The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Trivial Pursuits => Arts & Entertainment => Topic started by: AlohaDawg on January 27, 2004, 10:37:54 pm
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This thread has become an excellent source if intellectual discourse on modern music and when I'm not thoroughly lost in what appears to be everyone elses reality, I've really enjoyed learning about Arab Straps and Bukkake Fiascoes (awesome band name, August) I think it's time to dumb it down. And why not dumb it down with the songwriters.
Please post for me one or two of the Dumb lines you can think of from a song. Or, if not dumb, dumb-sounding, especially out of context. Bad forced rhymes get bonus punches.
The one that has been in my head is from Peter Frampton's "Do You (YOU!) Feeeel like I Dooooo"
"Woke up this morning with a wine glass in my hand.
Whose wine? What wine? Where the Hell did I dine?"
Let me know if I just misheard this some 30 years ago....
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Ah, yes, bad forced rhymes...
I have any number of lines, but the one that comes to mind immediately is the infamous awful forced rhyme from "Last Kiss":
She's gone to Heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leeeeeave this world!
I have also always had an ironic attachment to the repeated lyric in "hoss With No Name" about the 'plants and birds and rocks and things.'
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In fact, "hoss with no Name" goes on my all time Dumb Song list, with "Traveling man" by Ricky Nelson, "I'm your Captain" by I am not sure who, "Athena" by The Who", and that one from last year that went something like "Woh-Oh, Amber is the color of your energy" which I never got, and could not figure out how that chorus could possibly be a hook.
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Feet to feet, the jams were neat
people got along, it was great
e:verything - Good Thing (St. Luicia)
(It's that "who got the hooch, the fresh-e fresh-e" band. Remember that song?)
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Feet to feet, the jams were neat
people got along, it was great
e:verything - Good Thing (St. Luicia)
(It's that "who got the hooch, the fresh-e fresh-e" band. Remember that song?)
I do now. GODDAMN YOU.
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As much as I love Billy Bragg, this line is so insane that it is either horrible or my favorite line ever:
"I love you,
I am the milkman of human kindness,
I will leave an extra pint."
....
The MILKMAN. Of HUMAN KINDNESS.
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Good One. That so Sucks. Awesome. Amber is the color of his energy. And junk.
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Yeah, we get it.
Fer fucksake man, get OVER yourself.
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Aww, Jough, give him a break. He's just leaving an extra pint of his special brand of Milky Kindness.
Eww.
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I'm your Captain = Grand Funk Railroad
~Paul
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I've always liked "If they say I never loved you, you know they are a liar."
~Paul
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I've always liked "If they say I never loved you, you know they are a liar."
~Paul
Thank you Paul.
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I got a man.
What's your man got to do with me
I got a man.
I'm not trying to hear that, see
Also, m'Lud, I would like to submit the entirety of "Dur Dur D'etre Un Bebe", and all of the adolescent crap that Atari Teenage Riot ever uttered. That is the sort of shit you think up and write on your Trapper Keeper when you're in like tenth grade to piss off your teachers and impress the chicks with awesome dyed hair.
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C&C Music Factory. Things that make you go Hmmmm....
"Mysterious calls and the phone goes click
You say to yourself 'I'm gonna hit him with a brick'"
Hmmmmm....
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I would like to nominate every line in Barry Manilow's "Copacabana," because I hate "Copacabana" with every part of my soul capable of bearing hatred. Train's "Drops of Jupiter" is also basically one giant wad of Bad Line. (Checks out Mozart while she does Tae Bo / Reminds me that there's room to grow, oh yeah yeah?)
Also, if "so horrible it is wonderful" songs are allowed, I'd like to humbly submit the entire career of Harry and the Potters (http://www.eskimolabs.com/hp/) -- I'm not entirely sure how intentional it is, but mildly-competent garage rock about Harry Potter is fundamentally a good thing, even if it is awful. The apotheosis, the alpha and omega of Horrible and Beautiful Lyrics, is from their song "Wizard Chess":
I got a mysterious gift from my dead dad
It was an invisibility cloak -- how rad!
