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[theinevitable]

my mom made my dad buy me condoms when I went away to school. She thought I'd be afraid to buy them on my own and make a bad decision.

Not when I had my first girlfriend (which is when I actually needed them)
not when I had my second girlfriend (who I was still dating at the time-- but now she was 700 miles away)

my mom is weird.
This is the same woman who told me I wasn't allowed to have my girlfriend over if my parents weren't home, and wasn't allowed to close the door when my girlfriend was over.

The closest I have to anything like your stories is...
this one time my girlfriend was joking about how bad porn actresses are. And she began imitating their bad fake-orgasm sounds...
and then my mom got home.
So, I was home alone, my mom got home, and she may or may not have heard my girlfriend making really loud and obnoxious fake orgasm sounds.

I'm hoping she didn't hear, obviously.

[theinevitable]

a few notes:

this is a fat dude's worse nightmare-- Al Queda.

Also: those are some flat-ass glasses. I want some of those, the thick-rimmy ones. I wanted some in like 7th grade, and now everyone has them!