The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: Morelaak on September 03, 2007, 10:01:27 pm
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Exactly what it sounds like. post your favorite responses to drinks like "the Drink of Tomorrow" or "the Satellite TV".
here's one i came up with....
The Dead Llama: "Five shots of the Jaeg, a package of airline peanuts and a bottle cap, all in 15 seconds.
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That sort of went poorly.
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yikes.
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Today I saw the episode of The Simpsons where Homer makes a drink called The Lawnmower. It's wheatgrass and vodka. I Laughed. Out Loud.
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I guess I'm not adventurous enough to play this game. I can't come up with a single drink that doesn't revolve around the ludicrous amounts of cat hair that float around my house despite 2x weekly vacuumings.
Today I saw the episode of The Simpsons where Homer makes a drink called The Lawnmower. It's wheatgrass and vodka. I Laughed. Out Loud.
Oh jeez, that's AWESOME! Hee! When I worked as a barista, I worked with an adorable rawfoods vegan girl named Beth. She was straightedge and did not drink, so she talked me into doing wheatgrass shots with her. They taste awful, and a Lawnmower shot would be the ideal use for them. Or at the very least, follow a shot of wheatgrass with a wedge of lemon, tequila-style.
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This is a drink I call 'Coca-Cola':
-High Fructose Corn Syrup
-Caramel Color
-Phosphoric Acid
-Natural Flavors
-Caffeine
The secret to getting it right is in the high fructose corn syrup. You just can't stroll into your local neighborhood market these days and expect to pick up a quality high fructose corn syrup, not like they used to make in the old days at least. I remember when family recipes for high fructose corn syrup were passed down from mother to daughter with love and care. How times have changed...
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adorable rawfoods vegan girl named Beth. She was straightedge and did not drink
see, it says something bad about me that I read this and thought "she sounds hot."
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I don't know what it says about me but I didn't think she sounded hot.
I thought "oh, man, I sure don't like people who would clearly judge the hell out of me".
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I'm with inev. She sounded hot to me.
I'm envisioning black lipstick and pink hair.
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Well, at least a vegan who doesn't drink would be cheap to buy dinner for on a date. You could spend the money you saved on a steak and a tall frosty one for yourself.
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rawfoods vegan.
Hot, but impossible to shop for.
Nobody's perfect.
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Here's one I'm calling a "Fallujah Fizz":
Mix nitroglycerin and vodka, drop in an Alka-Seltzer tablet, and shake well. It's so good and your 72 virgins will never smell the liquor on your breath.
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Up here we like 7up, Listerine, Nyquil, and a couple squirts of that alcohol-based hand sanitizer. I'd give it a catchy name, but I think I'm losing my vision.
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Up here we like 7up, Listerine, Nyquil, and a couple squirts of that alcohol-based hand sanitizer. I'd give it a catchy name, but I think I'm losing my vision.
Jesus, can't you decant some hooch into some empty shampoo bottles or Mountain Dew bottles at home and then smuggle them in? Man. That's how my crap dude's friends smuggled hooch to him in Iraq through the mail.
I'm with inev. She sounded hot to me.
She was highly cute. Also, lfm, you needn't worry because she was very non-judgmental. Which is pretty rare for many vegans, IMHO. When I was in college all the other vegans I knew were like obnoxious born-again Christians in their haughtiness, self-righteousness, and propensity to proselytize.
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I just like squeezing a lime into Dr. Pepper.
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Re: Alcohol in AK and Iraq
Alcohol is profoundly easy to make from any fruit. It doesnt require any rocket science or sneeking-in.
Also, as long as were taking off with this topic: The Inev Got Laid drink-
Cook 3 scallops in Extra virgin Olive Oil
drop scallops in beer mug with 3 oz champagne
1 oz grenadine
fill to top with malt liquor of choice
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...wtf? I am not sure what that is supposed to mean on any level.
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...wtf? I am not sure what that is supposed to mean on any level.
Its an actual drink that tastes OK based on Virgins, drunkenness and celebration.
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Re: Alcohol in AK and Iraq
Alcohol is profoundly easy to make from any fruit. It doesnt require any rocket science or sneeking-in.
Said the dude who has been to neither place. I guess you don't know what a dry village is like. They search your luggage. It's not like you can bring in a fuck*ng pot still or homebrew ingredients. And mmmmm re: pruno.
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Re: Alcohol in AK and Iraq
Alcohol is profoundly easy to make from any fruit. It doesnt require any rocket science or sneeking-in.
Yeah, I don't want to try to explian how I blew my room up.
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Yeah, I don't want to try to explian how I blew my room up.
