The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Trivial Pursuits => Arts & Entertainment => Topic started by: Cioran on March 10, 2009, 01:42:47 am
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They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.
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Where's a thousand Girl Guides when you need them?
Or Jough, for that matter?
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Looking out a high window somewhere.
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I can't see this ending well.
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I don't normally de-can people, but random contextless Larkin? Is this meant to be some kind of social experiment? Because if so the results won't be very illuminating on a board this digressive; we'll probably just end up talking about bread products.
Speaking of which, toasted muffins are the best thing to put scrambled eggs on.
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Because if so the results won't be very illuminating on a board this digressive; we'll probably just end up talking about bread products.
Truth hath never shewn itself so clearly.
By the way, that sliced black bread that comes with 7 types of grain... ingrained in it, that shit is the real thing.
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I always get that bread.
Does anyone shop at whole foods? I kind of feel like a prick shopping there, but they have this amazing sliced bread like that. It is the only bread I can eat anymore. The secret is you have to spend an extra $.50 and get the bad ass bread like DJV describes. You can't get the cheaper one, it is too moist or something. Whatever, it is different and not as good. Try it.
Also, before I moved there was no whole foods and food tasted good to me. Now, with a whole foods, I can hardly eat vegetables and fruit that came from a normal supermarket. It was inferior but I had no idea. Sure, we had fruit vendors at the stop signs out in the country, but you can't get everything there (well, maybe you can, but usually only for a short amount of time randomly every few months) and it is much more expensive. Probably about as good, but looked at as a rare treat, which seems silly now.
A while ago I made a salsa that is always amazing with shitty King Soopers tomatoes. It was good that night (I had been drinking, the stopping drinking thing only works when I have no friends, or at least fun friends. What do young people do for fun that don't drink? I mean, I will always puff and do a touch of other things, but drinking is so lame, yet so crucial to every social scene I have ever been apart of. If you respond to any part of this post this part would be preferred.)
Oh yeah, the salsa sucked.
I don't work for whole foods.
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I wish I ate more bread. I love the taste of a fresh loaf and there are plenty of bakeries near me, but after I eat a few slices on the day I buy it I never use it for sandwiches or anything, just toast.
I'm not sure why the alcohol thing is true. I mean I go out with friends and don't drink but it's usually because there is a specific activity instead. If people are just hanging out it does seems that booze is the excuse of choice for interpersonal contact, possibly people feel more at ease when decreased inhibitions can be blamed for actual communication.
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Trader Joe's offers a multigrain bread with 5 grams of fiber per slice, and a multigrain bread with 6 grams of fiber per slice.
They taste identical (identically delicious) - why would you even market the 5-grammers? Or is this like the CPU manufacturers marketing their defective quad-core CPUs as "three-core CPUs" or defective 386s as 286s?
Oh also poetry for Cioran:
Hickory Dickory Dock
Women have taken our cocks
But they sure don't care if
My font uses serifs
Thus I'll stuff curliques in my jock
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All this bread talk just has me reciting Talky Toaster bits in my head.
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I dunno, it's gotten to the point where I volunteer to be DD when we go out any more so I have an excuse *not* to drink. I feel like I wasted enough of my life either being drunk or hung over during the 3 - 4 years of figuring out who I was right after college, and now I just want to go out with friends and eat good food and talk about stuff other than how many poops my kid made yesterday.
My girlfriends and I went out last weekend, and I'm retroactively triple-glad I was DD, because in addition to not being hung over for what turned out to be a crazy busy day on Sunday, I am certain that if I'd had much to drink at all I would have had the balls to hit on the ULTRA HOTT waitress who was serving us. Instead, I just lost my ability to speak every time she came near the table, and my friends made fun of me a lot. When she brought the check, one of my friends made a point of asking her to show us the tattoos on her back so that she would expose even more skin, which very nearly caused me to pass out.
She was one of those girls who is so beautiful that the first time she walked by, I stopped mid-sentence and couldn't continue talking until she moved out of my line of sight. And of course, when we were seated, she came over and introduced herself as our waitress. I haven't had that kind of reaction to a random individual in a long time, I wonder what exactly was up with it...I'm prone to crushes, generally, but they tend not to be based so much on appearance as on intellectual and emotional connection, so for me to get all flustered by a beautiful butch girl in a bar is fairly out of the ordinary.
She was fantastic, though. Absolutely, tongue-tyingly, singularly gorgeous.
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What do young people do for fun that don't drink?
