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[pmcd9]

I was having dinner with my folks tonight and the topic turned to Religion. My dad kinda threw me for a loop when he told me that the Baptist Church is not protestant. That they actually descend from a unbroken line of churches that goes all the way back to the time of Christ. I told him that I thought that was the Catholic Church. He said that was what the Catholic's want you to think. That they will tell you that Peter started a bunch of churches and that he was the first Pope, but there's no real evidence of that.

I wanted to ask him. Those churches that Peter started, do any of them still exist? But my mother got up and left the table. She was already mad at me because I posted this picture on Facebook. If I had asked and he had said yes I would have followed up with "Are those churches Baptist Churches?"

Anyway, Wikipedia confirms that this is something that Baptist believe.

Baptist, man. That's Mormon level crazy. Yikes!

[miles]

Baptist, man. That's Mormon level crazy. Yikes!

Well... not quite.

[pmcd9]

Well... not quite.

The only real advantage that Christians have over the Mormons in the crazy department is the fact that most of the stories can't be easily disproven by actual verifiable recorded history. This Baptist Trail of Blood thing definitely treads into that territory however.

[ianmalcolm2]

Despite having no experience in the latter, I think that the Baptist church and Mormonism differ in the degree to which the craziness of their foundational mythos is integrated in the practices of their adherents. While I'm not sure how significant a role things like graveyard-hunting and magic underwear (not to mention the idea of eternal marriage as preparation for the couple's future as space deities——for actual, though) play in the everyday mormon's conception of him/herself, these rituals are hella real in that they happen on the regular.

On the other hand, not one of the Baptist churches I've attended (and these number solidly in the 'more than a few' category) has ever really made a huge deal out of justifying its origins as 'the one true big deal' in comparison to other denominations or religions. To be honest, in my churchgoing phase I'd never even really heard any serious doctrinal message exclusive to Baptists on Sunday morning. The sermons all pretty much amounted to a sweaty dude telling us to 'trust in the Lord and not the ways of the world.' The rest was all collecting money and listening to terrible, terrible 'contemporary worship music.'

That being said, though, none of my dalliances in wacky faith-matters happened anywhere close to the Bible belt, let alone south of it. So who knows——maybe in some place where religion is less stifled by Canadian social niceties, dudes spend their pulpit-times literally thumping bibles and scapegoating Episcopalianism.

Also, Baptist church lunches are just the worst, and probably entirely to blame for my now-crippling fear of room-temperature potato scallop and tiny crustless sandwiches.

[pmcd9]

On the other hand, not one of the Baptist churches I've attended (and these number solidly in the 'more than a few' category) has ever really made a huge deal out of justifying its origins as 'the one true big deal' in comparison to other denominations or religions. To be honest, in my churchgoing phase I'd never even really heard any serious doctrinal message exclusive to Baptists on Sunday morning. The sermons all pretty much amounted to a sweaty dude telling us to 'trust in the Lord and not the ways of the world.' The rest was all collecting money and listening to terrible, terrible 'contemporary worship music.'

Well yeah, you're right about that. I've been in a great number of Baptist Churches in my life as well and the fact that I'm 51 years old and this is the first I've heard of it is proof of what you say.

The rest was all collecting money and listening to terrible, terrible 'contemporary worship music.'

I'm old enough to remember a time when gospel music was really good. It had it's own distinctive style back then and it rocked out. It's incredible to look at how far it's fallen.

Also, Baptist church lunches are just the worst, and probably entirely to blame for my now-crippling fear of room-temperature potato scallop and tiny crustless sandwiches.

Well you definitely need to come to church down south because dinner on the grounds down here is awesome. Crustless sandwiches? Geez man, I'm sorry.

[ianmalcolm2]

I can sometimes get that Kurtz-like glint in my eye when thinking about the plates and plates of wonder bread-enclosed horrors. The uranium green of the gelatin-based tuna salad sandwiches, the ever-mysterious but totally rank smelling asparagus roll-up, the debilitatingly out-there decision to slather potato salad between crustless triangles of white toast.... However, one church I went to would always host the town's annual Caribbean Cultural Association potluck, and to my memory, those gatherings included some of the best food I've tasted on this landmass.

And yeah, it was only after my inevitable apostasy that I discovered 'good' religious jams. The Louvin Brothers were my gateway into older Americana, and black gospel organ tunes make the B3 sing like nothing else. Likewise, traditional hymnal repertoire, sung by a good congregation, is uniquely stirring to both hear and participate in.

It's just that goddamn Coldplay-aping, theologically-suspect "keep-the-kids-interested" schlock that makes me squirm. Church should not sound like U2 forgot some chords and changed all the "hers" in their lyrics to capital-H "He's".

[dejavroom]

It's just that goddamn Coldplay-aping, theologically-suspect "keep-the-kids-interested" schlock that makes me squirm. Church should not sound like U2 forgot some chords and changed all the "hers" in their lyrics to capital-H "He's".

Canny can can.

[dejavroom]

I tried to make sense of this and my brain threatened to sue: