The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: jough on November 17, 2003, 04:14:19 pm
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I was thinking that it may be nice to have an "official" Achewood FAQ here for new readers to catch-up quickly.
So I'm going to make a sticky thread starting next week with some basic Achewood info, but I'm probably not the best person to answer a lot of questions, since I've only been reading the strip for about nine months.
In this thread I'd like to propose questions that a n00bie would need answered. If you can answer your own questions you get bonus points.
I'd want to break it up into categories:
Main Characters
Supporting Characters
Plots/Storylines
Recurring Themes
The Mysterious Chris Onstad
Articles/Essays/Interviews
Books and Merchandise
Catch-Phrases
If anyone can think of any other categories please reply. I'm hoping people can suggest at least 10 questions that could be answered in the FAQ thread.
I'll start by proposing ten questions about "The Mysterious Chris Onstad"
1. Who writes and draws Achewood?
2. How old is Chris?
3. How can I contact him?
4. Is he married?
5. What tools does he use to create Achewood?
6. Is Achewood only available on the web?
7. What does Chris do for a living?
8. Does Chris have formal art training?
9. Where did Chris go to school?
10. Why is Chris such a dick?
Feel free to amend my questions with questions of your own.
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A few questions that occur:
Main Characters:
1a) What species is everyone? (For really stupid people or raw n00bies or both. Because it's been asked so often.)
1b) What breed of cat is Ray?
(EDIT: He is, of course, an American Curl. Not a Scottish Fold.
Stuff about background might also be good but is hard to phrase in question form.
Books/Merchandising:
1) What's the advantage of actually shilling for the books instead of just reading Achewood online?
(EDIT: The ideal answer would involve citation of bonus material, having all the strips convenient to flip through, and so on.)
2) So, what is the turnaround time on merchandise, anyway?
Catch-Phrases:
1) What's the saddest thing?
2) How many euphemisms for genitalia has Onstad created, anyway?
(Edited because I decided to answer some of my questions.)
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Q. Where did "What we need more of is science" come from?
A. So far it's only appeared on the shirt. While it was never in the strip it's just something Roast Beef would say.
Q. So what's the deal with The Underground? Where is it?
A. The Underground is a community made up of real and stuffed animals. They have doctors, bookstores, restaurants, and everything else that humans have. There have been hints from Onstad that it's located in or accessed via the sewer system but lately it seems to be far too large for that. One theory is that The Underground is all over but as humans we just don't notice it because we aren't supposed to. This is similar to the Somebody Else's Problem field in the Hitchhiker's Trilogy. Another theory is that it's a comic and we're thinking about it too much.
Q. So Ray has a record deal from Sony/Columbia. Didn't they notice he's a cat?
A. Apparently not. It could be that part of his deal with Satan makes people just not notice his catness. Or perhaps he actually signed with The Underground's version of Sony in which case all their acts are animals.
According to Onstad this got asked a lot:
Q. Is Philippe prounounced Fil-eep or fi-leep-ay?
A. Fil-eep
You should be all the characters' full names and break them down by stuffed/real animals.
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Q. What kind of dog does the mysterious Onstad own?
A. A dachshund.
This is useful information because there is a dachshund reference or two in the strips, not just because I am fixated on mammals.
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Q. What kind of people read Achewood
A. Dirty, sexy geeks.
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Q. What kind of dog does the mysterious Onstad own?
A. A dachshund.
This is useful information because there is a dachshund reference or two in the strips, not just because I am fixated on mammals.
Hey! I have a dachshund.
He's getting neutered tomorrow. Perhaps Ray will console him on his loss.
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Oh, and his dachshund is a girl. I am relieved to report that I no longer have any of the other information that I dug up about her, though, as I think this is a sign of good mental health. I could probably remember it if I kept thinking about it, but I'm going to try not to.
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Wow, this is going to be the best Onstad's Dog FAQ ever.
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Oscar (http://www.libertymeadows.com) could totally take Onstad's dachshund.
Weiner Dog Thunderdome.
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Wow, this is going to be the best Onstad's Dog FAQ ever.
Well someone else pitch in... it's not my fault I can derail almost anything into an animal discussion.
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Wow, this is going to be the best Onstad's Dog FAQ ever.
Well someone else pitch in... it's not my fault I can derail almost anything into an animal discussion.
Honestly, it's cool. In an odd sort of way, I kind of like the idea of a whole section on Onstad's dog. It adds... y'know, flavor, albeit "Single White Female"-level flavor.
