The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: cellardoor on July 26, 2005, 08:34:34 am
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Beef still has that thing for corpulent women I see, bless him.
I had to google osteopo...ostpe...that word that Molly says. It seems to be a brittle bone disease. I beseech the other forum users to explain this punchline as I can't determine what about Beef's face would make Molly say that.
Reminds me of Seinfeld and the cleavage issues. Cleavage = The Sun.
You don't stare, you take a glance, get an idea then look away.
Ah, the gentle art of letching.
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Osteoporosis is more common in women, and can sometimes result in a hunched or bent-over appearance, sort of like the contortions Beef made to turn back at Molly and scowl.
Dug this one. The alt text is the sweet cherry on top.
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I've always been on Molly's side. In the past her alleged bitchiness always seemed to me more like frustration over the fact that she was dating a very difficult dude. But in this case she is being a total bitch no question about it.
~Paul
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Ah, thanks Todd.
Achewood. It's all about the learnin'.
Ps - first person to question why the female cat has human ta-tas will receive a prize.
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Well, this one was hilarious. Beef's delayed reaction time, Molly's reaction to Beef's reaction, etc.
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cellar_door: Am I allowed to wonder why they don't have six human ta-tas?
I'll give an extra prize to whoever gives an obvious answer along the lines of 'Onstad's a furry'.
As for the strip I am enjoying Beef's attempt at the scorn expression, I get the impression he watches too much day time tv shows that involve sassy black women. This is definitely the funniest strip in a while, as in laughing, I've been enjoying the kind of general character development but its nice to have some straight out laughs.
Beef's corpulent women thing becomes even more interesting when you consider Molly is decidedly anti-corpulent, I swear she's becoming less and less corpulent as time goes on.
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This ruled. Flowed beautifully and whatnot, and Beef's expression of shock and disgust was perfect. And indeed, great alt-text.
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Six boobs would be pretty tough to draw, as well as being near impossible to make appealing.
Er, when I say appealling I mean appealing to Beef, not to me.
I don't find cartoon cats attractive.
Nope, no sir, not me.
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Eh, I get the feeling that Molly wouldn't push this too far unless Beef continues to be bizarre about it. The attempt at the scornful face is pretty good, though. (And yes, men can do it, sadly enough.)
This is definitely one of the most enjoyable strips in a while, especially since we haven't seen much Molly lately. Also, the alt text just wins at everything.
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I LOVE that Molly's first response to "that thing you ladies do" is osteoporosis, as though when stereotyping women the first thing anyone would say is, "You know, women! The ones with the osteoporosis!"
Classic.
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Man, I hate osteoporosis. It is because of osteoporosis that I can't buy yogurt without feeling like a dick.
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Hey, this one was actually funny and good!
WTF?
Also, I work at home, so I can j/o any time I want. Any time.
Yeah, women are the ones with osteoporosis!
Also, women will often pretend that they do not understand what you are doing when you mock them. It seems to be a natural born defence mechanism.
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"marriage proposal definitely too strong of a diversion"
This made me laugh because I have been there, Beef, I have been there and I know why you said this.
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in regard to furries, I once worked with a very creepy girl who was a griffie - that is someone who is erotically fixated on pretending to be a griffen, and who enjoys the company of others who also enjoy pretending to be griffens. very strange. she was strange. home schooled. lacking in the ability to interact. strange.
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home schooled. lacking in the ability to interact. strange.
You don't say?
Jesus. Fuckin' homeschoolers. If they were homeschooling because, say, they honestly thought that they could do a better job, fine, whatever. But the Fact is - and I have worked extensively with these people and have read their goddamned books and magazines in the same way you've (admit it) always wanted to touch a compound fracture - they homeschool because they want to protect their Precious Little Children from Other Ideas (http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/home.php).
One homeschooled kid I worked with - a shelver - had neither the education nor the social grace to realize that you don't say "the South should have won the Civil War" in front of a black woman. BLAH BLAH BUT STATES' RIGHTS WHAM THUD DRIBBLE
So the funny part is that when ideas do slip through - like, say, mysterious and unfettered access to (I shit you not) motherfuck*ng Dragon Ball Z reruns, these weird little mutants embrace the hell out of them, all the while desperately trying to make the new stuff mix in with the hard-coded brainwashing. The combination is a taste sensation. I can only imagine what these kids are sexually imprinting upon at / around puberty.
