The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: Drygioni on January 10, 2007, 07:37:07 am
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http://www.achewood.com/raysplace.php?date=01102007&allnav= (http://www.achewood.com/raysplace.php?date=01102007&allnav=)
I don't always read through the entire thing of these, but I like the story about the D&D guy because it's so universally true. "Greetings humanoid", indeed.
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I am so happy this is back, it was always one of my favorite things. Perhaps because the advice column is one of my favorite literary forms. And after all, advice columns and comics go together, at least if you are old enough to remember Newspapers.
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Why you got to go past the sale — ain’t gettin’ married enough?
These little pearls make the necklace of Ray's Place.
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http://www.achewood.com/raysplace.php?date=01102007&allnav= (http://www.achewood.com/raysplace.php?date=01102007&allnav=)
I don't always read through the entire thing of these, but I like the story about the D&D guy because it's so universally true. "Greetings humanoid", indeed.
It's like the episode of Psych at the BiMonSciFiCon where the geeky guy is constantly embarrassed but the main character not knowing the difference between red and blue kryptonite. And being stupid enough to say this out loud in front of people.
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It's like the episode of Psych at the BiMonSciFiCon where the geeky guy is constantly embarrassed but the main character not knowing the difference between red and blue kryptonite.
To be fair, you gotta be reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal dorky to go beyond green and red.
Green kills him, red makes him evil... well, in the movies and teevee show it made him evil. There's been like fifteen different ways red can work in the comics from... weakening him without killing him to doing something wacky and random like making him fat or half-ant or something.
But blue, you gotta be REALLY out of touch with reality to know what blue is. I never remember blue being in the movies or the teevee shows or anything like that. MAYBE in something slightly before my time like "Superfriends"? If it has never been in media other than the comics, it's kinda unfair to expect a sane person to know it.
Blue kills Bizarro.
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To be fair, you gotta be reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal dorky to go beyond green and red.
Green kills him, red makes him evil... well, in the movies and teevee show it made him evil. There's been like fifteen different ways red can work in the comics from... weakening him without killing him to doing something wacky and random like making him fat or half-ant or something.
But blue, you gotta be REALLY out of touch with reality to know what blue is. I never remember blue being in the movies or the teevee shows or anything like that. MAYBE in something slightly before my time like "Superfriends"? If it has never been in media other than the comics, it's kinda unfair to expect a sane person to know it.
Blue kills Bizarro.
I thought on the Superfriends (basically my only DC exposure, as I was a Marvel kid) blue healed him. I'd never heard of red before I started reading Super Dickery.
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Richard Pryor invented red kryptonite in one of the Superman movies!
I'd just assumed that... that made it the most well-known alt-kryptonite.
Also, on Smallville, there was a ring made of it... somehow... and it made Clark evil... somehow. But to be frank, Smallville doesn't count because... like... Clark has every young dork's highschool dream girl throwing herself at him every ten minutes and yet he keeps pining for the standofgiraffe girl who dates jocks and wears a necklace that will KILL you.
I can believe the dude can lift cars. I can believe the dude is bulletproof.
I can't believe the dude would spend years of his life chasing Lana while Chloe has been practically sending him postcards with a picture of her pu$$y and the words "Wish You Were Here" and is... exactly the kind of girl I wanted to like me in high school. Except those girls all liked boys with leather jackets and bass guitars and drinking problems and self-esteem and so forth.
I ain't gonna write no fanfiction about it but... it's why Smallville don't count. It just is.
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I thought on the Superfriends (basically my only DC exposure, as I was a Marvel kid) blue healed him. I'd never heard of red before I started reading Super Dickery.
That's gold.
Shit, how the fuck did I know that.
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dude, tons of guys waste their time doing that.
also: you're right, that is exactly what those girls go for. Goddamnit.
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That's gold.
I thought it was that gold just permanently took away their superpowers, leaving them essentially baseline people.
(How do I have a girlfriend if I'm debating this? How did this happen?)
EDIT:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kryptonite (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kryptonite)
Education.
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I thought it was that gold just permanently took away their superpowers, leaving them essentially baseline people.
(How do I have a girlfriend if I'm debating this? How did this happen?)
EDIT:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kryptonite (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kryptonite)
Education.
Pink Kryptonite: From an alternate timeline in a 2003 Supergirl storyline by Peter David, this bizarre variety of kryptonite apparently turned heterosexual Kryptonians temporarily into homosexuals; it was seen in just one panel, with Superman giving flattering compliments to Jimmy Olsen about his wardrobe and decorative sense. It spoofs the more "innocent times" of the Silver Age (Lois Lane is depicted in this story as not understanding what's gotten into Superman).
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Gold Kryptonite never actually existed. It was a hoax that Superman used a few times, most notably to fuck with his imaginary-future son.
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Gold Kryptonite never actually existed. It was a hoax that Superman used a few times, most notably to fuck with his imaginary-future son.
further dorkdom: some part of my brain is thinking
"Green: bad; Red: bad but in a different way; Gold: good!"
