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[Thomas Pain]

dear TOUAMB massage board

I am hereby requesting a feature, if my allocation of canns of dr. feffer is insuffucuent to cover this request and my overdrag protection has not kicked in then I reuqest that necessary funds be withdrawn from my sock puffet accounts

okay... um... see on the main page right it looks like this right


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5hit  um  that doesn't look right

damnit

okay I make graphical

click on image for big view of it



so you see the threading in there on the main page.  I want that.  ALL MY %HIT IN ONE PLACE

thank you programmers [please do to this asap because i want it don't want to has to click click click i get lost very easy

[Arachno-capitalist]

http://touamb.com/index.php?action=unread

[AugustWest]

http://touamb.com/index.php?action=unread

You know, that is a handy feature.  I have no idea why I never use it.

[jaydub]

It is pretty much the way I use TOUAMB 95% of the time.

[Thomas Pain]

is good but it has the fatal defect of the computer trying to be smarter than it is.

In this case the computer is assuming that after I read a recently active thread, I don't want it in the list anymore.  While this is not the most fallacious idea in the world, this is none-the-less not always the case. 

Further, the problem is that the computer is unable to differentiate between those threads which I have read, and those which I have merely clicked on and then subsequently decided that I would like to, for whatever reasons, read later...

So make no mistake about it, this is a half-ass feature that does not really improve anyone's quality of life that much, it merely serves to remind one of how much computers (or should I say programmers) suck.

http://touamb.com/index.php?action=recent would be a more useful feature, if it actually displayed an index of posts the way the http://touamb.com/index.php?action=unread feature does.  But, it doesn't.  http://touamb.com/index.php?action=recent insists on skipping the whole index thing and going straight to mashing about a hundred posts together into one giant page of a thread, despite the fact that the posts all come from different threads.  This is clearly idiotic. 

And who gets to live with this idiotic programming?  Yes that's right!  We do we do!  yeaaaaa! 

You know what else I like to do sometimes?  It involves freshly sharped pencils and also involves the pencil sharpening grindings...   It also involves one or more of my orifices.  Yes that's right, like the programmers who made the SMF BBS software, I too am into S&M in a big way...

[AugustWest]

is good but it has the fatal defect of the computer trying to be smarter than it is.

In this case the computer is assuming that after I read a recently active thread, I don't want it in the list anymore.  While this is not the most fallacious idea in the world, this is none-the-less not always the case. 

Further, the problem is that the computer is unable to differentiate between those threads which I have read, and those which I have merely clicked on and then subsequently decided that I would like to, for whatever reasons, read later...

So make no mistake about it, this is a half-ass feature that does not really improve anyone's quality of life that much, it merely serves to remind one of how much computers (or should I say programmers) suck.

http://touamb.com/index.php?action=recent would be a more useful feature, if it actually displayed an index of posts the way the http://touamb.com/index.php?action=unread feature does.  But, it doesn't.  http://touamb.com/index.php?action=recent insists on skipping the whole index thing and going straight to mashing about a hundred posts together into one giant page of a thread, despite the fact that the posts all come from different threads.  This is clearly idiotic. 

And who gets to live with this idiotic programming?  Yes that's right!  We do we do!  yeaaaaa!

Dude, you're the programmer.  As for the rest of us, well, let's say our expertise lies in other areas.  And while I'm sure we'd all appreciate the improved functionality the status quo isn't sufficiently irritating to motivate us to actually do anything about it. 

You know what else I like to do sometimes?  It involves freshly sharped pencils and also involves the pencil sharpening grindings...   It also involves one or more of my orifices.  Yes that's right, like the programmers who made the SMF BBS software, I too am into S&M in a big way...

Wow, I bet that leaves a mark.

[Thomas Pain]

Dude, you're the programmer.  As for the rest of us, well, let's say our expertise lies in other areas.  And while I'm sure we'd all appreciate the improved functionality the status quo isn't sufficiently irritating to motivate us to actually do anything about it. 

Wow, I bet that leaves a mark.

