So the world will be forever deprived of the awesome cuteness of me as a baby.

Perhaps you should try to recreate the films whilst dressed in an oversized novelty diaper.  For posterity.

I have these and these.  Pretty pricey for little plastic half-balls, but thankfully they were a gift.  They hurt like hell/work great.

I love those guys, just saw them again in April.  Can you tell that's Patterson Hood?

Beef's dream?

Sort of on topic, I guess.  Something I've had good luck with, ham-wise.  It's a little quick and dirty, but it seems to work well.

I take a store-brand (Kroger in our case) spiral sliced ham and put it on the smoker for a couple of hours or so.  It dries the outside and the first slice a little, but it doesn't seem to hurt the inner slices any, while giving them a nice smokiness.  If you're going to heat the ham anyway, the smoker can beat the oven.

Yeah, I had a meeting with Lexmark on the north side of that damn silly ring highway.

Ah Lexington.  They built that highway (New Circle Road) in the early 60s, but screwed up by only making the southern half of it limited access.  It's caused horrible traffic problems to this day.  Then in the late 80s, Lexington had grown enough that they need to build another bypass around the city.  So heeding the lessons of history, they made this one limited access thus alleviating much of the city's horrible congestion.  No wait.  That's the opposite of what happened.  They made the same idiotic mistake again.

I think maybe you should adopt/borrow 20 more dogs, train 'em for a while and you can run full scrimmages.

Again?!

Absolutely!