Not kryptonite? What is it then? What is causing this association. Then it hits me:
I'm thinking of 1st edition D&D dragons.
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further dorkdom: some part of my brain is thinking
"Green: bad; Red: bad but in a different way; Gold: good!"
Not kryptonite? What is it then? What is causing this association. Then it hits me:
I'm thinking of 1st edition D&D dragons.
Also, I hasten to add, dragons from every edition of D&D onward. Some things never change, really...
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By the way, took me a few minutes but I found it.
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v602/bensanaz/pinkkryptonite.jpg)
(I guess the board doesn't like the full-size type version so here it is: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v602/bensanaz/pinkkryptonite.jpg )
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Also, I hasten to add, dragons from every edition of D&D onward. Some things never change, really...
For YOUR convenience (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0207.html)!
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Peter David is, like, The Meta-Satan.
Guy gets on a book, mines a few good stories out of riffs on old semi-forgotten continuity and... invariably descends into "Look at me! Look at me! I can break the fourth wall! I'm ever so clever, teacher, look at me!" drivel.
Or is it just that ultimately it's a medium you're supposed to exhaust in your middle teens when all such tricks are clean and new and... the audience is supposed to turn over every five years or so, keeping such crap evergreen for the purposes of the market? As if I'm the problem for reading comics into my middle twenties and he's just doing what works?
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One. (http://www.bookofratings.com/dndmonsters.html)
Two. (http://www.bookofratings.com/dndmonsters2.html)
Three. (http://www.bookofratings.com/dndmonsters3.html)
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The thing about Peter David that frustrates the hell out of me is that he is totally capable of writing interesting and emotionally effective character pieces. He can be a good comic-book writer when he tries. It's just that he hardly ever bothers to apply brakes to what he thinks is high-larious wacky comedy and tends to just toss it in without trying to anchor it on the grounds that it will be inherently funny to have Stephen Colbert appear, spout a few catchphrases at Peter Parker in a bookstore, and then vanish again.
Personally I think his run on Supergirl is among his better work, and the pink Kryptonite benefits from being a single-panel gag that fits with the theme of the story rather than lurching out of nowhere.
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Oh, like I say, the guy will occasionally bang out a good story, no question.
But... it tends to be when he first starts off with a given set of material and then he sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiides slowly into meta-nonsense and, as you pointed out, forced "Family Guy" type wackiness and other such punnery.
Hulk's gonna go to the future and meet Evil Old Hulk or... Supergirl's gonna meet the pre-Crisis Supergirl and they're gonna meet some other Supergirls or... Q turns out to be Trelane's father and the whole Star Trek whiz-bang gets retconned for that book or... Captain Marvel turns out to be his own son and then he fights a sister who doesn't exist or...
Yeah, that or Impulse thinks someone's crazy so he pictures a screw and a ball in a thought bubble.
Of course, I guess he WAS involved in the whole Babylon 5 thing which was like... if a bunch of Star Trek fans got together and said "Look, we love the whole IDEA of Star Trek but we'd really like something a bit more arcane and convoluted and nitpicky and continuity-dense and we'd really only want people to understand it if they've seen every episode in order three or four times. Thanks."
Which then begat Lost and Heroes, two more shows which everyone tells me are good but I clearly would not be able to get into without buying all the DVDs and starting from scratch. God help us with, like, the new Battlestar Galactica or "the Buffyverse". You don't just need a scorecard for those, you need... like... a scorecard and a decoder ring and that whirly-translo thing from "The DiVinci Code".
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Completely off-topic, but Netflix is renting DVDs with every episode of Heroes to date. So that'll save you some fun money.
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The story with Supergirl and pre-Crisis Supergirl was actually quite good and did not fall into PAD's usual Komedy! trap. I take it more as a commentary on DC's attitude at that point (and, to a large degree, now) towards characters and stories that they feel no longer project the correct Mature Graphic Novels For Thoughtful Readers Plus Boobs And Hey Let's Torture A Sidekick To Death With A Power Drill company image. I do think that as a result it's likely to be less than completely accessible to non-comics-fans, though.
Unless I'm seriously misremembering, Captain Marvel was only "his own son" in that his father was the previous Captain Marvel. Did PAD put in some bizarre time-travel-sex nonsense that I missed?
Impulse.. I want to say that the "Impulse's thought balloons have images rather than text" thing actually originated with Mark Waid, but I may be wrong. I don't know, it usually struck me as appropriate to the character.
And as to Lost, I haven't seen it. I've been enjoying Heroes (although it does have some problems) but part of that is that there are currently few enough episodes out that it's not completely insane to try to catch up, via either Netflix or Illegal Internet Acquisition.
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I can believe the dude can lift cars. I can believe the dude is bulletproof.
I can't believe the dude would spend years of his life chasing Lana while Chloe has been practically sending him postcards with a picture of her pu$$y and the words "Wish You Were Here" and is... exactly the kind of girl I wanted to like me in high school. Except those girls all liked boys with leather jackets and bass guitars and drinking problems and self-esteem and so forth.
Can. ;D