The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Trivial Pursuits => People & Places => Topic started by: Toaster on January 11, 2010, 10:56:54 pm
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I am Roast Beefing over a problem. The problem is that my ex-girlfriend (she broke up with me about three weeks ago) wants to be friends. I don't want to do this. My opinion on this is: She cannot get the milk (my friendship) for free. She must buy the cow. She owned the cow, and then she decided to let the cow go for a ski instructor. And now the cow doesn't want to be around her unless he can be milked. I know it's not a perfect metaphor, because boy cows don't produce milk. But whatevs.
She lives in England, and I live in California, and the only reason either of us ever flew to the other place was for maximum cuddles. I've barely ever talked to her friends, and she's barely ever talked to mine. It would be really easy to just say "No thank you. bye now.", but I would feel like a big meanie.
Am I allowed to say no? Is it mean? I'm unsure. Please halp.
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yes, you are allowed to say no. She is trying to make herself feel less bad about leaving you. She wants you to say you can be friends so that she can say "he isn't upset, he wants to be friends."
That is my interpretation, at least.
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I usually stay friendly with my exes. So she's fuck*ng somebody else now, big deal. You can go fuck somebody else now as well. Did you not like her? Were you only together for the sex? I guess if the answer to those questions is yes then by all means move on. But if you like her then why not, what's it gonna hurt you to remain friends?
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yes, you are allowed to say no. She is trying to make herself feel less bad about leaving you. She wants you to say you can be friends so that she can say "he isn't upset, he wants to be friends."
That is my interpretation, at least.
You have learned much, young padawan.
What inev said; totally say no. Clearly this is outside your comfort zone. If, in a few months, you're over it or miss the friendship, see paul's post; until then, you don't owe her anything.
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Thanks, you guys. You've given me some things to think about. I guess I'm just mad that I got dumped. It makes me think about the girls I've broken up with. Did they feel as bad as I do now? I'm gonna go think.
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When the relationship ends, so do all obligations to be anything more than strictly civil.
It is not like a roast, there is no carry-over effect from all that getting laid where you still owe her something even now.
As long as you are being humane, do whatever the hell you want now.
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What he said.
Why hang onto a corpse? It smells and it can't keep you warm at night.
(I'm saying your relationship is dead and you should move on, without her)
Maybe if you light it on fire?
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I usually stay friendly with my exes. So she's fuck*ng somebody else now, big deal. You can go fuck somebody else now as well. Did you not like her? Were you only together for the sex? I guess if the answer to those questions is yes then by all means move on. But if you like her then why not, what's it gonna hurt you to remain friends?
I tend to agree with this idea, but I will note that there are "friends" and then there are "friends". Of course you should stay friendly with her. You should not help her move.
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I buy that idea, but a lot of the time breaking up has to do with realizing you don't like the person. At least, that is my experience with the not-so-many girlfriends I have had.
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Thank you all.
It's interesting that inev should mention reasons because: Come to think of it, she never actually told me why she was breaking up with me. She just said it was happening, and I said okay. I didn't want to turn it into a fight; I just thought, "This is her right. I would never ask her to be with me if she didn't want to, because that would be wrong." I was so hellbent on being a good feminist that we never acually had a breakup conversation.
Is it okay to have it now? Am I owed that? Again, the feminist in me cringes at the idea of her "owing" me anything. But it seems reasonable to want a reason for this huge change in both of our lives. I'm not going to stand outside her window with a boombox playing Peter Gabriel; I just want to know what happened.
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I don't see what feminism has to do with this? I think people owe each other explanations for this sort of thing.
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Thank you all.
It's interesting that inev should mention reasons because: Come to think of it, she never actually told me why she was breaking up with me. She just said it was happening, and I said okay. I didn't want to turn it into a fight; I just thought, "This is her right. I would never ask her to be with me if she didn't want to, because that would be wrong." I was so hellbent on being a good feminist that we never acually had a breakup conversation.
The fact that you took it so calmly indicates to me that you were probably OK with the breakup on some level -- consciously or unconsciously. Now you're feeling guilty about rejecting her. You're asking our permission to be unhappy with someone who unceremoniously dumped you.
If you still enjoy talking to her occasionally, that's fine. If you don't care if you ever see her again, that's fine too. There are no wrong answers.
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I dunno.
Getting an "explanation" or a "breakup conversation" seems to me something akin to having your arm broken in an accident and then going to have it checked out by a doctor who specializes in Civil War-era amputations. No matter how cleanly the fracture should heal with time and care, if you go to this guy for a second opinion, there is a bonesaw a bottle of whiskey and a world of hurt in your future.
It's done.
Returning to the scene of the crime is just daring the cops to smash your taillights out or plant drugs in your car for kicks, even if they can't nail you for what occurred previously.
