The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Trivial Pursuits => Wild Card => Topic started by: RMJ12345 on March 20, 2007, 07:19:46 pm
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So, this morning, my little brother left me this note:
Hay Rachel, Mom is at class and I am at school I will see you at 2:15 Reuben
PS: DON'T BURN THE HOUSE DOWN I am serious
It reminded me of this strip (http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08092006). I'm not sure if that makes me Nice Pete or not. Either way, I got a huge kick out of it.
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I really want to type up a copy of this UTTERLY BRILLIANT email my friend's brother wrote to her.
it began as an application to a Magnet program at their local High School... and turned into this insane surrealist rant about how he was going to eat "Nushes" (her nickname, apparently.)
"she haunts me. Do I care?
no! I just eat the ghost."
...I cannot explain why it is funny without posting the whole thing. coming soon, maybe.
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I think the most eloquent message I ever got from my brother was the time I came home, chucked my stuff in my room and noticed a shoebox on my bed. In crayon (this was my youngest brother, I'm the oldest) on top of the box was a crude heart with my name inside. There was some tissue hanging out the edges of the box and it had a little heft to it so I was wondering what the gift was. So I peeled it open and found nestled in the tissue was a perfect kid sized...turd.
The little sonuvabitch gift wrapped a turd for me.
HIS frigging turd, I come to find out, harvested especially for me.
At that point I knew I'd taught him well.
P.S. I hope you decide not to burn down the house.
Greatest use of a landmark/threshold post ever. Congratulations on #2000, Ash!
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The little sonuvabitch gift wrapped a turd for me.
How old was your brother?
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My brother was in charge of our house as a kid, despite being the youngest.
Interestingly, now that my girlfriend and I live with him in an apartment away from my parents, we are much more democractic about the running of the place... even though he makes the most money of the three of us by far.
I think it was about him being in charge of my parents, not about being in charge of me.
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so. Explain! Why does your brother think you might burn the house down?
Is this him being a cute little silly kid?
have you actually lit things on fire at home before?
is he a horrible domineering little bastard who makes you live in fear?
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so. Explain! Why does your brother think you might burn the house down?
I'm not 100% sure. I think he was trying to be funny mainly. And capitalizing on the fact that this is the first time I've acutally been alone in this house - the family recently moved from Kansas to Boston while I was at school, so I've only been here for breaks etc.
Or he's secretly Pat. Or something. Or maybe he thinks I'm actually going to burn the house down.
He says: "It was a distant possibility." Maybe he just wanted to make sure.
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Um, I wish I could give your little brother a tiny can of Dr. Pepper for that, but I guess I'll just have to give it to you. You did teach him it, after all.
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As long as this is the amusing little brother story thread, I have another from tonight:
My family lives right smack in the most heavily Jewish area of Boston, and so my brother goes to school with a lot of kids who have recently come over from Israel. Tonight, I was asking him about bar mitzvahs etc, and he offered this:
Today in class, the kids from Israel were making fun of me for having a big nose...in Hebrew...
I laughed and laughed. Turnaround is hilarious.
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I don't have sibling stories as my sister was mostly disinterested in me.
However back in university, being that I studied theatre, and a lot of people in theatre are in it because they didn't get enough love, it was sort of familial. That is why a friend and I spent an evening cooking up, gift wrapping, and secretly delivering eggs to many of our classmates. The hand made cards had quotes from green eggs and ham, and one of the gifts, a perfectly fried sunny-side up, was delivered to my most romantically minded friend in a heart shaped box. Though neither of us ever admitted it to anyone, my car was egged a few days later.
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Sub_Ashical, is your given Birth-Certificate name really Asherdan, or are you just being funny?
Oh, the sibling stories. Being girls, we never gift-wrapped turds or anything like that. That's just heinous.
My favorite story is the Wombie Thanksgiving, when me and kellichou were 16 and got to stay home in Denver rather than go to Wyoming to spend Thanksgiving with my mom's white trash family.
I have a great picture of me (I had a shaven head at the time, and I think I was wearing a Schwa (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schwa_(art)) shirt) holding the baked turkey breast that we got. Kelli, do you remember what we did? Did we fix Thanksgiving Dinner and then go smoke on the back porch? I remember there was a lot of snow. We peeled potatoes together just as we have done every Thanksgiving since we were old enough to hold a knife. Man, I really miss going home and spending Thanksgiving with Kelli and my family. Sadface. This is what pisses me off about my boss not letting me leave the island more than once a fuckin' year.
Thanksgiving is one of my most cherished times of year, because Kelli and I have our birthday around then (Nov. 27th, same day as Jimi Hendrix and Bruce Lee, suckas), and Thanksgiving is just a great holiday anyway.
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My brother always sends me bizzaro emails. Once, he sent me a "personality test" that he made during class. It was a bunch of squares, a heart on top of a rectangle, and some random lines. He also sent me a picture of a man playing polo with the word "TOYOTA" written across the entire thing.
I've also found some comics that he drew in fourth grade. The main characters were a magic cat, a conic cello, two regular K'nex people, a K'nex doctor named Professor Nice, and a K'nex villain named Dr. Evil. (Neither of us had seen any Austin Powers movies back then.) One comic was devoted to Dr. Evil doing the disco. The best line? "Nooooooo! My spumoni!"
