Fair story: We made a little caravan to load livestock into the fair. I loaded up the sheep and goats in a truck bed pen and Bubba (yes, really!) pulled a 24' stock trailer for the steers and pigs. We got the goats and sheep loaded easy, you just walk them up and shove them in. The steer you halter up and walk in easy like. Pigs...fuck pigs.

We put a ramp up to walk them into the trailer and then we use hog boards to direct and box them in. Well, we got the last one up the ramp and when it went to turn the corner into the trailer it didn't like the truck load af angry swine and tried to back out. After chivvying six of the bastard beasts into the trailer I wasn't about to let this one start the process over so I shot my left arm out and straight armed that porker and grabbed it by the left ham and shoved it the rest of the way in.

The pig gladly went along with this plan because, in grabbing him by the ham and shoving, my left thumb went all the way to the base in his asshole. He even made a surprised little "GRUNT" as he hopped in.

About eight of the parents and kids there saw this and everyone generally lost their shit for about 30 seconds.

I went in and washed my hands, but people wiggled their damn thumbs at me and made 'oink oink' sounds all fair week.

I guess it was funny. Also, it didn't feel bad from my side of the deal.

Did the pig keep winking at you flirtatiously?

Sorry for all the job stuff lately. But jesus christ these people.

Welcome to government work.

It's the secret internet hideout!

Turkey is a very versatile meat, goes a long way and is super cheap.

We usually buy at least one extra at Thanksgiving when they are extra cheap and throw them in the freezer.  Plus, boil the carcass for turkey stock.

My coworker (who transferred to another section to get away from this kind of passive-aggressive shit show) asked, none of this came up on your yearly review?? And she's right, it didn't. Something-- fiscal stuff?-- changed and suddenly they have all these issues with my work.

Which is why you shouldn't let this sort of thing affect you too much, self-imagewise.

But that seems a little iffy to me-- whether I could really get to the point where I'm on the level of my colleagues who are more math-brained and math-trained than I am.

First of all, don't sell yourself short.  Why can't you learn these math skills?  Math ain't nothing but a thing.

Secondly, you don't have to be on the level of your colleagues who have been exercising this skill set for years already.  I'm sure your boss doesn't expect that.  Growth in the right direction is what he's looking for.  Baby steps toward minimum competency will take you a long way. As Jake the sage said, "sucking at something is the first step toward becoming sorta good at something."  You'll never get to their level if you don't start walking down the road.

Third, consider what you really want out of your work life.  Maybe you perceive your current job to be more prestigious or advantageous to your career than the Brooklyn section or some other job entirely.  And that may well be true.  But if what you do all day makes you feel miserable, or unqualified, or evil, or just unhappy then it is not worth it.  This is what you'll spend 2000 hours a year for the next 30 years or so doing.  It doesn't just affect your life, it IS your life.  Do something you at least sort of kind of enjoy doing, that's suited to your personality.  And I don't mean in a hippy dippy run off and join the circus kind of way (necessarily, although if you can pull it off, go for it!).  Even within the bounds of Good ol' normal American wage slavery there's plenty of room to find a job that's at least approximately right for you, especially for a fellow with your resume.  If crunching data ain't never going to work for you, trying to force it to is just going to make you miserable.  There's no shame in adjusting your career goals once you learn more about your own abilities and preferences.

Sorry to Dad out on you, but it took me a long time to find a job that I liked instead of a job that I was supposed to want.  You got this shit.

Must've been a pretty good party.