The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: linnea on March 12, 2007, 03:13:04 am
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Onstad had a link above today's (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=03122007) comic stating, "BLOGS: I announce a new Achewood-related project" followed with a link to his blog, with the latest entry being the first baconspiel (http://chrisonstad.blogspot.com/2007/03/baconspiel-1.html).
BLOGS: I announce a new Achewood-related project.
...blog entry...
Now—here is my actual announcement—since I've got this monthly bacon gig, I thought I'd make a little recurring blog feature out of it. From the plop of the package, to the evaluation, to the recipe research and ensuing guest response, I intend to document what can only be described as one man's monthly subscription to a cured pork delivery service. I hope you will follow it with great enthusiasm, and perhaps, when it comes out, go see the film.
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MAPLE SYRUP, Onstad! Premium maple syrup!
There is nothing better in congress with bacon than really good maple syrup!
As I have been informed that at least fifteen of the most frequent posters on this board are actually you, I know you are reading this. HIGH QUALITY MAPLE SYRUP WILL SAVE THE DAY.
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Thank God! You don't know how long I've been searching for a reliable source of high-quality bacon reviews. Is there anything Onstad can't do?
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Getting a bacon subscription would take quite a commitment to pork products. I would like to get a monthly avocado subscription, but shipping to Alaska would be at least $70. I should move back to civilization.
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Every time Christmas or my birthday rolls around, friends and family get mad at me because I have no ideas on what they can give me as gifts.
Not today.
Not ever again.
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Iiiiiiiiiiiit's Bacon!
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Iiiiiiiiiiiit's Bacon!
baconbaconbaconbaconbaconbacon
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I wonder if this is the Bacon of the Month Club he is in:
http://mgrsti5395q.seamlesstech.biz/Merchant/2005TGP/BOM%20pages/bom.html (http://mgrsti5395q.seamlesstech.biz/Merchant/2005TGP/BOM%20pages/bom.html)
Note the use of the word "artisan".
What I'm really interested in are the perks to the club OTHER than the monthly bacon:
Bacon of the Month Club Membership Card
The Bacon Strip—Our monthly bacon comic strip for members only
The Bacon of the Month Club Pig Ballpoint Pen
A Little Rubber Toy Pig
One free Bacon Tee-Shirt
...I mean, Bacon tee-shirt? And the Bacon Strip? Really?
I pretty much have to see that.
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I too am interested by the term "artisan" used in conjunction with bacon. I envision skilled craftsmen forming delicate sculptures out of crispy meat, or pigs in berets, or something.
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I claim prior art, as I have an annual bacon-themed festival. This year we've booked four bands and six DJs.
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Life's never boring with bacon.
A bacon artisan would, with the greatest of care, carve strips of bacon from the still living pig.
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I wonder if this is the Bacon of the Month Club he is in:
http://mgrsti5395q.seamlesstech.biz/Merchant/2005TGP/BOM%20pages/bom.html (http://mgrsti5395q.seamlesstech.biz/Merchant/2005TGP/BOM%20pages/bom.html)
Note the use of the word "artisan".
What I'm really interested in are the perks to the club OTHER than the monthly bacon:
Bacon of the Month Club Membership Card
The Bacon Strip—Our monthly bacon comic strip for members only
The Bacon of the Month Club Pig Ballpoint Pen
A Little Rubber Toy Pig
One free Bacon Tee-Shirt
...I mean, Bacon tee-shirt? And the Bacon Strip? Really?
I pretty much have to see that.
Official BotM Membership Card containment device (http://www.mcphee.com/items/11653.html).
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I claim prior art, as I have an annual bacon-themed festival. This year we've booked four bands and six DJs.
How does a band qualify as appropriate for a bacon festival? Aside from presumably none of those hippie vegetarian types.
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How does a band qualify as appropriate for a bacon festival? Aside from presumably none of those hippie vegetarian types.
Actually, some are, for irony.