Also, on the subject of awful strained rhyme, I've remembered the most elongated strained rhyme ever, from Steve Miller's "Take the Money and Run":
Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas
You know, he knows just exactly what the facts is
He ain't gonna let those two escape justice
He makes his living off of the people's taxes
Yes.
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Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas
You know, he knows just exactly what the facts is
He ain't gonna let those two escape justice
He makes his living off of the people's taxes
Texas.
Facts is.
Justice.
Taxes.
God bless you, Steve Miller.
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Steve Miller: King of the Slant Rhyme
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I am putting myself at risk of incredible bodily pain and mental anguish. Ah, how much I love you people. Ahem:
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
And they're like, "It's better than yours."
Damn right, it's better than yours.
I could teach you, but I'd have to charge.
I'd better go listen to something bef--OH MY GOD THE BURNING! MAKE IT STOP!!!
EDIT: STILL WITH THE BURNING!
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"Dur Dur D'etre Un Bebe"
Jordy!
French novelty music (cf. Plastic Bertrand) is really something special. (relatedly, as of yesterday, I'm officially bilingual and never have to take French classes again!)
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Train's "Drops of Jupiter" is also basically one giant wad of Bad Line.
Along those lines: Eve 6 - Inside Out
"I would swallow my pride, choke on the rinds, but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside"??
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As much as I love Billy Bragg,
There is no other songwriter whom I love as hard as I love Billy Bragg and yet so often want to slap upside the head.
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Train's "Drops of Jupiter" is also basically one giant wad of Bad Line.
Along those lines: Eve 6 - Inside Out
"I would swallow my pride, choke on the rinds, but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside"??
See, maybe it just comes from the fact that I listened to it a whole lot at age 14, but I've always had a sick affection for that song. Maybe "Drops of Jupiter" came too late?
Wait, "Drops of Jupiter" has both horrible lyrics and perhaps the smarmy song message ("screw your self-actualization and personal goals! Come back to this stinking town and ME, wo-man!"). I don't think it ever would have been good.
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Along those lines: Eve 6 - Inside Out
"I would swallow my pride, choke on the rinds, but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside"??
Whoa, a song where they say 'the lack thereof'? This has to win some kind of prize.
I have to hear this without paying money for it. Maybe I will have to finally figure out that illegal downloading of music thing that all you kids today do.
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Along those lines: Eve 6 - Inside Out
"I would swallow my pride, choke on the rinds, but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside"??
Whoa, a song where they say 'the lack thereof'? This has to win some kind of prize.
I have to hear this without paying money for it. Maybe I will have to finally figure out that illegal downloading of music thing that all you kids today do.
incoming PM
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McArthur Park is melting in the dark...
Someone left the cake out in the rain...
Richard Harris -- as a lyricist, he was a great actor.
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McArthur Park is melting in the dark...
Someone left the cake out in the rain...
Richard Harris -- as a lyricist, he was a great actor.
Don't forget the "oh, NOOOOOOOOOOO." Makes it.
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I got into a FIGHT with someone because they thought that "MacArthur Park" was the most beautiful song ever. It sucks the testerone out of me.
How about:
Someone's knockin' at the door
somebody's ringin' the bell
Someone's knockin' at the door
somebody's ringin' the bell
Do me a favour open the door and let'em in.
Sister Suzie
brother John
Martin Luther
Phil and Don
Brother Michael
auntie Gin
open the door and let'em in.
Someone's knockin' at the door
somebody's ringin' the bell . . .
Sister Suzie
brother John
Martin Luther
Phil and Don
. . .
Uncle Ernie
auntie Gin
open the door and let'em in.
remember that one, old timers?
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I got into a FIGHT with someone because they thought that "MacArthur Park" was the most beautiful song ever. It sucks the testerone out of me.
