The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Trivial Pursuits => Wild Card => Topic started by: V-Adore on February 04, 2004, 09:14:19 pm
-
Inspired by the side-topic in the "Watching the Weight" thread about "wide birthing hips." Have you ever gotten hit by a pickup line or an alleged compliment that makes the complimenter just sound like some sort of evil, socially-stunted mastermind? Or at least the "socially stunted" part?
I've gotten a few myself, but I think the king was the guy who tried to pick me up by suggesting a game of chess over e-mail. I'm sorry -- e-mail chess?
A friend of mine once got "on a scale from 1 to 10, you're a 22.85!" (I believe her response was "what, I don't earn that last .15?")
-
I was really good friends with this girl who I should have gone out with, but I think I wrecked it when were talking and I told her
"you're not unattractive".
Idjet.
-
This isn't a pick-up line, but someone who shall remain nameless told me I had legs like the She-Hulk. This was intended to be a sincere compliment, but the sheer geekitude of the statement and the oddness of that particular comparison resulted in the complimentor being seriously teased for about a week.
Later, a mutual friend, upon hearing the story, said, "Oh, man, like on the trading card? That shit was spankworthy. That's definitely a compliment, JL."
I think the important thing here is the word spankworthy. That is all.
-
Yeah, "you're not unattractive" is like saying "you're kinda ugly."
I have found, though, that if you want your women to stop asking you stupid rhetorical questions while they're giraffeing for compliments, just answer negatively to all of them.
For instance: "Does this dress make me look fat?" should be answered with "Not at all. It's your big ass that makes you look fat. Don't go blaming the dress."
Or "Do you think she's pretty?" with "Of course. She's Charlize Theron."
"Do you think she's prettier than me?" with "Just about every actress is prettier than you."
Of course, don't expect to have sex, like, ever again.
But at least the house will be quiet.
-
Personally, I find it comforting that Pedro will tell me honestly whether or not my butt looks big in those slacks. After all, who else's opinion do I really care about, anyway?
Best response ever: "Yes, JL, your butt does look deliciously round and curvaceous in those slacks."
-
Personally, I find it comforting that Pedro will tell me honestly whether or not my butt looks big in those slacks. After all, who else's opinion do I really care about, anyway?
God I wish I had ever dated a woman like that!
I always end up with those that when they discover I find some actress or something attractive proceed to think they're only second best and make my life hell. Which sucks 'cause in the most important case I never thought she was second best to anything. But then I guess I'm as bad.
-
This is why those celebrity sex-lists can save your relationship! Just make sure not to pick somebody too realistic* or that can get you in trouble, too.
Plus it's really fun when both of you pick the same person.
*like, say, a minor or local celebrity that you know lives an hour away.
-
Plus it's really fun when both of you pick the same person.
Amen.
-
This is why those celebrity sex-lists can save your relationship! Just make sure not to pick somebody too realistic* or that can get you in trouble, too.
Plus it's really fun when both of you pick the same person.
*like, say, a minor or local celebrity that you know lives an hour away.
**and is willing to come over and service both of you while being videotaped.
-
Too bad I broke up with the girl and the celebrity moved to NY.
-
They're probably together. Think about that for awhile.
-
They're probably together. Think about that for awhile.
<squeaky voice>I've got to run to the bathroom!</squeaky voice>
-
Heh. Now I'm just reminded of this Australian friend of mine who refuses to date anyone who isn't famous.
I don't think he does it deliberately, but so far this year he's dated someone who was in Star Wars Ep 2/3, and currently an olympic swimmer.
If only he weren't so fickle I could have been in Star Wars long enough to flip off Lucas without him noticing.
-
a minor or local celebrity that you know lives an hour away.
Local celebrities really don't do it for me. Because, back home, that means I saw them every night, telling me about children dying in fires and/or the weather.
-
a minor or local celebrity that you know lives an hour away.
Local celebrities really don't do it for me. Because, back home, that means I saw them every night, telling me about children dying in fires and/or the weather.
Support local music. Ya Viacom/RIAA loving bastard.
-
Hey baby, are those "space #####" you're wearing? Because your ass is OUT OF THIS WORLD!
-
So back in the day, my buddy and I go to a dance club. We're up on the second level at the bar, and he goes off to the bathroom. I'm just chiling waiting for him, and I pick up a flyer on the bar that says they're having a Ministry album release party (remember, this is like 1992 when Ministry was actually doing interesting things).
