Word, that joke made me chuckle out loud.  So beautiful in its simplicity.

Especially that he's got Cowell mixed up with Simon Le Bon.  It makes sense in a "only half-paying attention to famous British people" way.  Ray is too much of a player to keep track of dudes named Hugh and Simon.

Hero was a priestess of Aphrodite who dwelled in a tower in Sestos, at the edge of the Hellespont. Leander, a young man from Abydos, on the other side of the strait, fell in love with her and would swim every night across the Hellespont to be with her. Hero would light a lamp every night at the top of her tower, to guide his way.

A-ha!

"Men are of two kinds.  When contained..."

Clearly Leander wants to be with a hero.

Hmm.  Has anyone noticed a number of allusions to Ancient Greece in the --- just kidding.  I can't find any allusions to Ancient Greece in the name Latino Health Crisis.