The homeschooling trend / cultural epidemic / whatever is America's sad little plastic Easter egg with a little plastic trainwreck inside. You think we've got an impending crisis on our hands when the current generation of autistics grows up and takes the reins? Oh ho ho.
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The older I get, the more I realize that the least important aspect of formalized education is the actual knowledge that you're supposedly there to learn.
Also, I like Beef's plan, even though it didn't work for him. I shall have to try the "You're so mean for bringing that up" look at some point in the future.
On a minor issue, maybe.
Almost insignificant.
Okay, I probably won't. But I'll want to.
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Ogling large women at Wendy's, eh?
Beef is the epitome of a classy individual.
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Zart, I gotta ask, since I praised your writing the other day, are you trying extra hard because you think you're being read more carefully now? All I can say is good job and bravo. That is a very fine piece of writing. Not only is it dead on the mark, but written in such a highly entertaining manner I had to re-read it twice.
~Paul
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Zartan has been unrelenting quality pretty much from the get-go, and s/he sounds so damn familiar to my ears it's driving me crazy.
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Ogling large women at Wendy's, eh?
Beef is the epitome of a classy individual.
I'd just like to point out for the record that the corpulant woman is dressed much too nicely for wendy's.
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She's on lunch from work. Unlike Beef and Molly, who either don't seem to work or work food jobs at night.
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home schooled. lacking in the ability to interact. strange.
You don't say?
Wow. Just... wow. Somehow I didn't even have the slightest idea that there was an entirely separate furry culture revolving around griffins, of all the weirdass things. (Of course, this ties into the big problem with furry culture as it stands -- the fact that it is so much about Acceptance and Tolerance and Loving Everybody that all sorts of weird antisocial usually-fetishistic subcultures crop up and nobody is willing to say "I'm sorry, you're a sick fuck." It's a geek problem inexplicably writ large in the funny-animal section of the geek demographic.)
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I think that it all eventually boils down to level of mental wellness.
Mental health is kind of a continuum...the level at which we decide someone needs help is kind of abritrary - but some forms of fetishism and sexual identification certainly seem to be diagnosable in my opinion. I guess it depends on how functional you are and whether your behavior adversely affects others.
I think the furry thing and the griffin thing is deeply creepy.
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home schooled. lacking in the ability to interact. strange.
You don't say?
Wow. Just... wow. Somehow I didn't even have the slightest idea that there was an entirely separate furry culture revolving around griffins, of all the weirdass things.
If it's imaginary (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Otherkin), you can bet someone's thought about fuck*ng it (http://www.otherkin.net/harmonyDiscord/orc/magickal_creatures/gryphon.html). I know that's a pretty weird and intrinsically recursive classification system, but hell, just take a look at the Internet.
Results 1 - 10 of about 973 for otherkin gryphon. (0.30 seconds)
"There is a tendency for people to be accused of role-playing if their claims are considered implausible; this has been referred to as 'subculture intolerance'" - from the first linked article
Once again, you don't say. Subculture intolerance. This is the part that I don't fully understand - do these kids (and they must certainly be, by an overwhelming margin, adolescents) not have a shadow of a doubt as re: their, er, "nature"? Do the baby photos and camcorder footage of their own head coming out of a human body not plant the seeds of an idea that, hey, I might be making all this up?
I know Smells started off talking about a kid who is (a) completely socially maladjusted and (b) sexually fixated on pretending, etc etc, but I have to wonder if it doesn't all start with pretend, and then lead into "maybe if I believe it enough it will be (retroactively) true" or, I don't know, neurolinguistic self-programming.
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I think that it all eventually boils down to level of mental wellness.
Mental health is kind of a continuum...the level at which we decide someone needs help is kind of abritrary - but some forms of fetishism and sexual identification certainly seem to be diagnosable in my opinion. I guess it depends on how functional you are and whether your behavior adversely affects others.
