The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Trivial Pursuits => Wild Card => Topic started by: pmcd9 on March 24, 2006, 04:13:28 am
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This (http://touamb.com/index.php/topic,2665.msg59903.html#msg59903) isn't a competition I was hoping to enter and I certainly didn't want to win, but I believe I have. My day began by running into a deer (http://www.paulmcrae.com/FEATURES/DEER_ATTACK/IMAGES/1024/DSCN11829-E-1024.jpg) on the highway to work. fuck*ng deer, Evolve dammit. The car has been around for over a century, learn to stay out of the fuck*ng way. Actually there were at least 3 deer crossing the road and at 5:58 am on an unlit road I didn't see them until I was right up on them. I swerved, but had I swerved anymore I would have driven right off the side of the mountain (or into the guard rail) so instead I hit the lead deer square in the shoulder. As the picture shows, my new car that I fuck*ng love is really fucked up right now. fuck*ng deer, if you weren't dead I would fuck*ng kill you. I had to do a little yankee engineering (http://www.paulmcrae.com/FEATURES/DEER_ATTACK/IMAGES/1024/DSCN11844-E-1024.jpg), but she's still roadworthy (at least by day). I guess this could have been avoided had I not been wearing my headphones.
~Paul
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That sucks dude. But hey, thank god for duct tape!
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ALSO: Yankee Engineering from what I thought was a Houston boy.
**Weeps**
We can't really use the more traditional slang expression anymore. See here (http://touamb.com/index.php/topic,2639.0.html).
~Paul
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Well Paul, I kinda hate to say it, but at the same time, it's a good thing: you got off light. As far as deer/car collisions, if it's drivable (and you're OK), you won. I hope it's fixable though, it'd suck even more if not.
At least you're OK - and got pictures.
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Man, in that third picture you just look furious. Somewhere in heaven there is a deer looking down and getting kind of upset you are so angry at it.
And well done that your trigger happy clicking finger didn't snap a picture of the poor animal. Damn hipsters.
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And well done that your trigger happy clicking finger didn't snap a picture of the poor animal. Damn hipsters.
Well actually, i'm sure I would have, but after work I looked for the deer and it was gone. Some Utah Hillbilly was eating good last night.
~Paul
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Well actually, i'm sure I would have, but after work I looked for the deer and it was gone. Some Utah Hillbilly was eating good last night.
You coulda had a freezer full of venison, man! Look sharp!
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First thing I thought when I saw this thread was "'Dear Attach' - on Fuck Mountain?" And indeed it was on a mountain. Maybe Paul actually lives near Fuck Mountain. That would be awesome.
Secondly - Are you okay Paul? You didn't hurt yourself did you?
Finally, if you want to compete for sad stories, far worse than sticky shrapnel is the story of my grandmother and aunt being killed by dangerously slippery half frozen deer innards when driving home from bingo just a year and a week after my grandfather killed himself. Of all my long, and oft sad stories, it is a story too long and too sad to tell. Hence, I am glad you are alive.
Also, I once had a coworker who had his new car written-off by hitting a porcupine, so it could be worse.
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I guess this could have been avoided had I not been wearing my headphones.
It's the wrath of God's Own Dick! I had no idea his reach went that far. Still, at least he didn't take 600 cans away from you.
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fuck*ng ungulates! This is sort of what happened in that horrible remake of the Ringu sequel - man, did that ever suck.
I would not have wished such an eventuality on my worst enemy, even if I am against the driving with headphones. I'm very happy that you are ok. In Alaska, people often strike moose with their vehicles and get all killed.
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First thing I thought when I saw this thread was "'Dear Attack' - on Fuck Mountain?" And indeed it was on a mountain. Maybe Paul actually lives near Fuck Mountain. That would be awesome.
Secondly - Are you okay Paul? You didn't hurt yourself did you?
Finally, if you want to compete for sad stories, far worse than sticky shrapnel is the story of my grandmother and aunt being killed by dangerously slippery half frozen deer innards when driving home from bingo just a year and a week after my grandfather killed himself. Of all my long, and oft sad stories, it is a story too long and too sad to tell. Hence, I am glad you are alive.
Also, I once had a coworker who had his new car written-off by hitting a porcupine, so it could be worse.
I'm guessing it's Fuck Mountain for Deer because they are everyfuck*ng where up here. I saw so many I lost count when I drove to Salt Lake last weekend. Hundreds, often only a few feet from the roadside.
And yes I am unharmed, only my vehicle sustained any damage. Thank you for asking.
And Damn, you win. Shit, that sucks. I'm so sorry, that is a terrible thing you are telling us. You have my sympathy. You've told some sad tales and I fear this may be the saddest.
~Paul
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I'm glad you're alive, Paul. The car is repairable, which is also a good thing -- I'm more used to things like the moose collisions Nabu mentions, where if anyone lives it's the moose. But stay watchful, okay? Sometimes these things can take a while to manifest; I know that, when my SO got into his accident a few years ago on the Berkshire County Death Hairpin, he didn't really feel anything for about a week or two after the accident, at which point the pain set in big-time. Take care.
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This kind of stuff doesn't happen much in New York.
But last weekend I was coming back from a trip upstate. My buddy was driving on this winding road through the Catskill mountains. It was pretty late into the night; then, a Saint Bernard stepped out of the shadows into the path of the car. He swerved and we avoided making doggie sauce.
Everyone swore it had a canteen full of hot chocolate around its neck.
