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[Pedro Picasso]

I'm in kind of a foul mood:

I'd start a dynasty.  Why not?  First I'd use my money to purchase oil companies.  Then I'd run for a series of offices ending up in the presidency.  Blow my opportunities to do something good in the world by following in lock-step with my predecessor.  Meanwhile, I'd father a couple of clowns, make sure they don't get drafted, buy them into and out of prestigious schools, and hook them up with some of the meanest people I met in public office.  This way, even though I won't last more than one term, at least I've set up a viable dynasty where one of my failure offspring can take over for me.

Some version of this plan has worked for centuries.  It's worked for the Sauds, the Jordans, the Bushes, the Gores, the Doles, the Kennedies, the Adams, and it could work for YOU!

[Carlos del Vaca]

The only way you'd ever get me to a ball game is with free booze.  Would there be free booze?

I'd throw "Achewood message board night" at which there would definitely be free booze.

[Nabubrush]

I'm down with the sports team thing. I was going to say I would take a bunch of pointless tilts at trying to win the presidency and do all sorts of good stuff, but who the hell am I kidding. I'd buy the NFL team that I follow (cause they suck) and put them on the road to recovery. It'd probably take more than a billion, though. I'm not worried about the NHL team that I follow; they're doing ok on their own.

[AlohaDawg]

I'm down with Carlos. Brng baseball back to the people. Every other loge should have homeless people living in it. Because rich people have too many opportunities to ignore the harsh realities the rest of us see every day.

I thought about buying a team but more than that, I would endow in every major city and in some small ones, too, Baseball Leagues. I want to see kids playing baseball. Not soccer. baseball. I guess I would also give money to soccer because I think kids aren't active enough as it is, but I want to see a resurgence in the Grand Old Game.

What I'm saying is I would try to get more kids away from the TV and the fritos and get them outside doing something that causes expansion of thought, improvement of health and development of good habits or even social responsibility.

And I would still be a Republican while doing all this.

[Choop]

Step one: Buy all the residential real estate in all the delapidated/ing neighborhoods of my fair metro area, and at a fair price.
Step two: Carve out a nice estate for myself, the wife, and the help (and families) to live in - daycare center included, because I don't want any kids in my damn house.
Step three: Hire contractors to restore each of the homes to current codes and amenities, respecting the historical integrity of each neighborhood.
Step four: Push through the local and state legislatures a bill that bans new billboard construction in said metro area.
Step five: Buy each and every last billboard in said metro area, and tear them down.
Step six: Sell the houses (but not the estate, of course) at an incredible markup.
Step seven: Invest heavily in local businesses that do their jobs better than national chains, pumping up their values so much that they can afford to build new branches in each of the restored neighborhoods.
Step eight: Repeat billboard procedure with Starbucks, McDonald's/Wendy's/BK, Wal*Mart, etc.
Step nine: Retire in a paradise of my own design.
Step ten: Build an automobile collection that would make Leno fill his #####.

[V-Adore]

In rough order of least to most self-absorbed:

1) Charity work -- libraries, the cure for everything, pretty much the whole schmeer.

2) Subsidization and promotion of science education. Too many people in this nation believe that science is frightening or somehow immoral, and that mortifies me. Biology is your friend, people. DNA will not eat you. This would probably also get into heavy subsidization of genetic engineering research, AI research, and such.

3) Paying for public buildings and art fixtures, starting with significant donations to my college to de-uglify the campus. In the era of cookie-cutter houses and Office Depots, we need some beautiful public architecture. If they could do it in the Bronze Age and the Dark Age, why can't we do it now?

4) A family foundation; this may go under charity work, but overall I think it's a noble idea. (My mother's family actually established one after my grandfather's death, in his name, to give scholarships to students from his hometown heading to university; who could argue with that?)

5) If I never have to work again, it's time to learn how to do something useful. I'd try to gain some useful and interesting skills, from brushing up on my high-school German to finally taking Tai Chi. I would almost certainly have a substantial wood shop installed on my rambling palatial estate and get down to making furniture.

Of course, if I end up actually doing research science for a living, even with gigantic scads of money, I'd probably keep working. I'd just have to buy...

6) ... a working Jacob's Ladder and workbenches filled with conical flasks of mysteriously-colored bubbling liquids. And possibly a disembodied brain in a jar to advise me on my evil plots.

[Bozack]

Biology is your friend, people. DNA will not eat you.[/i]

Not yet. NOT...YET.

[sailor]

I'd buy the kraft mac n chesse instead of the generic.
and real top ramen instead of "smack" ramen.

[side_show]

Dream the big dreams Sailor, dream the big dreams.

[wombat]

At least one of us should have offered to pay all the server costs for this messageboard.  Shame.

Or would that count as part of the two years of debauchery?

[Carlos del Vaca]

At least one of us should have offered to pay all the server costs for this messageboard.  Shame.

I was planning on doing that, right after I won the World Series of Poker.  Unfortunately, I was unable to win my way to the big event this year, so it'll have to wait until next.

[Limmo]

At least one of us should have offered to pay all the server costs for this messageboard.  Shame.

Yes, but not just the server costs.  Showering Jough in cash would also be appropriate, though for tax purposes I would probably have to put him on the JimCorp payroll.  I'd throw in a free ride on the JimBlimp, too.

[jough]

I like the direction this thread is heading.

Carry on, citizens.

[AugustWest]

How about showering Jough with gold bars, or other heavy objects with pointy edges and corners?

[Nabubrush]

And lots of expensive oil . . . in barrels.