The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Trivial Pursuits => History => Topic started by: AugustWest on September 30, 2003, 04:52:30 pm
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Izzat you, Jough?
http://fazed.net/forum/?p=slorum&last=1&id=6073
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Ah, my old Fluxus group would be proud.
We used to do a thing we called "Dada Terrorisim" which wouldn't involve smuggling items into a store (although some people did some creative re-arranging of can labels - like replacing Hormel's Chili and Alpo Dog Food labels, etc.) but we would re-arrange merchandise in ways that were more useful to the average consumer.
For instance, we'd place Immodium AD next to the pre-packaged burritos, put No-Doz next to the sleeping pills (in case anyone wanted neutral alertness), desegregate the six packs of soda so that they weren't all of the same kind, and then of course just go for the absurd - heads of lettuce among the automotive items, Bottled Water in with the iced cream (which would be Bottled Ice after awhile), loaves of bread just about anywhere.
It's amazing how much you can get away with during very busy business hours. Most amateurs make the mistake of going very late at night, but that's when the store is empty and the people stocking shelves have nothing better to do than to hassle you. Better to do it during very busy hours.
My friend Kenny's favourite thing was cleaning and straightening a store. He'd go in and just go up and down every aisle during the middle of the afternoon facing the product, making sure everything was all nice and neat, chastising the customers if they messed up something he'd just neatened. He wore a blue apron just like the store clerks did (although his didn't have the name of the store on it) and everyone just assumed he worked there, including some of the people who worked there.
He'd use the break room, clock in and out (I don't know whose punch card he used to clock in and out, but I'd imagine that person got some extra money in their paycheque) and go home. He did this just about every week day for an entire summer once. He found it more satisfying than a real job.
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That is extremely awesome. If I weren't an uncreative person with too little time on her hands and a pathological fear of getting arrested, I'd be right there with you.
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The writing that went with the bears absolutely rules.
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Yeah, the advice about busy-ness is extremely appropriate. I've never tried this (and doubt I ever will -- I'm too Lawful Neutral, I suppose </geek>) but I distinctly remember my own experience with going to a store at the wrong time and getting stared at.
It was 10:30 PM on New Year's Eve 2000, and five of us, all obviously underage, were trying to buy margarita salt from the local Hy-Vee. Not anything alcoholic, mind you -- just margarita salt. (One of the guys involved really wanted to drink non-alcoholic margaritas for some damn reason.) They eventually sold it to us, but they spent the entire time staring at us, given as we were the only customers in the store and were all buying something that was at least sort of morally dubious.
(The non-alcoholic margaritas were not worth it at all.)
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I feel the same way about decaf coffee or non-alcoholic beer. What's the point?
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I've always supposed myself to be chaotic good. And although decaf coffee and alcohol free beer make no sense, I'm all for crotchless panties.
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The few times I played my friends suggested I be "chaotic neutral" as it fit my personality the best. I don't know enough about AD&D 2nd ed. to know whether that was an insult or not.
And I always played as a Ranger named "Prufrock."
Wild times, boys.
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My mom wouldn't let me play D&D because it was satanic.
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I took a solemn vow when I was a freshman in college, some 20 years ago now, that I would never again engage in a discussion of what "alignment" I am.
Over these past 20 years I have remained faithful to that oath. I don't intend to break it now.
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And I always played as a Ranger named "Prufrock."
Did he wear the bottom of his chainmail rolled?
Anyway, I do not normally discuss my alignment. That would be metagaming, anyway.
this would not be the time to mention I once made a "GURPS" character sheet for myself stone dorky
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Thank you, V-Adore. You've just pushed this board's geek quotient over the world's record mark. Anyone who can successfully reference D&D and T.S. Eliot in the same breath deserves our respect.
Respect her!
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Thank you, V-Adore. You've just pushed this board's geek quotient over the world's record mark. Anyone who can successfully reference D&D and T.S. Eliot in the same breath deserves our respect.
Respect her!
Blast you! I will regain my status as biggest dork on the board!
Um, remember that song In the Garage? Well in my bedroom I indeed had a 12-sided die, a Dungeon Master's Guide, and Kitty Pryde. Nightcrawler too. Waiting there for me.
I've worn temporary tattoos that say "DORK"! To my office job! And at a show! I tried to pick up girls like this!
Right now I'm reading Dune: The Machine Crusade!
I've had detailed discussions as to why Brock Lesnar should play Venom in Spider-man 3!
Respect my dorkiness!
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Nah, don't stress, CortJstr. The geekiness quotient is the aggregate amount, not V's individual geekiness.
Each of you is special in his or her own way.