Around here we call them Mormons, but I still don't know what they do for fun.
beautiful waitress
I know what you mean. There is a quiet girl in one of my classes who is absolutely striking. She looks a bit like Eirene in the Rome series. I want to talk to her, but I'm afraid that all that will come out of my mouth will be random noises. And she is probably 5 years younger than me, or at least looks like it.
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Also, before I moved there was no whole foods and food tasted good to me. Now, with a whole foods, I can hardly eat vegetables and fruit that came from a normal supermarket. It was inferior but I had no idea. Sure, we had fruit vendors at the stop signs out in the country, but you can't get everything there (well, maybe you can, but usually only for a short amount of time randomly every few months) and it is much more expensive. Probably about as good, but looked at as a rare treat, which seems silly now.
I know the feeling. Its like finding out all you have been seeing is shadows your entire life, but then you find the actual food. Unfortunately for my credit card, I had this revelation at Dean & Deluca on broad and prince.
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I know the feeling. Its like finding out all you have been seeing is shadows your entire life, but then you find the actual food. Unfortunately for my credit card, I had this revelation at Dean & Deluca on broad and prince.
Try a little indian or middle eastern or asian market. Better quality, lower prices. Downside: you buy seasonal.
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Around here we call them Mormons, but I still don't know what they do for fun.
Board games.
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Around here we call them Mormons, but I still don't know what they do for fun.
Polygamy.
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I know the feeling. Its like finding out all you have been seeing is shadows your entire life, but then you find the actual food. Unfortunately for my credit card, I had this revelation at Dean & Deluca on broad and prince.
Every week I got a farmers' market, then Harris Teeter, then Whole Foods. Last month I went into a Dean & Deluca for the first time and felt horribly out of place. Nancy Pelosi was there. That woman has had some work done.
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Board games.
Ironically, board games *are* more fun with drinking.
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Polygamy.
There is no fun to be had there.
Here in Portland, we get "Dave's Killer Bread". It's my favorite bread baked by a long haired guitar playing ex-con!
http://www.daveskillerbread.com/misc/TheGoodSeed-PRINT.pdf
Decent Story, Awesome Bread!
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Ironically, board games *are* more fun with drinking.
I LOVE playing Cranium on Xanax and weed. Makes it so much harder and funner.
Also, getting drunk and playing dominos or backgammon, that is pretty fun.
I learned how to play those last two in a crack house in Oklahoma. I was there so those people would buy me and mine booze and ended up starting my relationship with blow. Actually, my granddad and mom would play them with me when I was a kid, but that is when they got fun, when you were playing against a guy who just ran out of the hospital to avoid going to jail for the ounce of coke he swallowed to get into the hospital. Also, if you are good they will want you on their team and give you free stuff and you will fit in, which is pretty groovy to a dude just leaving sheltered suburbs, to fit in with some pretty shitty people. It was exhilarating.
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I LOVE playing Cranium on Xanax and weed. Makes it so much harder and funner.
Also, getting drunk and playing dominos or backgammon, that is pretty fun.
I learned how to play those last two in a crack house in Oklahoma. I was there so those people would buy me and mine booze and ended up starting my relationship with blow. Actually, my granddad and mom would play them with me when I was a kid, but that is when they got fun, when you were playing against a guy who just ran out of the hospital to avoid going to jail for the ounce of coke he swallowed to get into the hospital. Also, if you are good they will want you on their team and give you free stuff and you will fit in, which is pretty groovy to a dude just leaving sheltered suburbs, to fit in with some pretty shitty people. It was exhilarating.
In my mind your long story ends with you becoming a grand master World of Warcraft player, but high on shrooms and heroin with a plunger up your ass and three hookers taking terms fellating you. You're like Bobby Fischer and Frank Zappa's kid.
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I for one was pleased just to see the Larkin
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In my mind your long story ends with you becoming a grand master World of Warcraft player, but high on shrooms and heroin with a plunger up your ass and three hookers taking terms fellating you. You're like Bobby Fischer and Frank Zappa's kid.
That's the dream I guess, but like dominos or craps, not WoW, and LSD not shrooms.
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She was fantastic, though. Absolutely, tongue-tyingly, singularly gorgeous.
May I ask what were the specific traits to set you off so completely?
For me, it's a very tall woman with generous curves. I just... stop talking because nothing'll make sense.
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May I ask what were the specific traits to set you off so completely?
For me, it's a very tall woman with generous curves. I just... stop talking because nothing'll make sense.