We also have a donation jar. All proceeds go to PETA.
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Bacon. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qi2aCSfhvKg)
You know, bacon gets a bad rap these days. Bad for this, bad for that.
Well, I don't buy it.
I eat bacon every day. At every meal. Pounds of it!
I serve my guests bacon, I drink bacon, I even like a little bacon in my shorts - some slices - nice.
And that's just some of bacon's many, many, many, many, many uses.
Bacon makes a great gift, a great corsage for prom dance dates, and my wife makes these charming little dresses out of bacon. Heck, I even wear one myself when the time is right...
...and it usually is.
When I'm blue, I tell bacon my troubles: "I'm a little mopey today, bacon."
And when I ain't blue, well, I like to sing my bacon a little tune!
BACON, BACON, BACON!
I'm makin' the moves on YOUUUUUUUUUUU!
You're BACONNNNNN!
Sometimes, I hire dancers. Most times.
BACON, BACON, BACON!
We're makin' the moves on YOUUUUUUUUUUU!
You're BACONNNNNN!
So when you're sitting down to your breakfast pancakes or waffles, you know, why don't you lay down an extra slice or two of bacon?
But save one for me.
I may just put it down my shorts.
Most likely will.
Bacon, anybody?
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How does a band qualify as appropriate for a bacon festival? Aside from presumably none of those hippie vegetarian types.
Poison Idea (http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=11:r6ue4jo70waq~T1) (RIP Pig Champion)
Blodwyn Pig (http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=11:az6wtr69kl7x~T1)
Bacon Fat (http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=11:9wadqj4bojaa)
The Meatmen (http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=11:njivad3kv8w3~T1)
The Fatback Band (http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=11:fcz1z83ajyv4)
Unfortunately, all these bands have pulled the pin, although Jerry A. periodically cobbles some folks together when he's short on cash.
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At our house, every time we serve bacon, we (by which I mean "I") sing the "Ode to Bacon," to the tune of Beethoven's 9th.
I love bacon, you love bacon
We love bacon, yes we do
He loves bacon, she loves bacon
They love bacon, how 'bout you?
Everyone should have some bacon
Bacon is a tasty treat
Breakfast lunch and dinner bacon
How much bacon can you eat?
The kids dig it.
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At our house, every time we serve bacon, we (by which I mean "I") sing the "Ode to Bacon," to the tune of Beethoven's 9th.
I love bacon, you love bacon
We love bacon, yes we do
He loves bacon, she loves bacon
They love bacon, how 'bout you?
Everyone should have some bacon
Bacon is a tasty treat
Breakfast lunch and dinner bacon
How much bacon can you eat?
The kids dig it.
play it on a phone keypad for them
336996324423355336996324423577
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play it on a phone keypad for them
336996324423355336996324423577
This would also be how you would tell someone to turn onto 9th Street if you were in "Short Circuit 2".
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Bacon. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qi2aCSfhvKg)
You know, bacon gets a bad rap these days. Bad for this, bad for that.
Well, I don't buy it.
I eat bacon every day. At every meal. Pounds of it!
I serve my guests bacon, I drink bacon, I even like a little bacon in my shorts - some slices - nice.
And that's just some of bacon's many, many, many, many, many uses.
Bacon makes a great gift, a great corsage for prom dance dates, and my wife makes these charming little dresses out of bacon. Heck, I even wear one myself when the time is right...
...and it usually is.
When I'm blue, I tell bacon my troubles: "I'm a little mopey today, bacon."
And when I ain't blue, well, I like to sing my bacon a little tune!
BACON, BACON, BACON!
I'm makin' the moves on YOUUUUUUUUUUU!
You're BACONNNNNN!
Sometimes, I hire dancers. Most times.
BACON, BACON, BACON!
We're makin' the moves on YOUUUUUUUUUUU!
You're BACONNNNNN!
So when you're sitting down to your breakfast pancakes or waffles, you know, why don't you lay down an extra slice or two of bacon?