How long are your rotations? I feel like its about 6 weeks? You could definitely make rotgut-quality mead in that time frame. Packets of dry yeast are pretty easy to smuggle. The commissary won't miss a few of these:
(http://images.jupiterimages.com/common/detail/63/71/23047163.jpg). It ferments out dry, so it doesn't actually taste much like honey.
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Two weeks, and my alternate (the guy who is in my room while I am gone) never drinks, although he played college hockey (so you know he's pretty serious about it). I suspect if I had a mead-production operation under the sink, he'd probably feel obligated to tell the Queen about it.
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It is Alaska, who needs to drink? Can't you get meth and weed from everyone there?
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Did anyone else notice this is the only post the author has made?
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Hey, whose idea was it to mix Budweiser and Clamato, anyway? And how do I quash my inexplicable urge to sample this vile concoction?
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"Purple Drank" (traditional)
Some UV Blue (raspberry vodka)
cherry limeade.
the result is purple. Conventionally, it is drank out of something other than a cup, for novelty.
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Are you sure you aren't talking about liquid codeine sprite and vodka? Any number of substitutes exist for the last two of the equation. Styrofoam cup necessary.
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Did anyone else notice this is the only post the author has made?
Yes.
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Yes.
Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: -7
Date Registered: September 03, 2007, 02:33:21 PM
Last Active: September 03, 2007, 06:01:27 PM
So this guy just dropped in to ask for random drink recipes? What?
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Well, we've got 117 members with no posts and 95 with one, so it's not terribly surprising.
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Negative Dr Pepper sounds like an awesome cocktail to me.
I mean in real life. Please don't hurt me.
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Negative Dr. Pepper? Is that soda that contains fewer calories than it requires to consume and digest?
Maybe if they put heavy weights in the bottoms of the cans.
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Negative Dr. Pepper? Is that soda that contains fewer calories than it requires to consume and digest?
Maybe if they put heavy weights in the bottoms of the cans.
This is already available in Envigo tea cans. They claim to burn more calories than they provide.
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Damn. Another million-dollar idea, and someone else beat me to it. Again.
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Envigo sounds like the title of some LoTR slash-fic.
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Did the world really need a green tea flavoured fizzy drink?
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Negative Dr. Pepper is a pint glass wit a tingle drop of Dr. Pepper in the bottom topped off with a full pint of Achewood. Drink it, then vomit for 12 hours straight, and I guarantee your body will be to void of Dr. Pepper that you will need to drink some just to save your own life.
An drink recipe I learned about earlier this summer:
Hobo shed delight:
Mix 1 bottle of hair spray in a mostly - but not totally - empty bottle of store-brand mouthwash. Drink it in a shed, then go take a shit next to my fence. Pass out in the shed. Repeat until the police or health department arrive.
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I'm gonna work "Delight" (or "Delite") into more recipe titles.
Then I'm gonna add "Go take a shit next to my fence" as the last instruction in each of those recipes.
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Hey, whose idea was it to mix Budweiser and Clamato, anyway? And how do I quash my inexplicable urge to sample this vile concoction?
Do it! It's actually not horrible. On it's own, Clamato is pretty conceptually vile as well. Liquid tomato and seafood drink! Yum!
Which reminds me of a picture (http://raindog.net/ljimages/misc.jpg) I took in the Seafood section at the local asian grocer.
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Do it! It's actually not horrible. On it's own, Clamato is pretty conceptually vile as well. Liquid tomato and seafood drink! Yum!
Which reminds me of a picture (http://raindog.net/ljimages/misc.jpg) I took in the Seafood section at the local asian grocer.
What the fuck is this Clamato abomination? Tomato juice and clam juice?
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"We have Mountain Dew or crab juice."
"Ewwwwwwww... I'll take the crab juice."
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I like Clamato.
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I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the idea of Clamato by itself, but what really gets me is the idea of some guy drinking a nice cold Bud and thinking to himself, "You know what this really needs? More tomato and clam."
Seriously, people. This takes the concept of "no problems, only solutions" a wee bit far, dontcha think?
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I have to assume that a Canadian invented this.
a.) Long cold boring days, gotta do something to kill the time between Hockey Nights in Canada
b.) Free health care makes such things significantly less risky propositions
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You know, i try to take some pride in my work at A-B. I just can not believe people are adding clam and tomato juice to the stuff i work so damn hard on. If you people only knew... Dammit.
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I can pretty easily imagine someone drinking a Bud and thinking "You know what this really needs? Some kind of actual flavour." From there it seems pretty reasonable that one of them would have gone down the vongole route.
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I can pretty easily imagine someone drinking a Bud and thinking "You know what this really needs? Some kind of actual flavour." From there it seems pretty reasonable that one of them would have gone down the vongole route.