Yeah, I think you're right about the functionality thing; I mean, there are any number of weirdo fetishes that I wouldn't call mental illness unless they truly become obsessions. (I'm reminded of the old Usenet legend about the guy who had a total sexual fetish for burning loafers. How do you find out that a burning loafer is the only thing that gets you off?) Most of this stuff I'm pretty "live and let live" about, but the otherkin and other big sections of furry fandom seem to be verging on the nonfunctional.
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Also, I work at home, so I can j/o any time I want. Any time.
Also, women will often pretend that they do not understand what you are doing when you mock them. It seems to be a natural born defence mechanism.
He's single, ladies!
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Don't pretend you haven't weighed the obvious pros of working from home, Bobby.
And in response to Jough, I find that slapping and yelling is a pretty instinctive response, but maybe I'm making some kind of mistake. Maybe I'm not mocking hard enough.
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Don't pretend you haven't weighed the obvious pros of working from home, Bobby.
I do work from home at least a couple days a week. I end up doing laundry while on conference calls. It's a lot less glamorous than it seems.
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Also, I work at home, so I can j/o any time I want. Any time.
Also, women will often pretend that they do not understand what you are doing when you mock them. It seems to be a natural born defence mechanism.
He's single, ladies!
You mean Griffin's.
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Zart, I gotta ask, since I praised your writing the other day, are you trying extra hard because you think you're being read more carefully now? All I can say is good job and bravo. That is a very fine piece of writing. Not only is it dead on the mark, but written in such a highly entertaining manner I had to re-read it twice.
~Paul
I actually followed the link in Zart's profile and read all about his life as a librarian and found it all amazingly interesting/high-larious. However, this brings up a frightening point- am I stalking him? Given how easy it is to monitor people online, are you stalking someone if you, say, read all of their blog entries? What if they themselves didn't give you the blog address? What if you found it in a profile?
You mean Griffin's.
I think that "He's single!" translates into Otherkin Griffin Language as AWRROOOOOOOOOOOSQUACK!
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What happens when you type otherkin into google image search? (http://images.google.com/images?svnum=10&hl=en&lr=&safe=off&q=otherkin&btnG=Search)
Among other things:
http://www.nls.net/mp/syd/pox/otherkin.jpg
http://www.runningwolfpack.com/
http://www.weyr.org/~hespa/ausgather/
No worries - quite safe for work.
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Dude, my work doesn't like it when I use the box-cutter to open a vein in my forearm up.
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Dude, my work doesn't like it when I use the box-cutter to open a vein in my forearm up.
So if you do that and die, what are they gonna do? Fire you?
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So if you do that and die, what are they gonna do? Fire you?
Maybe Bozack's just a considerate kind of guy? Doesn't like to make a big job for people who clean the carpets or some such?
This conversation reminds me of someone on a forum I remember reading... somewhere, totally convinced that he was married to a character in an Anime and was verbally abusing a chick who liked him for trying to come between them.
If you get off on a fantasy all the more power to you, sure you're never going to get with that humanoid unicorn but lets face it I'm not getting near Neve Cambell any time soon so I'm willing to let it go, so long as we all agree its not real.
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Zart, I gotta ask, since I praised your writing the other day, are you trying extra hard because you think you're being read more carefully now? All I can say is good job and bravo. That is a very fine piece of writing. Not only is it dead on the mark, but written in such a highly entertaining manner I had to re-read it twice.
~Paul
I actually followed the link in Zart's profile and read all about his life as a librarian and found it all amazingly interesting/high-larious. However, this brings up a frightening point- am I stalking him? Given how easy it is to monitor people online, are you stalking someone if you, say, read all of their blog entries? What if they themselves didn't give you the blog address? What if you found it in a profile?
If reading someone's blog is equivalent to stalking, I guess commenting on the quality of the writing is tantamount to rape.
I'm an internet rapist.