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OK fine, in penance I try to answer Jough's other questions, and you will all wish I stuck to dachshunds.
1. Who writes and draws Achewood?
This guy, the Mysterious Chris Onstad, former messageboard tyrant and heartthrob to millions, or maybe dozens.
2. How old is Chris?
Like in his late 20s. I'll get back to you when I repeat the Internet stalking that revealed what year he graduated and we can guess from there.
3. How can I contact him?
chris@achewood.com. Don't tell him I sent you, I have the feeling he thinks I am a little peculiar.
4. Is he married?
Yes, to Elizabeth known as Liz, a fan of otters. Why do you want to know?
5. What tools does he use to create Achewood?
Band saw, particle accelerator, and pruning shears.
6. Is Achewood only available on the web?
Apparently some lucky people can read it on paper, I am guessing somewhere on the west coast.
7. What does Chris do for a living?
Trains dachshunds for the circus.
8. Does Chris have formal art training?
I think he says no. I can't think of a funny answer to this that isn't rude.
9. Where did Chris go to school?
Stanford, where, I am assured by a friend native to the west coast, they aren't as snobby as at Harvard, the Stanford of the East.
10. Why is Chris such a dick?
He was a perfectly sweet and rational person until the madness of the Dumbrella messageboard, and we should all feel terribly guilty for what we have done.
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10. Why is Chris such a dick?
He was a perfectly sweet and rational person until the madness of the Dumbrella messageboard, and we should all feel terribly guilty for what we have done.
DING
Thank you
Please drive through
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Honestly, it's cool. In an odd sort of way, I kind of like the idea of a whole section on Onstad's dog. It adds... y'know, flavor, albeit "Single White Female"-level flavor.
Then maybe you do want to know that the dachshund's registered AKC name is Tanglewoods Bodicea.
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Honestly, it's cool. In an odd sort of way, I kind of like the idea of a whole section on Onstad's dog. It adds... y'know, flavor, albeit "Single White Female"-level flavor.
Then maybe you do want to know that the dachshund's registered AKC name is Tanglewoods Bodicea.
... Tanglewoods Bodicea.
Best. Dog. Name. EVER.
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Hey now. Hey Now. HEY NOW!
My Boy GUS can kick any dachshunds ASS you care to produce.
If you ask him, he can kick ANY fuck*ng DOG'S ASS!!!
He is a REAL male dog and it deeply pains me to permanently separate him from his source of testosterone. But it has to be done...
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Honestly, it's cool. In an odd sort of way, I kind of like the idea of a whole section on Onstad's dog. It adds... y'know, flavor, albeit "Single White Female"-level flavor.
For a long period of my life, this was my very favorite flavor.
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My Boy GUS can kick any dachshunds ASS you care to produce.
If you ask him, he can kick ANY fuck*ng DOG'S ASS!!!
Are we sure someone isn't feeling a little defensive about having a little dog?
No, my little dog is the same. She'd rather play with your dachshund but if asses need kicking, she thinks she'll win every time. But her AKC name is only Wombat's Lilly - no competition in the fancy dog name department.
Back on topic: There has to be some aesthetic connection between otters and dachshunds, although I can't figure out how to phrase the point as a Q and A.
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Back on topic: There has to be some aesthetic connection between otters and dachshunds, although I can't figure out how to phrase the point as a Q and A.
Well, they are both rather elongated mammals...
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Well, they are both rather elongated mammals...
Yes, but how to pretend it is the answer to a frequently asked question? Who but me would care?
Q. Why does the mysterious Onstad household have a dachshund rather than some other breed of dog?
A. Because, as the presence of an otter in the strip demonstrates, he has an aesthetic bias toward elongated mammals.
Furthermore, wasn't the stuffed otter his wife's? Maybe she chose the dog. In which case there is no artistic insight to be gleaned from the connection between the two.
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My Boy GUS can kick any dachshunds ASS you care to produce.
If you ask him, he can kick ANY fuck*ng DOG'S ASS!!!
Are we sure someone isn't feeling a little defensive about having a little dog?
No, my little dog is the same. She'd rather play with your dachshund but if asses need kicking, she thinks she'll win every time. But her AKC name is only Wombat's Lilly - no competition in the fancy dog name department.
Back on topic: There has to be some aesthetic connection between otters and dachshunds, although I can't figure out how to phrase the point as a Q and A.
No, I'm not feeling defensive, cause I've got big dogs, too.
