The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Trivial Pursuits => Wild Card => Topic started by: jay-ell on May 05, 2004, 02:47:33 am
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So the Spouse and I were talking the other day, and he told me about a strange thing that occurred to him. He walked into the bedroom, saw the neatly made bed, and thought, "Wow, that really looks nice and welcoming. I'm glad that gets done every day."
Then he realized, a few minutes later, that the reason the bed was made is because I made it. Just like I did the day before, and the day after, and every day since we put the house on the market.
Then he thanked me for making the bed.
And men wonder why housewives are always complaining about being under-appreciated. Holy jeez.
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Any husband who fails to thank his wife for a routine task completed fails in his marriage.
I happen to thank my wife by cooking dinner and washing and unloading the dishes quite often, and (not as quite) often on the same night. I also do the floor-sweeping and manage the garbage situation. She swears, and I'm still not sure how much I believe her, that she enjoys doing laundry
Then there are the verbal thanks. These are mandatory. Newlywed males, heed my advice!
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Blah Blah Blah, yackity, schmackity...
Shouldn't you be making Pedro a sandwich now or something?
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Barefoot.
Pregnant.
In the kitchen.
And of course speaking only when spoken to by her man.
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My wife makes her side of the bed, and leaves mine undone until I do it.
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When I'm home, I make the bed, do laundry, cook, do the miscellaneous cleaning, and run the errands. Why? Because I have no job when I am home, and because blow-jobs don't perform themselves (not for me, anyway).
The thanks ought to go both ways. But I'm a little surprised by this, I think. Pedro, tighten up.
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My wife makes her side of the bed, and leaves mine undone until I do it.
Man, how do you even make half the bed? I am befuddled.
Anyway -- my SO was just up for the weekend-and-change, and while I was at class, he actually cleaned up the room. He is also capable of soaking stained shirts, folding laundry neatly, and reminding me that I have left my hooded sweatshirt in the sink.* If the actual relationship falls through, I think I may have to hire him on as a housekeeper, because otherwise I will disintegrate into individual molecules of disgusting if left on my own recognizance.
And yes, I thanked him.
* It was right after Japanese, and I was very tired, okay?
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My check came in last week. I haven't received a thanks for working last month yet, but I'll be keeping my ears open.
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My sweetie thanks me for working (since I make like 5 times as much as she does and she couldn't go to school otherwise). She also thanked me, yesterday, for repairing the bed frame.
I wasn't trying to dog you, Pedro, it just sort of sounded like you thought your bed was being remade by naked mole rats/pierced lemurs/red-handed tamarins.
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Barefoot.
Pregnant.
In the kitchen.
And of course speaking only when spoken to by her man.
See there's an inherent flaw in this line of reasoning. Because if she can speak only when spoken how is she going to ask, "may I please get on my knees and pleasure you?"
Anyway, back in reality. We just leave the bed unmade unless a parental unit is visiting. But I do laundry, dishes, floors, and 3/4 of the grocery shopping.
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Because if she can speak only when spoken how is she going to ask, "may I please get on my knees and pleasure you?"
She will have to rely on gestures to get the point across. I leave it to you to determine which gestures.
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Because if she can speak only when spoken how is she going to ask, "may I please get on my knees and pleasure you?"
Does this question ever actually need to be asked? I think the answer can be assumed in 99.99% of cases.
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Someday I'm going to catch those bed-making tamarins red-handed, indeed.
We have a rule that the bed is made by the last person to get out of it. The first person can't, since the remaining person would be in the way. Being newly unemployed I have fortunately discovered that if I get up and continue sleeping on the couch, the bed gets made. It turns out I just need to be out of it, not awake.
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Someday I'm going to catch those bed-making tamarins red-handed, indeed.
We have a rule that the bed is made by the last person to get out of it. The first person can't, since the remaining person would be in the way. Being newly unemployed I have fortunately discovered that if I get up and continue sleeping on the couch, the bed gets made. It turns out I just need to be out of it, not awake.
That's how you make logic work for you!
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I wasn't trying to dog you, Pedro, it just sort of sounded like you thought your bed was being remade by naked mole rats/pierced lemurs/red-handed tamarins.