I don't know about most beautiful song ever, but I quite like it. Sure it's got a cake in the rain, but It's also got a great melody. It's got majestic swells and a driving beat. It's got a man called hoss. It's sung by f'n Dumbledore f'r cryin' out loud.
remember that one, old timers? (Let 'em In)
Ok, I don't like this thread anymore.
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You know, previous to this I hadn't connected "MacArthur Park" Harris and "Dumbledore" Harris. And now I can't deconnect them.
"Well, Harry, sometimes in our lives we leave the cake out in the rain. But often the recipe isn't as lost as we would think... chocolate frog?"
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Well, V, if you have a hankering for the late 60's Richard Harris interpreting Jimmy Webb songs, here are some albums for you:
Amazon Sells Richard Harris Albums (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00000ILLA/002-7317339-0309603?v=glance)
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You know, previous to this I hadn't connected "MacArthur Park" Harris and "Dumbledore" Harris. And now I can't deconnect them.
I'm sure that your aware that you're beloved R (http://www.popentertainment.com/rem.htm) E (http://www.inkblotmagazine.com/rev-archive/REM_Automatic.htm) M (http://www.jimdero.com/News2001/GreatFeb24Murmur.htm) are also big Jimmy Webb (http://www.jimmywebb.com/) fans. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a cover (http://www.remrock.com/remrock/lyrics/others.html?song=wichita) version (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0000DIJPE/104-8314609-1357522?v=glance) gathering dust in their archives.
~Paul
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"Someone left the cake out in the rain... "
What is this originally from? I only know it from the Brak song "I Love Ya Baby" as seen on Cartoon Planet.
Somebody left a cake, out in the rain... OH NOOOOOOO!
I was gonna eat that cake, but now I don't think I want any...
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remember that one, old timers?
Oh man. And I thought you were our FRIEND. What can I find to play that will banish this from my head...
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"HAHA, you know that one song where it says things are ironic and they're not! IT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT IRONIC! Haha, rain isn't ironic!"
Remember that three year period that, whenever someone said that something was ironic, someone else would say that? God, those were golden years. Never before has one crappy song ruined a literary concept. Well, that song and the appendix to A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.
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Or just the entire body of "A Heartbreaking Work..."
Man, Eggars is so played out. A whole bunch of McSweeneys people used to send stuff to Plagiarist.com to try to get me to publish what I believe to be the most inane, sophomoric tripe ever written.
They're like a black hole of funny - the jokes never get out, and it even sucks in some funny around them to make an entire anti-funny zone outside their offices.
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I thought Heartbreaking Work was fun when it came out; at least, unlike the current crop of hipster autobiographies, it wasn't him basically bragging about all the drugs he used to take. Suddenly, it seems every writer who's just too hip for words has put out a autobiographical novel, only they didn't have anything as interesting as having to raise a 7-year-old when they were 21 happen to them. So they just write about all the drugs they did, and how they got off of them.
Ha, and then You Shall Know...came out, and Eggers was proved to be MORTAL!
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I don't know if you meant to terrify me, Paul, but a R.E.M. "MacArthur Park" cover might actually be sort of interesting. I could at least put it next to my MP3 of William F. Burroughs doing "Star Me Kitten" as an intriguing novelty.
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I don't know if you meant to terrify me, Paul, but a R.E.M. "MacArthur Park" cover might actually be sort of interesting.
I thought I made it pretty clear that I actually like the song. Having it covered by the most excellent REM would be anything but terrifying.
~Paul
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I used to have this great double CD of the Temptations and they had a version of 'MacArthur Park' too. Did Shatner ever do a dramatic reading/recording of it? It would be at least as good as his 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds'...
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A copy of Shatner's "The Transformed Man" album is available to the first three people to PM me.
Man, that felt like a radio station promo. Awesome.
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This offer is no longer on the table, as the requisite number have applied.
Thanks, and here's a Certificate of Participation to the rest of you.
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William F. Burroughs doing "Star Me Kitten" as an intriguing novelty.