Right, because the best selling beer in history is totally flavorless? Yea A-B really dropped the ball on this one, what were thinking when we grabbed a 52% market share on beer in north America. Obviously our product is severely flawed. Whatever.
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Even though that comment wasn't serious, I feel obliged to point out that being popular and being tasty are not the same thing. I'm pretty sure the most popular bread round these parts is cheap white sliced, but that doesn't mean it's a symphony of flavour.
Really, though, I'm sure Bud is a shining example of its own kind of lager. It was just one little tongue-in-cheek comment. Though it was admittedly a rather clichéd one and I can see how it might get pretty irritating, so my sincerest apologies for that.
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To be fair though, arachnocapitalist, most of the alcohol sold throughout human history is bought because it will get you drunk inexpensively without tasting so horrible that you immediately vomit or blinding you.
Most beer is purchased not for flavour but for price point and the ability to get you fucked up... and what large-breasted horror-movie hosts or comical dogs endorse the beer... and what's for sale where you drink it and...
Quite often, basically whatever was the first brand you started drinking when you first started drinking, akin to how most guys end up just sort of cheering for whatever sports teams their dads cheered for, not out of merit just out of momentum.
Flavour, for better or for worse, is probably very low on the choice totem, especially as mass marketed beers go.
All reasonably-affordable beers basically taste awful to my palate.
You're drinking it to get drunk or else you'd pay for something much more expensive that, like, tastes good.
You should know this... but you are torn between your loyalty to arachno-capitalist theory and your vocation as a brewsman.
I hate to say it but in this case, Adam's Invisible Spider Hand is probably the one to listen to.
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there are many beers below A-Bs price point and even in markets where Coors light is cheaper, Bud still comes out on top. People prefer the taste of Bud, I dont know why. Its personally not my favorite beer and I doubt there are many people who say that its the BEST beer in the world, but its not some dog piss, either.
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Suddenly I feel an unpleasant sensation of guilt for my ready access to affordable real ale.
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Fair enough, arachnocapitalist, like I say... I basically can't tell the difference between inexpensive beers EITHER way, if I have to get drunk and they're all I've got, I drink 'em. No more, no less.
My brother swears by Coors Light despite the fact that I can barely swallow the stuff, however he has teetered on the edge of alcoholism on-and-off from the age of fifteen on so... like... his tastes might not discriminate alls that much.
MOR beers are like babies to me... they all look like Winston Churchhill or, rather, they all taste like him.
It could well be the best tasting affordable beer, I got no idea.
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What the fuck is this Clamato abomination? Tomato juice and clam juice?
Yes. It's also the basis of the Caesar (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesar_%28cocktail%29), Canada's national cocktail, which briefly appeared on the back of the 20-cent piece.
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It's true. I drank virgin Caesars as a kid. No jokes. I love that shit. Personally I prefer it with a pickle rather than the more traditional celery though. As I mentioned long long ago, on the shelf with the tomato juice, V8 and Clamato are the bottles of strait clam juice, in case you need to clam up your own tomato juice. Thankfully I have instinctually known better than to get drunk of Caesars. I'm glad I've never puked up Clamato. That would be too vile.
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Yes. It's also the basis of the Caesar (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/cocktail%29), Canada's national cocktail, which briefly appeared on the back of the 20-cent piece.
What the hell? I tried to type in the correct url (/C a e s a r cocktail) but the board keeps parsing it to just /cocktail. WTF? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/cocktail (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/cocktail)
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there are many beers below A-Bs price point and even in markets where Coors light is cheaper, Bud still comes out on top. People prefer the taste of Bud, I dont know why. Its personally not my favorite beer and I doubt there are many people who say that its the BEST beer in the world, but its not some dog piss, either.
No, no - it is some dog piss. You make the third or fourth worst beer in the world. It's ok. It ain't the worst, but don't be fooling yourself. I mean, does that mean you were really into Billy Ray Cyrus back in the day?
Sorry, I'm in the world's foulest fuck*ng mood. Fuck absolutely everyone. fuck*ng shitty fuck*ng job.
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So... the big question is, do you drink Clamato hot? On ice? Room temperature? I'd rather dip bread in clam juice than ice it up and drink it.
does not compute
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Piping hot, in a parfait glass with an asparagus spear, and then you pour it into the toilet.
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What the hell? I tried to type in the correct url (/C a e s a r cocktail) but the board keeps parsing it to just /cocktail. WTF? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/cocktail (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/cocktail)
Oddly the Clamato entry (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clamato) has all the info on the Caesar, but wiki doesn't send you there.
Also in regard to temperature, it is always served ice cold, usually with ice cubes.