No offense taken. Some part of my brain did seem to think that looking nice and pretty after being slept in is just something our bed did. Apparently that's not the case.
Seriously, JL is a wonderful housemate (as well as a few other things), and I really love my job, so it's not like I should receive daily accolades. I just think it's silly that the person who works outside the house is required to hand out thanks to the person who works inside the house as if they're not both in it together. I generally do thank Jamie for a whole bunch of stuff, and when more is required of me than what goes down at the office, I've gotten a lot better at pitching in. I also put the seat down.
Just every once in a while, my brain entertains the idea that Jamie eats bon-bons and plays videogames all afternoon, and my supper makes itself. Apparently this isn't the case. So as for last night's fajitas, for cleaning and vacating the house this afternoon for potential buyers, for buying our Mothers' Day gifts this year, for sleeping naked, and for telling your internet friends to like me, darling my 100th post is for you.
Also my carnal stump is for you.
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I have never heard the phrase "carnal stump" before in my life, and if God has any mercy on my sinner's soul, I will never hear it again.
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I wasn't trying to dog you, Pedro, it just sort of sounded like you thought your bed was being remade by naked mole rats/pierced lemurs/red-handed tamarins.
No offense taken. Some part of my brain did seem to think that looking nice and pretty after being slept in is just something our bed did. Apparently that's not the case.
Seriously, JL is a wonderful housemate (as well as a few other things), and I really love my job, so it's not like I should receive daily accolades. I just think it's silly that the person who works outside the house is required to hand out thanks to the person who works inside the house as if they're not both in it together. I generally do thank Jamie for a whole bunch of stuff, and when more is required of me than what goes down at the office, I've gotten a lot better at pitching in. I also put the seat down.
Just every once in a while, my brain entertains the idea that Jamie eats bon-bons and plays videogames all afternoon, and my supper makes itself. Apparently this isn't the case. So as for last night's fajitas, for cleaning and vacating the house this afternoon for potential buyers, for buying our Mothers' Day gifts this year, for sleeping naked, and for telling your internet friends to like me, darling my 100th post is for you.
Also my carnal stump is for you.
Now you have to never post again. Especially for 'carnal stump'.
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Carnal Stump is now the name of my Hedwig cover band.
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Carnal Stump is now the name of my Hedwig cover band.
To be fair, this is about the best implementation of the phrase ever. Ever ever ever.
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my fiancée has been out of state since mid-january, and we usually see each other on weekends. during the week while it is just me sleeping in the bed, it never needs to be made! of course she comes for a weekend, and after the first night all the covers have somehow managed to rotate 90° together or the sheet falls off one side of the bed and the blanket falls off the other . . .
basically what i'm trying to say is that if she made the bed i would see no reason to thank her, as if it weren't for her it would not need to be done at all. also, i end up making the bed every night if she slept in it the night before because i need my covers in order -- and i never get thanked for that.
and for a little spam: read more about men and women (http://www.track7.org/pen/man.php)
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...darling my 100th post is for you.
Thanks, babe. I'd just like to say publicly that yes, Pedro does habitually put the seat down -- and he's a born romantic, so even on those occasions when he leaves something to be desired in the housework department, he's constantly reminding me through word and deed that there are more important (and fun) things in life than housework. I imagine I need reminding more than the average person.
Also my carnal stump is for you.
Please, please, please, don't ever use this phrase again. Or it won't be.
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Also my carnal stump is for you.
Please, please, please, don't ever use this phrase again. Or it won't be.
JL, it's learning things like this that keeps a relationship fresh!
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Also my carnal stump is for you.
Please, please, please, don't ever use this phrase again. Or it won't be.
Considering stump means "a rudimentary or vestigial bodily part" I wouldn't be advertising that kind of thing to begin with if I were you.
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Y'all done dissin' the stump yet? Tease me now, but when I grow up, I'll have me a mighty oak. It's the carnal stump that could, yo.
Let's see one of you playa-hatas find better c*ck euphemisms (http://www.starma.com/c*ck/c*ck.html).