~Paul
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the other day, an old friend of mine who i use to work with started telling
me all about the personality test thing and how he was convinced i was
an INTJ and how he waves his hands in the air, now, when he talks and
other habits he apparently either picked up from me or developed naturally as a defense mechanism against All Those Things That Drive Technicians Insane.
so he convinced me i was this INTJ thing, and then i took some of the online tests. Now, ordinarily i wouldn't ascribe any level of profoundness to determining my entire worldview through 45 questions, and given that i am genetically Irish-Catholic and the son of a Psychologist (Signifigant practice in Substance Abuse and Teenage Bullshit...) i am somewhat (as a crystal meth abusing elephant in the elevator with you is "somewhat" something to be concerned with) leary of Science's Simple FlowCharts of How To Live,
but,
given that it was on the Internet i figured it must be spot on.
So i took the test, and every time i am consistently not an INTJ. So at least i have consistency.
That being said, there's a bit that he had spoke to me about, and that the Internet whispered into my ear as i lay sleeping that night:
"Does it work?" as a mantra for that personality type.
Morality is important. But arguing morality as a reason to do something with someone who is, to you, immoral is stupid because: It Will Not Work.
So, i like to break things down into simple "so, how's that working out for you?" moments, because i'm arrogant that way.
You like to wear Fur Coats and have your girlfriend meow?
She meows?
OK, that works for both ya'll.
You like to eat custard pudding until it starts to backflow up your throat while sitting in your diaper and screaming at people online that your, imaginary, girlfriend is an ocelet who devotes 90% of her waking moments to finding worms for you to eat?
really?
So, uh, how's that working out for you chief?
There seems to be a not so subtle difference between telling me that i'm judgemental about you and your wife who love each other and are happy, and telling me i'm judgemental when you are miserable and alone and slowly commiting pudding-cide.
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If you get off on a fantasy all the more power to you, sure you're never going to get with that humanoid unicorn but lets face it I'm not getting near Neve Cambell any time soon so I'm willing to let it go, so long as we all agree its not real.
Sig!
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If you get off on a fantasy all the more power to you, sure you're never going to get with that humanoid unicorn but lets face it I'm not getting near Neve Cambell any time soon so I'm willing to let it go, so long as we all agree its not real.
Sig!
Wait, Neve Campbell is a unicorn? That explains her prissy attitude.
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Thank you Onstad for opening the portal to the gaping maw of the internet.
To be honest, I really thought that the employee I referred to was part of a very small group of people, so I'm really disturbed.
Honestly, if it gets you off, your partner is willing, and it doesn't kill anyone, have at it. But if your life is so off kilter that you somehow think it's apropriate to tell me (your boss) that you are actually infact a griffen, in a serious and unjoking tone, then you are way, way off the map, as far as I'm concerned. She had actually revealed this belief to me when I confronted her about the fact she was wearing inapropriate attire - the regular appearance of a T-shirt with a picture of some dragons on it. (which she corrected me, were not dragons, but some other creatures) It's an art gallery, we hosted two to three weddings a week. In this situation, you don't wear a t-shirt, no matter what's on it. And her defense is that she's actually a griffen? WTF, People?
She was an all round failure as an employee, she refused to learn the cash register until I forced her to, she followed gallery visitors around less than a foot behind them, butting into their conversations and otherwise annoying people, and her mother would arrive to pick her up over an hour before her shift ended and try to force me to let her leave early. The manager of the gallery refused to fire her, because she was hired under some government program, and we couldn't replace her, and would lose a large amount of funding. Since it was a summer job, all the manager (who was at the gallerey for an hour a week tops) would agree to was that she would not be rehired the following year.
It shortly came to light to one of the other employees that the "friends" she regularly referred to were also not people, but other griffens, giant birds, dragons, etc. I always wondered if these were all figments of her imagination, or other human partici##### in this strange world. I really wanted to belive that her friends were all made up, but from what I've seen here, I'm starting to believe that they actually could have been real people. I'm not sure if this is more, or less disturbing.
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You were being played. She obviously knew she couldn't be fired.
~Paul
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You were being played. She obviously knew she couldn't be fired.
