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[littlefallsmets]

I guess... as a dude who pins the needle to the straight edge of the range, I'm just not comfortable with that particular paint brush of male sexuality. I mean, as a dude who has never had a thing for a dude and kind of can't picture it, I'm so afraid of making assumptions from my own leanings that, like, I have this weird reverse reaction to it.

As if to say "as a dude who is as straight as the spectrum allows, I have no right to judge those in-between."

Plus one of my best friends from high school, he's always been trapped by those stereotypes, as a... very feminine man who claims to be a down-the-line bisexual who was closeted about it until his middle twenties.

When he was a teenager, he "talked himself out" of his desire for men because he dug some women too and... now that he's out as a bisexual and seriously dating another dude, he's got the other problem, where people now assume that all of his relationships with women were lies which... he vehemently claims they were not.

He claims, even now that he's engaged to a fellow in Arizona, the last girl he dated in upstate New York, he would've married if she had accepted his proposal and he still regrets that she didn't.

So dude's kind of a man without a country, sexually, and... I've always felt bad about his situation.

Gay AND straight people... well intentioned gay and straight people... are impressing onto him, like, this narrative where he was always this closeted gay man who was dating girls in high school and college despite outwardly fitting every stereotype of an American homosexual male since late elementary school and... that he's for some reason still living a lie by calling himself bisexual while marrying a dude.

The range of sexual expression and desire is fuckin' fascinating to me. I grew up with a butch lesbian who would be shacking up with a new serial-monogamist every two or three years as my next door neighbor and so... I didn't even "know" it was supposed to be weird until I was like ten or something.

I was one of those boys who never had a "girls are icky" phase. I had crushes on girls from pre-school and they never stopped, it's just that around twelve the sexual part of the deal dawned on me. I faked the girls are icky thing to fit in better socially but, man, I never believed it.

So a lady liking other ladies seemed perfectly normal to me. What Mom saw in my big fat hairy dad was more of the question.

(I love my dad, by the by, but he isn't a handsome dude. I'm not a handsome dude, either. I'm just bein' honest.)

And the fact that... my girlfriend is bi and if anything digs girls a bit more than guys on average and... that my brother is incredibly coy about his sexuality, has never had a steady girlfriend and only rarely dates... just amplifies my fascination with how this all actually works.

We are all, as humans, rich tapestries of interests and traits and paradox but... a person's sexuality, not just their orientation but their entire sexuality, is one of the biggest and most important parts of that mosiac.

That's why if I'm ever successful enough to just write spec scripts knowing someone will make them, I'm gonna write a script about that all-gay high school in NYC and the most popular lesbian and the most popular gay dude falling in love and trying to hide it so that they don't become social pariahs. With a subplot about a straight guy trying to "pass" as gay because he wants to be an actor and they have the best acting department in the city. And John Waters as the girl's dad and the owner of a clothing store called "Buy Curious".

But... I would have to write it with a gay or bisexual writing partner so that I wouldn't get murdered for it.

I am sort of a pragmatist about being extreme.

[Bobby Isosceles]

tl;dr

TL;DR

TL;DR


TL; DR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



* Too Long; Didn't Read

[linnea]

Jesus H. Christ, what a bullshit study. Womens are made for makin' babies, let's find another way to subjugate lesbians. I think their data are/is flawed. With the fact that the medical community is in the fuck*ng Dark Ages about women's ANATOMY (such as the Grafenberg spot or urethral sponge or female ejaculation) which some physicians don't believe exist...I highly doubt that their method of measuring female "excitability" was accurate.

Sure, there are girls at college who "experiment". Personal observation can't necessarily be extrapolated to represent the entirety of humanity.

[V-Adore]

I'm not prepared to say that the study is bullshit -- I haven't read the primary source, after all, and these things tend to be distorted by secondary reporting very badly -- but I am always skeptical of studies that claim a) a total genetic correlation to the current societal status quo, and/or b) a reliance on the idea that men are always sexually aggressive and women are always sexually receptive, when in fact there is ample evidence from both the human and zoological world for females as sexual initiators. I do find it interesting, though, that the same female-receptive dynamic that used to be used to "explain" women not having a sex drive is now being used to "explain" women having a bisexual sex drive.

I honestly don't have the evidence to say whether or not there is any biological element to this; certainly, there may be. On the other hand, I think we all have ample anecdotal evidence about bisexual/sexually-flexible men and Kinsey-0-or-6 women, and I do think it's interesting that biological evidence for female sexual flexibility comes at a time when the sociosexual culture of the nation is fixated on the ideal of the stunningly attractive, somewhat confused Kinsey-2-or-3 woman, usually one just lesbian enough to make her an interesting conquest.

[pmcd9]

Yeah, is that female ejaculation thing real?  I've seen it in porno and it doesn't look real to me.  I mean i've made women so wet the sheets needed changing, but it didn't come gushing out.

[theinevitable]

Paul. It is real.
I don't get the appeal, though. It was kind of an awkward situation for everyone involved.

Also, this makes sense to me. I'd have to read the real study, though. And then have someone who's an actual scientist explain it to me, so I could be sure they weren't just... blinding me with science.

PS I may be biased because the way they explain female sexuality is kind of close to the theory my psych professor at Cornell taught us, except he applied it to everyone.
Weird parallel fact: he was a gay man who was married to a lady, and he did not think this was a problem. This may have been part of the reason for his theory.
additional weird fact: I found out recently that he taught psychology to my current psych professor (at wash U).

[V-Adore]

Yeah, is that female ejaculation thing real?  I've seen it in porno and it doesn't look real to me.

We TALKED about this!

[pmcd9]

We TALKED about this!

Yeah, you see I fell way behind on reading this board.  I'm nearly caught up now, but that is one I missed.

Thank you for the Education.

[RMJ12345]

I dunno. I don't really buy "genetics as indicator of sexuality" either, I just thought it was interesting.

[wombat]

Paul thought that he would get all the Education he needed without us because he is going to school.  But now he sees the error of his ways.