She was tall -- noticeably taller than me, and I'm 5'7" -- and what I like to call "athletic." She wasn't absolutely ripped or anything -- in fact, she had a little belly pooch, which was adorable -- but her arms were pretty toned (she was wearing a tank top) and she had curvy hips that flowed nicely into firm, rounded thighs. Medium-sized breasts, probably a mid-C cup, but she could have been wearing a push-up bra (though she didn't seem the type). Super-short blonde hair, almost buzz cut. Small, tasteful piercings in her brow, nose, and tongue. (Additionally, multiple ear piercings, but those are run-of-the-mill these days.) Black, low-cut midriff tank top, leather mini-miniskirt with a silver zipper in the back, knee-high leather boots and black lace stockings. Hipster glasses, which made her look smart. Pretty face, feminine but not precious -- even with her ultra-short hair, even if she were in baggy jeans and a t-shirt, nobody would mistake her for a boy. Her features were vaguely reminiscent of Jane Child, on whom I also had a massive girl-crush. She also had a sincere smile and an honest laugh, rare traits for a cocktail waitress.
The most attractive thing about her was how much confidence she exuded. Charismatic. Self-assured. And almost certainly a lesbian.
If she shows up in any of your dreams tonight, you're welcome.
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She was tall -- noticeably taller than me, and I'm 5'7" -- and what I like to call "athletic." She wasn't absolutely ripped or anything -- in fact, she had a little belly pooch, which was adorable -- but her arms were pretty toned (she was wearing a tank top) and she had curvy hips that flowed nicely into firm, rounded thighs. Medium-sized breasts, probably a mid-C cup, but she could have been wearing a push-up bra (though she didn't seem the type). Super-short blonde hair, almost buzz cut. Small, tasteful piercings in her brow, nose, and tongue. (Additionally, multiple ear piercings, but those are run-of-the-mill these days.) Black, low-cut midriff tank top, leather mini-miniskirt with a silver zipper in the back, knee-high leather boots and black lace stockings. Hipster glasses, which made her look smart. Pretty face, feminine but not precious -- even with her ultra-short hair, even if she were in baggy jeans and a t-shirt, nobody would mistake her for a boy. Her features were vaguely reminiscent of Jane Child, on whom I also had a massive girl-crush. She also had a sincere smile and an honest laugh, rare traits for a cocktail waitress.
The most attractive thing about her was how much confidence she exuded. Charismatic. Self-assured. And almost certainly a lesbian.
If she shows up in any of your dreams tonight, you're welcome.
Slashfic for aspies, everyone. You saw it here first.
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I don't care what people say about the good old days on this board - this has got to be one of the the most awesome threads ever.
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Keith: weed with a Xanax back? I think I'd be comatose.
Ironically, board games *are* more fun with drinking.
Drinking is more fun with no board games. This I know from personal experience, as I'm a lapsed Mormon.
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in fact, she had a little belly pooch, which was adorable
A little pooch belly can be The Happiest Thing indeed.
Well-described, madam, no shame in fritzing out over a lady looking like that.
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A little pooch belly can be The Happiest Thing indeed.
Well-described, madam, no shame in fritzing out over a lady looking like that.
Re-reading it, I think I remember a creepy amount of detail with regard to what she looked like, was wearing, &c.
Clearly, I was staring. Way to be uncool.
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Does her being a lesbian make her more attractive to you?
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Does her being a lesbian make her more attractive to you?
Well, yeah.
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I dunno. There's no added or subtracted attraction to potential availability to me.
Is this because I was a brooding mopey loser in high school and was just used to the idea that basically no one was available to me?
Is this a guy/girl thing or a me/you thing?
Moreover, doesn't her being a lesbian make it all the more frustrating insofar as you COULD have her but you're married?
If she's straight, there's no regret in the fact that she isn't into the idea of sharing some mouth-to-muff resuscitation as you couldn't walk that road anyway...
But halfway there is all the way to frustrating, I'd think. I'd think?
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Well, I don't know, I guess I just assumed it doesn't really matter if you aren't going to do anything, no? I mean, if you are, obviously lesbians would be your type. But otherwise, yeah... Is it the way she carried herself, etc. The secondary lesbian effects? (I assume this is why you thought she was a lesbian) Or is it that in an alternate dimension you could be with her? Or are women fair game for you?
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Well, I mean, there have definitely been some women whose attitude and posture was DEFINITELY "I do not like men sexually" and... if they had beautiful faces and rockin' bods, they were just as attractive to me.
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oh yeah, i was asking jl, I agree with you.