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Let's see one of you playa-hatas find better c*ck euphemisms (http://www.starma.com/c*ck/c*ck.html).
Mighty Hammer of Justice.
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Also under 'C', my vote is for the 'Chubby Conquistador'
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Y'all done dissin' the stump yet? Tease me now, but when I grow up, I'll have me a mighty oak. It's the carnal stump that could, yo.
Let's see one of you playa-hatas find better c*ck euphemisms (http://www.starma.com/c*ck/c*ck.html).
For heaven's sake, it's not a stump!
My husband has a large c*ck!
So there!
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I feel edified now.
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My husband has a large c*ck!
....
*looks around, whistles awkwardly, glares at own feet*
Soooo...how about that housework, huh? HUH?
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Hey, weren't you the one who was prevented from going into detail about a certain piercing a while back?
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My husband has a large c*ck!
But, compared to what?
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My husband has a large c*ck!
I don't have anything to add here, I just felt like quoting this since everyone else is having so much fun with it. Also, my money is always on the simple, strangely compelling, and yet somehow horrifying "boy-part".
Also, I think that whenever anyone responds to either Pedro or JL in the future, they should be required to start the post with the above quote.
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My husband has a large c*ck!
Thing I feel this thread, and particularly Pedro, should know:
I have spent all of today with "The Boy With The Arab Strap" in my head, except with "Carnal Stump" substituted for "Arab Strap." All day.
"dum dum dum... she was laid on her back with the boy with the carnal stump... with the boy from the caarnal stuump..."
(EDIT: Fixed now.)
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Your post would have been much more effective with
My husband has a large c*ck!
in it somewhere.
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Your post would have been much more effective with
My husband has a large c*ck!
in it somewhere.
Your wish is my command, o Brush of Nabu.
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My husband has a large c*ck!
But, compared to what?
Pedro has the biggest wang of anybody I've ever had sex with.
And that's the truth.
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My husband has a large c*ck!
But, compared to what?
Pedro has the biggest wang of anybody I've ever had sex with.
And that's the truth.
But size doesn't count, right?
Right?
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But size doesn't count, right? Right?
It's not the size of the c*ck. It's the depth of the pu$$y.
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My husband has a large c*ck!
But, compared to what?
Pedro has the biggest wang of anybody I've ever had sex with.
And that's the truth.
Heh. I guess when you put it that way...
Of course, by that definition, he'd also have the smallest wang of anybody you'd had sex with, no?
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Wow. And I thought my last post was offensive.
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Pedro has the biggest wang of anybody I've ever had sex with.
And that's the truth.
Heh. I guess when you put it that way...
Of course, by that definition, he'd also have the smallest wang of anybody you'd had sex with, no?
This is like that whole World's Shorest Tall Man thing in the Phantom Tollbooth.
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I'm waiting for Pedro to post a haiku about JLD's pu$$y now. Or for this conversation to shut the hell up already. Preferably the latter.
[/curmudgeon]
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Hey, weren't you the one who was prevented from going into detail about a certain piercing a while back?
That was MY c*ck. I'm perfectly cool with MY c*ck; we're quite close friends.
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My husband has a large c*ck!
But, compared to what?
Pedro has the biggest wang of anybody I've ever had sex with.
And that's the truth.
Heh. I guess when you put it that way...
Of course, by that definition, he'd also have the smallest wang of anybody you'd had sex with, no?
We choose not to think of it in that context. It's much better for our marriage that way.
[Edit: When I told Pedro I was going to post this, he said, "I'm going to tell everybody you used to be a ho."]
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[Edit: When I told Pedro I was going to post this, he said, "I'm going to tell everybody you used to be a ho."]
We knew that already.
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We did?
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Hey, weren't you the one who was prevented from going into detail about a certain piercing a while back?
That was MY c*ck. I'm perfectly cool with MY c*ck; we're quite close friends.
Take a listen to this (http://www.cortjstr.com/mp3/Dave_Tieff-My_Friend_John.mp3). I've clipped it down to just the relevant verse. NSFW
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This one has gone quite far enough, I think, and I don't want some newbie reminding us of it in six months.
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