I don't know how that kid managed to get accepted by any colleges.
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I've also found some comics that he drew in fourth grade. The main characters were a magic cat, a conic cello, two regular K'nex people, a K'nex doctor named Professor Nice, and a K'nex villain named Dr. Evil. (Neither of us had seen any Austin Powers movies back then.) One comic was devoted to Dr. Evil doing the disco. The best line? "Nooooooo! My spumoni!"
I demand context on "Nooooooo! My spumoni!", because otherwise my brain will run itself ragged trying to think of one
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(Asher)canned. Delightful.
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Oh, man. I have such the backlog of song parodies in my notebooks.
You do not want to encourage my manifesting this trait here.
You do not want to read "MTV Killed The Video Star".
You do not want to read "Lunch For Life".
You do not want to hear a song about He-Man's girlfriend "Teela" to the tune of Layla.
It is probably for the better that I cannot play any instruments, is all I'm saying.
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Fuck, you think things that don't show up in your posts? I thought we were getting your total output.
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I demand context on "Nooooooo! My spumoni!", because otherwise my brain will run itself ragged trying to think of one
I'm note sure if having context will even help because there is no logic to these comics, but here's the story. Dr. Evil threw a gong-gong ax and a mushu mallet at the two K'nex people because they were eating spumoni. The spumoni melted and they were upset. Later, a rock turns into a fried onion named Lacma, and Attila the Hun becomes a bassoonist and joins the youth orchestra.
As for song parodies, I suck at writing them, so I really like listening/reading them. Please sir, can we have some more?
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Fuck, you think things that don't show up in your posts? I thought we were getting your total output.
For better or for worse, Nabu, not anywhere near it.
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For better or for worse, Nabu, not anywhere near it.
Sir, I salute your plenteous output!
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Sir, I salute your plenteous output!
This is a really weird phrase to read in a thread I associate indelibly with "turd in a box."
I'm just sayin'.
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I am like a foot taller than my older sister so she used to maintain dominance in the household by spider-climbing up to the ceiling in hallways, lurking until I passed underneath, and dropping onto me.
That's all I've really got for this topic.
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REPEEEEEEEEEENT!
I read this as being shouted by Frank Black - is that how it was intended?
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In the Pixies song Caribou, Frank bellows "repent" several times.
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I am like a foot taller than my older sister so she used to maintain dominance in the household by spider-climbing up to the ceiling in hallways, lurking until I passed underneath, and dropping onto me.
Your sister sounds awesome. I maintained my superiority with a lightning fast crotch kick to my younger brother. I don't know why he still talks to me.
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I don't know, man, spider and the fly stuff fits in pretty damn good.
I'd ask if she had any particular war cry when dropping in but it doesn't really matter 'cause my mind has already supplied her with a few.
Just a conversational "Hey!" if anything.
Incidentally, since it occurred to me that not everyone might know what I mean by "spider-climbing", it's when you climb up between two opposing walls by applying pressure to both. Thinking about it, there was significant athleticism involved in this dropping down on me business.
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You do not want to hear a song about He-Man's girlfriend "Teela" to the tune of Layla.
It is probably for the better that I cannot play any instruments, is all I'm saying.
When I was little we had a pet dove that we named Teela after that show. We had to give her to a bird sanctuary after a while, because she kept laying unfertilized eggs and the veterinarian thought she'd have a better life there.
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If I had a sibling that could spider-climb up walls, I would not be on top of the sibling ladder. Luckily, I only have a skinny brother that can run fast, but not fast enough to escape doom.
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Back in my younger, skinnier days, I used to spider climb up the walls of the hallways in my dorm. It was fun to just hang out and give people the hairy eyeball as they walked by (under?)
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I apparently tried to gain superiority over my older brother by breaking his nose rather often when we were younger. Probably three times... But then I broke my own nose to make him feel better.
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We had to give her to a bird sanctuary after a while, because she kept laying unfertilized eggs and the veterinarian thought she'd have a better life there.
Is this considered a bad thing? Maybe she was trying to pay you back in kind for all the grelicious birdseed.
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Is this considered a bad thing? Maybe she was trying to pay you back in kind for all the grelicious birdseed.
My dad kept threatening to make the eggs into an omelet, but we freaked out. "Noooo! You can't eat Teela's babies!!!!"
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I thought we'd established on this board the dictum: BABIES ARE DELICIOUS.
Yes. We TALKED about this! (http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05122003)
This might be the one strip I wish everyone I knew had read and really gotten. At least so it would be something I could make reference to.
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You do not want to hear a song about He-Man's girlfriend "Teela" to the tune of Layla.
CANN'D for the Teela reference!!! You ROKK.
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I like that I know that that was the name of your childhood pet bird.
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I like that I know that that was the name of your childhood pet bird.
I was talking to a lady here about the pet bird thing, and apparently the vet wanted our dove to go to a bird sanctuary to avoid having impacted eggs. When there's nobody to fertilize the eggs, the lady bird just keeps laying them. Her body can produce so many that they can get backed up, become impacted, and she will die.
The more you know.