The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: foolio on April 11, 2005, 07:55:32 am
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Kazenzakis returns hell of results. What is Beef talking about?
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Is the thrill of putting up the first post the same as the thrill of deflowering a virgin? I have never done the latter.
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Is the thrill of putting up the first post the same as the thrill of deflowering a virgin?
I hope not.
I love the evolution of Beef's facial expressions. Confusion, despair, sadness, then in the eighth panel what may be actual boredom, then into anger over the next panels. He is not only frustrated because he is bored, he is fuck*ng pissed.
I have experienced this with an ex-girlfriend. At a paper/stamp shop. And she was offended that I wanted to wait in the car. Bitch.
Also, Dennis Rodman and Carly Simon? EWWW!
Bob Dylan's illegal ranch on Neptune? Cool!
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And so it was that cellardoor took unto himself the phrase "And I am in the bead shop" as his boring mantra.
Whenever he is in a boring place that is all he will think.
So this is observational comedy? Normally too trite to be funny but as it's Roast Beef it becomes hilarious.
It's funny 'cause it's true?
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Oh man I have so been to the bead shop. Way too many times.
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it's not the beads, per se, it's the SHEER AND UTTER OBLIVIOUSNESS that the companion displays to the fact that you are bored to the point of attempting to shoot your eyeball out of its socket and someone through sheer mental stick-to-it-tive-ness.
the worst part is i know that if she suddenly DID ask, what's wrong?, all i'd be able to do is stammer out "i wanna look at my stuff!!" such as a petulant 5 year old would.
and i wouldn't get a cookie then.
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Sometimes I feel like I live in the bead shop, right behind the gold-flecked specialty double-sized beads that all the grandmas are into nowadays.
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Oh man I have so been to the bead shop. Way too many times.
As have I. As have I.
Actually, the last time I was in a beadshop I spent a least an hour in there with my SO's 10 yr old sister. She was all loading up on beads, and the beads were totally expensive, so I was all reminding her: "Okay, um, those beads are $4.95 each, do you really need four of them?" Then we get to the counter and the hippy guy adds up everything on her tiny little tray and it's over $50. My SO's little sister looks at me all scared and doesn't have the words to explain to the guy that she doesn't have that kind of cash. Then I have to negotiate with a ten year old about which beads she'll put back. Did I mention this was my own damn fault 'cause I gave her a $5 bead store gift certificate for X-mas. It was both a boring and painful experience, and I ended up paying for $20 of beads. $20 of beads!!
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Oh man I have so been to the bead shop. Way too many times.
As have I. As have I.
Actually, the last time I was in a beadshop I spent a least an hour in there with my SO's 10 yr old sister. She was all loading up on beads, and the beads were totally expensive, so I was all reminding her: "Okay, um, those beads are $4.95 each, do you really need four of them?" Then we get to the counter and the hippy guy adds up everything on her tiny little tray and it's over $50. My SO's little sister looks at me all scared and doesn't have the words to explain to the guy that she doesn't have that kind of cash. Then I have to negotiate with a ten year old about which beads she'll put back. Did I mention this was my own damn fault 'cause I gave her a $5 bead store gift certificate for X-mas. It was both a boring and painful experience, and I ended up paying for $20 of beads. $20 of beads!!
I was using "bead shop" in it's broadest sense as a metaphor for every boring-ass place my wife has dragged me too and made me wait for interminable periods of time. Once or twice it has actually been a bead shop. More often it's a craft store, consignment store, furniture store or (shudder) shoe store.
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Kazenzakis returns hell of results. What is Beef talking about?
Onstad will explain it all in a filler- I mean special- strip on the Underground's sekrit version of Google.
Occasional and interminable trips to Michael's craft stores are bad enough: a store just for beads would kill me dead.
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I wanna strap the Read Hawt Chillly Peeeppers to my roof. And then strap duct tape to their moufs. And then park my car in the middle of the desert and hitchhike home.
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Did I mention this was my own damn fault 'cause I gave her a $5 bead store gift certificate for X-mas.
You thought five bucks would buy, say, a sack of beads the size of a newborn child.
So did I, until now. How do the bead impresarios actually set bead prices? Whimsy? A delicate spectrum of aesthetic appeal against which each bead is carefully measured? MAYBE MANHATTAN WASN'T SUCH A STEAL
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Well, as far as I could tell the beads had some pretty obvious ranges that determine their value - they spanned from cheap, plastic-y, to semi-precious stones, to hand crafted glass or percious metals, to........oh my god, am I actually going to go into this in detail.... no. No. I just can't.
What struck me as really interesting is that the guy at the counter didn't have to check the prices on anything, he just looked at the beads one at a time and knew each one and the correct price.
