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Trivial Pursuits => History => Topic started by: Arachno-capitalist on March 25, 2007, 08:57:41 pm
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Man Wearing Dress Robs Covina Grocery Store
(CBS) COVINA, Calif. A man dressed in women's clothing was arrested after allegedly brandishing a knife while stealing alcohol from a Covina supermarket, police reported Friday.
Allen Valle allegedly entered the Albertsons store at 1000 N. Azusa Ave. about 7:30 a.m. Thursday wearing a "house dress" and picked up three cans of beer and a bottle of vodka.
He then walked past a clerk while brandishing a knife and said, "I'm not paying for this," and left the store, according to Covina police Sgt. Jim Mangiapane.
Employees followed Valle, 25, and called police using a cell phone.
Valle was booked on suspicion of robbery.
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"I'm not paying for this" is the best possible line to justify that situation. Also, I imagine him doing the showbiz motion (http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222005 (http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222005)).
And why would you need a bottle of vodka and three beers? Are the beers the chaser for the vodka?
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I also like that he was booked on "suspicions of robbery." Is there any more clear situation of robbery than going into a store, picking up merchandise, telling employees you won't be paying for it, and leaving?
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If you're going to use a weapon during a liquor heist, why not walk outta there with a cart full of Johnnie Walker Blue Label? Why would you just limit yourself to a bottle of vodka and three cans of beer?
Up here, JWB costs $350 a bottle. I am told that in reasonable parts of the country that it is around $250.
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Well, in this dude's defense, he was clearly insane.
This was not a crime of need or greed.
This is a crime of thinking that you are Jerry Sizzler and your sister is Jerry Sizzler.
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and possibly that you want to wear your sister, jerry sizzler's, dress.
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Well, in this dude's defense, he was clearly insane already very drunk.
Fixed that for you.
What do you bet that the guy took a twelve of Milwaukee's Best and a big ol' plastic jug of Abramoff Vodak? Shit, if I'm gonna commit robbery, I'm gonna steal the good stuff. But under $300 worth.
(side_show edited to fix quotation box thing-y)