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I'm glad you're alive, Paul. The car is repairable, which is also a good thing -- I'm more used to things like the moose collisions Nabu mentions, where if anyone lives it's the moose. But stay watchful, okay? Sometimes these things can take a while to manifest; I know that, when my SO got into his accident a few years ago on the Berkshire County Death Hairpin, he didn't really feel anything for about a week or two after the accident, at which point the pain set in big-time. Take care.
Is this like when Jerry shoots Tom repeatedly and Tom just laughs. Then moments later Tom drinks some water and it all pours out through the bullet holes. Something like that? 'Cos that's what I am imagining.
Your boyfriend- Me, i'm fine, no problem. Takes two steps falls over in agony.
~Paul
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Everyone swore it had a canteen full of hot chocolate around its neck.
Actually St. Bernard's are genetically predisposed to grow tiny kegs around their necks as part of their maturing process. It is actually a Westminster standard to expect this. The content of the tiny keg is what determines if the dog is a true winner or not: NeoCitran? No, this dog will lose. Hot Chocolate? This dog may place. Fine Brandy? This is indeed a top dog.
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Actually St. Bernard's are genetically predisposed to grow tiny kegs around their necks as part of their maturing process. It is actually a Westminster standard to expect this. The content of the tiny keg is what determines if the dog is a true winner or not: NeoCitran? No, this dog will lose. Hot Chocolate? This dog may place. Fine Brandy? This is indeed a top dog.
St. Bernards are awesome dogs, but sloppy kissers.
~Paul
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St. Bernards are awesome dogs, but sloppy kissers.
~Paul
I once heard that very phrase used to describe Rue McClanahan.
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I once heard that very phrase used to describe Rue McClanahan.
I'd hit it.
~Paul
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Okay, story tangent:
Bea Arthur:
In 2001 my friend and I made it our life's mission to get on the front page of the local sensational-trash-news paper (the kind with a photo of a girl in Bikini in the back pages). We both agreed to think up schemes and mine won. I can't remember his idea anymore, but mine was that we would egg Bea Arthur. Why? Because she's Bea Arthur. And also she was coming to town with her one woman show: BEA!. There were posters all over the city of Bea Arthur posed in a suggestive way a top a piano all over the city. It was that simple. So we were excitedly awaiting tickets for Bea's show to come on sale, fantasizing over the possible headline, and arguing over whether we'd use rotten or fresh eggs (fresh of course!). Then 9/11 happened. Bea Arthur cancelled her tour, and we never got to do it. Sadly, my life's ambition to egg Bea Arthur remains unfulfilled to this day. I've told many this story, and often the response is: "Why do you hate Bea Arthur?" to which I emphatically reply "I don't hate Bea Arthur, I want to egg Bea Arthur." People just don't understand.
Recently, I was watching the Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson, mostly for the enjoyment of seeing the train wreck that is Courtney Love, and to my amazement there was Bea. She's looking pretty frail. I doubt she'll ever pass through Winnipeg. Sigh.
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This morning, I was driving home, and I passed a dog that had been hit by a car.
WAIT. What kind of dog was that? I look again.
It was a wolf. i swear. Or else, one of those dogs that looks like a wolf.
in my neighborhood in Illinois when I was little, deer would just walk down the street. it was crazy.
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I got my car fixed.
Took it to the bodyshop last friday, Alan made the estimate (http://www.paulmcrae.com/FEATURES/DEER_ATTACK/IMAGES/1024/DSCN11849-E-1024.jpg) while Cindy did the paperwork (http://www.paulmcrae.com/FEATURES/DEER_ATTACK/IMAGES/1024/DSCN11853-E-1024.jpg). I picked it up yesterday afternoon and it looks pretty good (http://www.paulmcrae.com/FEATURES/DEER_ATTACK/IMAGES/1024/DSCN11943-E-1024.jpg). Alls well that ends well (http://www.paulmcrae.com/FEATURES/DEER_ATTACK/IMAGES/1024/DSCN11944-E-1024.jpg) I suppose. No harm, no foul, except for the $500 dollar deductible and $320 dollars to rent a gas guzzler (http://www.paulmcrae.com/FEATURES/DEER_ATTACK/IMAGES/1024/DSCN11891-E-1024.jpg). Oh yeah, the gas guzzler had a lot of power and I recieved a speeding ticket (http://www.paulmcrae.com/FEATURES/LIFE_IN_UTAH/IMAGES/1024/DSCN11936-E-1024.jpg) which cost another $232 dollars (http://www.paulmcrae.com/FEATURES/LIFE_IN_UTAH/IMAGES/1024/DSCN11941-E-1024.jpg). So I had to settle for now on a much smaller television (http://www.paulmcrae.com/FEATURES/LIFE_IN_UTAH/IMAGES/1024/DSCN11951-E-1024.jpg) .
~Paul
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Bea Arthur:
That's Maude.
~Paul
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Paul, I love your picture stories. I don't think you get enough thanks for the effort you put into it. What do you tell people when you want them to take your pictures? Especially as you pay a speeding ticket? Thank you for photographing your life for us!
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Paul, you should be a children's illustrator. You tell stories effortlessly through imagery, and put a smile on all and sundry while doing it. Damn, it's not like the competition is particuarly stiff, you'd be rich in no time. And, erm, spiritually fulfilled as well.
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Judy is either joking or a bit naive about the state of the publishing industry. But dang, now my life will never be the same until I get to read Paul's picture book for toddlers about getting a speeding ticket.
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Thanks Hobo, Judy. If I wrote a picture book it may be childish, but probably not for children.
~Paul