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@achewood I once had the idea that, if only for a moment each night, everyone in the world was asleep at the same time. It made the world manageable.

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Topics - Bozack

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People & Places / WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE
« on: September 08, 2007, 05:05:10 am »
Holy. SHIT.
I'm sitting in an apartment. In Montreal, Quebec, CANADA. Sittting next to me- Andalucia. I'm not sure how many people remember us- from the primordial soup of TOUAMB (or, in my case, the trilobite of TOUAMB) but we just wanted to say hi. We blamed our continued friendship on you all, and now have a really hard time at parties when people ask how we met. We're both doing well, and live a block away from eachother, and wanted to say hello!


Wild Card / Things You Shouldn't Do If You Live In An Apartment Building
« on: February 06, 2006, 02:09:38 am »
Owning a subwoofer.
Playing a) Mexican banda music, or b) that ridiculous "The Birdman flies in ANY weather!" song, at 2 in the morning on a Wednesday.
Having some sort of fuck*ng track & field meet in your apartment, wherein people with giant, lead-filled shoes run up and down the length of your apartment. I swear to God, they were doing hurdles yesterday.
Have very loud, very, very short sex, punctuated by shouting in Spanish.

Wild Card / pu$$yid, or, FREE pu$$y!
« on: January 18, 2006, 06:04:40 pm »
Gather around, chilluns, and let me tell you a story. A story...about pu$$ys.
Seems ol' Bozack "Polecat" Swensonsonson got hisself some ideas and went off to high-falutin' art school up in New Yahk Siddy. He didn' care for it all too much, but he met some mighty nice folk. One of them was a lady who we gonna call Sarah.
Now, Sarah had herself a problem- a septate hymen. See, when Sarah was developin' in her momma's womb, the layer of tissue covering her pu$$yl openin' didn't thin out like they usually do- it left a thin band o' tissue stretchin across her pinkest of secrets. If Sarah were ever gonna lie with a man in carnal congress, she was gonna need to get herself one a them "hymenectomies," when a gynecologist would surgically remove her hymen. It's a routine surgery, ain't too much trouble a'tall.
But Sarah's momma was onea them Roman Catholics, and she was pleased as punch that her daughter had a built-in device to protect her maidenhead. She told Sarah that she'd get her hymenectomy when she got a husband to pay for it. Sarah, bein' a modern college lady in the big city, wasn't happy about this at all. To make matters worse, since the hymenectomy would cost under $2,000, Sarah's insurance provider wouldn't cover it.
There's a reason they call ol' Bozack "Polecat"- he's crafty like one, and don't smell too nice either. He started thinkin' and thinkin', and before long, he happened upon an idea. The Internet.
The Internet helped that one idiot girl get rid of her credit card debit, and helped thousands of people get laid. Why didn't they see what it could do for Sarah?
Thus, the seed of pu$$yid was born. Bozack & Sarah are still workin' on the particulars, but he's ready and willin' to donate time and money to see Sarah get that hymenectomy.
And that's the news from New York City. Where the men are ugly, the women are mean and the children eat human flesh.

Ray has got some awesome rhymes, y'all.

Science & Nature / Where ought a a man or a lady have hair?
« on: December 12, 2005, 04:21:46 am »

New question-
As you might be aware, humans evolved from apes. We lost our tails, our kickass grabby toes, and most of us lost our thick, luxuriant pelts.
Most of us.
Some of us are a bit less evolved than others. Some of us have managed to grow unsightly back-hair. And not just the bottom of the back-hair; I'm talking the wings. I believe, that with surgical strikes, I can isolate and prevent these still-light patches from become a Carl-level event.
So, I put it to you, TOUAMB- how does one go about getting their back waxed?

Sports & Leisure / Beer and Beer Snobbery (split from Dec. '05 blogs)
« on: December 02, 2005, 03:09:32 pm »
Okay, we need to construct some sort of beer hierarchy, because you cannot simply say that PBR is an absolute shit beer without noting the existence of the Beast and Natty Ice. We're going to have to rate things. It might get tough. Tensions might be revealed. Dare I posit that tempers might FLARE.

I think we can safely say that Natural Ice is at the very bottom (in the dog piss category), followed by Milwaukee's Best (dog piss), etc. We need to categorize into "Dog Piss," "Piss Water," "Hobo Piss," "Cheap Beer," etc., all the way up to "Reward Beer."

Achewood / Grandpa Got Run Over By A Blog- December Blogs
« on: December 01, 2005, 05:47:20 pm »
Just to start things off; I believe that our first blog of December is Lil' Neff talking about...erggghhhh.
I went to Suicide Girls to see if they actually did have a new dudes section (hey, it's winter-time and my gas bill is going up); as far as I can see, they don't, but I couldn't look at the website for more than a minute at a time without being felled by the twin hammers of Pretention and Over-Crowded Homepage. It was like having my eyes bludgeoned out by the Strokes. Not by the hand of one of the Strokes, but actually as if someone picked up the Strokes and jammed them into my eye sockets.