But save one for me.
I may just put it down my shorts.
Most likely will.
Bacon, anybody?
TN, I'm sort of worried for you. Are things... alright... at home?
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How many kinds of bacon can their be?
I've had pig bacon boar bacon duck bacon... But a bacon for every month of the year every year? no.... it cant be done.
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Oh... its the seasonings and such that make the bacons. Not the animal it comes from.http://www.gratefulpalate.com/ (http://www.gratefulpalate.com/)
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I was figuring it was going to be all pig-bacon but....
Different preparations. Different cures or smokes. Different breeds of pigs? Different regions?
Organically-fed? Cloned-pig?
You could probably get twelve options out of that. Though... much more would be stretching it.
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Oh, I forgot to mention last post. Bacon of the Month? Ewww. Though I do enjoy the way bacon adds tasty to cooking, it's a rarely-to-never food item in my grocery cart. The idea of meat of any sort through the mail is disturbing to me. I bet all the strays in my neighbourhood would choreograph a little dance routine under my mailbox...
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How many kinds of bacon can their be?
I've had pig bacon boar bacon duck bacon... But a bacon for every month of the year every year? no.... it cant be done.
Don't forget delicious, crisp veggie bacon! (http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Faken-Veggie-Bacon/Detail.aspx)
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Duck bacon?
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Oh, there is a tasty salad that includes turkey bacon that is hella tasty that we have every x-mas.
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This would also be how you would tell someone to turn onto 9th Street if you were in "Short Circuit 2".
You have just made my day!
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Johnny 5 is alive!
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A Can to side show for kitty choreography under the mailbox!
**wiping eyes**
I was empathizing with your comments on another thread about neighborhood strays. My front yard is the litter box for what I assume is a clandestine industrial cattery operating somewhere nearby. I love kitties (though not as much as my Dad, who in recent years has had as many as 9), but I've been contemplating Graphic Violence as a means to either keep my neighbors from letting their cats out, or reducing the population some. I flung over 20 less-than-a-week old piles of poop out of my front yard and into the street so everyone can enjoy the bounty.
Someone must be feeding strays, and not getting them neutered as successive waves of little, recently weaned yard defilers appear every 6 to 8 months. I've stopped calling animal control to deal with pathetic, car-flattened carcasses and shovel them, myself, into the green recycling bins (our local waste handling says that leftover food and kitchen scraps can go in there; I figure the difference between a turkey carcass and a flat cat is nil.
I recently escalated to chemical warfare, with "cat repellent" granules, but I don't like it much as when hot sun shines directly on the flower beds it smells like Tabasco's loading dock and makes my eyes water. Its also getting pricey. A hardware store has heat-seeking robo-sprinklers to perform nightime suppression. I think I might buy a few and post notices about why you might get wet if you cut through my yard.
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Where my brother works, he is sort of de-facto in charge of feeding the cats that live in the shrubs and bushes around their laboratory. There are... probably forty feral cats living in the area and... when he puts out food, it's like Dracula calling his bats to him or the Bird-Lady in Home Alone.
All "Come to me, my children of the night" and so on.
If there were a movie about that lab being bought out by a Texas oilman who believes there's oil beneath it, it would definitely involve a plot point where the cats attack the bad guys to buy the lab techs some time to pull off a Wacky Scheme.
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I was sitting here, upstairs, and I heard the yowling. I looked out and down to the deck below to see the most mangy of the mangy infested cats, sitting on a chair on my deck, just yowling into the air for no reason. I popped the window open and dumped a glass of water on the cat from above, and off it went, but it's the same one I dumped water on a couple hours ago, so clearly this is not working. My cats watched this with amusement. They seem pleased.
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If there were a movie about that lab being bought out by a Texas oilman who believes there's oil beneath it, it would definitely involve a plot point where the cats attack the bad guys to buy the lab techs some time to pull off a Wacky Scheme.
I think that happened to Dortmunder in a Donald Westlake novel...
