The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: Victoria Waterfield on January 19, 2007, 06:49:09 am
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http://www.achewood.com/raysplace.php?date=01182007&allnav= (http://www.achewood.com/raysplace.php?date=01182007&allnav=)
Tron = the best cat name.
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Hahah, New-Agey cats from Santa Cruz constantly getting their Bone on. Classic. I'm glad Ray's back, and fronting about his non-neutered status. Does that mean he really got a vasectomy?
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"Tron" and "Jamma Camma" are easily the best names ever. Utter delight.
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Man, Ray's so smooth he can propose a Suggestion one day and then give good advice the next!
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I love Ray's Place but I wanted a strip for my birthday, not a column about shaving your pubes. Sigh.
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Y'know, I was gonna say 'tween the shoe issue and the Santa Cruz honking that this was equivalent to a strip as far as I was concerned.
But maybe it isn't all about me, sorries.
ALSO: I guess maybe this settles Ray's cut status? Or maybe we can't take the statement of the subject as canonical?
Ambivalence, fuck!
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OK, I take it back a little after being more awake and rereading the Santa Cruz thing which really is funny.
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ALSO: I guess maybe this settles Ray's cut status? Or maybe we can't take the statement of the subject as canonical?
Or maybe we can't take Ray's bullshitting word for it.
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Is the neutered strip old enough to be from the non-canon era? Were Ray's owners just mistaken (Ray escaped and the vet didn't have the heart to tell them he didn't finish the job)? Does Ray even have owners any more?
My vote: Onstad hates the idea of canon and is fuck*ng with us on purpose.
Do they make some kind of specialty shoe-liner specifically for drinking out of? Dude needs to check some nicer sex shops.
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Holy hell - whoever wrote the cat question deserves some sort of award. I laughed so hard tears came out. This level of funny makes me think Onstad writes the questions too - it's too good for a layperson.
As for Ray being neutered, I don't think most cats know they've been fixed - they're out cold when it goes down, and as both this column (if it's not fake) and my own personal experience dictates, cats still get their bone on if they're fixed anyway.
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I'm thinking he WAS neutered... and then went through some complex rich-people's (uh, rich-cat-people's) process to un-neuter him that may or may not have actually worked. Sort of the cat equivalent of dudes who go through surgery and the use of special underwear devices to get their foreskins back when, really, they've just stretched out their regular old wang-skin until it dangled creepily.
In Ray's mind, since he was un-neutered, he can say he isn't neutered without it counting as a lie.
This is probably because I am fascinated with the idea that dudes will go through all that just to get something back that they lost when they were a day old and in no way remember having and... will probably make their cleaning ritual more complex and... will probably creep the occasional lover out... and so on.
So I project onto Ray. But it's as good a theory as any for drawings.
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[NEUTICLES SHOULD BE MENTIONED HERE]
Jeebus help us on the cat cack conversation days.
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I'd just like to note at this point that cats' penes are in fact barbed.
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I'd just like to note at this point that cats' penes are in fact barbed.
According to my father, this is also true of Klingons.
Anytime there's a Klingon in a Star Trek show, he'll point out this theory.
"How did Dax survive the sex?" he might say, "I mean, when you consider that Worf's c*ck is horribly barbed."
I'm not sure if he actually believes this or just likes laying out strange mental pictures. But he sure loves saying it.
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Besides for the rollerskating attempt, Ray is a testosterone machine. How could anyone think he's one short of a baker's dozen?
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According to my father, this is also true of Klingons.
Anytime there's a Klingon in a Star Trek show, he'll point out this theory.
"How did Dax survive the sex?" he might say, "I mean, when you consider that Worf's c*ck is horribly barbed."
I'm not sure if he actually believes this or just likes laying out strange mental pictures. But he sure loves saying it.
Is your Dad some kind of weird subvariety of Trekkie/er, or does he just like pointing this out? The former seems more likely, but the latter is substantially more disturbing and hilarious.