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I sent her an e-mail. It's the wee hours in Europe, and then she has college, so the soonest I'll get a response is some time tomorrow.
Thanks for your help. I'll let you know what happens, unless it goes unforseeably awry.
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no matter what, if it were geographically/financially possible, we would all(each?) take you out for a drink.
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I am weighing in a little late, but shit dude. You need this chick like you need a hot shovel. No, you are not obligated to remain friends. I'd cut her out of your life and keep moving. Onwards and upwards.
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If you like chatting to her do, if you don't, don't. I have exes that go both ways and they're different circumstances.
I'm generally of the opinion that you don't actually want to know why someone decided they don't like you anymore, at best they lie to be nice to you and you don't actually learn anything or they tell you the truth and well, do you really want to hear the true answer to the question 'why do you find me repellent?'
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exes that go both ways
!
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You need this chick like you need a hot shovel.
Hey, I could really have used a hot shovel the other day when I was cleaning the snow off my front steps...
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Not only are you ALLOWED to say no, you are REQUIRED to. Tell her to piss off and enjoy the ski instructor.
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Concur with Bobby and Ash. Fuck "friends." You've got friends.
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I can see wanting to know why it ended - learning from past mistakes, etc - but in this case it seems like there's nothing you're going to learn from this conversation that is going to keep you from blaming yourself.
Move on, realize that it's her loss, and understand that there was nothing you did or failed to do that would have made a damn bit of difference.
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I remained pretty good friends with two exes, but in both cases, things got uncomfortable once I moved on to the next serious relationship, and the friendships fizzled out. It became a really weird feeling hanging out with an ex, allowing him to fill emotional needs, once I had an actual partner to fill those needs along with all the other benefits.
I don't think it would be wrong to ask for some sort of explanation or insight if you think it would be a constructive thing that might help you grow. It's well within her right to not discuss it if she doesn't want to, but I don't see the harm in asking.
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I don't think it would be wrong to ask for some sort of explanation or insight if you think it would be a constructive thing that might help you grow. It's well within her right to not discuss it if she doesn't want to, but I don't see the harm in asking.
This.
I think all that a person owes another is honesty, but not full disclosure. Also, it may not be so constructive, especially if you are more or less aware of your shortcomings anyway. I've been dumped with and without explanation, and in the long run it's mostly the same. It sucks for a while, and then you get over it.
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Go find something closer to home that will allow you to "interfere with it... sexually".
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Fuck friends.
I think you've hit upon the only logical reason to stay "friends"
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I was going to go there, but Mr Trout said it first.
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Man... I don't need a fuck friend in England.
If I need a passport to have sex with someone, I'm not doing it right.
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Man... I don't need a fuck friend in England.
If I need a passport to have sex with someone, I'm not doing it right.
Youu sur ab9out that handsome?
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I thought I was... but now I'm not so sure.
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maybe the girls you dumped felt bad same as you but probably not exactly same maybe not so much maybe not at all girls is can be different from guys sometimes guys can get very fixacted girls too I guess but often for different reason in different ways
but to answer your question you should know yourself if you are angry then you are angry maybe you are sad too then you are sad you think maybe you should not be angry not be sad but you are so should you try to be friends when you angry and sad p;robably not probably won't work real well maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but eventually you won't be angry and sad and then maybe at some point you want to be friends and maybe she want that too.
I break up with or rather she dump me strange relationship we was 21 so I very angry and I no talk to her for dozen years then we talk again out of blue like that e-mail on facebook. same thing she was in France I was in USA long distance relationship has stresses didn't work. so we find we have connection you know. strong connection, true connection. not sexuologic, just platonic, but spiritual on some level or something. I was insecure of the other guys she had fucked, before and after me, but in the end I was maybe more special than most of them to her, so that was real dogg, that is important maybe, always keep it real. 12 years later I say best not waste energy on sad and angry. Better spend energy positive on next relationship before time run away from you. so anyhway she lesbian now.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9qusjgZ66U)
(edit I forgot to putted in soundtrack. click soundtrack listen soundtrack when read post.)
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maybe the girls you dumped felt bad same as you but probably not exactly same maybe not so much maybe not at all girls is can be different from guys sometimes guys can get very fixacted girls too I guess but often for different reason in different ways
but to answer your question you should know yourself if you are angry then you are angry maybe you are sad too then you are sad you think maybe you should not be angry not be sad but you are so should you try to be friends when you angry and sad p;robably not probably won't work real well maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but eventually you won't be angry and sad and then maybe at some point you want to be friends and maybe she want that too.