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probably forty feral cats living in the air and
That would scare the fuck out of me.
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Reading through this thread made me remember that my dead Nana used to cook...SizzleLean ("Move over bacon, now there's something meatier!") for Sunday breakfast when my brother and I would spend the night at her house. Oh, sure there were eggs and cereal and slow-cooked oatmeal and hell of dry toast with marmalade (which I ate because of Paddington Bear), but no breakfast was truly a Complete Breakfast until a few shriveled, dry "slices" of SizzleLean were on my plate.
It was like eating hot Slim-Jim brand beef jerkey.
I had repressed all of that until now.
The me of 2007 would totally sign up my 1983 grandparents for Bacon of the Month.
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I never thought it would be possible, but I had TOO MUCH BACON the other night. Some nights I basically am not interested in making dinner for the family, but its sort of my job since my wife believes her time is better spent getting an education and doing laundry - so on those nights it's quesadillas all round!
On occasion, I jazz them up with chopped sausage, pan-toasted deli-ham, or what have you. It occurred to me that bacon would be delicious with cheese and pan-fried tortillas, so I cooked up a pack of bacon (and naturally, used the drippings for cooking the quesadillas as well). As I made each person's quesadilla (which were gone in a flash) I'd help myself to the occasional piece of bacon. Finally, I cooked up my quesadilla (with all the remaining bacon) and took it to the couch to post on TOUAMB and catch an episode of CSI. I got through about 3/4 of my dinner, when I realized that I couldn't eat any more. Not that I was stuffed, mind you - just that I had probably exceeded my system's capacity for saturated fat. The remaining quarter of crispy, chewy, cheesy bacon-stuffed deliciousness was too heavy to lift; my mouth felt barely large enough to cram a pea into, and there was some sort of interior alarm going off - I suspect in my gall bladder - that any more pig fat consumption would result in DIRE CONSEQUENCES.
The dog was ecstatic about this decision, although somewhat disappointed in the size of the piece I broke off for her. A dog would ignore future gastric upset for a moment's bacony bliss. This is why they have people.
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OMG. While admit I had both onion rings and ice cream in the same meal last night (I was celebrating quitting a job, and too not afraid of the fuck*ng police to exercise good judgment) I can't imagine eating bacon and cheese in the same dish. I think I would hesitate to eat them in the same day.
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I can't imagine eating bacon and cheese in the same dish. I think I would hesitate to eat them in the same day.
seriously? youve never had fries covered in ranch dressing covered in cheese covered in bacon pieces? Its probably the best dining hall food one can make with a salad bar and a microwave.
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I am going to use this as a diet technique: whenever I want something I shouldn't eat, I will think of A-CAP's fries to spoil my appetite.
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Those fries sound like something only someone from the Buffalo area would eat.
People make fun of Canadians for putting vingear or mayo on their fries but... man.
Canadians make fun of people from Buffalo, in terms of what they put on fries.
"I AM FROM BUFFALO, EH? I AM COMPLETELY PUTTING PLUMS AND HOT SAUCE ON MY FRIES!"
"THAT IS A TOTAL COINCEDENCE! I AM FROM JAMESTOWN AND I AM PUTTING COFFEE GROUNDS AND COLE SLAW ON MY FRIES!"
"HOLY SHIT! I AM FROM ERIE AND THERE ARE CAPERS AND ORANGES AND BBQ-CHIPS ON MY FRIES! I WOULD'VE ADDED PANDA NIPPLES BUT I WAS FRESH OUT OF PANDA NIPPLES!"
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Damn. Just damn.
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"I AM FROM BUFFALO, EH? I AM COMPLETELY PUTTING PLUMS AND HOT SAUCE ON MY FRIES!"
I laughed so hard, a tiny can flew out my nose.
In semi-bacon-related news, I like to use peanut butter in place of mayo on BLTs. It is sublime.
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BACON rANCH FrIES PEOPLE! BACON rANCH FrIES!