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What the hell? I tried to type in the correct url (/C a e s a r cocktail) but the board keeps parsing it to just /cocktail. WTF? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/cocktail (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/cocktail)
Someone is doing a little comedy bit with the board censors. It has been going on for a few days.
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There is a pattern to it. If you figure it out, don't post it. This will only result in further rage.
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I think JL is having a bit of fun with the board. Pay it no nevermind.
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I worry that soon all words will be replaced with "cock".
I'm not entirely sure we'd notice.
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Cock cock cock cock cock? Cock cock.
Cock cock. Cock.
*cocks*
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Since this is JL we at least know exactly what the word in the asterisks is. And a single italicized word has one strong contender. Other than that I'm baffled.
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Cock cock.
Who's there?
Cock.
Cock who?
Cock cock!
-- sorry, this has nothing to do with anything.
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You better check yourself before you wreck yourself?
Oh man, that's funny.
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Personal checks accepted only with driver's license
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No two-party checks or starter checks. Two minute penalty for high checking. Care for a game of checkers? Please place a check in the appropriate box.*
This could be interesting.
*Ha Ha! Multiple entendre.
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The Bush administration seems determined to undermine our system of checks and balances.
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Cock, please.
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Here's the ticket I got from the coat Check girl.
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One bacon cheeseburger, fries and large cock please. No... actually make it a large diet cock.
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I get tired from standing in the cock out line for too long.
Also, I'm thinking about getting these vanity hoss cocks (http://www.bradfordexchangechecks.com/bec/product/prdid-1800001001.jsp).
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according to wikipedia-
Between 1118 and 1307, it is believed that the Knights Templar introduced a check system for pilgrims travelling to the Holy Land or across Europe. The pilgrims would deposit funds at one chapter house, then withdraw it from another chapter at their destination by showing a check of their claim. These checks were in a very complicated code that only the Templars could decipher.
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Oh man, remember how we used to play Super Cock-Out *****s all night long?
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I had my gun cocked and loaded.
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I have a huge c*ck.... oh damnit.
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Dammit! They bounced my check!
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Dammit! They bounced my check!
I guess our fun is over
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I guess we were just enjoying ourselves too much.
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And now this thread will make precious little sense to everyone else.
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I just came up with a summer drink that has probably already been created before, but oh well. Such a drink would probably get tagged Aunt Somebody nice's Baja Party Urine, so I'll call it Funemployment instead.
Funemployment
1 part chilled vodka
1 part mojito mix (limeade will do in a pinch)
1 part club soda
toothpick with peeled lychee, lime wedge, and pineapple - bonus points if you create a stick figure person with fruit and toothpicks.
fresh mint
Fill a highball glass with crushed ice, pour vodka over ice. Add club soda, top off with mojito mix. Stir with fruited toothpick, leave inside glass to garnish when done. Finally, garnish with sprig of fresh mint. It is great because it's not too sweet, which is my main problem with most drinks made with mixers. I also love using beakers as glasses, but with the whole methlab explosion it's hard for me to find places that will sell beakers. I need to get more creative and find a workaround to this problem.
**edit: If I had some grelicious Appleton Estate, I would make a real mojito...but I had to go with ingredients that I had on hand, which included vodka instead of rum.
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I had a Caesar yesterday, but it was made with Spicy Clamato and extra Tabasco and extra spicy rimming salt (all made to someone else's preference) which made it so hot it was practically flavourless. I mean, what's the point of a Caesar if you can't taste the clams?
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What in the lords name are you talking about?
I thought it was crazy putting soda in a white russian.
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What in the lords name are you talking about?
I thought it was crazy putting soda in a white russian.
In a striking irony, Keith Hernandez is the voice of reason.
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Is it really called "rimming salt"?
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Thanks AD, I'll never look at a margarita the same way again. Also, I don't think salt on your rim would be a pleasurable experience, but I guess you never know about the kids these days.
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Thanks AD, I'll never look at a margarita the same way again. Also, I don't think salt on your rim would be a pleasurable experience, but I guess you never know about the kids these days.
Heh. Yeah, it's called rimming salt. I'm not a big fan of it. I like salted pretzels, but getting a lipful of salt when I'm trying to drink a tasty bev is just the limit for me. Gross.
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Yeah, I'm not a fan of rimming salts. Though I never thought of them as dirty until now.
I do like a nice rimming sugar. On say a Bellini.
Rimming Sugar - a product for enjoying booze or a creepy drag queen stripper name? Only you can decide.
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Blacktooth:
Generous amount of the bar's cheapest bourbon on ice in a lowball glass with just a tiny splash of coca cola. No straw, no garnish. And if you pay more than an Abe Lincoln, tip included, you're at the wrong bar.