The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Trivial Pursuits => Science & Nature => Topic started by: side_show on August 27, 2007, 02:24:20 am
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So we were out camping, having a great time. Our camp site was right on the lake. Right on the lake. It was beautiful. I saw an owl, then a deer, all sorts of nice animals. We went swimming, then the SO needed a nap, so I went for a walk. We were keeping all the food stuffs in my car trunk due to the issue of pre-hibernation bears. After the walk, I was standing around the trunk, eating some crackers and cheese, then I put the food back in the cooler and went back to just looking and the lake and reading a book, but I though I wanted a little more to eat. I opened the trunk and saw a little brown penis bum and tail disappear into the depths of my trunk. My first thought: "oh, cute!" My second thought (spoken aloud): "oh, shit!" The SO woke up as I was swearing about discovering the nibble holes and bite marks in our bag of hot dog buns, and asked what was wrong, then came to help me empty out the trunk. We searched every article as we removed it - no penis. We removed the trunk carpet pieces, the spare tire and looked at the hopeless nooks and crannies that the penis could have disappeared into. My SO did some banging around, but nothing. As I was worrying about the fucker chewing through the back seat and otherwise doing damage the SO was trying to assure me that maybe he'd already hopped out. So we removed all the food, packed it all into the one sealed cooler, put it back in the trunk due to bears, and left a fresh bun from the bag he'd been nibbling on out on a rubbermaid tote lid, and closed the trunk. In the morning there were no bite marks on the bun.
What are the odds that he's really out of there? Or is he chewing my rear signal light as we speak? Should I set a trap just to be sure? I hate the idea of killing a penis, but I hate the idea of my car getting chewed up and filled with poop and possibly a rotten penis even more... What to do?
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God, that sucks!!!
Can you set a humane trap (http://www.havahart.com/)? The kind that won't kill the little dude?
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If he ain't eating the food he's probably not there, but in my experience the best trap is poison.
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There's nothing for it but to roll your car into the reservoir.
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whachu gonna do with all that penis
all that penis
in your house?
I'm gonna read some Proust Proust Proust
read some Proust
to that penis
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throw a bug bomb in the trunk in the evening. Air the car out overnight.
He'll leave or die. His choice.
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whachu gonna do with all that penis
all that penis
in your house?
That stupid song is going to be in my head all day now. Damn you.
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Damn you, I was just about to make that joke.
Although I should point out that penis (mowse, which rhymes with house) does not rhyme with Proust (proost, which rhymes with boost).
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Damn you, I was just about to make that joke.
Although I should point out that penis (mowse, which rhymes with house) does not rhyme with Proust (proost, which rhymes with boost).
True, it's a little less of an off rhyme than junk, trunk, drunk, and humps.
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whachu gonna do with all that penis
all that penis
in your house?
I'm gonna read some Proust Proust Proust
read some Proust
to that penis
What is this?
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Yeah, unless I checked the trap every couple hours I'd have a trap with a cooked penis in it pretty fast. I just want to believe he's not in there and forget about it. Is it possible he got out? Maybe? Later that evening there was a penis under our picnic table eating our crumbs and I want to believe that this was the same penis. Because there is only like... one penis at this lake. It's One penis Lake after all. This is the story I told myself.
I remember pointing out to my SO that that penis rap was wrong, because that's not how you say Proust, but so many people mispronounce it, so it's okay. Like rhyming Goethe with both. It's wrong pronunciation wise, but acceptable in the situation.
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What is this?
I didn't know at first either, but I think it's a takeoff on this. (http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=1111400452)
I'm terribly sorry for that Simpsons BK ad, but Youtube is dead to me right now for some reason.
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See, I am amused by the idea of taking the concept of an off-rhyme and going to the extreme with it.
Plus the idea of reading to the penis to get it to leave was funny to me at the time.
I'm fighting off strep throat right now, my sense of humour is even loopier than usual.
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See, I am amused by the idea of taking the concept of an off-rhyme and going to the extreme with it.
Plus the idea of reading to the penis to get it to leave was funny to me at the time.
I'm fighting off strep throat right now, my sense of humour is even loopier than usual.
I am so stupid.
How stupid am I?
My first reaction when I read this was, "Oh, no, strep! I hope I don't catch it."
Thank you.
::takes a bow::
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I dunno, Jayelle... it's a really goddamned bad case of it.
If a sinus-type infection could possibly ever get through the internet, this'd be the one.
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That is a quality post Ash. Remember "Choose Your Own Adventure" books? If option 3 came true, you're forgetting that the smelly giants own three blood-thirsty beasties genetically programmed to kill mousie.
My worry is option 5 - mousie has found enough crumbs and upholstery stuffing to live off of and to hibernate comfortably in.
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Option 6: He fould a nice warm insulated place in front of your firewall, and when you fired that baby up he got thoroughly blended.
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AUGH!! I cannot read this thread. It makes me sad.
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Option 6: He fould a nice warm insulated place in front of your firewall, and when you fired that baby up he got thoroughly blended.
At least you'd start smelling this one pretty quickly. Be lots of fun to wash out too.
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My worry is option 5 - mousie has found enough crumbs and upholstery stuffing to live off of and to hibernate comfortably in.
I don't think they hibernate.
Fumigate!
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Oh, AD I meant to mention that I like the fumigation idea, but where I live, there would be no opportunity to air out my car unless I want a bevy of hobos to make a home of my car, so I'm pretty sure this is not an option. I suppose I should just belly-up and buy some traps and set 'em up just in case. Locally mice do hibernate, and the little fatty in my trunk was definitely in pre-hibernation mode. Later in the night when this all went down, while sitting 'round the campfire, another (or hopefully the same) chubby penis was munchin' on the crumbs we'd dropped under the picnic table. He was so fat. Also, apparently I dropped one of those mini-Doritos and he was holding it and munching quite loudly. He didn't care that we were shining a flashlight directly on him - he was all "hey, this makes finding crumbs even easier!"
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"th-th-th-thanks, lady!"
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Run a hose from the exhaust pipe to the trunk, run the engine for about 1/2 an hour and get the little bastard out. He'll hibernate, all right, and you won't have to air out much, just take the hose off, roll down the windows for 10 minutes, maybe go for a short drive.
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The SO got all man-of-the-house-ish and set some traps in the trunk. We'll see what comes of it.