:-[
Lets see what YOU come up with when stuck with shitty campus food for four years!
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I've only been stuck with dining-hall food for six months and I've already descended to broccoli with custard, so I'm not going to pass comment.
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In semi-bacon-related news, I like to use peanut butter in place of mayo on BLTs. It is sublime.
Bacon with peanut butter is good. But lettuce and tomato with peanut butter?
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Those fries sound like something only someone from the Buffalo area would eat.
People make fun of Canadians for putting vingear or mayo on their fries but... man.
Canadians make fun of people from Buffalo, in terms of what they put on fries.
"I AM FROM BUFFALO, EH? I AM COMPLETELY PUTTING PLUMS AND HOT SAUCE ON MY FRIES!"
"THAT IS A TOTAL COINCEDENCE! I AM FROM JAMESTOWN AND I AM PUTTING COFFEE GROUNDS AND COLE SLAW ON MY FRIES!"
"HOLY SHIT! I AM FROM ERIE AND THERE ARE CAPERS AND ORANGES AND BBQ-CHIPS ON MY FRIES! I WOULD'VE ADDED PANDA NIPPLES BUT I WAS FRESH OUT OF PANDA NIPPLES!"
What the fuck, Canada? Pot kettle black? Your country eats Poutine, for fuck's sake. Lard and gravy on french fries, sometimes the lard is substituted with cheese.
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What the fuck, Canada? Pot kettle black? Your country eats Poutine, for fuck's sake. Lard and gravy on french fries, sometimes the lard is substituted with cheese.
To be fair to Canada, though, ranch dressing is basically lard with herbs in it.
As an American who grew up close enough to Canada to have a CBC channel on my cable system, I will declare myself a neutral party and find that... poutine is disgusting but slightly less disgusting than ranch dressing on french fries.
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What about ranch dressing on pizza? I was exposed to this as the favorite of drunk penn staters and have never looked back.
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To be fair, Poutine is primarily searved in Quebec, just like shit on a stick is primarily served in (insert State you don't like here). See, I make choose-your-own-insult jokes.
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Bacon with peanut butter is good. But lettuce and tomato with peanut butter?
I could see those little salad/spring rolls wrapped in lettuce with peanut sauce, so I guess it ain't to far from that.
Also, why the fuck do my posts show up like 10 minutes after I make them? Actually, this one showed up like an hour and a half later.
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I'll tell you the same thing I tell everyone else: try the BLTPB before you knock it. The thought made me gag at first but hell if it wasn't completely grelicious.
Same thing with dipping fries in your Frosty. That alone has made Wendy's my fast food of choice.
There is nothing wrong with bacon ranch fries, A-CAP. I'd be all over that if the ingredients were readily available in my kitchen.
[EDIT: I think I've contributed more to this thread than to any other single topic. That's what bacon will do to me, I guess.]
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What about ranch dressing on pizza? I was exposed to this as the favorite of drunk penn staters and have never looked back.
Hidden Valley can suck it. Ranch dressing is a crime against humanity. Not only does it taste like tangy liquid monkey ass, but it completely overpowers anything you pair it with. And lately it's been paired with fuck*ng everything. "Cool ranch" is even worse as it has an odor that's detectable for over 1/2 mile and remains on one's breath for up to 75 years after death.
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It may be liquid monkey ass, but hey - it's tangy!
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Hidden Valley can suck it. Ranch dressing is a crime against humanity. Not only does it taste like tangy liquid monkey ass...
fuck yes. tiny can for exposing the Hidden Valley and their cartel.
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For me ranch dressing tastes like what mayo would taste like after I puke it up. And I don't want that. No thank you, sir.
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BACON rANCH FrIES PEOPLE! BACON rANCH FrIES!
:-[
Lets see what YOU come up with when stuck with shitty campus food for four years!