That's just Gus's personality. Physically he's the smallest dog in the house. Attitudinally he's the biggest.
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Hey! Back on topic, you guys!
I mean, come on. I've gotten pretty lax, but this thread at least pretends to have a focus.
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I found some full names:
Cassandra "Roast Beef" Kazenzakis
"Showbiz" Kazenzakis
Ray Smuckles
Cornelius Bear
And isn't Pat's last name Reynolds?
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I found some full names:
Cassandra "Roast Beef" Kazenzakis
"Showbiz" Kazenzakis
Ray Smuckles
Cornelius Bear
And isn't Pat's last name Reynolds?
Pat's last name is Reynolds, yes.
Does anyone know Teodor's last name? I believe it was in one of the older Serializer strips, but no Serializer = no dice.
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Does anyone know Teodor's last name? I believe it was in one of the older Serializer strips, but no Serializer = no dice.
Téador Orezscu
He's in the credits section of the poster for the movie Hangover Summer
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What is the thing in the bottom right sticker of Sticker Pack 1?
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What is the thing in the bottom right sticker of Sticker Pack 1?
Along with that, who's Joe Strummer (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=12232002)?
I'm sure a lot of people miss the London Calling reference.
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What is the thing in the bottom right sticker of Sticker Pack 1?
Along with that, who's Joe Strummer (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=12232002)?
I'm sure a lot of people miss the London Calling reference.
I dont like to think I live in a world where such questions need to be asked!
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I dont like to think I live in a world where such questions need to be asked!
Always happy to reaffirm your faith in the ignorance of humanity.
Ah ha... Now I do remember that strip, but didn't connect it to the picture on the sticker. (It is awfully small in the shop...)
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What is the status of the FAQ? I was hoping to direct my girlfriend to it, specifically the "What species is everyone?" question. She has finally relented after my emailing numerous Achewood links to her and is now perusing the entirety of the archives. She thought Ray, Pat and Roast Beef were dogs, so imagine her surprise at finding out that Roast Beef was "The Middle Cat."
During our conversation, she made this claim:
But...they don't look like cats. And they act like dogs. Cats don't say that they "bone" other cats and they certainly don't use the internet.
I know this was discussed ad nauseum at Dumbrella, but it is no more. Little help?
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And they act like dogs. Cats don't say that they "bone" other cats and they certainly don't use the internet.
Um....and dogs do?
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What is the status of the FAQ? I was hoping to direct my girlfriend to it, specifically the "What species is everyone?" question. She has finally relented after my emailing numerous Achewood links to her and is now perusing the entirety of the archives. She thought Ray, Pat and Roast Beef were dogs, so imagine her surprise at finding out that Roast Beef was "The Middle Cat."
During our conversation, she made this claim:
But...they don't look like cats. And they act like dogs. Cats don't say that they "bone" other cats and they certainly don't use the internet.
I know this was discussed ad nauseum at Dumbrella, but it is no more. Little help?
One of the reasons this is better than Dumbrella is the lack of nausea.
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And they act like dogs. Cats don't say that they "bone" other cats and they certainly don't use the internet.
Um....and dogs do?
My first response was more or less the same. The cats' behavior really wouldn't be any less bizarre and fantastic were they dogs, so...
Well, who knows?
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I'm trying, but the dog refuses to use the internet. She says the whole concept of a 'penis' is cat-centric and prejudicial.
The FAQ was a good idea though, someone should do it. I'm thinking jldunston has a lot of free time now that her house is looking so nice...
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Although I forgot - there is this:
(http://www.cartoonbank.com/assets/1/22230_m.gif)
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Hey, it's jough's baby. I'd be willing to pick it up if he asked me to, but we're going to need a few more questions first.
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One of the reasons this is better than Dumbrella is the lack of nausea.
BURN! Aloha, I will now address you as Burn Flame McHotterson, Duke of Heatcaster.
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One of the reasons this is better than Dumbrella is the lack of nausea.
BURN! Aloha, I will now address you as Burn Flame McHotterson, Duke of Heatcaster.
If only it were AugustWest that would totally be his new title. For like a week.
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Hey, it's jough's baby.
Shhh. Don't let Pedro hear you say that. ;)
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I have a few questions. Hopefully you'll pardon my ignorance... I had no idea Achewood even existed until a few months ago. Lots of catching up to do, it would seem.
1) Is Achewood featured in any print publications? If so, what are they?