People & Places / I Gave Thanks and All I Got Was This Lousy Post
« on: November 27, 2005, 06:59:17 am »
Hey, so how was Thanksgiving for everyone? Maybe we covered this all in the "things I am thankful for" thread, but I didn't notice it.
Mine was pretty fun/uneventful. I slept in late, woke up, hung out with my parents, ate dinner at my uncles with almost all of my extended family (we had 6 turkeys, one of which was 20 lbs, and 5 different cakes, as well as 2 types of stuffing. DECADENCE IN THE MIDWEST!) and spent the night hanging out at Meijer, where I found out about these cute little bastards (sorry about the Tripod link; the sheer earnestness of this site is worth it). They are tiny hamsters. Like a normal hamster shrunk down to the size of a Matchbox car.
My friend Busse and I were kicking it at Meijer, looking for Christmas gifts, when we walked by the "Pets" department, which, we were suprised to find, didn't stock merely pet equipment; no, it stocks actual PETS. And the birds were all blocked off and asleep, but the hamsters and mice and TINY ADORABLE HAMSTERS were all running amok. The display case holding the dwarf hamsters was actually broken, so I could reach inside, so I thought about stealing a few before I decided not to strike a decisive blow against the Man's tiny hamster supply.
Anyway, I want one.
So what did you people do? I am interested, and I also kind of want to talk about Beatrice's new sig at some point. What is it? What does it mean? Whose car?

Wild Card / Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
« on: October 26, 2005, 11:05:33 pm »
Keep your mouth shut and don't catch flies.

Seriously, though- I often have problems or questions that I'd like answered, and my google-fu just isn't up to the task. And I don't want to open a whole thread for them, so I was thinking, maybe we can post any specific questions in here, regarding anything small- cooking, badmiton, lovin', anything. Does that sound good?

Okay, I just got an old manual typewriter- an Olivetti Lettera 22. I've been poking around on it for a while, trying to figure it out, and I think I've got everything covered dark should the type come out? Why isn't my type coming out consistantly? Is my ribbon not moving enough?

That's my question. And now you post yours!


Arts & Entertainment / V For Vendetta- WTF?
« on: July 25, 2005, 05:16:06 am »
Has anyone here read "V For Vendetta"? It's a really, really amazing graphic novel penned by Alan Moore, who wrote "From Hell," "Watchmen," and "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen." The League movie sucked on giant donkey balls, and so when I heard that there was going to be a V movie, I wept. When I heard that those Matrix fuckers were somehow involved, I gouged my own eyes out. But then the trailer came out...and it....looks....GOOD?
Check it.
If you've read the book, you'll probably be amazed at how...accurate the movie seems. That is, that V isn't an unkillable ***** skatboarding chimp or some shit. Could this be another good comic book movie?

Achewood / Does Jack White get into the bed?- 7-11-05
« on: July 11, 2005, 08:23:33 am »
....Meh. I mean, I get it. Ray does funny stuff when tanked. But I know "BLOO BLOO BLOO!", and you, sir, are no "BLOO BLOO BLOO!"

Arts & Entertainment / I Love Technology
« on: July 09, 2005, 07:03:26 am »
Because it does cool stuff like this.
"Wedding Crashers" is some Owen Wilson/Vince Vaughn buddy flick, where two wild and feckless guys learn stuff about themselves and women and bullshit. Also, Christopher Walken is in it.
But this post is not about that.
This post is about the stupid web-toy that someone coded up for this (most likely) utterly forgettable film.
You go to this site, upload a picture of yourself and a friend, and they superimpose your face over that of Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, Christopher Walken, or the two female characters, who I have already forgotten about.
This is one I did with pictures of myself and a friend, and this is one I made with myself and my brother, the creepiest man alive. Go ahead. Try to watch without shivering. And if you get bored of that, you can just nudge up the numbers in the URL to view the lost man-hours of millions of others.
I at least expect to see one of Paul and The Boy up here tomorrow.

Arts & Entertainment / BATMAN.
« on: June 15, 2005, 07:08:28 am »
Like a total nerd, I went to see Batman Begins at the midnight showing, and was extremely impressed. In my mind, probably the best, and definitely the most serious, entry into the Batman series.
But when I wake up, later on today, I'm going to go straight to the comic book store. What do regular people think? Has anyone else seen it yet?

Sports & Leisure / Come to Lebowskifest
« on: June 09, 2005, 03:51:51 pm »
If any of you are not doing anything from July 22-24th, might I suggest coming to Louisville, Kentucky, for the 4th Annual LebowskiFest? There will be bowling, white Russians, karaoke, and of course, everyone's best friends, They Might Be Giants.
I'm totally willing to let anyone able to come to sleep on my couch. We could turn this into Lebowski/Achewood Fest Kentucky!

Achewood / she checks out okay- Tuesday, May 10th
« on: May 10, 2005, 05:36:03 am »
I'm high as hell, so it may temper it a bit when I say that this is the funniest fuck*ng thing in the history of the god-damned world.


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