I'll go on the record - I love ranch dressing with french fries. I have gotten loaded fries at Quaker Steak and Lube and dipped them in ranch. And it is good. Mayonnaise as a french fry topping is better, and mayonnaise and ketchup mixed together is the absolute best, but when they've brought you three Jack and Cokes before the appetizer arrives, you make do with what you have ready-made.
I WILL STAND BY YOU, FRENCH FRIES WITH BACON, CHEESE, AND RANCH DRESSING. YOU MAY BE MY LAST MEAL BEFORE CARDIAC ARREST, BUT I STAND BY YOU.
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I can really see this being wonderful.
I feel like... caesar dressing might also work? Maybe not.
I am a big fan of this sandwich they have at the cafeteria, which is:
a roll
2 chicken tenders
buffalo hot-sauce
mozzarella cheese (a lot of it.)
caesar dressing
it is lovely. lovely.
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I have gotten loaded fries at Quaker Steak and Lube
Off-topic, but: what is the deal with Quaker Steak and Lube? Why the name? Can you actually buy lube there, perish the thought, or is it just so teenagers can laugh at it?
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Off-topic, but: what is the deal with Quaker Steak and Lube? Why the name? Can you actually buy lube there, perish the thought, or is it just so teenagers can laugh at it?
According to Wikipedia, the first one was built in an old gas station - hence the play on "Quaker State."
There are people a lot more obsessive about the place than I; it's about three blocks from my apartment here in Charlotte, and of the wing places I've been to down here, it's the nicest for a decent evening with friends. Wild Wing Cafe was too loud for me. I couldn't hear the waitress talking when she was two feet away. That, and on Monday Trivia Night, my friends as I, as The Collective Voice of Reason, whooped UP on the competition a few weeks ago at the Lube.
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Golfhaus, I know where you live.
I ate across the street from that Steak & Lube tonight. At Mama Fu's.
And I'm trying to get a summer job at the record store in that shopping center.
And I have bought records from the guy who works at that store since... maybe 2001? Once I saw him at a concert and it was all awkward and shit.
(unless there is more than one Steak & Lube in Charlotte.)
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When I said that, I almost wrote "so now inev is gonna know where I live." I've checked, that's the only one. That's a neat shopping center - one day when the weather gets just a little warmer I'm gonna get me some ice cream from Marble Slab and go stare into the windows of Curves until someone comes out and asks me to leave.
Did you venture out this way, or are you a kinda-sorta neighbor?
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well, I mean, I'm only home this week for spring break. But, I live....basically near the southern part of Johnston Road. Most of my friends live closer to your part of town, though.
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When I said that, I almost wrote "so now inev is gonna know where I live." I've checked, that's the only one. That's a neat shopping center - one day when the weather gets just a little warmer I'm gonna get me some ice cream from Marble Slab and go stare into the windows of Curves until someone comes out and asks me to leave.
Did you venture out this way, or are you a kinda-sorta neighbor?
All the Curves 'round these parts have blacked out windows. I can only assume there's nudity involved.
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All the Curves 'round these parts have blacked out windows. I can only assume there's nudity involved.
Even better. Any old perv can get caught staring into the transparent windows of a women's gym. It's when you see one sitting there, ice cream sundae in hand, and you KNOW he can't see in, which means he's using his IMAGINATION...
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Did you ever consider that blacking out the windows at Curves may be done as a service to the general public?
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Did you ever consider that blacking out the windows at Curves may be done as a service to the general public?
That's not a nice thing to say.
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Did you ever consider that blacking out the windows at Curves may be done as a service to the general public?
Canned.
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Canned.
Don't endorse this behavior.
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Ok Onstad sold me. I dont have over a hundred bucks to blow on some bacon club so I figured I'd just check out this pack that he raved about. Its over $20!!! http://store.fatherscountryhams.com/browse.cfm/4,168.htm
Now I'm only 21 so I'm I don't know everything about grocery shopping. But >$20 for bacon? No thank you sir. >$100 for bacon a month.... definitely not. I'd just end up dipping it in bourbon or something.