The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: HudsonVC on August 20, 2007, 07:13:23 am
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In which some fairly tired riffing on theme-restaurant platter names gives Beef "a terrible case of the Dignities":
http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=08202007 (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=08202007)
Wow. Mr. Onstad has just mined a vein of comedy that it in no way recalls Tchotchke's or Shenaningan's (http://www.cinematical.com/2005/10/06/review-waiting/) or T.J. O'Pootertoot's (http://www.benstiller.net/thesis/ep12.html) and that one episode of The Simpsons where Moe turns his bar into a tacky theme joint.
That said, I may change my user name to "Sure-Shootin' Rex Dandycorn."
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Yeah this went a bit too over the top to be that funny. Though Beef's spin landing on the tomb stone is nicely typical.
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You know you're up late when the damn Aussies are posting. I got to admit, I tend to go either of two ways with the incredibly enthusiastic waitstaff. Beef and Ray are standing in nicely for that. Most often, coming in with a buzz on will tilt me down the path of enjoying the absurdity. Sometimes though, I walk into the joint, pick up the vibe and just go "I am so not in the mood". A hot dog off the cart vendor near the hardware store is the best option in such times.
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My favorite part of this strip is the incorrect ñ in "bueno."
I also got a kick out of "Blammin' Slammin' Oh Man Am I Jammin'." That is truly nauseating.
I have trouble just getting ice cream at Cold Stone because they refer to small, medium, and large as "like it," "love it," and "gotta have it" (or something along those lines). Ugh.
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this is like how, at Moe's, the three sizes of "Queso" (don't even get me started on that name...) are Side, Cup, and Bowl. This makes sense until people ask for a Side of Queso, and then complain "no! I wanted the big one!" while others get all pissy when you ask "what size?"-- "um... a side. that's what I just said."
WELCOME TO fuck*ng MOE'S
luckily I am probably never entering that place again after yesterday.
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I have trouble just getting ice cream at Cold Stone because they refer to small, medium, and large as "like it," "love it," and "gotta have it" (or something along those lines). Ugh.
I always get Lovett size.
We don't go to T.G.I. Friday's unless we're both in the foulest of moods. Because it's the only place in town where we don't feel bad about abusing the wait staff.
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Cold Stone depresses me all around. Aside from the size debacle, if you tip them, they have to sing degrading songs. This discourages me from tipping, but then that makes me feel bad for not tipping. Then I start worrying about what kind of circumstances forced them into getting a job where you have to sing for quarters. A simple excursion to get ice cream becomes a spiral of shame and liberal guilt about my own privilege. In general I prefer Baskin-Robbins.
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Cold Stone depresses me all around. Aside from the size debacle, if you tip them, they have to sing degrading songs. This discourages me from tipping, but then that makes me feel bad for not tipping. Then I start worrying about what kind of circumstances forced them into getting a job where you have to sing for quarters. A simple excursion to get ice cream becomes a spiral of shame and liberal guilt about my own privilege. In general I prefer Baskin-Robbins.
I love Cold Stone. It is my favourite Ice Cream Parlour. Due to deliciousness. I can overlook the social awkwardness of it, because their ice cream creations are so tasty.
The Best: Peanut Butter Cup Perfection with Dark Chocolate ice cream (instead of regular chocolate, which it comes with.) IMHO, of course.
Around these parts, Cold Stone is staffed predominately with high school students who seem to really enjoy singing for tips and being generally perky in some sort of twisted display of Cheerleaderesque "School Spirit." That, or sullen, shaggy-haired boys looking to earn some cash for a new Paiste or perhaps that high-powered amp, who dish your ice cream in silence with subtly rippling sinews barely emerging from their short sleeves, then betray their mild manner with a charming, boyish grin as they place the dripping cone in your trembling hand. "Here you go, Mrs. Robinson," he murmurs...
Oh, man. Sorry about that. Got lost in my head for a second there.
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Funny, I have that condition too.
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I actually like how when you put money in the tip jar at Five Guys whoever sees you do it says "thank you" then the rest of the staff will all say "thank you" together.
I always hated ordering from Little Caesar's. Because you'd order 2 pizzas, then they clerk would be, "OK, so does that mean you want to order 'one' so we give you 2, or do you want to order '2' so you get 4 total?" It was even worse for odd numbers.
And while I'm at it, when you order something in another language, do you try to pronounce the name of the dish as written, or just say "the sauteed mushrooms"?
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And while I'm at it, when you order something in another language, do you try to pronounce the name of the dish as written, or just say "the sauteed mushrooms"?
Nah, I figure when they put numbers on the menu, that's to help keep me from like an exotifying ass or an idiot.
"I'll go with #38."
"The Pra Nlick P'ant"
"That's the one."