An attractive young woman comes up and stands next to me at the bar, waiting for the bartender. I say to myself, "Think of something to say to her!" But I got nuthin'. Then I notice she's kind of reading the flyer over my shoulder, so I hold it up and say "Ministry. Excellent."
As the words are coming out of my mouth, I am thinking to myself "Jesus CHRIST why am I such a DORK." She was like "Yeah, whatever." When my friend came back from the bathroom, I told him what had happened, and therefore "Ministry, excellent" became a catchphrase with our crew for a while.
-
so I hold it up and say "Ministry. Excellent."
DUDE! What a way to fuck*ng bomb man! Ouch!
-
a minor or local celebrity that you know lives an hour away.
Local celebrities really don't do it for me. Because, back home, that means I saw them every night, telling me about children dying in fires and/or the weather.
When you're bonin' them they tend to find other verbal expressions...usually.
-
When you're bonin' them they tend to find other verbal expressions...usually.
Ha, I bet when the weathergirl gets her bone on, her face is frozen in that creepy smile the WHOLE TIME. I'll be Mr. Weathergirl has invested heavily in paper bags.
-
The side topic about weatherman sex fantasies has reminded me of another general piece of advice for this category:
Sometimes you have a female friend in whom you've expressed interest but does not return that interest. That's okay, but for God's sake refrain from giving her unsolicited personal information... and whatever you do, don't talk about your fetishes.
This goes especially if:
* The fetish is particularly disturbing, embarrassing, or socially unsupported
* She is dating someone else
* You are dating someone else
* ... and your friend knows your girlfriend
* ... and you're asking for fetish-related relationship advice
* ... and you've given your girlfriend a fetish-related pet name
* ALL OF THE GODDAMN ABOVE
God, what are some guys on?!
-
God, what are some guys on?!
Well, now we know there's a personal story involved, and I, for one, am interested. Here's a deal, spill the beans and you'll get those CDs.
SO WHAT FETISH WAS IT? HUH?
-
Do we need to talk about boundaries, kids?
-
God, what are some guys on?!
Well, now we know there's a personal story involved, and I, for one, am interested. Here's a deal, spill the beans and you'll get those CDs.
SO WHAT FETISH WAS IT? HUH?
All I'm going to say about it is that this all actually happened, with a horrible "friend" who had no sense of personal space, tact, or even "look, I have a boyfriend who isn't a raging asstard, so could you just go away?"
The fetish was bad. I have sworn never again to utter the pet name he gave to the friend of mine he was dating at the time.
-
The fetish was bad. I have sworn never again to utter the pet name he gave to the friend of mine he was dating at the time.
SURE, JUST KEEP PROVOKING US
-
The fetish was bad. I have sworn never again to utter the pet name he gave to the friend of mine he was dating at the time.
SURE, JUST KEEP PROVOKING US
Okay, a hint: we were talking about it a few days ago.
(Yes, he told me all the sordid details of his sexual fantasies about underground street dancing...)
-
The fetish was bad.
Was it bad? Or was it internet bad?
-
<mod-speak>
Watch it folks. Yes, we all know each other quite well here, or at least think we're great internet buddies, but that certainly doesn't mean anybody should feel they need to give up any personal info they don't initially want to.
</mod-speak>
Damnit, I'm curious now too.
-
Here's an idea: Take it to PM.
Cut me in, too.
How novel!
-
You people are no fun. To coin an AugustWest-ism, this has become a
BUKKAKE FIASCO!
-
Thread lock in five, four...
-
Thread lock in five, four...
Thread... wha... I'm lost!
-
Okay, a hint: we were talking about it a few days ago.
OMG, it's the shrinking thing.
~Paul
-
Okay, a hint: we were talking about it a few days ago.
OMG, it's the shrinking thing.
~Paul
Worse. (Although I knew a guy with the shrinking thing once, he wasn't this creepy.)
Anyway, PM me if you want. I'm a sucker for, uh, people who wheedle enough.
-
a minor or local celebrity that you know lives an hour away.
Local celebrities really don't do it for me. Because, back home, that means I saw them every night, telling me about children dying in fires and/or the weather.
Come off it! I know you have a woody for Vicky Dortch.
Well, for that matter, who doesn't?
-
Worse. (Although I knew a guy with the shrinking thing once
So, do you women understand about SHRINKAGE???
-
Worse. (Although I knew a guy with the shrinking thing once
So, do you women understand about SHRINKAGE???
Yeah, I missed you too, August.