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What struck me as really interesting is that the guy at the counter didn't have to check the prices on anything, he just looked at the beads one at a time and knew each one and the correct price.
A career in the bead industry. I suppose you could do worse.
~Paul
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I went through a beading phase in elementary school, too -- and yes, they can get hell of expensive if you get the nice ones.
Also, I think everyone with an SO has been in the bead shop. I personally would substitute "watching Thunderbirds and attempting to be appreciative" for "at the bead shop thinking of Bob Dylan's illegal space ranch," but I think it's the same general emotion.
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I'll stick with shoe stores, Kramer Books, and anything owned by Gap as the bead stores I get drug in to.
Exception that proves the rule: with Beef, it's all about the lower lip
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My bead shop is that my girlfriend always wants to go into the gap. Once we're in there, she likes to point out how I should dress like the outfits they have on their mannequins and then she insults how I dress. Listen, I don't care how I dress and I want my outfits to convey that dammit.
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Was Roast Beef using his seldom-mentioned Wireless Internet Spine?
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Was Roast Beef using his seldom-mentioned Wireless Internet Spine?
Capitalized like that, it looks like the name of a techno-punk band. And seriously, there are bead shops? Should I feel bad that my area is not cultured enough to contain one of these, or should I continue to weep for those that do?
Digivertibrate.
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And seriously, there are bead shops? Should I feel bad that my area is not cultured enough to contain one of these, or should I continue to weep for those that do?
I think a bead store is the opposite of cultured. Like they are only in towns without museums, art galleries or Nascar tracks.
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I would add 'maternity clothing stores' as a bead shop.
And I've been in real actual bead shops too. It's a hell of a racket.
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And seriously, there are bead shops? Should I feel bad that my area is not cultured enough to contain one of these, or should I continue to weep for those that do?
They seem to be losing ground to scrap-booking stores. Based on the people that I know that make use of them, and their viral spread I can only assume that Oprah is pimping them.
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I think a bead store is the opposite of cultured. Like they are only in towns without museums, art galleries or Nascar tracks.
I don't know about this. I'm sure there was one in Harvard Square in Cambridge. Isn't that the epitome of a cultured place? And there's one here in Takoma Park which is just over the border from DC, land of an insane number of museums, and which is a town that probably thinks of itself as more cultured than all the rest of you. Although none of those places has Nascar tracks, certainly.
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There is indeed a bead store just off Harvard Square. It is a nice one as these things go.
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DC, land of an insane number of museums, and which is a town that probably thinks of itself as more cultured than all the rest of you.
Random item: DC just officially renamed The National Mall to . . . The National Mall.
It turns out that was never really its name, it was just what everybody called it.
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This strip did indeeed remind me of my bead obsession when I was in elementary school. me and my cousin ran a craft store in my grandparents basement. I made some jewelry, so I had a tub of beads... once my cousin wanted to take some of my beads for her own section of the store and we got in a tug of war over the tub till the beads poured out.
I reminded my mom about this and she said, "oh yes, you hoard things! never sharing.. tsk tsk. of course, beads are like money, so I guess I understand."
I was thinking, wtf... bartering? I can trade a pile of beads for a cd or something?
I only semi-remember actually being in a bead store though [it was in Galveston and the beads were expensive :( ]. Michael's was my place of choice.. beads came in little baggies... I'd buy a few different sorts of those to mix it up.
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Anyway, I do know the feeling of the boring store... usually for me this included places like the golf store. in fact, they should make it where SOs didn't have to go into the boring stores... boring stores of differing degrees should be put next to each other, so a couple can separate and join up once done looking at their equally boring things :D
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My husband has mastered the apparently incredibly difficult skill of saying "I'll meet you in Electronics Boutique*/Suncoast Video/Barnes and Noble/<insert-your-favorite-store-here> when you're done," if I want to go into a store in which he has zero interest.
You see, people, sometimes it is actually easier to solve a problem than complain about it.
* Actually, he says "EB" but some people might not know what that is.
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Electronics Boutique
In Texas we get our electronics from a shack.
~Paul
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In Texas we get our electronics from a shack.
all pulling weeds and roots out of abandoned Tandys
all picking through rotten mylar floppy disks
all tiptoeing over broken vacuum tubes
all weaving colorful capacitors and resistors into a small girl's hair
all hollowing out abandoned Speak and Spells to house homemade Geiger counters
Living in Texas is Serious Times, motherfuckers.
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My husband has mastered the apparently incredibly difficult skill of saying "I'll meet you in Electronics Boutique*/Suncoast Video/Barnes and Noble/<insert-your-favorite-store-here> when you're done," if I want to go into a store in which he has zero interest.
You see, people, sometimes it is actually easier to solve a problem than complain about it.