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Well, I don't know, I guess I just assumed it doesn't really matter if you aren't going to do anything, no? I mean, if you are, obviously lesbians would be your type. But otherwise, yeah... Is it the way she carried herself, etc. The secondary lesbian effects? (I assume this is why you thought she was a lesbian) Or is it that in an alternate dimension you could be with her? Or are women fair game for you?
I dunno. I mean, I don't know for sure that she was gay. But when you see a girl with a buzz-cut and naked women tattooed on her back, you make assumptions.
Actually, I usually don't make assumptions. A lot of people thought I was a lesbian in college, just because I had short hair and dressed like a boy and hung around with lesbians. And I really have virtually no sense for these things. I just tend to assume that everyone is a wild card -- anybody could swing either way, or both -- until informed differently. So in my little world, all women are bi. But she was a little butch, too, and that's a definite turn-on for me.
Long story short, there was basically no way I could have been with her. But if I were single and had more guts, I'd totally have left my phone number on the credit slip. So, yeah, I guess it's the "alternate-dimension" fantasy coming into play...halfway there is still halfway, which beats the ##### off of nothing, you know?
At least I get to come home and tell my spouse about the hot waitress at the bar, and instead of being pissed off that I was looking at someone else, he's kind of into it.
As it is, I realize now that the only thing I could have done would have been to write this:
If only...
...I weren't married
-- or wasn't faithful --
...if I had the nerve...
I'd leave my phone number here
Instead of a lame free verse
And hope you'd call
So I could tell you how beautiful you are
Over breakfast.
But fortunately,
Unfortunately,
I am, and I am, and I don't.
So instead I'll just tell you
How beautiful you are
And say good night
Instead of good morning.
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Ooh, poetry? Here's some
All right, stop
Collaborate and listen
Isosceles is back
With a not-so-new invention
Something
Grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like a harpoon
Daily and nightly
Will it ever stop?
Yo, I don't know
Turn of the lights
And I'll Glow
To the extreme I rock a mic
Like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump
Like a candle.
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A lot of people thought I was a lesbian in college, just because I had short hair and dressed like a boy and hung around with lesbians.
Would that be more of an educated guess than an assumption?
And I really have virtually no sense for these things. I just tend to assume that everyone is a wild card -- anybody could swing either way, or both -- until informed differently.
Me too. I'm always the last person to find out a friend is gay. The first time I met one of my friends, and he's a flight attendant, he told me he was gay and I was floored. I was sizing him up to see how much competition he'd be (this was when I spent a month in Germany).
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So in my little world, all women are bi.
Hey! Mine too!
Now I've busted rhymes best not repeated,
and you know some don't dig my flow.
But styles once dissed will soon be feted,
so chill; let those suckers come and go.
Growing up on clean streets didn't buy me credibility.
Just another white boy, they've heard it all before.
Shouting rhymes on a forum ain't Sense and Sensibility,
but that bitch Austen never brought bodies to the floor.
Is my story less real 'cause my piece is my brain?
You feel better cheering gangsters than the erudite?
I think your turf war is the thing that's mundane.
It's a movie only Charlie K could write.
That's line number twelve but before you disperse:
Let gangsters have their block, you got your own universe.
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Hey! Mine too!
Forgot to mention -- in my imaginary world, all men are bi, too...
:-*
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That works for me. I'm not cute enough for the ugly guys to bother hitting on me anyway so I just get the benefit of the oggling pretty boys.
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I made this bread (http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Whole-Wheat-Bread-with-Raisins-and-Walnuts-104690) a couple weeks ago. It was awesome. Unfortunately I have the bad habit of buying all kinds of special ingredients, especially flours, and then not using them up later. I have rye flour, wheat bran, bread flour, flaxseed meal, probably some other stuff cluttering up the kitchen cabinets. I gotta bake more.
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In this here board what can happen will
a pedestrian poem is just grind to the mill
so we can talk major stuff like broads & breads
with bored english majors and young moms and dads.
Our topics grow wild, they branch in offshoots
you say "you do it wrong" - well your point is moot.
we're unique Koch flakes, just check out this graphic
right now we're talking food and all matters Sapphic.
That's why before I go I'll ask real quick:
You think this whole Ethanol schtick will stick?
(You suckas new it was only a matter of time:
from now on all replies must be made in rhyme.)
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pols only pitch corn
because it's Midwest-vote porn
there'll only be progress when
we move onto hydrogen
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There once was a board named TOUAMB
Whose topic-threading was a sham.
A thread on the Movement
Was no real improvement -
But don't take offence, Cioran.