I break up with or rather she dump me strange relationship we was 21 so I very angry and I no talk to her for dozen years then we talk again out of blue like that e-mail on facebook. same thing she was in France I was in USA long distance relationship has stresses didn't work. so we find we have connection you know. strong connection, true connection. not sexuologic, just platonic, but spiritual on some level or something. I was insecure of the other guys she had fucked, before and after me, but in the end I was maybe more special than most of them to her, so that was real dogg, that is important maybe, always keep it real. 12 years later I say best not waste energy on sad and angry. Better spend energy positive on next relationship before time run away from you. so anyhway she lesbian now.
It is okay to waste energy on sad and angry if you are fuck*ng a goth chick. Then it is merely foreplay. Also when you go down on her you can say IN THE FLAT FIEEEEEEELDS but never say that when you are motorboating her boobs
unrelated: Sexual Predators (http://13.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kw74o1lhAe1qz9qu5o1_r1_500.jpg)
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Now who can argue with that. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ke5Mr5eCF2U)
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Okay. She responded to my e-mail, and then we had an IM conversation. Here's the deal: the reason was the distance thing. She says that a friendship can not only survive, but thrive, on no physical contact, while the opposite is true for a romance. With this I agree. I tried to negotiate a thing where we could see other people, and she said that she would have no problem with that, but it would basically be unicorn blood for whoever we were dating because they would resent being side projects and that would end badly every time. Again, with this I agree.
I was insecure of the other guys she had fucked, before and after me, but in the end I was maybe more special than most of them to her, so that was real dogg, that is important maybe, always keep it real. 12 years later I say best not waste energy on sad and angry. Better spend energy positive on next relationship before time run away from you.
That is actually some pretty wise stuff, Tommy, and I was struck by how much it applies to my situation. In our conversation, she said I was her best friend, which is something she has said many times but (I hate to admit this) I never actually listened to. Well, upon thinking about it for the first time, I realized it was true.
If this doesn't work out it will be because we grow apart as people, and not because I ragequit and threw the keyboard at the wall.
tl;dr: She and me iz gonna be fwiendz.
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And ever since then, Pain's been chasing Amy.
...so to speak.
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that movie was terrible. it was a tired rehash of the sorts of short sighted uninformed soul searching and subject matter dissection that we are all subjected to many times over in our lives as we encounter drunken frat kids and sober rednecks.
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that movie was terrible. it was a tired rehash of the sorts of short sighted uninformed soul searching and subject matter dissection that we are all subjected to many times over in our lives as we encounter drunken frat kids and sober rednecks.
It's definitely my least favorite of Kevin Smith's movies.
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it was better than clerks 2. christ what a puked-up-turd of an excuse for a film.
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I really liked it, though I don't know if it's my favourite. But the Malcom X of comic books is probably my favourite askewniverse characters.
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I was just thinking earlier today that it would be interesting to get a militant black friend, see how that works out.
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It's definitely my least favorite of Kevin Smith's movies.
It made me want to punch Ben Affleck in the throat.
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It made me want to punch Ben Affleck in the throat.
But to be fair, didn't you want to do that anyway?
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I was just thinking earlier today that it would be interesting to get a militant black friend, see how that works out.
check here (http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/index.html) for some tips.
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But to be fair, didn't you want to do that anyway?
I think this was the first movie I saw him in. There are other reasons now, but Chasing Amy is where it all began.
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No love for "The Voyage of the Mimi"?
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No love for "The Voyage of the Mimi"?
Holy shit is has been a long time since I even thought about that god damned film series. Somehow it makes sense that you, LFM, would bring it up. I don't know why. Anyway, I remember we had to watch that when I was in middle school. Was Ben Affleck in that? WTF?
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Baffleck was the captain's grandson, linnea.
I remember everything useless, it is my power, if we were in the same room, I could whistle the theme song to Mimi for you.
I am glad that people understand it is my role to remember something completely unnecessary like that.
Just a few hours ago, I myself understood instinctively that jay-elle was going to be the girl who stood up for girls everywhere in summer camp by eating live pets.
The TOUAMB is becoming self-aware!
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The TOUAMB is becoming self-aware!
The TOUAMB=ATM machine.
sorry LFM
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little LFM is a VIP person, blue, for your FYI
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little LFM is a VIP person, blue, for your FYI
You get a tiny can of TCoDP for that one.
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i'm rofl laughing
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This is... ABOUT me and I've lost track of what you guys are talking about.
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The www web has in imo ensured the death of correctly or appropriately used acronyms tbf fair
RIP in peace.
IIRC correctly though there was this test werhe eyvetrihng was slpet lkie tihs but you can siltl udntsaenrd it esialy. The acronym thing is a lot like that, you just read it as normal. Human brain is pretty amazing, tbs sure tbs sure
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IIRC correctly though there was this test werhe eyvetrihng was slpet lkie tihs but you can siltl udntsaenrd it esialy.
And when this study came out, everyone felt the need to write blog posts that were intentionally misspelled. That got old in a hurry.