~Paul
No, Paul, she wasn't playing me - she was from outerspace. It's really not possible to explain to you the total lack of social awareness that this girl had without you seeing the blank, non-reactive expression on her face. She had been home schooled her entire life, this was her first time doing anything outside the home apart from volunteering at a marsh. She honestly didn't know it wasn't apropriate to wear a T-shirt, just like she didn't know it was inapropriate to tell other people she believed herself to not be humna. Or her failure to pick up on the fact that you had to give gallery patrons their space. In fact she didn't understand the concept of personal space at all. She didn't understand sarcasm or even basic humour. I would make playful jokes and the other staff would laugh and she would just stare blankly. She generally lacked all interpersonal skills. It was sort of scary.
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...this was her first time doing anything outside the home apart from volunteering at a marsh.
Perfect. That is a million-dollar detail.
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...this was her first time doing anything outside the home apart from volunteering at a marsh.
Perfect. That is a million-dollar detail.
Dude, she was all about the marsh. Apart from griffens and her allergies to everything edible, this was her main topic of discussion. And she would correct all the other employees when they talked about animals - they're not animals they're "critters." Aparently the term animals is demeaning to animals. Also she would start any sentence off with "My job at the marsh..." which always deeply annoyed me because it wasn't a job, it was volunteering which is so totally not the same thing. When it comes to the difference between workers and volunteers, I always fall back on the wisdom of my friend and small business owner, who from past experiences, no longer takes on volunteers - he says "you can fire employees, you can't fire volunteers." So it was "critters" this and "griffens" that, and "I'm allergic to celery" this and "My job at the marsh" that.
I need to let this anger go, don't I?
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And she would correct all the other employees when they talked about animals - they're not animals they're "critters." Aparently the term animals is demeaning to animals.
Really? It sounds to me like "critters" would be a slur. Angry people at the marsh all holding signs saying "Critters go home!"
But I guess she would know, being a Griffin and all.
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Dare I ask what precisely she did at the marsh? Did she work with
animals critters or what? If so, n'gah.
(Also, are people thinking this should be split? My mod-sense is vaguely buzzing about this being pretty far off-topic, but if nobody has any objections to it staying here, I will likely leave it.)
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The only thing sadder than people who think they are animals (and demand to be called critters), are people who think they are elves who died in an elven holocaust (http://www.promethianweb.com/fae/modules.php?op=modload&name=XForum&file=viewthread&tid=268).
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I'm just gonna note here that there should be a distinction drawn between furries and otherkin. Furries are perfectly nice people who like to imagine they are having sex with a lady or gentleman who also possesses features of a fox or deer or manatee or whatever. Otherkin are the odd lunatic fringe that insist that they are in fact not humans but unicorns, dragons, griffons, neo-otyughs, etc. It's like the difference between imagining you're having sex with Neve Campbell and going around actually signing your checks "Neve Campbell And/Or Her Sex Buddy".
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When did Neve Campbell become the group default sex symbol?
~Paul
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When did Neve Campbell become the group default sex symbol?
~Paul
This board has developed a thing for corpulent women.
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When did Neve Campbell become the group default sex symbol?
Don't ask me. I had to IMDB her. It turns out I've never seen a single movie that she's been in.
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When did Neve Campbell become the group default sex symbol?
~Paul
I demand that we adopt Lauren Graham as the grope, er... group default sex symbol. As a measure of respect to Mr. Bear. Right. That's it...
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When did Neve Campbell become the group default sex symbol?
~Paul
I demand that we adopt Lauren Graham as the grope, er... group default sex symbol. As a measure of respect to Mr. Bear. Right. That's it...
Seconded.
~Paul
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Lauren Graham, or maybe just every character she has ever played, needs to switch to decaf.
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The only thing sadder than people who think they are animals (and demand to be called critters), are people who think they are elves who died in an elven holocaust (http://www.promethianweb.com/fae/modules.php?op=modload&name=XForum&file=viewthread&tid=268).
I read through this and read through it again hoping to find some indication that these peop... I mean "Elves" aren't serious. Yet it would seem they are. What would these poor, lost souls do without the internet?
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I'm not going to touch the furry / erm... elven... discussion...
But!
It's been pointed out to me by my mom (after I sent her to this strip in an email this past morning; yeaaaah I'm def. late in my readings), that there are many coincidences between what Onstad puts in the strip and what I recently have done. she wouldn't cite other references, but from this one, the mention of Wendy's... I just had Wendy's fries w/bbq sauce as a snack last night when I haven't had Wendy's in years.
