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[slink]

I worry that my tendancy to look for the dark cloud in every silver lining is making me find fault in a very happy relationship just because I need to have something going wrong in my life just to feel functional.  How fucked is that?

Erm. Well, seems to be how my life goes.
Sounds like potentially good news on the couch guy front though. Hope it goes well.

Back to the subconscious dysfunctionality, I have, to some extent come to live with it, as I don't seem to be at all productive when I'm entirely happy. Though I may be wrong... I can't remember back that far! Aaaah, but seriously, there is this line before I get totally depressed where I can work, and if you're writing at the moment, you may just be seeking that place, I don't know.
Hmmmmm.

[V-Adore]

I don't know, the couch-guy thing sounds genuinely dysfunctional, something that needed to be resolved in some manner. That said, it probably isn't worth making an arguing point of the way he told Couch Guy off -- it probably saves face for both of them to say "it was inconvenient" and not "my SO gave me an ultimatum and I chose her; sorry, dude," even if it was disingenuous. If he keeps couch guy out, all is well.

[AlohaDawg]

This year has marked the most arguing ever in our three year relationship (two years co-habitation).  I worry that my tendancy to look for the dark cloud in every silver lining is making me find fault in a very happy relationship just because I need to have something going wrong in my life just to feel functional.  How fucked is that?

Average on the Fucked-o-meter (in my experience). One way people cope with situations they feel that they have less control than they want over is to introduce conflict and manage the conflict. Another is to find negatives so that if/when things go bad, they can reflect on the negatives and place causation there.  You may be (probably are) neither but I would encourage you to find joy wherever you can because it's a hell of a lot healthier for you.  And it's a lot nicer for everyone. I know how hard that can be, I've been trying for a long time and, in general, I'm successful about half the time. Which I'm learning is actually really above average.

There's a finer line than you might think between arguing too much and resigned, resentful silence. Keep communicating and eventually you both will hear what the other wants.

[wombat]

One way people cope with situations they feel that they have less control than they want over is to introduce conflict and manage the conflict.

Reading this, I felt like a little light bulb just went off over my head.  A number of things suddenly make sense to me that didn't before.

[AugustWest]

Ain't epiphanies grand?

[side_show]

Another is to find negatives so that if/when things go bad, they can reflect on the negatives and place causation there.  You may be (probably are) neither but I would encourage you to find joy wherever you can because it's a hell of a lot healthier for you.  And it's a lot nicer for everyone. I know how hard that can be, I've been trying for a long time and, in general, I'm successful about half the time. Which I'm learning is actually really above average.

There's a finer line than you might think between arguing too much and resigned, resentful silence. Keep communicating and eventually you both will hear what the other wants.

Thank you for the sage advice.

Finding the joy indeed.  And there is so much joy to be had right now, but I'm wasting my time on panic and worry.  We had our first snow last night, and everything is white, and the sun is out. There is so much joy.  

Thanks Aloha.

Also, in the "if you don't learn it the first time you hear it, you'll keep hearing it louder and louder until you do" file, a few weeks ago I told my very kind boss how I'd had a nightmare where I dreamt that I failed to hire someone to teach a drama workshop, only to have 30 ultra-hyper kids show up at the theatre with no one to teach them and nothing to do.  He told me, in the same vein: "You know, if you worry about the worst case senario all the time, you'll more than likly cause it to happen.  At least that's been my experience.  And even if that did happen, it'd be way less of a screw-up than my worst mistakes when I did your job, and look at me now -(he runs the school)!"  It's great to have a boss who tells me not to worry.  

I've found in general that being surrounded by puppets and fuzzy monkey masks tends to help everyone around be more human.  At home, I stress out about the major responsibilites I've taken on with this job, but when I'm actually in the office I'm happy and productive, mostly because I'm surrounded by happy productive people.  We ain't in it fo' the $$ after all!