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My dad just likes saying weird stuff to see how people react and/or running a joke so far into the ground that it becomes funny again.
I... guess it's genetic.
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I'm thinking he WAS neutered... and then went through some complex rich-people's (uh, rich-cat-people's) process to un-neuter him that may or may not have actually worked. Sort of the cat equivalent of dudes who go through surgery and the use of special underwear devices to get their foreskins back when, really, they've just stretched out their regular old wang-skin until it dangled creepily.
In Ray's mind, since he was un-neutered, he can say he isn't neutered without it counting as a lie.
This is probably because I am fascinated with the idea that dudes will go through all that just to get something back that they lost when they were a day old and in no way remember having and... will probably make their cleaning ritual more complex and... will probably creep the occasional lover out... and so on.
So I project onto Ray. But it's as good a theory as any for drawings.
Hahaha... that is truly the Saddest Thing, a dude trying to use weights and straps to regrow his foreskin.
My ex-fiance and I had an argument about that, once. Since I'm vehemently opposed to female genital mutilation such as is practiced in some Muslim cultures, I said that I might not want to get a boy circumcised, either. He argued that he would want his son to be circumcised like him. I dunno. I guess it's a moot point since I've not seen him in several years and therefore will never have children with him.
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the whole circumcision thing is bull. Goddamn, allow people to keep their skin. I am intoxicated, but not enough to go any further into this.
people, do not cut a part off of your son's c*ck. this sounds like common sense, until you realize that I am referring to circumcision.
this is made even more complex by the addition that uncircumcised penii do not look... as good? They do not look great, people. Goddamn.
(I understand it more if it is for religious reasons, instead of "I want our son to feel normal/I want our son to be like me/ I want our son to find it less pleasant to masturbate/ I want our son to lose a good portion of the most sensitive erogenous zone on his body.")
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Yeah, uncircumsized is alright as long as you're cool with coming home to find me teabagging the garbage disposal.
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My cousin was uncircumcised and when he was about 11 or 12 he got some kind of skin infection from it and had to have surgery performed. I would totally not want to be 12 years old and have to be circumcised. Now, I'm not sure how often that kind of thing happens, but I'd rather prevent it than have to make some adolescent kid endure torture like having some of your new favorite body part removed. Best to lose it before you miss it.
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Best to lose it before you miss it.
Plus, best not to go runnin' around with your wang lookin' all like a sausage with one knot undone.
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I never got The Work done on my little feller. So I guess you can add me to the sausage with one knot undone camp. It's not so bad, really. It helps keep me warm in the winter, and with the recent technological advancements they've made in running water and soap, I can have promiscuous sex with as many sexy ladies as I want!
That last part is harder than you might think.
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I got it removed for medical reasons when I was 6 or so.
I know you all appreciated this essential information.
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I seem to remember hearing a whole heap o' facts about how it was a really sensitive area, and being circumcised led to decreased sensation, as well as a variety of other effects. I will not list them here-- check out here. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_effects_of_circumcision)
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Or you could watch the circumcision episode of Bullshit
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So I guess you can add me to the sausage with one knot undone camp.
Hey, if you dig it, enjoy. (I was going to say "mazeltov" but... it seemed incongruous.)
Many people also seem to enjoy having tattoos and piercings and "career paths where the odds of success are more likely than winning the lottery"... they're just things I'm pretty much incapable of taking on myself.
If you can find a lady (or for 15% of the world, a dude) that likes your wang, that's all that matters.
All c*ckes... cut, uncut, mine, yours, big, small, black, white, yellow, brown, purple, etc... are weird-looking and gross, this is why girl-on-girl pornography is so popular. All you can do is come to peace with the particular way your own equipment is weird-looking and gross.
It is a life thing.
EDIT: Also, for God's sake, I definitely would not want to be MORE sensitive down there. Christ, I can't even imagine that. Thank God I'm circumsized, then, I would've had to have had an icepack in my ##### for... all of high school.
