Gothic dancing is actually the only dancing I know how to do, it's a problem at weddings. 

Eh, cartilage head and face-ripping may be grosser, but this is more gratuitously gross.  The former were poetic and surreal in their grossness, but this just layers it on without accomplishing anything.  In his heart, Onstad knows the saddest thing will always be a retarded man cradling a broken egg and crying.  He can't beat that one for poignancy, so he throws in gore, hoping if he just grosses us out enough then we won't notice what's lacking.  Basically this strip is the Titus Andronicus of saddest thing strips.

Also, is that a tail on molly? That's a nice detail.

My problem with her tail is that it is in the exact same position under the blankets when she is lying facing the other way, three years earlier. 

Thursday:  Roast Beef runs his sword through the drapes, only to discover that the hidden fee was actually the father of the bride.  Molly goes insane with grief and drowns herself.

Friday:  After Roast Beef's descent into madness and subsequent assassination, his hordes of mercenaries roam the underground looking for a new leader.  They spot the shoes under the curtain, drag the hidden fee out from behind the drapes, and then crown the fee as the new emperor of Rome.  The fee reigns prudently for many years, only to be succeeded by a sadistic fiddler.

Jesus.  Thank god I'm twenty-six, and only have to be tragically unhip for another four years.

I think an integral and defining characteristic of the Brazilian is violent hair removal. If you tried to do that to a dog, you'd get arrested.

From now on I'm not going to do anything to myself that it would be illegal to do to a dog.  Except give myself drugs, get myself laid, and make myself go to grad school. 

if he was outside the Undergorund on business, why wasn't he wearing a hull?

Okay.  I've reconsidered, and determined that

A) Beef is probably going to Good Vibrations in that strip. 
B) If Beef can go to Good Vibes without being thrown out for being a cat, the same is probably true of Tiffany's. 

So you win this time, Oball.  But I'll be back.

Maybe he is standing on a stool. 

While some franchises, like Subway, have Underground equivalents, others, like American Idol, do not.  It definitely could be that there's an Underground Tiffany's, but my theory is that this is not the case.  I think this because luring someone away with a rubber toy seems to be what humans do to cats, and not what cats do to other cats.