The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Trivial Pursuits => Wild Card => Topic started by: Beatrice on December 07, 2005, 06:29:09 pm
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Interesting... (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe_Toaster)
First I've heard!
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This (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0380810239/qid=1133981251/sr=8-9/ref=pd_bbs_9/104-8894046-0759924?n=507846&s=books&v=glance) is a nice Baltimore mystery that involves the Poe toaster.
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The Wikipedia neglects to mention the note that the Toaster left on the grave in 1986:
The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me -
Yes! - that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Original Coke.
Seriously, though, "The Baltimore Ravens. A thousand injuries they will suffer"? I had no idea the Poe Toaster had so thoroughly jumped the shark.
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Have I mentioned lately that Poe and I have the same birthday?
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Have I mentioned lately that Poe and I have the same birthday?
I smell conspiracy theory.
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Ech so this new kid is into supporting football teams (is it football?) and political messages.
See how sports and politics destroy everything good and cool?!
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One of my two favorite professors in college was a Doctor Of Edgar Allan Poe. Poe had been the subject of his doctoral thesis. Poe had been the subject of most of his scholarly work (but not his most famous (http://www.1timothy4-13.com/files/family/demonictoys2.html)). His license plates said "POE DOC." He used to joke with his classes about the "published reports of the Toaster's big nose" and then turn himself in profile to the class so we could take his large schnozz in yet again.
There was always the thought. Dr. Millar was diagnosed with cancer in late 1998 and died, I believe, in late 1999 or 2000. Whatever his personal involvement, I'm sure he would not approve of whoever is doing the toasting treating the ritual with that kind of disgrace.
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I say that next year, I go and pre-empt the sucky Toaster.
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I say tell him you've got a special bottle of Cognac you want him to use in your basement then lure him down and brick him up.
If he doesn't see it coming he's hardly worthy anyway.
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I had a Poe toaster once. It made my Poes all nice and toasty.
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I had a Poe toaster once. It made my Poes all nice and toasty.
When I first saw the thread title, I kind of hoped that someone had made a toasted that browns a piece by Poe into the side of your bread, like those Mickey penis ones.
"Poor, lost Lenor-" CRUNCH!
CHEW CHEW CHEW CHEW.
GULP.
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They could make a whole series... a Mark Twain waffle maker, a Hunter S. Thompson juicer, a Kurt Vonnegut knife set...
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Oh man, now I want a Poe Toaster so bad. With Poe on one side and a raven on the other. Dang.
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At UVa they have Poe's room "preserved" with a little recording and a plexiglass door that you can look through.
I used quotation marks because apparently he was so poor that instead of buying firewood for his room he just burned the university-supplied furniture. So the stuff in there now he never even laid eyes on.
No toasters, though.
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When I saw the thread title, I thought it was a demented or haunted toaster that somehow did something strange akin to what might be read in a Poe story. Some dude visiting Poe's grave on his birthday and offering a toast and flowers. Doing it for over fifty years, becoming renowned for it, and taking his secret to the grave is pretty fuck*ng cool too though. His successor using the platform to talk about a fuck*ng football team is just lame.
~Paul
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Bozack, gather a team laden with sniper rifles. Wear a stovepipe hat and a juacet with tails piped with burgundy. Train your team's rifles at the non-you Poe Toaster. Should their rifles sound, fall, count to four, then bolt.
This test requires a B- to pass. B- can be achieved by living through the ordeal.
I'll be grading on-site.
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I imagine a converstation between the Ghost of Poe Toaster 1 and the new Poe Toaster 2 Going like this:
Toaster 1: Son! Oooooohhh! Son!
Toaster 2: Oh, hey dad.
T1:The time is drawing nigh for the annual toast.
T2: Yeah, whatever.
T1: T'is a grand tradition! You must carry the torch!
T2: Yeah, okay.
T1: You must honour...
T2: Yeah, yeah, "honour Poe's spirit through the toasting of spirits." I know dad, you've told me, like, twenty times.
T1: I have passed the torch to you - t'is your chance to have the world listen.
T2: Come on dad, the world isn't listening, just a few goth weirdos.
T1: 'Weirdos?' Poe's readers are not, as you, say "wierdos," but rather those who know the darkness...
T2: Yeah, "the darkness of the human soul." I got it dad, you tell me the same stuff every year.
T1: Fine.
T2: Fine.
T1: So... what message wilt thou you offer this year?
T2: Message? Oh, man, I don't know...
T1: It's needs to be a message...
T2: "bourne of a passion," yeah, I know dad.
T1: What whilt thou message be?
T2: I don't know... I've been thinking, maybe something about the Xbox 360.
T1: The Xbox 360?
T2: It's a video game machine.
T1: (disolving into vapor) Oh curses upon the heavens, the young one does not comprehend the task at had... T'is a dark nigh of the human soul... Oh, darkness... darkness... darkness....
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T2: It's a video game machine.
I'm a sucker for all things steampunk, so of course I died a little death upon reading this term.
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I do have to laugh a little bit about the controversy the Toaster Watchers are in arms about concerning T2's forays into commentary. About how the new toaster is not keeping with the solemnity of the the tradition of the thing. T1 wasn't doing it for YOU, motherfuckers. He was doing it for himself, and on another level, for the dead author he likes. T2 is doing it, probably, for his dad, or his uncle, or whatever. The ritual is theirs, not yours.
One year he should do it in a clown costume and leave a half empty PBR on the grave to remind them of that.