This apparently means Onstad is sitting in a bush outside our window.
I am not sure about this one.... I just deem Wendy's as a more respectable fast food establishment for its involvement in this strip... to make it acceptable that that lady is indeed dressed up.
+ the fact that this strip was done yesterday. not today. that's another reason.
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Well, looks like it's time for me to try and set fire to the internet again.....
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The only thing sadder than people who think they are animals (and demand to be called critters), are people who think they are elves who died in an elven holocaust (http://www.promethianweb.com/fae/modules.php?op=modload&name=XForum&file=viewthread&tid=268).
I read through this and read through it again hoping to find some indication that these peop... I mean "Elves" aren't serious. Yet it would seem they are. What would these poor, lost souls do without the internet?
Glittery Silvan Auschwitz would be a great name for a band, no?
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I just deem Wendy's as a more respectable fast food establishment for its involvement in this strip... to make it acceptable that that lady is indeed dressed up.
Ah, no, Wendy's is just the latest in Onstad's six figure product placement deal. That's right people, stop feeling badly for taking free entertainment from Onstad. His salad days are over. How do you think he is able to afford a new car? T-shirt sales? Ha.
~Paul
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Wasn't there an Aqua Teen episode with Santa forcing Martians to work under him that ended up with Elven blood from the Elven Holocaust?
How sad is it when you rip off your personal problems from Adult Swim?
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Well, looks like it's time for me to try and set fire to the internet again.....
Well said, my friend, well said.
~Paul
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If Beef and Molly are inside the Wendys, which seems to be the case, shouldn't the lettering on the window be backwards?
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If Beef and Molly are inside the Wendys, which seems to be the case, shouldn't the lettering on the window be backwards?
Onstad thought of that, but this way sells more burgers and shakes. You don't want to confuse your target demographic.
~Paul
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If Beef and Molly are inside the Wendys, which seems to be the case, shouldn't the lettering on the window be backwards?
I looks like they're in a booth which backs to a wall. If it were a window there would be two diagonal lines indicating such as per the International Conventions of Humorous Drawings and Animations (1953).
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this is the best thread ever.
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this is the best thread ever.
Agreed. I will wax nostalgic about this thread in 2066.
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this is the best thread ever.
Agreed. I will wax nostalgic about this thread in 2066.
The best thing about this thread are some of the Gooooogle ads up top. Real Elven and Faery items, for one. Watch Naked Videos, for another.
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The best thing about this thread are some of the Gooooogle ads up top. Real Elven and Faery items, for one. Watch Naked Videos, for another.
I wouldn't mind seeing a naked elven Liv Tyler or Cate Winslet.
~Paul
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The best thing about this thread are some of the Gooooogle ads up top. Real Elven and Faery items, for one. Watch Naked Videos, for another.
I wouldn't mind seeing a naked elven Liv Tyler or Cate Winslet.
~Paul
Stop. Right there. Or else you will have to become the token griffin/gryphon of this message board and be dubbed Merv.
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Merv the perv. Yes you are right. I realized I was toeing the line with that one.
~Paul
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Merv the perv. Yes you are right. I realized I was toeing the line with that one.
~Paul
The reason why this crosses the line is that, although Liv Tyler, for example, is attractive; and although the same process that gives one an 'elf aesthetic' (soft focus, airbrushing, larger eyes) would make a woman more attractive, it's a slippery slope and then you find yourself fantasizing about Somebody nice O'Donnell as Gimli.
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you find yourself fantasizing about Somebody nice O'Donnell as Gimli.
That gives me a hard off.
~Paul
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... although Liv Tyler, for example, is attractive; and although the same process that gives one an 'elf aesthetic' (soft focus, airbrushing, larger eyes) would make a woman more attractive, it's a slippery slope and then you find yourself fantasizing about Somebody nice O'Donnell as Gimli.
Uh you gotta admit Bobby she looks just like an angel. (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=07302003)
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you find yourself fantasizing about Somebody nice O'Donnell as Gimli.
That gives me a hard off.
~Paul
Is that something you jerk on with?