I'm so happy that that exists. I've always found his version to be utterly charming. Apparently "utterly charming" is an odd thing to say about Burroughs, but I'm inordinately fond of the guy.
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William F. Burroughs doing "Star Me Kitten" as an intriguing novelty.
I'm so happy that that exists. I've always found his version to be utterly charming. Apparently "utterly charming" is an odd thing to say about Burroughs, but I'm inordinately fond of the guy.
I think it's his voice. Or the preamble about how the technique was derived from Marlene Dietrich ("not one of my favorite people, but... that's where it came from"). That, and let's face it, "Star Me Kitten" always really wanted to be a spoken-word poem track, not an actual song.
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Or at least not one with the vocals so low in the mix.
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You know, previous to this I hadn't connected "MacArthur Park" Harris and "Dumbledore" Harris. And now I can't deconnect them.
Off topic: I have this problem with Hugo Weaving. (Agent Elrond). "Welcome to Rivendell...Mr. Anderson...the time of men...is over...
On topic: I hereby sumbit all of Muskrat Love:
Muskrat, muskrat candlelight
Doin' the town and doin' it right
In the evenin'
It's pretty pleasin'
Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam
Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land
And they shimmy
And Sammy's so skinny
And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin' and jingin' the jango
Floatin' like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love
Nibbling on bacon, chewin' on cheese
Sammy says to Susie "Honey, would you please be my missus?"
And she say yes
With her kisses
And now he's ticklin' her fancy
Rubbin' her toes
Muzzle to muzzle, now anything goes
As they wriggle, and Sue starts to giggle
And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin' and jingin' the jango
Floatin' like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love
La da da da da ...
By the time the song ends, "muskrat" has completely ceased to be a word for me. And the concept of muskrat love simply had to be drug-induced. I find it disturbing that my earliest memoreis of this song involve my mother singing it as she washed dishes.
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Confession: I had not heard "Muskrat Love" or read the lyrics until now.
Fact: TERRIFYING. Especially the line about "jingin' the jango" (?! Please tell me this is not a Django allusion) and the verse at which point it becomes explicitly about muskrats having sex.
I was going to post a line from a pretentious electro-prog song about orbiting above Venus, but it can't compare. Jesus!
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Confession: I had not heard "Muskrat Love" or read the lyrics until now.
Ditto. I've never heard McArthur Park either. I only ever hear of these songs as examples of badness. And not in the late '80's sense of the word
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Going back to Billy Braggm I was reminded of Bill Bailey's fine Billy Bragg style song, and figured I should add the lyrics, semi-OT here, as they are so fine. Kinda lacks the fantastic impression, but still...
I use to buy my chips,
from an oppressive chipshop regime,
the girl who worked there seemed happy but I knew it was not what it seemed.
And do you want salt and vinegar, was what they made her say,
but in the language of the ghetto, that means Help I'm a woman in chains.
I wanted to free her, in my dreams I would see her,
running naked through the woods 'round Rainham, if I had some tiger's I'd train 'em...
...to protect her, from the sexual fascism that was lurkin' round the gherkins.
I'd lean across the counter, and we would talk.
I carved the name Debbie on a little wooden fork.
But into the shop came a skinhead gang, they snatched the fork, from my hand.
Debbie she looked at me, to ascert my masculinity I said 'Oi', they said 'What?'
I said '...nothing'.
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I had a look at the Rules and Regulations, and none of them seemed to have an opinion one way or the other on posting a link to an on-topic mp3 hosted on my own webspace; the Core Rules of Netiquette (http://www.albion.com/netiquette/corerules.html) were similarly ambiguous, but I got the impression that it was acceptable, provided that I did not "scroll" the screen, or "spam" and "flame" my fellow "cybernauts" like a common "scoundrel". With that in mind: Bill Bailey's "Unisex Chip Shop". (http://excellent.the0rem.net/music/bailey/unisexchipshop.mp3)
If it turns out I am flagrantly disobeying a rule that I misread, or even one that just falls under the heading of plain old common sense, I'd be more than happy to get rid of the whole unnecessary outburst above, link included, and leave only this contribution to the real topic:
And I try
Oh my God, do I try
I try all the time
In this institution
And I pray
Oh my God, do I pray
I pray every single day*
For a revolution
And I say hey, yeah, yeah, hey
Hey, yeah, yeah
I said hey
What's going on?