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I never got The Work done on my little feller. So I guess you can add me to the sausage with one knot undone camp. It's not so bad, really. It helps keep me warm in the winter, and with the recent technological advancements they've made in running water and soap, I can have promiscuous sex with as many sexy ladies as I want!
That last part is harder than you might think.
Oh, i forgot about the AIDS thing. Circumcision reduces AIDS transmission (http://news.google.com/news?hl=en&ned=us&q=circumcision+AIDS&btnG=Search+News).
Also, you've gotta say that my dick looks better than yours, Turtleneck Tom. Reducing genital sensation due to circumcision? I think that Ray would argue with you there.
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how the hell would he know? Did he get his junk cut up at a late age?
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There are some health benefits to circumcision. However, there are also accidents during the act. I consider the whole thing to be a wash and am amused when people get so worked up about it.
Penn and Teller can fuck a duck, no matter what their position is.
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yeah. I dug them until I saw/heard about a few that seemed to go completely against their whole concept. (EG: "monogamy is bullshit! Religion is Bullshit!") I don't know.
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how the hell would he know? Did he get his junk cut up at a late age?
Dude, there are billions of circumcised men on the planet. Most of them orgasm at the drop of a hat. They don't have a problem with reduced genital sensation.
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maybe they don't have a "problem" with it-- but they do have it. I mean, a piece of highly sensitive skin was cut off of them. Thems the facts.
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maybe they don't have a "problem" with it-- but they do have it. I mean, a piece of highly sensitive skin was cut off of them. Thems the facts.
Yeah, but... and I apologize in advance if this turns into a giant-ass rant... it bugs me a lot when circumcision is directly compared to female genital mutilation, because the two are not even in the same galaxy. FGM involves mutilation so severe that any kind of pleasurable sex, or even non-painful sex, is impossible, on top of having any number of urogenital-health complications and drastically increasing the danger associated with childbirth. FGM kills people. I can understand the idea that people opposed to FGM might also logically be opposed to circumcision, but there is absolutely no comparison in terms of magnitude -- unless you are seriously prepared to argue that taking somewhat longer to orgasm is comparable with sex being agonizing and childbirth being deadly.
Furthermore, it is extremely irritating that, for a lot of guys, female genital mutilation is just another excuse to bitch about their own junk. Please don't be that guy.
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Penn and Teller can fuck a duck, no matter what their position is.
My new favourite insult phrase, in the vein of "fuck a duck", lately has been:
"Eat a shitty peach."
You would say, in your instance, "Penn and Teller can eat a shitty peach!"
On paper (or screen) it's a little underwhelming but... out loud, it's really awesome.
Try 'er out.
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Also, you've gotta say that my dick looks better than yours, Turtleneck Tom.
Wait, you've got a dick? Or is this somehow pegging related?
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My new favourite insult phrase, in the vein of "fuck a duck", lately has been:
"Eat a shitty peach."
You would say, in your instance, "Penn and Teller can eat a shitty peach!"
On paper (or screen) it's a little underwhelming but... out loud, it's really awesome.
Try 'er out.
I have to ask: is the implication that "shitty peach" in this phrase is a metaphor for certain body parts, or just meant to indicate that the target should eat a peach of very poor quality? I kind of like the latter -- it has a charming simplicity to it. "Penn and Teller, I hope you eat a peach and it is bad! I hope breakfast is ruined for you!"
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Now that you mention it... what's so bad about fuck*ng a duck, anyway?
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Ask the duck.
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I kind of like the latter -- it has a charming simplicity to it.
That's how I intend it.
"May your breakfast fruit have weird soft spots and maybe a worm!"
If it was to be taken as a metaphor for sexual parts... yeah, I don't wanna see Penn or Teller do that.
At all.
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I propose a solution to this whole fiasco: all the uncircumcised dudes here (I can't be the only one) hook up their wangs to a USB device very similar to that of Nice Pete's. We put a picture of our dongs on the internet, and if people don't like what they see, they can vote to have it snipped off by the USB knife!