NO NO NO NO!  All Bilderberg Nazis want you to be apathetic like this!  You play right into their hands.  We must work work work.  Only work can set us free!  We must create the perfect interconnection so that our light can shine into each other's neural pathways.  For you see, you are all beings of light almost as much as I am.  I am the light for I show you all the way.  But the "society" is hacking into my web cam with IE "flaws" that have been deliberately planted there by my cat.  My cat loves me and didn't want to be a black Bilderberg hacker.  (I don't mean "black" here in a racial sence as obviously cats do not have race in the same way that humans have it) But the agents of the Secret Socety tortured him with pharmacological anti-parasite medicine given to him by my vetrenarian when my eyes were blinking.  I made sure to never turn my back on the vet and when the vet wanted to take the cat outside the room without me I said NO!  yet still somehow in the brief nano-seconds that my eyes were closed during blinks, my vet managed to torture my poor cat.  So you see my cat have no ill will or animus towards me or Google or Chinese dissidents, he simply had no choice to end his tortoruious pharmacological (selamectin) sufferings.

I am posting this also translated into German because this will make it more difficult for them to track me.  Please excuse if the Google translation is not 100% correct, but this will actually help anyway because they search the internet for my particular phraseology which they have programmed into the minds of their captive hamster search army.  How can a hamster be used as a search engine you might wonder.  Well it can't be, except what they have done is they have a room full of thousands (maybe even hunders of thousans) of hamsters and they are all wired into a giant parallel computing hamster, and it is the most dangerous evil imaginable. 


NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN! Alle Bilderberg Nazis wollen Sie so sein apathisch! Du spielst direkt in die Hände. Wir müssen noch weiter geht. Nur Arbeit kann uns kostenlos! Wir müssen die perfekte Verbindung zu schaffen, damit unser Licht können einander in die Nervenbahnen Glanz. Denn sehen Sie, Sie sind alle Wesen des Lichts fast so viel wie ich bin. Ich bin das Licht für die ich Ihnen allen den Weg zeigen. Aber die "Gesellschaft" ist das Eindringen in meine Webcam mit IE "Fehler", die bewusst dort durch meine Katze gepflanzt. Meine Katze liebt mich und wollte nicht ein schwarzer Bilderberg Hacker. (Ich meine nicht "schwarz" hier im Sinne einer Rasse als eindeutig Katzen keine Rennen in der gleichen Weise, dass die Menschen es haben) Aber die Agenten des Secret Socety folterten ihn mit pharmakologischer Anti-Parasit-Medizin, die ihm angesichts meiner vetrenarian, wenn meine Augen waren zu blinken. Ich achtete darauf, nie den Rücken zuwenden und der Tierarzt, wenn der Tierarzt wollte die Katze außerhalb des Zimmers ohne mich, sagte ich NEIN nehmen! doch noch irgendwie in der kurzen Nano-Sekunde, dass meine Augen waren geschlossen, während das Symbol blinkt, verwaltet meine Tierärztin meine arme Katze Folter. Also Sie sehen, meine Katze haben keinen bösen Willen oder Abneigung gegen mich oder Google oder chinesischen Dissidenten, er hatte einfach keine andere Wahl, seine pharmakologischen tortoruious (Selamectin Ende) Leiden.

Ich bin dieses Posting auch ins Deutsche übersetzt, weil diese machen es schwierig für sie, mich zu verfolgen. Bitte entschuldigen Sie, wenn die Google-Übersetzung ist nicht 100% richtig sein, aber das wird wirklich helfen trotzdem, weil sie die Internet-Suche für meine Ausdrucksweise, die sie insbesondere in den Köpfen ihrer Gefangenschaft Hamster Suche Armee programmiert haben. Wie kann ein Hamster als eine Suchmaschine Sie fragen sich vielleicht, verwendet werden. Nun, es kann nicht sein, außer dem, was sie getan haben, ist sie ein Zimmer voll mit Tausenden (vielleicht sogar hunders der thousans) von Hamstern und sie sind alle in einen riesigen Parallel Computing Hamster verkabelt, und es ist die gefährlichste Übel denkbar.

[AugustWest]

NO NO NO NO!  All Bilderberg Nazis want you to be apathetic like this!  You play right into their hands.  We must work work work.  Only work can set us free!  We must create the perfect interconnection so that our light can shine into each other's neural pathways.  For you see, you are all beings of light almost as much as I am.  I am the light for I show you all the way.  But the "society" is hacking into my web cam with IE "flaws" that have been deliberately planted there by my cat.  My cat loves me and didn't want to be a black Bilderberg hacker.  (I don't mean "black" here in a racial sence as obviously cats do not have race in the same way that humans have it) But the agents of the Secret Socety tortured him with pharmacological anti-parasite medicine given to him by my vetrenarian when my eyes were blinking.  I made sure to never turn my back on the vet and when the vet wanted to take the cat outside the room without me I said NO!  yet still somehow in the brief nano-seconds that my eyes were closed during blinks, my vet managed to torture my poor cat.  So you see my cat have no ill will or animus towards me or Google or Chinese dissidents, he simply had no choice to end his tortoruious pharmacological (selamectin) sufferings.