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Actually, I pushed the geek quotient towards both Eliot and AD&D by mentioning that my character was named Prufrock. I figured many would get the reference, after all, since they force pretty much everyone to read that poem.
But all you have to do is look at the www part of this here domain to know I'm a big poetry geek. So V-Adore gets special props for bringing the noize.
Thank you, V-Adore. You've just pushed this board's geek quotient over the world's record mark. Anyone who can successfully reference D&D and T.S. Eliot in the same breath deserves our respect.
Respect her!
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Actually, doesn't regularly posting on a message board (of any type) put you a long way down the road toward Geektown?
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Woo Hoo! I'm special.
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I'm going to have to find my +7 blessed ageproof Sig of Wittiness. Then this messageboard will be ready for Party Time.
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Once a friend and I sucked nitrous from the redi-whip cans right in the grocery store at about 10 pm. My friend got a little too high and did a nose dive into the pickles aisle. Much blood and pickle juice ensued. I had to pull him to his feet and walk him out of the store stopping in the housewares section to nab a towel for his head, which I didn't bother to pay for as I walked right of the store. Not to mention many broken pickle jars. I tell you what, that was some chaos. But I don't think thats really the same kind of chaos that you guys are talking about.
~Paul
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To defend myself: not only am I currently in a roleplaying group, it is a beta-test group for a wonky homebrew game my GM made up himself. (http://www.skyknightsrpg.com) If there's one thing geekier than roleplaying, it's roleplaying and constantly giving the GM comments like "you're aware Fire Fingers is totally broken, right?" and "Niko, where the hell are my level 2 Earthsong powers, I have nothing to spend XP on!"
But anyway, let's get back to socially-positive, healthful activities, like pranking grocery stores.
I've always wanted to go through the checkout with a single grape (or other bulk item, like a gummi worm) and attempt to buy it, just to see what they do.
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I once ordered "a grit" in a Bob Evans once.
sorry.
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I once ordered "a grit" in a Bob Evans once.
What precisely would constitute "a grit," anyway? The thought makes me slightly tremulous.
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Must be a Yankee.
Hominy grits, my dear. AlohaDawg ordered a single grit. Imagine going into a Denny's and ordering one cornflake.
Hilarity ensues.
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Must be a Yankee.
Hominy grits, my dear. AlohaDawg ordered a single grit. Imagine going into a Denny's and ordering one cornflake.
Hilarity ensues.
Well, yes, I was aware of the concept of grits. It's just that somehow, in my mind's eye, I pictured that single grit expanding to fill the plate...
Now that's damn scary. The Giant Grit That Ate Memphis.
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One Giant Grit does sound like a scary concept. It also sounds like a Barenaked Ladies or They Might Be Giants Song. Maybe someone here could write the lyrics.
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One Giant Grit does sound like a scary concept. It also sounds like a Barenaked Ladies or They Might Be Giants Song. Maybe someone here could write the lyrics.
Well, I'm not that talented (or motivated), but here's one I made with the Alanis Morissette Lyric Generator (http://www.brunching.com/alanislyrics.html)
"Why"
Bowls, rednecks, upset stomachs
Why God, Why?
Rednecks, hominy, One Giant Grit
Why God, Why?
What have I done to deserve this black horror?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of One Giant Grit
Like a Poe character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?
Maize, bowls, mush
Why God, Why?
One Giant Grit, mush, upset stomachs
Why God, Why?
What have I done to deserve this black disaster that is my life?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of One Giant Grit
Like a Poe character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?
What have I done to deserve this black misery?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of One Giant Grit
Like a Poe character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?
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I'm sure you can all do better.
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Is the Wesley Willis song generator still up?
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This is too much fun:
"I Think About One Giant Grit"
By Alanis Morrissette and Jough Dempsey
I Think Republicans are really a huge problem
I Think semen-producing penguins are too much on my mind
I Think midgets have got a lot to do with why the world sucks
But what can you do?
Like a plaid rain, beating down on me
Like a Donald Rumsfeld line, which won't let go of my brain
Like Monique's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on One Giant Grit
Blame it on One Giant Grit
Blame it on One Giant Grit
I Think harvesters are gonna drive us all crazy
And ##### make me feel like a child
I Think artichokes will eventually be the downfall of civilization
But what can you do? I said what can you do?
Like a plaid rain, beating down on me
Like a Donald Rumsfeld line, which won't let go of my brain
Like Monique's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on One Giant Grit
Blame it on One Giant Grit
Blame it on One Giant Grit
Like a plaid rain, beating down on me
Like Monique's smile, cruel and cold
Like Donald Rumsfeld's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on One Giant Grit
Blame it on One Giant Grit
Blame it on One Giant Grit