This is what I do when I'm not hijacked. "Come help me look for black shoes in size 7" or popping in somewhere boring on the way to the car. And let's not forget the ever popular, "we need to look in Pier One for a gift for my sister."
::shudder::
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This is what I do when I'm not hijacked. "Come help me look for black shoes in size 7" or popping in somewhere boring on the way to the car.
I've been forced into malls while travelling on my last two trips out of town. Luckily, both malls had bars.
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pursuant to http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=04112005 (April 11, 2005).
... In that moment Roast Beef Kazenzakis is visited by the Angels of Miraculous Powers. rb: "holy pepcid ac"
ROAST BEEF WE HEARD YOU HAVE ENTERED THIS BEAD STORE AS YOU WOULD A JAILHOUSE
"..."
DID YOU LET THE FEARS OF OTHER MEN DIVIDE YOU FROM YOUR BELOVED ONE
WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS YOUR PROBLEM BOY NOW WELCOME DR FRANKLIN
The spirit of Natural Philosophy appears in the form of tha Original Geek Gangsta. it's Ben Franklin, as a young strapping printer armed by babes.
"Dr Franklin it is an honor sir" (ouch I am so stupid Ray would of said like what is up c-note)
"Beef sir I will let you have it straight. The fancies of women are like onto
our geekly extremities, but more practical in the every-day. Are not beads precursors to coins? Are they not used as units of prayer? May an Abacus count without? Do they not make a fine dress for Dame Bettina Turner? Loose thy head from its arse! Take an interest,and take your lover! See you on the money." Franklin's twinkling eye is replaced by stars.
Beef falls through interstellar rain into his sad sack of skin in the Bead Shop. The clouds part. Beef is enlightened and sees Molly for the first time.
He remembers to say: "Baby, those beads are beautiful AND affordable. this must be some dang wonderful world." Stars stream from his eyes to hers, collecting in tears as he dips her into a deep fat kiss. He does not wake from this. He realizes Boredom is a sad couch potato man created in 1954 by TV executives.
Cut back to the Breakroom of the Angels of Miraculous Powers. Franklin's pouring beer for the babes et alia. The Angels of Saris are playing strip bead games. All is well.
....................................... ..........................
BACK STORY:
from http://users.ritternet.com/sasha/sag-21.html
The Angels of Sacredness in Matter
Also known as The Angels of Saris
...
Let us introduce ourselves, for we are the angels of Saris,
who have guided the spiritualization of these prayer beads for
over a hundred years. Her Mother gave her these beads on
her deathbed. Blessing this strand of beads when her mother
was a young girl, and before that when her great aunt crossed
the dark sea, we instructed each woman through intuition to
permeate these beads with all of the intensity of their hearts,
with all the devotion of their longing.
...
We inspire mankind with the understanding of the
power of thought and feeling to transform matter. Matter
so transformed by consciousness, in turn transforms
consciousness. It is a feedback loop. Matter is like a
computer disk, it records energy and information. By
charging any object with powerful thought and feeling,
a doorway into another consciousness is created.
....................................... ..........................
[ed: much love to this board. have lurked since onstad had to kick us all out of his hizizzizzile. peace 2 tha new lambzz ]
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Oh, dear.
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I think that may very well be the most awesome first post on this board EVAR. Even if it is technically fanfic. Carry on, Mr. Moose.
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there are a no fanfics rule? arrr. sorry. i will read the Expression Bylaws
Limmo - I know
V-Adore - tyvm *artificial heart beeps like a fed tamagotchi*
-moo$e dog
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Words
I just don't know, man.
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Ebonypenis is saved by the fact that he/she did not lapse into Col. Sanders talk at any point during the post.
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All I know is, if I was opening a bead shop, or was on the committee or something, that I would name it "Bead Yourself Up!"
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or "Drawing a Bead" where you shine lasers through the $5 beads onto soft plush targets... that may draw out the suncoasties/sharper imagers esp if points are auto-awarded such as in Lazer Tag rinks. Significant others all shouting at their mates to dominate for deeper discounts...
Max wrote
I just don't know, man.
These 'Words' of wizendom made me see my fatass post was too twee - cute words without the ACHE that makes the wood go round. EDIT [final panel]: instead of franklin, beer and alliswell - it's Pat screeching into his prepaid medical assistance cellphone to mall security to make the couple stop the disgusting public display. Nabubrush may of wanted it this way.
-ebonyMoouse
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All I know is, if I was opening a bead shop, or was on the committee or something, that I would name it "Bead Yourself Up!"
I would call mine "Beading Off"
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All I know is, if I was opening a bead shop, or was on the committee or something, that I would name it "Bead Yourself Up!"
I would call mine "Beading Off"
i would call mine "it's a bead shop, wtf do you want from me?"