The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: V-Adore on August 08, 2005, 03:18:47 pm
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Starting a new thread to keep things all neat-like.
Is it bad that I can sympathize much more with Teodor's general angst about bogusness than I can with Chris's toaster-oven hunt? I mean, one of these two is a fictional character (all right, a more fictional character). What the hell?
Philippe's blog: also lovely, although I continue to try to figure out the context on the giant plaster shoe.
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God, I never usually read the blog threads. I suppose I should feel like a total dork for having emailed him with the info he needed about toaster oven mounting hoods?
You just want to have your name written on the door in sharpie. Don't feed his ego.
~Paul
Don't you hate when you try to help someone out and they shit on you for it.
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Copy...andpaste....
"It is like having a basic earthworm beside me, only it is a worm that seems like it might be able to learn and hate"
I almost started a new topic just to post this.
This has made my week already.
So entertained.
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God, I never usually read the blog threads. I suppose I should feel like a total dork for having emailed him with the info he needed about toaster oven mounting hoods?
You just want to have your name written on the door in sharpie. Don't feed his ego.
~Paul
Don't you hate when you try to help someone out and they shit on you for it.
This is why I thought it was fairly pointless to send any assistance. Not that I thought Onstad would be gracious about it (although he made a token effort to be as gracious as he could).
There is enough demand for the under-cabinet mounting to keep making them, yet one place it won't fit...
I would suggest a little flexibility in where it might go, remodeling the kitchen to accomodate a toaster oven, fabricating a custom mounting device, or punting.
Alternately, European kitchens are generally tiny, Maybe there is a European product that would fit (of course, you would probably have to use an adapter for the electricity).
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I continue to try to figure out the context on the giant plaster shoe.
When this shoe-business first hove into view on Friday, I just looked at it as some incomprehensible Philippe-business that would make perfect sense if I was five. Having long ago attained and surpassed that age, I figured it would remain a mystery, and I could direct my energies elsewhere.
Now that it is easing into other areas, it is deepening its hold on my imagination, yet remains just as mysterious...and just as unsolvable.
Just felt like posting.
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Shoes show up quite often in the Achewood world. Philiippe's mom gave him the Special Boy shoes, we had that possesed loafer of Ray's, the dog-doo incidents for both Onstad and Ray, Phillippe's new shoes, Onstad's plaster shoe - there are probably more. Other accessories I can think of are hats, capes, caftans, at least two kinds of helmets, and an Abraham Lincoln outfit.
Onstad is about fashion.
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Don't forget the rollerskate of death.
~Paul
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No, no, I'm aware that various articles of clothing make their way into the Achewood world and sometimes become stars.
I was referring to the Philippe Times' offhand mention of "stayed up way too late (new shoes!)" and how I couldn't process that (mentally).
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Yeah, I get that - I was just ruminating on the central role clothing accessories seem to often play in the drawings of anthropomorphic cats and alive stuffed animals that we love so much.
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Onstad is about fashion.
I really don't think he's as much about fashion as he is about Freudian symbolism (http://www.geocities.com/psychohistory2001/cinderella.html).
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Boy, can I not disagree more with the writing at that link.
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I think as long as Beef can resist the urge to bury the knife in the backyard, he might be OK. I kinda wish that Chris could resist foisting his food inclinations on all the characters, especially Beef, who is ambivalent about food to the point of forgetting to eat for a week, and would basically never spend exactly $120 on a knife for cooking after passing on the Swiss Army knife. This is crossing the line.
However, I do like to picture Beef immediately turning a tomato into ketchup through the power of pushing.
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AAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!
This really needed a picture of Charlie Brown howling in despair.
Also, sometimes a fairy tale is just a story.
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I was gonna say about the same thing, sometimes a shoe is just a shoe. Now I have to feel weird every time I put on a shoe.
I want a shoe sized for my personal junk, now.
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I was gonna say about the same thing, sometimes a shoe is just a shoe. Now I have to feel weird every time I put on a shoe.
I want a shoe sized for my personal junk, now.
On the other hand, one could exploit this little scenario. One could use the limitless power of the imagination when putting on shoes, every time, and one could thus save hundreds of dollars in online porn charges.
I wonder what fairy tales have as a substitute for drinking too many beers? That would be another money-saving avenue.