2) Why are there little Achewood emoticons on the Dumbrella boards? What's the affiliation there?
3) Does Chris do any other comics? Was Achewood his first webcomic?
4) How the hell did I not know about Achewood all this time?
There's probably more, but that's all I can think of at the moment. Thank you for your time. Good day.
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I have a few questions.
OK.
'Cause I can.
1) Nope.
2) Because they used to host the forum, before there were some unpleasntnesses and Onstad pulled it. Lo and behold however, the wondrous JL and her hunchback Jough got this thing going.
3) No. He did publish in a student press thing, which you can find somewhere.
4) Because we're just too hip for you!
Oh, and hey.
Avatar makes me think curiously of a very bad superhero movie I watched a few years ago.
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another Q for the FA:
what's the deal with the "dumbrella unpleasantness" i keep hearing about?
i mean, it seems like a decent board, the scary-go-rounders don't even talk about every day's comic in excruciating detail.
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That's like asking why the Watch wears a lilac on May 25th.
If you weren't there, you can't know -- because you'll never, ever understand.
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That's like asking why the Watch wears a lilac on May 25th.
If you weren't there, you can't know -- because you'll never, ever understand.
Ten points for awesomeness.
Anyway, I would attempt to explain, but I wasn't there except in the tiniest, lurkingest terms. You just have to embrace the board as it stands, padawan, and look not to a past clouded by confusion and failure of memory.
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Ah yes, I was also then but a lurker. It was apocalyptic nevertheless.
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The "Dumbrella unpleasantness" can be summed up thusly:
The Achewood board started out OK, but quickly became full of complete shitheads and devolved into a never-ending super-retarded internet fightfest. Onstad got sick of it and asked rstevens to close it. Now we are here! Or to be more accurate, you're all trapped in here with me.
::shifty eyes::
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But you'll still never understand it.
Picture 'Nam, but with more bloodied corpses and limbs strewn around, an more acid.
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Actually I believe that Achewood is in some weekly papers on the West Coast but, in my effort not to be an insane fanatic, I am NOT going to reread all the interviews to find the one where he mentions this.
Edit: Insane fanatic unable to resist posting this link to last days at Dumbrella:http://www.dumbrella.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum;f=17
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In re Dumbrella Achewood endtimes: I was there for quite a while, and it always seemed to me that the board was imploding.
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I attributed what happened to Onstad letting each individual comment get into his head. The best thing to do is let your fans be fans and rip each others heads off while you create, blissfully above it all.
It did get a little rowdy and stupid but that's what happens when a bunch of people are allowed to express their opionions. There was a small group of cretinous shitheads but you get that everywhere. Onstad took it a little too personally so now we're here.
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1) Is Achewood featured in any print publications? If so, what are they?
At least one paper (http://achewood.plagiarist.com/viewtopic.php?t=906).
And another part of the Dumbrella issue was that Chris wanted his forum to 100% on-topic and was merciless about locking and even deleting OT threads. And as you can see even us "good eggs" can bare stay on topic in any of our dozen or so fora.
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Edit: Insane fanatic unable to resist posting this link to last days at Dumbrella:http://www.dumbrella.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum;f=17
ok, that pretty much sums it up.
as someone not aquainted with it at the time, and thusly "never able to understand"...
i'd recommend NOT putting that link in your faq.
so, the short answer would then be:
Dumbrella is a web-forum for various webcomics. Onstadt was the moderator for the achewood forum on that site. he closed forum down when he got bored/tired/pissed-off about it.
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In the episode where Ray asks about Roast Beef's name, Roast Beef explains why he goes by Roast Beef and not by his real name, Cassandra. But he doesn't explain where Roast Beef came from, which was the original question. Where did 'Roast Beef' come from?
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Was Trouble Man (of Trouble Man and No-No (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=06142004) fame) named for the Marvin Gaye song (http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=33:8q67memd9foo)?
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it's "Fil-eep"?!!? Good christ how did I not know that?! I'm fired.
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it's "Fil-eep"?!!? Good christ how did I not know that?! I'm fired.
It's Beatrice.
And there's your obligatory Frank Zappa reference.
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What's the rough price of original art?
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$500 for the auctions. Email him for commisioned stuff.
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wow, there's no way i'll ever afford that, who here's bought some? if so, which?
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Fuck You! It's Fuck You Friday!
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wow, there's no way i'll ever afford that, who here's bought some? if so, which?
No one.
We're poor.
Fuck you.