* Well, it sure sounded like "I pray for things all day" to me. For the last decade or so. Psh.
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Well, you're just violating international copyright law. I wouldn't allow you to post it here, but of course you may *link* to anything you'd like.
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Well, you're just violating international copyright law. I wouldn't allow you to post it here, but of course you may *link* to anything you'd like.
I really shouldn't think it a big deal linking to Bill Bailey - he hasn't actually got anything that you can buy anywhere but his gigs, including those songs. And well frankly, he wouldn't complain about internet sharing of his stuff.
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That song is a hoot. Who is this Bill Bailey? I looked at his website but it doesn't quite clear it up.... And is Billy Bragg famous enough in the UK for someone to spoof him and most people will get it?
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That song is a hoot. Who is this Bill Bailey? I looked at his website but it doesn't quite clear it up.... And is Billy Bragg famous enough in the UK for someone to spoof him and most people will get it?
Well, Bill Bailey is a comedian, who has appeared for a long time live as a musical comedian, since he is a classically trained pianist, and accomplished guitarrist. He also appears on C4's (written by Graham Linehan and Dylan Moran) Black Books, which is also superb.
I really like Bailey, and have seen him a few times live now. He is well worth seeing.
As far as Billy Bragg being well known enough to spoof, he is by the right type, of whom Bailey is. He isn't all that old, but he is more than versed in the kinds of culture that include Billy Bragg.
Anyone who really wants copies of both the CD of various spoof songs (including Tom Waits' Three Blind Mice, and the cockney style Best of Rock album sampler) as well as a recording of him in New York can ask me and I shall send, since as I say, getting these CDs anywhere but a gig is nigh on impossible.
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Hahaha, god, I think I'm going to play this for my brother as a real Billy Bragg song. The voice is pretty close, but the lyrics are spot on.
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And I say hey, yeah, yeah, hey
Hey, yeah, yeah
I said hey
What's going on?
Oh damn. Somehow, I had managed to forget about 4 Non fuck*ng Blondes. I don't see how I could have forgotten (What is a drinking habit? CORRECT FOR $400) seeing as that was actually the first CD I ever bought. Roast Beef's not the only one with completely fuck*ng embarrassing Tales of Youth.
Morphine & Chocolate are my
Substitute, substitutes
Morphine & Chocolate can bring me up
Can warm my heart whenever I want it
...
Morphine & Chocolate could never
Substitute my art !
And that's real love baby X3
THIS HAS BEEN A LIFETIME NETWORK PRESENTATION OF "TRAINSPOTTING"
Oh please Mr. President will you lend me a future
'Cause you'll just get it back
From the little blind woman
With the kid on the corner
And the people all over, doin' crack
EDGY AND RELEVANT OMG
There are more but I literally cannot bear to go through them. They're not just comically bad; they shit in your living, beating heart.
AND THAT'S REAL LOVE BABY
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What with my shockingly terrible memory, I can't really remember any of the songs I have complained about before lyrically, and all the stuff I have is fairly safe both musically and lyrically.
However I think Smaching Pumpkins tend to have lyrics that I despair about, what with Corgan being pretty retarded and very pretentious.
Then of course there's Keidas' lyrics for the Chili Peppers. They're not stupid or dumb, they just never make any fuck*ng sense.
Well, OK, to read they are pretty dumb but they don't come across too bad on the records since they just don't make sense.
But, go on, read these and see how bad they are in writing...
