The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Trivial Pursuits => Wild Card => Topic started by: pmcd9 on August 03, 2007, 03:49:39 pm
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I keep having them, but I give them away. It looks like someone is taking the Christian Porn (http://touamb.com/index.php/topic,2566.0.html) idea and running with it (http://www.sexinchrist.com/pornography.html).
But that's not the billion dollar idea I want to talk about today. This one is for our man Mike trying to find his way as a screenwriter. Write a remake of Cyrano de Bergerac, bring it into the digital era.
Fly me out to LA for the premiere.
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Didn't Steve Martin sort of do that already?
I have to say, though, that digital-age retelling of classic tales and myths is a pretty hot idea. I mean, Pedro rewrote Pygmalion with computers and I thought that was pretty brilliant.
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Not all remakes need to happen though, some stuff gets so far away from the original you wonder why they bother even using the name, for example... (http://www.guardian.co.uk/china/story/0,7369,1521535,00.html)
Also that link is awesome Paul, if only for the other articles listed at the bottom:
"Oral sex and God's will, Anal Sex and God's Will, Viagra and God's will.
Bondage in Christ"
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I'm just thinking...
I'll do, like, a cyber-age version of "The Grapes of Wrath," or even...
I don't know. Harry Potter or something.
The concept I am doing a poor job of putting across is that I will write a "modern" version of a book that is not that old.
BONDAGE IN CHRIST!
FISTING AND GOD'S WILL!
PS: "Have anal sex so that you can stay a virgin until you are married"
PPS: "Always swallow."
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There's some factoid knocking around in my head about the fact that there are only, like, 7 stories in human history - everything else is variations on those themes. Plus David Lynch.
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Wow. Just...wow.
I'm so glad to know that Jesus approves of my under-the-bed restraint system.
I guess I'll have to grow my hair long and start wearing makeup, though.
Seriously, I'm a church-every-week kind of girl, and I've given my share of pre-marital blowjobs (and post-marital ones, thanks for your concern), but I didn't for a minute believe that swallowing was the will of God.
I notice that mention of cunnilingus is remarkably absent in the article about oral sex? But M-F-F threesomes are OK?
Freaky.
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Oh man.
Cyrano Debergerac... with *****S.
C/Run/Zero-DBRK.
It would be like Heartbeeps meets The Bicentennial Man meets Heartbeeps again.
"He's got a heart of gold... plated circuitry!"
Oh man. Oh. Man.
Also:
Oral sex on a lady is just assumed as good and right, implicitly, even by the Bible.
It is basically the only reason society exists, that you gals haven't left us all out in the snow to die punching each other and shoving berries up our noses... people will say that humanity was able to climb out of the trees and build cities because of opposable thumbs and up-right walking but most of the time, people other than me are wrong.
The great and glorious sacrament of eating box is pretty much what separates people from non-thinking beasts. It causes women, with their minds' miraculous ability to "think about more than one thing at once" something I cannot even fathom, to mostly put up with men and to take the time to trick us into not just beating each other up and laughing at farts.
The glory of going down on a lady is assumed.
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Oh, lfm, you get such a can for that.
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Mike you are gonna fell like such an chump when this movie gets made and you ain't the one that wrote it.
Didn't Steve Martin sort of do that already?
No, not at all. He made a modern (well 80's modern at least) version of Cyrano, but I'm talking about bringing it into the internet age. You've got Mail is closer to what I am talking about, but that is a completely different kind of story. The idea is ripe with possibilities. So much potential.
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LFM, that was a glorious treatise to one of my favorite things. You get a tiny can of Dr. Pepper for that.
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LFM enjoys cunnilingus.
Ain't you mentioned this before? Not trying to accuse you of recycling, but this sounds familiar, and it's clearly something that you feel strongly about. (I'm all for it, obviously - pretty much all kinda action is good.)
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I wish I was cynical enough to follow the advice that P.T. Barnum and H.L. Mencken gave us.