I am posting this also translated into German because this will make it more difficult for them to track me.  Please excuse if the Google translation is not 100% correct, but this will actually help anyway because they search the internet for my particular phraseology which they have programmed into the minds of their captive hamster search army.  How can a hamster be used as a search engine you might wonder.  Well it can't be, except what they have done is they have a room full of thousands (maybe even hunders of thousans) of hamsters and they are all wired into a giant parallel computing hamster, and it is the most dangerous evil imaginable. 


NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN! Alle Bilderberg Nazis wollen Sie so sein apathisch! Du spielst direkt in die Hände. Wir müssen noch weiter geht. Nur Arbeit kann uns kostenlos! Wir müssen die perfekte Verbindung zu schaffen, damit unser Licht können einander in die Nervenbahnen Glanz. Denn sehen Sie, Sie sind alle Wesen des Lichts fast so viel wie ich bin. Ich bin das Licht für die ich Ihnen allen den Weg zeigen. Aber die "Gesellschaft" ist das Eindringen in meine Webcam mit IE "Fehler", die bewusst dort durch meine Katze gepflanzt. Meine Katze liebt mich und wollte nicht ein schwarzer Bilderberg Hacker. (Ich meine nicht "schwarz" hier im Sinne einer Rasse als eindeutig Katzen keine Rennen in der gleichen Weise, dass die Menschen es haben) Aber die Agenten des Secret Socety folterten ihn mit pharmakologischer Anti-Parasit-Medizin, die ihm angesichts meiner vetrenarian, wenn meine Augen waren zu blinken. Ich achtete darauf, nie den Rücken zuwenden und der Tierarzt, wenn der Tierarzt wollte die Katze außerhalb des Zimmers ohne mich, sagte ich NEIN nehmen! doch noch irgendwie in der kurzen Nano-Sekunde, dass meine Augen waren geschlossen, während das Symbol blinkt, verwaltet meine Tierärztin meine arme Katze Folter. Also Sie sehen, meine Katze haben keinen bösen Willen oder Abneigung gegen mich oder Google oder chinesischen Dissidenten, er hatte einfach keine andere Wahl, seine pharmakologischen tortoruious (Selamectin Ende) Leiden.

Ich bin dieses Posting auch ins Deutsche übersetzt, weil diese machen es schwierig für sie, mich zu verfolgen. Bitte entschuldigen Sie, wenn die Google-Übersetzung ist nicht 100% richtig sein, aber das wird wirklich helfen trotzdem, weil sie die Internet-Suche für meine Ausdrucksweise, die sie insbesondere in den Köpfen ihrer Gefangenschaft Hamster Suche Armee programmiert haben. Wie kann ein Hamster als eine Suchmaschine Sie fragen sich vielleicht, verwendet werden. Nun, es kann nicht sein, außer dem, was sie getan haben, ist sie ein Zimmer voll mit Tausenden (vielleicht sogar hunders der thousans) von Hamstern und sie sind alle in einen riesigen Parallel Computing Hamster verkabelt, und es ist die gefährlichste Übel denkbar.

Let me know the next time you're in Eastern State.  I'll come visit.

[Bobby Isosceles]

A massage board would be a nice idea. I would love to log in to a board and have my shoulder tension gently eased away. Maybe I could toss my hair around like in shampoo commercials.

[Bobby Isosceles]

With a happy ending option for the premium level subscribers.

The Internet already has sites for happy endings.

[greenkoolayd]

the stones said it best

[Thomas Pain]

so it turns out that if you click on the you get that unread function.  I never clicked on those images before.  Except just now.  Thus discovering by accident how to find that function.  not ideal, but, I guess, better than nothing.

[Thomas Pain]

y know I always kinda wondered why those icons were different colors.  I figured it was due to some dumbass feature, and sure enough

[Toaster]

Oh man don't get me started on happy endings.