I just hope we don't get hella stabbed in the head and the ass cheek due to faulty drivers.
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I was only comparing those two things in one way-- In my opinion, cutting things off of people without their consent for dubious reasons is not a good thing. They are similar in that-- not in magnitude.
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I just told my friend to eat a shitty peach and he looked at me like I was crazy, then started laughing. CAN'ED!
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I have to ask: is the implication that "shitty peach" in this phrase is a metaphor for certain body parts, or just meant to indicate that the target should eat a peach of very poor quality? I kind of like the latter -- it has a charming simplicity to it. "Penn and Teller, I hope you eat a peach and it is bad! I hope breakfast is ruined for you!"
I assumed it was a peach with shit on it. Such a peach would be bad to eat.
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Now that you mention it... what's so bad about fuck*ng a duck, anyway?
Oily. Painful for both parties--assuming one of the parties is Penn/Teller and the other is a duck.
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Now that you mention it... what's so bad about fuck*ng a duck, anyway?
Well, I suppose the human would be shunned by their peers, but the duck's friends would consider him quite the fellow.
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I assumed it was a peach with shit on it. Such a peach would be bad to eat.
I like to think that a "shitty peach" is a mealy, gross peach that has texture like spaghetti squash when you bite into it. EWWW!!! My mouth dries up just thinking about it.
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Guys, wangs are not that big a deal.
If you are cut, hooray! It is OK.
If you are uncut, hooray! It is also OK but do not let the insecurity of cut guys get to you. You know that all the BS about dickcheese, cancer, and ladies preference is not true. Just don't pick on the cut guys. They can't help it.
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Giraffe Placenta.
Rock over London, rock on Chicago
This thread may now be closed.
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As long as there is newborn foreskin in the world, this thread can never be closed!
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Roving gangs of anti-circumsizing activists... tagging buildings "4skin 4life!"
Unemployed mohels, clad in dirty jackets, standing around barrels of burning trash.
Frothing protestors threatening to bring guns into maternity wards to enforce the will of God.
Mad Max, end of the world shit. This is where we are heading with this thread.
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I'm prepared to wait that long. I have a 2 liter of Coke and a comfortable chair.
edit: a can for "Roving gangs of anti-circumsizing activists"
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Damn it, I'm gone for a week and miss a heated discussion about circumcision.
It's probably just as well, though. In real life I'm always afraid to introduce circumcision to a conversation, because there is a part of my brain that for some reason always conflates that idea with castration, or at the very least gets the two words mixed up. I have embarrassed myself this way on multiple occasions.
...and with that the thread comes full circle, the circumcision debate having begun as a discussion of the ultimate fate of Ray's rad chilies.
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i_f - it's not so strange to get circumcision and castration mixed up. After all, sometimes one leads to the other. (http://www.reason.com/news/show/33586.html)
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also: guys start talking about their personal state.
which, inevitably, leads to dissing of one's own, personal hose.
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Holy hell - whoever wrote the cat question deserves some sort of award. I laughed so hard tears came out. This level of funny makes me think Onstad writes the questions too - it's too good for a layperson.
As for Ray being neutered, I don't think most cats know they've been fixed - they're out cold when it goes down, and as both this column (if it's not fake) and my own personal experience dictates, cats still get their bone on if they're fixed anyway.
My ex's cat totally gives himself boners. He gives himself kitty bee-jayz. It's really disturbing, but he's secure in his kittay sexuality..
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The concept of kitty bjs, combined with your username of rust mouth somehow made me think of rusty trombones, and now this whole topic has just become rather scary in my mind.
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Especially if you start to consider the difficulties involving barbs.
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Okay, thread's over! Everyone out of the pool!
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...aw jeez, Ma, do we GOTTA?
Fat Billy's gonna come over and do CANNONBALLS.
He's FAT and he's gonna do CANNONBALLS. It was gonna be AWESOME.