-- F.L. Dempsey
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I'm just thinking...
I'll do, like, a cyber-age version of "The Grapes of Wrath," or even...
I don't know. Harry Potter or something.
The concept I am doing a poor job of putting across is that I will write a "modern" version of a book that is not that old.
BONDAGE IN CHRIST!
FISTING AND GOD'S WILL!
PS: "Have anal sex so that you can stay a virgin until you are married"
PPS: "Always swallow."
Grapes of Wrath is totally old enough to re-do. Harry Potter isn't, though.
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ok, so, I am not sure what I was saying in that post that wasn't the same as what Paul was saying. i swear, I had some kind of point that I just wasn't getting across.
I was mostly kidding about Harry Potter-- I did find it frustrating, though, how often they spent hours researching things manually, in the MAGIC fuck*ng LIBRARY AT THEIR MAGIC SCHOOL, when real-life students can just look things up on Wikipedia. No one ever invented a Google spell?
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ok, so, I am not sure what I was saying in that post that wasn't the same as what Paul was saying. i swear, I had some kind of point that I just wasn't getting across.
I was mostly kidding about Harry Potter-- I did find it frustrating, though, how often they spent hours researching things manually, in the MAGIC fuck*ng LIBRARY AT THEIR MAGIC SCHOOL, when real-life students can just look things up on Wikipedia. No one ever invented a Google spell?
This is my main question about the magic world - what would they do in the information age? Would they still use owls?
The Internets is the one tool we could use against Voldemort.
If Harry Potter was real.
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ok, so, I am not sure what I was saying in that post that wasn't the same as what Paul was saying.
To restate what I was saying, they remake movies all the time, this is not a revelation, but Cyrano De Bergerac is such a perfect fit for a story about internet dating that I'm surprised it hasn't already been done. They are probably looking for a script right now.
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My experience with recent movies is that lack of a script is not an insurmountable obstacle.
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This is my main question about the magic world - what would they do in the information age? Would they still use owls?
The Internets is the one tool we could use against Voldemort.
If Harry Potter was real.
I was under the impression (having never read any of the books and having only seen part of one of the movies -- Goblet of Fire, I think?) that the Harry Potter novels are set in the present day, and according to Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Potter#Chronology), "the main action of the story takes place from 1991 ... to 1998". So I guess they could have computers and the Internet, but as Arthur C. Clarke said, any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic -- whence, perhaps, the wizarding world's aversion to anything higher-tech than trains and gramophones.
Man, that was really kind of a stretch just to make that joke.
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What disturbed me about the Harry Potter books is the ending...
And this isn't spoiling much for anyone but in the last book, there is a flash-forward to the children of the characters who... uhm... survive the last book, being sent off to wizardschool, maybe in twenty years time and...
What bugs me is that "the muggle world" that they were exiting seemed pretty much the same.
It really BOTHERED me.
I'm not... exactly sure why.
I guess I read too much science-fiction and I read too much of, oh, y'know, the news but... I'm not so entirely certain that the future is gonna be all that damn pat.
Cast yer i-Ching sticks into the winds of the zeitgeist and foresee terrible troubles.
Too many people want an End of the World for things to have not... uhm... at least not be really shaken up from the process of STOPPING them from ending the world. Super religious types, the super rich, the crazy, the hopeless, the bungled, the botched... they're all doing their best to cash in their chips on...
Maybe not The Damned Human Race, so to speak, or This Island Earth but... what we know as post-Enlightenment Western Civilization is definitely down for a shake-up between now and when those magic kids would be read for school.
Is it just because it's ultimately a kids book and you can't admit these things in kids books?
Is it because the author is richer than God and Hitler put together and hence she's insulated by The General Thrust of History?
I dunno. It bugged me.
I'd get if the magic people were all protected from it and so on, they've got goddamned magic after all... but the "normal" world looking more or less the same, I don't buy it.