Also, Mrs. Dunston, reading that made me want to go get some ice cream and fuck a teenage boy.
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Also, Mrs. Dunston, reading that made me want to go get some ice cream and fuck a teenage boy.
Ever my goal -- to inspire lust for ice cream and jailbait.
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yeah, I know like 5 people that have worked at Cold Stone and quit due to Hating.
my favorite story is the following:
we have a burrito called the "Joey Bag of Donuts"
most regulars simply call this a Joey.
a week or so ago, when ringing up a customer, I said "ok, so it's a Joey bag of Donuts and a soda?"
"no... I don't have any donuts."
"Excuse me?"
"I... you said something about donuts. I just have a burrito."
"oh... Oh! *pretends to change something on the register* well, thank you ma'am, your total will be (some really unfair amount of money because Moe's charges too much, I think)"
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Meh strip, but do I love Ray's expression looking at us in the last panel...
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I love Cold Stone. It is my favourite Ice Cream Parlour. Due to deliciousness. I can overlook the social awkwardness of it, because their ice cream creations are so tasty.
The Best: Peanut Butter Cup Perfection with Dark Chocolate ice cream (instead of regular chocolate, which it comes with.) IMHO, of course.
Around these parts, Cold Stone is staffed predominately with high school students who seem to really enjoy singing for tips and being generally perky in some sort of twisted display of Cheerleaderesque "School Spirit." That, or sullen, shaggy-haired boys looking to earn some cash for a new Paiste or perhaps that high-powered amp, who dish your ice cream in silence with subtly rippling sinews barely emerging from their short sleeves, then betray their mild manner with a charming, boyish grin as they place the dripping cone in your trembling hand. "Here you go, Mrs. Robinson," he murmurs...
Oh, man. Sorry about that. Got lost in my head for a second there.
Heh! Now I don't feel like such a pervert.
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Heh! Now I don't feel like such a pervert.
Oh, if you ever feel pervy, let me tell you about the latest Harry Potter movie, and what it did to my raging pregnancy hormones.
It will make you feel better about life. Even if you are the kind of person who is aroused by the idea of a foot with a vagina in it.
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I've never set foot inside a Cold Stone Creamery. And after reading this thread, I never will. For this, I thank you from the bottom of my arteries.
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Oh, if you ever feel pervy, let me tell you about the latest Harry Potter movie, and what it did to my raging pregnancy hormones.
It will make you feel better about life. Even if you are the kind of person who is aroused by the idea of a foot with a vagina in it.
You might (not) want to look at the 3rd post down (http://www.slate.com/id/2160640/) then.
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You might (not) want to look at the 3rd post down (http://www.slate.com/id/2160640/) then.
Oh man, Perez Hilton posted the full on nude photos on his blog. The little boy face on the man body is disturbing and unsexy to me. Especially the treasure trail.
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Hmmm. . . I don't think "bueno" has a tilde over the "n". . .
???
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Hmmm. . . I don't think "bueno" has a tilde over the "n". . .
gloomba already beat you to it, hoss. I guess you didn't read the rest of the thread.
My favorite part of this strip is the incorrect ñ in "bueno."
Anyway...smells, when did Perez post that entry? I tried Perez's shittay search function but to no avail. The stuff that Perez posts on there...man, some of it is pretty damn scary.
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So this is all just making me glad I tend not to go to chain *anything* and that I alternate my time between a still functional small city with a lot of cheap locally owneds and New York.
This kind of corporate forced whimsey tends to send my dignities right into the dine-and-dashies.
And re: ordering things at places where the names are all in foreign: if I could pronounce it, I could probably cook it at home, that'll be a number thirty seven with vegetables.
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Cold Stone depresses me all around. Aside from the size debacle, if you tip them, they have to sing degrading songs. This discourages me from tipping, but then that makes me feel bad for not tipping. Then I start worrying about what kind of circumstances forced them into getting a job where you have to sing for quarters. A simple excursion to get ice cream becomes a spiral of shame and liberal guilt about my own privilege. In general I prefer Baskin-Robbins.
I know! I will have a little extra change and put like a nickel in the jar, and then the poor high school waitstaff all look at each other and sing that terrible little song in the saddest voice.
I actually liked this strip. Good character study w/o going overboard.
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I know! I will have a little extra change and put like a nickel in the jar, and then the poor high school waitstaff all look at each other and sing that terrible little song in the saddest voice.
Wow. That is so awful. I will also never go to this place. And we have one two blocks from here, so this is not an entirely empty threat.
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I know! I will have a little extra change and put like a nickel in the jar, and then the poor high school waitstaff all look at each other and sing that terrible little song in the saddest voice.
I actually liked this strip. Good character study w/o going overboard.