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I found some full names:
Cassandra "Roast Beef" Kazenzakis
"Showbiz" Kazenzakis
Ray Smuckles
Cornelius Bear
And isn't Pat's last name Reynolds?
Charley (lil' Nephew) Smuckles
Téodor Orezscu
Molly Sanders
Peter (Nice Pete) H. Cropes
Lyle is without a last name as far as I can tell
Same for Philippe though it may be in the cookbook. I do remember him reminiscing of his past there.
Why does Ray wear a thong?
Because he's a fuck*ng comic strip character
Where is lyle?
Trapped in an all girl religious school.
Where's Mr Bear?
He got shot and is now writing closed captions for the Spice channel.
What's the Spice channel?
Google it.
How old is Philippe?
5.
Why does it revolve mostly around Ray and Roastbeef?
because they're the characters Onstad finds he can relate most to I assume.
Why does Téodor raise Philippe?
because he's five. Have you seen the shit 5 year-olds can get into?
So Roastbeef and Molly are Zombies?
yeah I guess you could call them that. Except they don't eat brains as far as I can tell and aren't decaying. But yes they are the living dead.
What's Pat's problem?
He is the character that stirs the pot for everyone else. They are good because he is evil. We can only all wish he was dead.
So the bear writes captions for porn and the Tiger stars in them?
not the same ones but yes.
So why do the stuffed animals hang out with the cats?
again, because it's a fuck*ng comic strip.
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How old is Philippe?
7 I think... shit I lose.
No.
He is Five.
Dogpile in five... four...
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How old is Philippe?
7 I think... shit I lose.
No.
He is Five.
Dogpile in five... four...
Dogpile on the Rabbit! Dogpile on the Rabbit!
I love that one.
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He was five at the beginning of the comic strip, perhaps he's gotten older as the years have passed?
But I will admit I was wrong. He talks and types blogs much better than most five year-olds
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I thought that the whole 7 thing was a joke. It's frickin' canonical! How could you miss that?
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The Achewater shirt/etc. design (http://www.achewood.com/shop/rsrc/img/lyle_detail.gif) seems to state that Lyle's last name is "Gabriel," and I think this is reasonably canonical.
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The Achewater shirt/etc. design (http://www.achewood.com/shop/rsrc/img/lyle_detail.gif) seems to state that Lyle's last name is "Gabriel," and I think this is reasonably canonical.
That scratched an itch in my head - and the closet proved it. Nice call.
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So the bear writes captions for porn and the Tiger stars in them?
not the same ones but yes.
I was under the impression that Lyle simply produced the porn films and hired people to perform in them.
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So the bear writes captions for porn and the Tiger stars in them?
not the same ones but yes.
I was under the impression that Lyle simply produced the porn films and hired people to perform in them.
He's been in at least one (http://lyle151.blogspot.com/2004/08/man-whatta-shoot.html).
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I would like to know what Chris' dachshund's name is.
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I would like to know what Chris' dachshund's name is.
According to Wombat (http://achewood.plagiarist.com/viewtopic.php?p=7146#7146), who has stalked at least one dog on the Internet, it's "Tanglewoods Bodicea".
I do not know why, of the literally thousands of posts I've read on this forum, priceless, irreplaceable brainspace was allotted to that one.
EDIT: also there are now banner ads for dude ranches, what the hell, i suspect this will be a "frequently asked question" over the days to come
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EDIT: also there are now banner ads for dude ranches, what the hell, i suspect this will be a "frequently asked question" over the days to come
Jeepers. And me with my Firefox Adblock on.
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I would like to know what Chris' dachshund's name is.
My dachshund's name is "Gus", for what that's worth. He is a good boy.
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I would like to know what Chris' dachshund's name is.
According to Wombat (http://achewood.plagiarist.com/viewtopic.php?p=7146#7146), who has stalked at least one dog on the Internet, it's "Tanglewoods Bodicea".
I do not know why, of the literally thousands of posts I've read on this forum, priceless, irreplaceable brainspace was allotted to that one.
Well, I am glad that it was, because I felt obligated to try to answer the question and yet stupidly could not figure out where I might still have the information, and didn't remember it was already posted here.
That's not what they call her at home, of course. I thought I knew what that was too, but I can't find any evidence of it, so I might be making it up. Anyway maybe it's not something to post for all to see, because evil in-person dog-stalkers might go around Northern California calling the name out to innocent dachshunds in people's yards as part of some nefarious dachs-napping plan. And we can't have that.