Flesh-eating mutants, nuclear apocalypse, Christofascist police state, flying cars, something.
Something!
Y'know?
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The Great Rule of the Future is twofold:
- More will happen in two years than you think will happen.
- Less will happen in twenty years than you think will happen.
Ray guns? Nope. Portable, ubiquitous, commoditized, networked communications devices? Yeah, with glue-on rhinestone accessories and the ability to play advertisements as ringtones. Flying cars to escape urban blight? Nope. Satellite-linked mapping devices that feature realtime traffic avoidance? Sure.
Evolution's way more prevalent than revolution.
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So the talking animals, wizard school, and flying broomsticks... thats fine. But the absence of world revolution in a single generation, that's whats tripping you up?
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also, I mean, that part was like 5 pages. How are you so sure that everything was the same? All I got was "this is a vague hint that things carry on, etc."
someone might want to somehow tag LFM's post as a spoiler?
HARRY POTTER SPOILER SUDDENLY MID-THREAD! WATCH OUT!
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Final Harry Potter Book Blasted For Containing Spoilers
July 27, 2007 | Issue 43•30 The Onion
NEW YORK—Harry Potter fans throughout the world were shocked, disappointed, and outraged to learn last week that J.K. Rowling's 750-page novel, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, blatantly answers every looming question in the 10-year-long saga, even going so far as to divulge what happens to key characters 20 years into the future.
"The whole experience is completely ruined for me," said 25-year-old fan Ethan Clay, adding that the book builds up suspense, and then, without warning, gives away vital, plot-altering information. "The least [Rowling] could have done was put a spoiler alert or something on the front cover."
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In defense of some of my wee-hours postings while visiting my parents in New York...
I am, like the rest of the species, not quite sane at night.
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Wombat, was that news story on The Onion?
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Wombat, was that news story on The Onion?
It was a cover story in last week's paper issue. The one with the Onstad interview.
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Wombat, was that news story on The Onion?
July 27, 2007 | Issue 43•30 The Onion
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Dammit!
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Turns out I was wrong about the ray guns (http://www.cleanlaser.de/English_sites/english_sites.html), even though they're only used for cleaning. For now.
Also: I need to win the lottery so I can travel in one of these (http://www.aerosml.com/aeroscraft_ML866.asp).
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If I had a dirigible like that I'd land it on my old high school in an outfit resembling mr.monopoly.
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If I had a dirigible like that I'd land it on my old high school in an outfit resembling mr.monopoly.
Rich Uncle Pennybags. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rich_Uncle_Pennybags)
/pedant, and fuck Hasbro in their ears.
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I keep having them, but I give them away. It looks like someone is taking the Christian Porn (http://touamb.com/index.php/topic,2566.0.html) idea and running with it (http://www.sexinchrist.com/pornography.html).
Not sure if this has been covered already, but I'm sure that's satire. To wit
Second, for a young woman who has never engaged in sexual intercourse, having anal sex allows her to preserve her virginity (i.e., maintain an intact hymen) until marriage. There is no greater gift that a bride can give than to offer her pure, unsullied maidenhead to her husband on their wedding night.
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# No extramarital sex, unless it is to illustrate the downfalls of adultery. The spouses in a Christian porn production must never have adulterous relations, unless they (and their partner in extramarital crime) suffer and are punished fittingly for their sins. (In deference to modern conventions, the punishment does not have to be one mandated by scripture, i.e., being stoned to death.)
In fact, in light of these scriptures, performing fellatio to completion and then spitting out the resulting emission seems almost unthinkable.
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If I had a dirigible like that I'd land it on my old high school in an outfit resembling mr.monopoly.
Hells and damn yes. That is hilarious. Tiny can.
Rich Uncle Pennybags was rechristened Mr. Monopoly (a nickname he was already known by in popular culture) in a Hasbro marketing effort in 1999.
Nabu gets a can for thoroughness.