Whenever I go to Cold Stone, which isn't that often because their stuff is godawful expensive... I always tip. However, I also preemptively say, "You guys don't have to sing" and then I put a dollar in the tip jar.
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I've never heard this singing. Maybe because I actually know of more Maggie Moos than Cold Stones.
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I've never been to a Cold Stone, but now that I know that they sing for nickels, I'm so going there just to humiliate the staff.
Can you request which song they sing?
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Anyway...smells, when did Perez post that entry? I tried Perez's shittay search function but to no avail. The stuff that Perez posts on there...man, some of it is pretty damn scary.
It was before his board got trashed due to illegally posting photos he didn't have the rights for. The posts are gone, but here are the NSFW photos for you if you really (http://www.hollywoodgrind.com/images/2007/2/harrry_full.jpg) wish to see them. (http://www.hollywoodgrind.com/images/2007/2/daniel-radcliffe-equis-butt_nsfw.jpg) Like I said, less sexy, more creepy in my books. There's a bunch more of them out there, they were all promos for Equus when Radcliffe was performing in it.
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I...I want to look...but I'm afraid.
Pedro is sort of baby-faced, he usually wears a goatee to "old him up" a little but on the rare occasions he goes clean-shaven he would still get carded for cigarettes. So maybe this will be less traumatic for me than for smells?
And honestly, it was more the appearance of DR in that white and navy ringer tee than anything else. I don't know why, it was just...
There's no adjective I can place there without sounding creepy. Sorry.
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There is a full-frontal, uncircumcised, quite hairy c*ck to be seen. Next too a "sexy" hoss.
In case you don't know Equus is a play that focuses on a teen boy who is in termoil due to his Catholic mother and Atheist pseudo-hoss worshiping father. The boy get sexual release by riding a hoss naked. And eventually his sexual guilt, spurred on by his inability to be sexually aroused by a girl he takes to the stable, leads him to blind all the hosss in the stable.
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Wait a minute...he gouges out the eyes of all the hosses? What the fuck?
Anyway, smells, the site disallows hotlinking to their images... but I did some googling and found the pictures of Daniel Radcliffe and his John Thomas. Yeah, they're disturbing.
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Oh... oops. The pics are easy to find anyway.
I'm glad I had c*ck and hoss filtered together in the same post. And really, this post tells us why hoss should be filtered.
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Going back to FiestaMax...
I think my favorite part is how Beef pulls out the "no we did not I have a condition" to avoid the Fiesta Names Spinner debacle that Darin' Aaron Magoo tries to foist on them. In the last panel, I love it how Ray's mouth goes all crazy at he points and laughs at Beef's tombstone sundae. His pointing finger is especially hilarious.
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It was before his board got trashed due to illegally posting photos he didn't have the rights for. The posts are gone, but here are the NSFW photos for you if you really (http://www.hollywoodgrind.com/images/2007/2/harrry_full.jpg) wish to see them. (http://www.hollywoodgrind.com/images/2007/2/daniel-radcliffe-equis-butt_nsfw.jpg) Like I said, less sexy, more creepy in my books. There's a bunch more of them out there, they were all promos for Equus when Radcliffe was performing in it.
I have a friend who claims that she made out with Daniel Radcliffe while studying abroad. No one believes her, so as a big fuck you she's putting a naked picture of him from Equus on the back of her senior robe.
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If we're talking about the same wang picture I've seen around, it's fake. It's a publicity still with the bottom of this image (http://photos.imageevent.com/johnw/carlo/websize/herm20.jpg) pasted on. Sorry to burst your collective bubble.
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i am now in need of nachos and burritos. fyi, i'm now in asheville, NC. and i have a vegan roomate who i'd like to cook for. i am able in the kitchen, but would love any recipes any veganable person might have to offer. and if they are mexican themed and not dependent on horrible fake cheese, that's even better!
sorry i never post. i do read though, lord do i.
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I know how to make a kick ass black bean burrito and I used to live off the texturized vegitable protein tacos back in the day. Both of these are vegan and easy and cheap. Would you like either of these?
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um, just popping in to say that Asheville is THE SHIT and I love it.
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i am now in need of nachos and burritos. fyi, i'm now in asheville, NC. and i have a vegan roomate who i'd like to cook for. i am able in the kitchen, but would love any recipes any veganable person might have to offer. and if they are mexican themed and not dependent on horrible fake cheese, that's even better!
sorry i never post. i do read though, lord do i.
Hey Bea, nice to see you!
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Vegans can go to hell. Seriously. Or at least they can get out of my kitchen. I know it's not nice to crap on other people's values and decisions and stuff, but I can't cook for those people.
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I'm glad that I didn't click if the pics are fake. Also, I have never seen Eqqus performed but I first read it in the...eighth grade? And I thought it was the most brilliant stage play I had ever seen.
