
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Just how old is Mr. Bear then?
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I am not usually keen on LN's slang, but I must admit that I'm rather fond of "franktuality".
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Just how old is Mr. Bear then?
Actually, I often pictured him to be much the same as the dad on Gilmore Girls.* So whatever his age is.
*Before Jough asks, the SO watches it, and for a year we only had 1 TV