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Yeah, but the money you save on Pr0n would be spent getting the shoes cleaned out.
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Yeah, but the money you save on Pr0n would be spent getting the shoes cleaned out.
I suddenly got this image of Todd, being interviewed, declaiming that he "ain't wearing no" socks.
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Yeah, but the money you save on Pr0n would be spent getting the shoes cleaned out.
I suddenly got this image of Todd, being interviewed, declaiming that he "ain't wearing no" socks.
Nice.
~Paul
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I love the enormous difficulty Onstad has in restraining himself from coming off as totally obnoxious in his latest blog entry. It's funny to imagine how it could really be that hard to kindly explain that he already knows about the Black and Decker model toaster oven mount.
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I love the enormous difficulty Onstad has in restraining himself from coming off as totally obnoxious in his latest blog entry. It's funny to imagine how it could really be that hard to kindly explain that he already knows about the Black and Decker model toaster oven mount.
I'm picturing him snapping back and forth between Good Onstad (a basically nice, reasonable guy) and Bad Onstad (Pat to the infinite power):
"Gosh, a lot of people wrote in to suggest the same toaster oven, but I forgot to mention that it doesn't work. I should probably mention it."
"Those PLEBIANS! How DARE they assume that you had not already chosen and discarded the most obvious model?! They must be chastised for their hubris in assuming you would do such a thing!"
"Now, calm down, they probably just didn't realize --"
"Castigate them in RHYME!"
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"Castigate them in RHYME!"
I love days like today.
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I'm picturing him snapping back and forth between Good Onstad (a basically nice, reasonable guy) and Bad Onstad (Pat to the infinite power):
"Gosh, a lot of people wrote in to suggest the same toaster oven, but I forgot to mention that it doesn't work. I should probably mention it."
"Those PLEBIANS! How DARE they assume that you had not already chosen and discarded the most obvious model?! They must be chastised for their hubris in assuming you would do such a thing!"
"Now, calm down, they probably just didn't realize --"
"Castigate them in RHYME!"
Will he be wearing a sock puppet ala South Park only in this case the puppet will be named Mr. Pat?
That was great V.
~Paul
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There is no need to spend exactly $120 on a knife when this (http://www.warthers.com/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=21&products_id=37) can be had at less than half the price.
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I think my heart's explodin'! These Knives!
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I think my heart's explodin'! These Knives!
I know my basal nervous system wants this knife.
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Man, it's fallin' through that onion.
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Man, that knife can do anything! Just ask...Baby Jesus!
I move this thread be stopped, quickly. I apologize for contributing to it.
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I had a terrible thought. All this talk of shoes in sexual terms...
Well, it suddenly casts Philippe's "stayed up way too late (new shoes!)" in an entirely new, and entirely unwelcome light.
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Once this friend of mine was crossing the street right near Tower City in Cleveland when this guy comes up to her in the crosswalk and offers her $50 if he can smell her shoes.
True story.
The world is full of interesting people.
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Once this friend of mine was crossing the street right near Tower City in Cleveland when this guy comes up to her in the crosswalk and offers her $50 if he can smell her shoes.
True story.
The world is full of interesting people.
Hmm, Cleveland you say? I drove through Cleveland once. While driving along on the freeway I noticed a guy in the car next to me just totally stroking his crank for all it was worth. He seemed to be completely unconcerned in his small car that virtually everyone could peer in and see exactly what he was doing. What is up with Cleveland?
~Paul
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No telling.
I'm sure that sort of thing happens in a lot of places.
I used to work in an STD clinic so I saw and heard lots of weird things.
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I have a story about cleveland, too, but.... it's not of the sexual theme...
I wanted a pastry at this little stand in tower mall.... there were a ton on display... and they said "no sorry, there is a croissant and a muffin, that's it" so I took those.
Then at an Italian restaurant upstairs they said there weren't any tables left... but the whole place was empty.
For some reason it felt like the twilight zone.
Also, a homeless looking man stumbled over trying to open the car door while we were parked somewhere.. that wasn't cool.
I'm sure this story is not so interesting, but 8yrs ago, it was... just the chain of events. all together. yes.
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I have a story about cleveland, too, but.... it's not of the sexual theme...
I wanted a pastry at this little stand in tower mall.... there were a ton on display... and they said "no sorry, there is a croissant and a muffin, that's it" so I took those.