Hi to Bea, if you see someone waving at you from the Raleigh area, that's me. Wish I could help you with the vegan thing. The only thing I know is that Morningstar Farms makes a pretty good ground-beef substitute that is appropriate for such things as tacos and also spaghetti bolognese. I have used it for both and it has a good texture without tasting too "beefy."
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I have used it for both and it has a good texture without tasting too "beefy."
Wouldn't that mean that it's failed as a beef substitute?
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Wouldn't that mean that it's failed as a beef substitute?
It depends if you are looking for something to trick non-vegans into thinking they're eating meat, or if you want to enjoy the experience of eating meatless in and of itself.
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So wait, vegans want to think their eating meat without actually eating meat? They want the flavor meat, the texture of meat, the protein of meat, but not the meat. The world is a lie filled with liars.
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I think most vegans eat meat substitutes as a way of placating us carnivores.
Morningstar Farms stays in business because meat-eaters don't know how to cook for their vegetarian and vegan friends and relatives.
I have the impression that actual vegans don't eat this kind of thing normally. At least, the vegetarians I know don't.
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All I'm sayin' is, if I had to eat a beef substitute, it damn well better taste like beef.
That's all I'm sayin'.
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I was vegetarian for a damn long time (around 14 years) and for one solid year I was totally vegan. Most of my vegan/vegetarian friends did not eat "meat substitutes". Like Pat, they do not want to pretend they're eating meat.
And Bea, you're spot-on: vegan "cheese" is an abomination. Choose recipes that avoid it entirely. I recommend making enchiladas with no cheese, instead use beans and silken tofu and spices and sauce. Silken tofu is a perfect substitute for anything involving queso fresco or ricotta. Also, cook the corn tortillas for about 10 seconds in hot oil to soften them so they won't break when you're rolling the enchiladas.
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I ate dinner here (http://stumptownvegans.com/2007/08/14/nutshell/) last night.
Carlos...if you can't cook for them, you aren't trying.
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I ate dinner here (http://stumptownvegans.com/2007/08/14/nutshell/) last night.
Carlos...if you can't cook for them, you aren't trying.
That food looks damn fine.
Also, yes - cooking vegan is so easy, if you're complaining about it, maybe you were trying too hard. I have always had a bunch of meals in my repertoire that, upon inspection, turn out to be vegan or are easily adaptable as such. The only thing I really had to watch out for is curry paste, as some have shrimp paste in them... but if you cook from scratch, it's quite easy to adjust.
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Carlos...if you can't cook for them, you aren't trying.
True, but I don't WANT to try. I don't have vegans over for dinner.
Yay beef, yay Ash. I actually have a leftover hunk o' steak in the fridge that I almost brought for lunch today. But as I am fighting a cold I decided I'd rather go for pho, which is of course made with BEEF.
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i got all the fixin's for nachos today, and after we return home from our respective evening classes i'll whip 'em up. i really love my living situation right now, 'cause i gots this awesome dude to live with who has already helped me get around town and given me solid advice on things to do and to not do.
i'm thinking i'll heat up the beans in various spices and add onions, tomatoes, peppers, fresh garlic and whatever else i can find for just a split second to get it all juicy like. i ran into him in the bookstore earlier and told him my plans and he offered to make vegan queso but i don't know the recipe he's gonna use. if it is awesome i will share it. he made crazy seitan parmesean the other night with the only vegan cheese i've had that wasn't like a four year old took some plastic food from their toy kitchen and put it in your oven when you weren't looking. i've never been one to butter my noodles but lo and behold earth balance and pasta is the absolute bomb. as kyle (roomie) said "it's almost too easy." i've been vegetarian for years and the past several months i've cut out straight milk and eggs (and giraffe, which i was eating off and on) and have felt much better. not so weighed down, sluggish.
recently i've been avoiding sweet, delicious beer as well since i'll be legal at the end of september and if i can't wait that long i will no longer be able to deny that i have a problem. but, boy, do these hippies love to drink!
vegan cooking is a bit more fun than regular cooking, but vegan BAKING is where it's at. anybody want to use those eager summer zuchinnis in some delicious breakfast bread may i recommend ground flax seed as your egg replacer? everything else is easy to switch if needed. or use those carrots instead. i think i'll try some banana bread soon.
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recently i've been avoiding sweet, delicious beer as well since i'll be legal at the end of september and if i can't wait that long i will no longer be able to deny that i have a problem.
It is a common misconception that drinking beer consistently on a day-to-day basis constitutes a problem. One might as well say that one has a urination problem.
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RICE NOODLE AND BEEF RARE #11! THANKYOU HELLO!
No, no, RARE BEEF and TENDON is the shiznit.