The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Achewood => Achewood => Topic started by: wombat on May 30, 2008, 08:27:03 pm
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http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=05302008 (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=05302008)
See, that's the sort of thing we avoided by having no one there when we got married: no risk of men in fezzes who are there for unclear reasons.
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Made of win.
Maybe.
Maybe.
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I hate boutiquey things, trinkets, those little statues of children with big eyes, Lladrós, porcelain bears, framed pictures of loved ones. All of these things are in my field of vision right now. What the hell does my mom think is going to happen with this shit when she dies? Is there a special recycling center that processes inheritances you hate?
The last thing any man needs is a pile of more of this crap on their wedding day. You know what a newly married man needs? A toolbox.
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His just-previously jacked arms are now spaghetti thin as well.
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You know what a newly married man needs? A toolbox.
One of my favourite wedding presents I gave to a buddy was a set of splitting wedges and a maul. Happily, both he and his wife were thrilled.
Edit: For clarity
One of these: (http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:0l20XMwjq8MA4M:http://www.northerntool.com/images/product/images/119914_lg.jpg) not these:(http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:SjVqzbMDzFVerM:http://www.stargods.org/ClintonDarthMaul.jpg)
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You know, I'd really like to finish this sentence by I got to drain the meat dildo.
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So crass. I much prefer "shake the dew off the lily".
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"Excuse me, the marginal cost of withholding urine is quickly passing the equilibrium point into losses. I need to go push supply into the market"...
True story. That happened.
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"Gotta go shake hands with the unemployed." Or, more recently, "going to visit the Mayor," which 9-year-olds apparently find hilarious.
I don't know what it is about receiving horrible, tacky picture frames as gifts from women (ALWAYS women) who should know better, but at least I now know I'm not alone in this.
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Tacky picture frames are to weddings as bottles of cheap zinfandel are to dinner parties. They are the bare minimum you can get away with bringing, but everyone still knows you suck but just can't say it out loud.
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I was about to say that this was the best birthday strip I've ever had, but looking at the videotape, the real (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=05302002) Memorial Day is actually (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=05302003) good for some (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=05302006) quality strips (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=05302007).
So this upholds a tradition. And it makes me want a fez.
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I like saying "gotta go make twizzlers" because...
Well, because I like confusing people.
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So is the ceremony going on right now? Are we going to get the whole thing throuh novelty pamphlets?
http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=05302008 (http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=05302008)
edit: Scooped! And I didn't even get the date in the title. For shame.
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I find a hearty "Excelcior!" is a good way to excuse oneself.
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Wait what?
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I got my cousin and his wife two sets of these (http://www.orikaso.com/) when they got married. ... I am a little weird. (their registry included a bunch of camping stuff! it wasn't out of nowhere!)
No thank-you note yet. >:(
[edit: link repair -Cort]
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Chris's affinity for late 70's British music given another subtle reference perhaps (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSTHMxBttlU&feature=related)
Or it could just be a fez.
Fez's are great.
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I kind of got a Casablanca vibe from the fez, but maybe that's just me.
Onstad is alright. Maybe.
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I, too, tailor my excuses to the company I am in.
In pre-modern or modern company: "I've got to see a man about a hoss."
In post-modern company: "I've got to see a man about a euphemism."
In post-post-modern company: "I've got to take a leak."
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In post-post-modern company: "I've got to take a leak."
And then you go and talk to someone about a hoss?
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I think I've said "excuse me, I have to go piss on a hoss" a coupla times.
I'm a big fan of confused stares.
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My dudes and I sometimes use "I gotta go talk to a man on the beach," which is from an episode of MST3K. That same episode also yielded "I got a pole, with a capital O," which I will leave to your imagination.
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I hate boutiquey things, trinkets, those little statues of children with big eyes, Lladrós, porcelain bears, framed pictures of loved ones. All of these things are in my field of vision right now. What the hell does my mom think is going to happen with this shit when she dies? Is there a special recycling center that processes inheritances you hate?
The last thing any man needs is a pile of more of this crap on their wedding day. You know what a newly married man needs? A toolbox.
It gets worse. Look (http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/419v3dAJ8mL._SS384_.jpg)what somebody -- a woman I've never met, friend of my MIL's -- bought for my daughter.
It might seem cute, until you see it in person and realize that it is approximately 2 feet in diameter.
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I always preferred banks with moving parts when I was little. Like I had one shaped like a ***** that sorted the coin by weight and size. Awesome.
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approximately 2 feet in diameter.
What? Are you meant to put her in there?
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Yeah, see, it is bigger than Girlface, and she is not a small child. (18lb 14oz and 26" long at 4 months...not even on the growth charts!) [/mom type=braggy]
We are thinking of hocking it and putting the cash in her saving account. But for that to work, we have to find someone who wants the darn thing.
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But for that to work, we have to find someone who wants the darn thing.
I have to say that I find it strangely appealing... but now that Doc's put the idea into my head, I don't want it unless it comes with a baby inside.
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Wombat ---
(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/419v3dAJ8mL._SS384_.jpg)
SWEET BABY JESUS! CHECK OUT THAT fuck*ng PIG BANK!
-fuck*ng White!
-fuck*ng Pink Spots!
-PURPLE, YELLOW, fuck*ng GREEN!
Homies will be all up on you when get this fuck*ng ass raping pig. Shit! Get one for each room of the house!
T W O . F U C K I N G . F E E T . W I D E .
-Holy Shit! It Holds Money!
-Pretend you ain't poor!
-Money ain't even getting INTEREST in that pig!
YOU WANT THIS fuck*ng PIG BANK
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Ooooo. Nice piggy.
So... how much would you want for it?
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SWEET BABY JESUS! CHECK OUT THAT fuck*ng PIG BANK!
-fuck*ng White!
-fuck*ng Pink Spots!
-PURPLE, YELLOW, fuck*ng GREEN!
Homies will be all up on you when get this fuck*ng ass raping pig. Shit! Get one for each room of the house!
T W O . F U C K I N G . F E E T . W I D E .
-Holy Shit! It Holds Money!
-Pretend you ain't poor!
-Money ain't even getting INTEREST in that pig!
YOU WANT THIS fuck*ng PIG BANK
This pig bank can do anything! Just ask...Baby Jesus!*
Your basal nervous system wants this pig bank!
Oooh, this pig bank! I think my heart's explodin'! THIS PIG BANK!
...It just had to be said.
*Baby Jesus provided inside your pig bank at no extra cost! Detachable top half for no-hassle nativity scenes!
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Ten bucks or highest bidder. We accept PayPal.
Actual size: 27" circumference, 10" from top of nose to tip of tail.
So I exaggerated a bit. But it...feels bigger. It feels bigger in your brain, when you look at it.
That's what I tell Pedro, too.