Then at an Italian restaurant upstairs they said there weren't any tables left... but the whole place was empty.
For some reason it felt like the twilight zone.
Also, a homeless looking man stumbled over trying to open the car door while we were parked somewhere.. that wasn't cool.
I'm sure this story is not so interesting, but 8yrs ago, it was... just the chain of events. all together. yes.
Is it possible that you smelt funny? I mean it would explain a lot - you do not deserve the good pastry if you smell, you do not get a table if you smell, a homeless looking man will assume you are his buddy and he can live with you in your car if you smell. I should know, I'm smells.
Or maybe you're non-Cleaveland accent was assumed to not be a non-Cleaveland accent, but rather, a sarcastic tone. Or maybe you were actually using a sarcastic tone, assuming that it would only be taken for a non-Cleaveland accent, but you didn't pull one over on Cleaveland. Oh, no, Cleaveland pulled one over on you. Huh. So there.
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Cleveland has no privilege to discriminate based on smell. I grew up about 35 miles south of the city and the steel mills emit a horrendous, permeating sulphuric stench that form a stink-dome over everything in Cuyahoga County. North on 71 or 77? Get ready, because once you get to Independence or so you'll start thinking someone hid a dozen rotten eggs in your glovebox and the odor will stay with you on your way home well past Akron (which sometimes still stinks of burning rubber itself). The river and lake provide no mercy - although they're not dirty enough to catch fire anymore, they still reek like a sewage treatment plant.
So no, the Clevelanders were probably not thinking that you smelled bad.
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You grew up exactly where?
Akron smelled worse. The tire plants smelled badder than the steel mills, I think. I had the lucky privilege of living right between Akron and Cleveland, downwind from a shit factory (water treatment plant).
8 Years ago, though, if there was any steel still coming out of Cleveland it was from LTV which I think shut down somewhere in that time frame. So not too much industrial smells to worry about.
The real stench comes from Jane Campbell's office. She's flown that plane right into the ground.
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Maybe it's not the steel mills anymore but there's gotta be some kind of foundries or factories up there making things smell like Bigfoot's dick.
I grew up in Cuyahoga Falls. I'm happy I don't live there anymore.
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You grew up in Caucasian Falls? I grew up in Bath Township. My dad had an office on Grant Street right across from Rick Case at State Road. I had to spend an inordinate amount of my youth there.
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Cleveland has no privilege to discriminate based on smell.
According to this logic...
Two guys in Cleveland:
A: Hey, it smells like this milk has gone bad.
B: Ah, but there's no way to be sure, since we're in Cleveland and everything smells bad here, so you have to taste it to be sure.
A: Blurt! Oh god why! It tastes so bad! I wish I could discriminate based on smell!
A tourist in Cleveland:
Tourist: Gee, maybe I shouldn't go down this alley, since it stinks of hobo pee. Oh wait, I'm in Cleveland, so it's probably just a cleveland smell, no hobo pee.
Hobo: Ha, ha, like so many others, you have stumbled into my hobo grotto, unable to discern my hobo pee smell from the regular cleveland air! Now hand over your spare change before I jesus monkey newpaper you!
My point is, that sometimes you can even smell worse than the normal stink of a place. It's possible.
I didn't mean to imply that starlight stinks, btw. Really it's me. I'm the one who stinks. Who stinks? I do.
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I didn't mean to imply that starlight stinks, btw. Really it's me. I'm the one who stinks. Who stinks? I do.
Heh. no offense taken!
Perhaps I did smell... I really don't recall that far back.
We were staying at a crappy motel where I didn't even want to sit on the bed. perhaps the hidden smell of that room attached itself to me. something to consider....
AND! hobo grotto!
I almost spit on my monitor. I'm never drinking anything when I read funny things thankfully. heh. this is a one month old laptop afterall!
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Threads have been split. Go forth and speak of hobos and toaster ovens in their appropriate locations, O my children.
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Would it be possible, when splitting, to put links to the new threads in the split announcement?
Thanks.
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Dude, it's not like this board is hugely cavernous or poorly-organized. But if you insist:
Hobos (http://achewood.plagiarist.com/viewtopic.php?t=2085) and toaster ovens. (http://achewood.plagiarist.com/viewtopic.php?t=2086)
And yes, before anyone says anything: I am aware the split is sloppy. I did my best.