Zephyr Song (http://redhotcp.tripod.com/btw/zephyr.htm)
By The Way (http://redhotcp.tripod.com/btw/bytheway.htm)
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Doodle doodle ding a zing a dong bone,
Ba-di ba-da zumba crunga cong dong gong.
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one-quarter of George Washington's head
half of George Washington's head
three-quarters of George Washington's head
ALL of George Washington's head
</troll>
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subtle TMBG bashing
*"you just got called down to the principal's office"-style "ooooh..."*
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TMBG has many dumb lyrics provided you're willing to issue the caveat "works perfectly in musical context." This is what I let Them get away with, and I apply the same to pre-Document R.E.M., where the lyrics were generally marvelous and incoherent. ("Swan Swan H" is the pinnacle of this -- a song which is more or less perfect and tells an entirely sensical story without any of the lyrics at any point making any literal sense.)
Another example of this is Circumstantial Evidence, (http://www.somesongs.com/song_info.php?select=658) which is in general a high-quality breakup song but features a lot of lines like this:
And these goddamn pizza crusts all over
They don't taste so bad
Preservatives, I guess
It ends with a line that is absolutely fantastic in context but stupid otherwise:
And the underwear
With your name on them
Tell your mother I said hi
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Indeed. Plus I purposely pulled lyrics for a children's song intended to go with a Flash video. Hence the troll tag.
Although I think on the whole they're more clever than dumb.
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Meet James Ensor,
Belgiums famous painter,
dig him up and shake his hand,
appreciate the man.
Dude, that's lyrical genius right there.
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"Meet James Ensor" is actually quite clever when you consider that in many regards it's a play off of James Ensor himself, an artist who quite closely examined his own mortality. (I vaguely recall him doing a painting, entitled Self-Portrait, 1970, of a skeleton in a suit.)
I think I'm preaching to the choir, but still.
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I think I'm preaching to the choir, but still.
Haha, yeah, the problems of a nonverbal medium. I love that song, for the reasons you so aptly gave.
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Has to be said that Meet James Ensor is lyrically one of my favourite TMBG songs, and I now have it stuck in my head (bummer...).
Also Dead I always particularly liked, and... well damnit most of them. They were great lyrically, though I mainly refer to Flood and the eponymous album which were the two I know best. I mean the verse about jason and the argonauts in Little Birdhouse I always adored!
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Then of course there's Keidas' lyrics for the Chili Peppers. They're not stupid or dumb, they just never make any fuck*ng sense.
Well, OK, to read they are pretty dumb but they don't come across too bad on the records since they just don't make sense.
But, go on, read these and see how bad they are in writing...
Zephyr Song (http://redhotcp.tripod.com/btw/zephyr.htm)
By The Way (http://redhotcp.tripod.com/btw/bytheway.htm)
Kedis Lyrics rule...
"Sittin' on a sack of beans
Sittin' down in New Orleans
You wouldn't believe what I've seen
Sitting on that sack of beans
Lunatics on pogo sticks
Another southern fried freak on a crucifix
Hicks don't mix with politics
People on the street just kickin' to the licks"
No, it don't make a bit of sense, but it's cool as hell.
~Paul
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No, it don't make a bit of sense, but it's cool as hell.
~Paul
Agreed, that one is cool, but I mean, come on... Some of the latest ones looks stupid in writing. As I say, they fit brilliantly to the music, and some of them have some great lyrics, but By The Way and Zephyr Song in particular, look pretty silly in writing.
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I am putting myself at risk of incredible bodily pain and mental anguish. Ah, how much I love you people. Ahem:
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
And they're like, "It's better than yours."
Damn right, it's better than yours.
I could teach you, but I'd have to charge.
I'd better go listen to something bef--OH MY GOD THE BURNING! MAKE IT STOP!!!
EDIT: STILL WITH THE BURNING!
oh shush your mouth. milkshake lyrick = roc.
watch if you're smart
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more on topic:
"i love you like a fat kid love cake"
-50 Cent
wonderful.