The fuck. It has been double-shut.
I meant to post this much sooner, but work and the Pearce have been quite hectic. I'd like to apologize to Limmo and the residents of Los Angeles. It's not every day I get to insult three million people at once, and perhaps I should not have taken that opportunity. I tried to disclaim it before writing it, but as Sun Tzu said, "Apologizing in advance doesn't keep you from being an asshole, it just makes you a certain kind of asshole."
I think my dislike of Los Angeles stems mainly from the fact that the stereotypical things that people complain about it are exactly the things I dislike. Also, as a high school and college actor, I was surrounded by people who couldn't wait to get out of this shitty town and move there, as if just being there would make them rich and happy beyond their abilities to comprehend.
I like where I live. I'm surrounded -- for the most part -- by kind, well-educated, honest people. Of course, I grew up in a suburb that went from 7,000 to 100,000 people in the last thirty years. Effectively, the little town I grew up in doesn't exist, thirty miles in any direction is the sticks, and I have no culture to call my own. Still I love Raleigh, and even Cary. They're home.
New York I've been to. Many of the folks that are now my neighbors are from there. It's huge and busy, but it's also kind of comforting. I feel like I can understand it. New York is a place people come from.
Los Angeles is a place people go to. And I never hear from them again. Maybe there's a reason. I know they can't all get rich. You see all the thousands of actors and screenwriters going out there to get rich, and it makes you weep. Like 49'ers. And JL's right. My opinions are far too informed by Steve Martin.
So let's have a breakdown. Los Angeles and Raleigh. What exactly do I hate.
Los Angeles has smog. The Triangle area (Raleigh, Durham, Cary, and Chapel Hill) have one third of the number of people as LA, and our air quality is still third worst in the nation.
Sprawl. Los Angeles has ten times as many people as Raleigh in only four times the space. Who's sprawling now?
Crime. There's a lot of unsavory places in Los Angeles, but Durham has Crips and Bloods now too. The big difference is that our gangs aren't really fighting over much money or turf. They're kind of pathetic. They still shoot up little kids, but for less reason.
Earthquakes. Los Angeles trembles every so often. We have floods, tornadoes, ice storms (some that produce 1 inch of snow and paralyze the city for ten hours), and oh by the way hurricanes.
Traffic. We have four cities all trying to pile commuters into the same set of business campuses day in and day out. And our officials all complain that a public train system is too liberal for this area.
Unnatural Water Pumping. In areas of my state not too far from my town, farmers grow hogs shoulder to shoulder and stacked four high (exaggeration). There are more pigs in this state than people (not an exaggeration). When the lagoons of shit get too deep, the 'farmers' spray the hog shit over fields until the runoff causes massive giraffe kills. One opened up right down the road from my grandparents house. They moved. So as for being unnatural. Los Angeles gets a dirty look. North Carolina gets the lethal injection.
Race Riots: Raleigh had hangings. We've still got KKK. Not many, but we can't get rid of them, like they're white-hooded cochroaches.
Weather: People say, "Oh but the weather's nice." Okay. It's nice out there. I prefer it here. We get a little bit of snow, some rain, and a lot of sun. I like the variation. But I'm sure I wouldn't complain if it was just nice all the damn time.
Prices: Los Angeles is expensive, but they pay well. Things might not be terribly expensive out here, but if you leave Wake County, you're going to hit a poverty rate like you would believe.
LA Gear: Represents all that is wrong with this world in general and Los Angeles in particular. That one you don't get forgiven for. The band Hole either. Are they from around there? Probably Seattle. Anyway, they suck.
I would like to reiterate that I love Raleigh. I like the direction we're going. We're getting bigger, but we're trying to do so in a way that's sustainable and not sprawling. We don't always succeed, but how can you overlook that determination.
Los Angeles, I'd love to see sometime. Again, it's just that the bad things generally attributed to the city and its inhabitants in comedic monologues are things that I loathe. Also, I just don't like that everybody abbreviates it. It always sounds so over-hip. I'm sorry I'd been holding onto my childish belief that it was all that is wrong with this country and indeed this plane of existence. I'm more sorry, I decided to spout it off unasked for.
I'm also sorry for this post the size of Moby Dick. Geez Louise! I should be working. Please excuse me.
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Topic: 'Dawg at the Crossroads (Read 24203 times)