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Sloppy splitter.
~Paul
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Dude, it's not like this board is hugely cavernous or poorly-organized. But if you insist:
Hobos (http://achewood.plagiarist.com/viewtopic.php?t=2085) and toaster ovens. (http://achewood.plagiarist.com/viewtopic.php?t=2086)
And yes, before anyone says anything: I am aware the split is sloppy. I did my best.
I'm just thinking if you move someone's stuff, it's only courteous to tell them where it is. Even in a small three room apartment, it would be a nice gesture.
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Well of course the pro should know every place that a golf cart can fit at high speed. I mean come ON.
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In true Seinfeld-esque fashion, we assumed, Lyle's piss thread and Beef's knife thread would come togehter. Perhaps Lyle would steal the knife and use it to cut his ropy piss. Alas, we were disappointed (or, as Jough would say, "YOU ARE OLD AND TIRED ONSTAD. TAKE A VACATION YOU WIFE BEATER.") as Beef returns his knife out of a paranoia that is rather uncharacteristic for a fellow as logical as him.
This is, in my opinion, a poor way to write Beef, as Beef's depression and pessimism has always been the result of a long, slow, deliberate weighing of the odds; it's the kind of despair borne of the second law of thermodynamics, that no matter what we do, the logical path is that of dissolution and decay. Roast Beef subscribing to an unnatural paranoia with no basis in the soul-crushing despair of actual existence is quite at odds with his statement that What We Need More Of Is Science.
At least Lyle is pissing clearly again.
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Be careful of diabetes, guys.
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I think I've actually had this phone call once or twice. I've definitely had this conversation in person.
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I hope most people who complained about Roast Beef buying the knife were pleased by the entry where he returned it. On the other hands, some people are never happy and are always depressed or angry.
"My problem, not yours" has to be the most awesome thing to write on a return receipt, ever.
I got to get back to the swamp.
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Hey Null, where's your buddy void? I'm always seeing you two together, but he ain't been around lately.
~Paul
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Last I heard, Void was still in the hospital after that car crash. He's okay (and he says no more flowers, please, they are making him ill.) I think he is goofing off. Can anyone blame him?
Honestly, I say "hi" to him and that's about it. The business in the past...well, it is in the past for a reason.
":) Face."
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"morning calamari" is not a concept that I want to wrap my head around.
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If I had my way it would be that the seven-dollar parrot balloon makes an appearance in the strip, and if that way was really my way it would be that that balloon becomes a harbinger of doom much like the rollerskate, floating by in the distance just as someone was about to leave this mortal coil and in spirit, as the balloon, ascend to unknown heights and disappear from earthly sight.
Also: soap caves that lead to hell
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Gropey Gus? Huh?
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Gropey Gus? Huh?
Grumpy + mopey = gropey??
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Gropey Gus is that guy who sits on the crowded subway trains all day
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The episode Beef is talking about is called Gender Bender and it's not a good episode.
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I managed to watch a few minutes of both shows that Chris would have us vote on. Does anyone else hate laugh tracks on almost a cellular level?
Presumably they just used it because live audiences require money and space, but damn. Laugh tracks suck like head cancer and are only slightly less fatal.
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I think it would be totally Achewoodian if the guy who chased Teodore was also the guy (Darius) who was recently Ray's pool cleaner. He had to be nice all the time around Ray (though that didn't work) and had to get his meanness out in other avenues.
Teodore is lucky he was not chased by pale green ##### with nobody inside them.
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A common word for "trousers" is censored?
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A common word for "trousers" is censored?
Particularly if they are being worn by a *****.
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A common word for "trousers" is censored?
Particularly if they are being worn by a #####.
Freakin' ##### wearing *****s. Think they're so big. I show them.
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Freakin' ****** wearing *****s. Think they're so big. I show them.
You show them...just how big they are? Wearing #####? Using a measuring tape? One that measures the waist and/or inseam of...#####?
"He's really out of shape. He runs up and down the driveway, then stops by the front door, and he just stands there and #####."
P is for Philippe
A is for Architect David Vincent
N is for Nice Pete
T is for Teodor
S is for Stainless Steel Swiss Cheese.
Ha ha I said the bad word a lot of times...I rock completely. If it's okay with everyone, I mean.
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